I have a childhood story that taught me how to behave properly in marriage.

Dad has a friend. The Cousine Uncle. In fact, Uncle Vasya, but after years no one remembers it anymore. Dad is a servant. Thirty years ago, they served together, first in Turkmenistan, then in Gatchina. After Dumbledore, we were very friendly.

At some point in life, everyone got wives, families and Kuzya's uncle disappeared. He was called, called to sit down, came to congratulate him on his birthday, he gratefully grieved his hands, turned his eyes away and went to the house, at the door of which the wife stood in the position of a sugarcake. Uncle Kuzya abandoned hunting, abandoned fishing. The wife said it was a terrible wild hobby and would rather help in the garden. Friends drag him down and on the weekend it is better to come to thee. He helped and drove. He blasted and condemned.

I don’t know what happened to them later, but they divorced. Friends helped get up on their feet and very suddenly appeared aunt Kuzya (in fact, aunt Ir, but who is interested in it). I remember how he brought her to know, she was terribly embarrassed and tried to like, because they were his friends.

She never went fishing before this relationship, but when she saw him burn with it, she decided to try. and carried. Winter fishing, summer fishing, the purchase of boats, wickets (initially, there was one - his). She told me how they had almost fought for that whip.

My uncle has bloomed. He gave up an unloved job, helped her in her hobby work - she took photos in schools / gardens, started selling what they caught together, remembered hunting, they started riding for two-week alloys.

Now to them, specifically, come from all over the country, they have 13, only cargo, boats (+ inflatable), he leads entire groups, knows all the hunting land, all the fish. There is always a fridge in the freezer. They burn their eyes, they talk about their travels (how they, bad ones, were caught out of the ice (we do not approve)), show videos, call with them, offer tetereva, eat fish.

She never gets tired of repeating that it was the best, in life, decision to support her man. And with us, the children (some already under 30), they remained one whole - Uncle and Aunt Kuzya.

- Vasya, why are these neighboring chickens stopped walking into our garden?
At night I laid twenty eggs on the beds, and in the morning before the eyes of the neighbors gathered.

Conversation with my husband:

What do you like most about me?

I don’t know, maybe your nose. You are still fun.

My daughter passes by (6 years old)

Dad, what are you? I need to tell my mom that she has beautiful breasts!

After viewing "The Runner on the Leather 2049"

I fell in love with Ryan Gosling. Noou was not in love with Pidorsky, but as an Actor.



YYY: Yes, even if it’s a pedicure. Who will judge you is Ryan Gosling.

Can I go to your toilet?

We have water counters.

I will not wash!

If someone is busy talking or doing something, you can stretch out his hand and he will give everything he holds right now. I did so with my sister, and she gave me the car keys and then thought I had lost them somewhere in the store.

I am not a drunk!

Wedding in Jewish. I am with my wife. A wedding according to "Jewish" canons, these tables are separate for 6 guests, and not the usual arrangement with the letter "Pe".
As it turned out, at our table there were the same "related" souls that did not like the bride. And our table in the furthest corner, near the exit.
And here we are sitting, three couples of strangers, and on the table only a bakery. Well, there is a celebration on the stage, the engine, and we have the Zapolarje, as you understand.
We talked, we met...
Well, we called the waitress, opened the envelopes and with the slogan - for all!!! They pissed. I gave empty envelopes.

Zelensky was a clown and became president.
Medvedev was president.

I was in class at 3, and we were asked to write about my mother. I painted what a good mother I had, how beautiful she was, and I wrote that she had green eyes. After examining the compositions, I was surprised to find that I got 4. The green eyes were highlighted. I went to the teacher to find out what happened. She barely told me that I didn’t know what color my mother’s eyes were in the third grade, although I knew it very well and my objections passed past her ears. Mom never had to go to school just so, she waited for some school tea drink, well it was soon, approached our teacher and asked why I was lowered. It was necessary to see the surprised face of the teacher carefully looking at Mom’s eyes. My assessment was corrected.

XXX: As a friend at Nissan knocked the door by habit, he is such "I will avenge you," in a couple of days on my car 2104 knocks on the door and stands joyful I say "you are glad you have not even closed"!

If Sheherezada had entertained the lord only with fairy tales, it is unlikely she would have lived long.

Yesterday the SMS came: "Hello, sorry, please, we accidentally put on your number 2 thousand rubles..."
Everything is understandable here, right? Without reading, it is useful to check the balance - real plus two cutters. Well, I think kids, thank you. But... I read further:
“We will not ask you to send them back, because we are not fraudsters, but deceivers. Please drink for your health. Svetlana and Michael.”

As Coca-Cola leaves the Russian market, it was decided to replace the import of this drink. Several models were proposed. In the blind test with a noticeable break, the cognac won.

Many know that God has no other hands than ours.
But they forget that the devil has it too.

Archimedes

I have always been impressed and inspired by people like Archimedes. After all, only thanks to their minds, Homo sapiens still somehow survives on our fabulous and dangerous planet.
The old man Archimedes was sitting in his courtyard and could be counting the surface area of his body, or the mass of the moon without Amstrong. Is it little? As suddenly to him in the courtyard broke to crazy frightened people and interrupting each other, began to exclaimingly explain that a large enemy fleet is approaching. In an hour or so, he will be on the shore. We have nothing to protect the city, so all hope is on you, Archimedes. You are the smartest person in the world, if you don’t lie to us. Invente something. Save us!

