bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №14575
 18.02.2009
Driven by history from January 29 – as in Veliky Novgorod, at night, two

Drunk citizen in search of his car opened all standing in the

The courtyard is easy.

Also in Novgorod, but in Nizhny Novgorod – then Gorky – Andrei lived for a while.

Dmitrievich Sakharov In the courtyard of his house was placed a car type

The building, in which some comrades were 24 hours a day.

One night someone thought of breaking into someone’s car standing in the yard.

Some of his comrades made a comment.

The next night, the court was overwhelmed by cars from all over the district.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №14574
 18.02.2009
In Europe, alcohol is a spice for life, in Russia - a medicine for it.

[ + 69 - ] Comment quote №14573
 18.02.2009
I sit in the barber room and wait for my turn. In front of me is a middle-aged man. When his turn comes, he sits in a chair and the barber says to him:
"Man’s plaque also hangs:"With unwashed hair-no haircut".Washing hair will cost 100 rubles."
He is: OK.
She washed his hair, scratched it, and he looked in the mirror and said, “Yes, in principle, go and give 100 and go.”
I waited 10 minutes until the barber stopped roasting.

[ + 61 - ] Comment quote №14572
 18.02.2009
According to the results of 2008, "AutoVAZ" reduced the sales of cars by 6% compared to 2007. [12 January 2009]

Total number of accidents in the country over the past year
It decreased by 6.6% compared to 2007. [14 January 2009]

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №14571
 18.02.2009
dracula3 wrote (a):
Is the Arus language vigorous?? to
secta wrote (a):
It won’t help you ?

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №14570
 18.02.2009
He: I know how to check blood in home conditions.
I: for what? I can (and I can)

[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №14569
 18.02.2009
YYY: Mama grit.. I know that you drank a decent drink yesterday, I say: where did this information come from, mom to me: you tried to speak clearly.

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №14568
 18.02.2009
User: I have the internet in the bridge mode never connects from the first time, what do I do?and ((

Admin: The essence of the problem is this: the system (in the case of the bridge - the screw, in the case of the router - the demon pppd in the modem) sends a request for connection and awaits a response from that side.
It has been a long time to wait lately.
In the window, the waiting time for the response is apparently less than the default in pppd, so you have to repeat the attempts until the server responds quickly enough.

User: What is it?

Admin: The girl (authorization server) is delayed for a few minutes. Pppd is a good boy, he will wait for a girl, and Windows is a deer, he will not wait, he will go for fun with his hairy hand. So more understandable?

[ + 94 - ] Comment quote №14567
 18.02.2009

47917 (saved 2009-02-16 at 19:50)
The employee was washing in the bathroom and listening to the iPod (nano). And then he became curious about what would happen if this Device plunged into the water.

Loaded – it works. Okay, I washed and dropped. After a while I remembered him. It was dried on a hot battery.

Looking at it works. I was angry and threw him into a pot. The shit worked anyway. The screen became white.

Okay, a friend calls, asks what to do if the screen is white.

The answer:

"It happens when you cook it. Everything will be fine in the morning"
____________
Previously, advertising was not allowed.

[ + 54 - ] Comment quote №14566
 18.02.2009
Do you know how uncomfortable it is to have big breasts? I have a 4th size!! to
I: Well, they say this is not a problem - you can reduce and the operation is inexpensive :)
She says, “No, you are a fool!”! to

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №14565
 17.02.2009
~pOoZziTive~ ‎(12:31):
How can you swallow your nose and brain at the same time?
Opium‎(12:32):
and hehe. and. to explain?
~pOoZziTive~