How will I save you? They are on ships, there are many, and I am alone and I am under seventy.
Well please please please please! If you do not save us, we will all die. All hope is for you, Archimedes. Less than an hour left, put on your sandals and start doing something.
How do you imagine it? What should I do? Stop screaming, I don’t like that. Now we have something sensible. Well, here, at least take all the mirrors you have out of the house, and there we will see. All, let us go out, or my cow is frightened, because of you her milk may go missing. Yes, you didn’t hear the ordinary mirrors. Run if you want to live. We meet on the shore.

It is not known whether Archimedes burned enemy ships or not. History is silent. But, in any case, from thousands of mirrors, the enemies on the ships caught such "rabbits" that did not see even the most stupid assistant of the welder.
So the enemy fleet had to urgently deploy the hole from Syracuse.

Of the people living today, like Archimedes, I know one personally – this is of course my old friend, the former KGB-eshnik, Yuri Tarasovich. Every time he struck me with his systematic approach, speed and the power of thought. He has never been in a deadlock in his life, simply because he did not know that the situation was deadlocked. For Yuri Tarasych, there is no highlight and no subwoofer in the problem of the wolf, goat and cabbage. Ordinary logistics, nothing more.

Several years ago, Yuri Tarasovich went to rest somewhere to friends in the Caucasus, and at the same time took his grandson Yuri and his young wife Ole with him. And Tarasych was more fun and for young people it was something like a wedding trip.

Nature is stunning, but from the house to the bank of the river to melt kilometers three by the serpentine, and the water in the river to touch about minus thirty degrees, especially not float, especially in the heat. But somewhere to go, Yura and his wife went down to the river twice a day: in the morning and after lunch. And the grandfather did not go to the river at all, he burned up, not far from the house. Why go there and waste the energy? He is no longer a boy, he is eighty. The river is well seen from above.

And, we must say that Yura's wife is a very sporty lady, she has been engaged in mountain climbing since childhood and even conquered something like that there. One day, when the newlyweds were to go for lunch, Olya decided to play her husband. She told Yura to go ahead, and she would go down again and very soon catch him.
Yura sneezed, without thinking back, gathered a blanket, towels, phones, bottles of water in the backpack and went up the serpentine.

And at this time, Olya began to conquer a wall of almost twenty meters high. Olli calculated that in eight minutes she should have already been upstairs. On top, where, without suspecting anything, he read the book Yuri Tarasovich and where only in half an hour the tired and surprised Yurk should approach.
In principle, a great plan for nineteen years.

Tarasovich, sitting on a climbing chair, was really reading the book, but suddenly, through the noise of the wind and the riot of the river below, he heard some strange whirling. I listened. It seemed. No, it didn’t seem right now. I laid off the book, stretched well, put on the clothes, quickly approached the edge of the breakout, looked down with interest and saw. Olya, with all the twenty fingers of her hands and legs, fell into a rocky rock and could not move, but breathed hard and trembled from fear and fatigue. Of the clothes on her only a swimsuit and the whole body scratched to blood. Apparently it has long passed the point of return and now, almost at the top, it has stopped. There was some meter to the end, maybe even seventy centimeters, but they can no longer be overcome, absolutely nothing to cling to, and it is even more impossible to descend.
It was only to wait for the forces to leave the stupid climbing woman, her hands to shake up and she will die in terrible, but short-lived torments. I probably didn’t have to wait more than a minute. Yuri Tarasovich assessed the situation, sat on the edge of the abyss, smiled, blinked at Ole and calmly said:

All right, I’ll take you out now, don’t worry.

By the way, I, many times scrolling this story in my head, thought for a long time - and what can be done in such a pathetic situation?
I have not invented anything explicit. You won’t run behind the rope, you won’t call the rescuers either. Yes, even for a sweaty hand you will not catch it, you will simply not reach out, and if you reach out, you will not hold it anyway. It only remains to say goodbye to a man, or to jump after him. Just an impasse situation, or at best a scene from a nightmare.

But what did our wise grandfather Yuri Tarasych do? He took off his shirt without a pause and said:

“Ola, I’ll give you a shirt now, but you don’t hold it with your hands, don’t hold it, just hold onto the wall as you hold onto it. Bite the shirt stronger, try the root teeth. Don’t be afraid, your teeth will withstand three of your weights. As you eat and you are ready, wash and I will pull you out, and you just help me with your hands and feet.
Olya bitten the T-shirt, shut up and already in ten seconds was up. Grandfather pulled not very hard, fifteen kilograms not more, but this was enough, the rest Olya did herself.
Yuri Tarasovich took her away from the edge of the abyss, and then, with all his strength, he answered Ole a good pencil, sat down on the ground and fell on the side.
He had a heart attack. A week in the Baksanian hospital failed, all the rest of the young man ruined.

Is Olga at home?
Olivia is not.
- It's too late, and you, parents, if the hell, where is Olya, with whom is Olya! Call her and call her home. I have no more money to drink your daughter!

Jacobins are those who are supposedly for freedom, equality, brotherhood.

I took my 5-year-old son from the garden. We go home, and the girls pass by without a pipe. My son had a question:
Why do these women see their breasts?
Well, I explained that I need to talk about the chest, explained what a bra is, that it is hot in the summer, and so on. Question is closed.
It is hard to guess that at dinner, the wife asked her son:
How did you get out of the garden?
Okay, we talked to Dad.
What were they talking about?
About the breasts...

Do you have economists in your city?
Taliban is an economist.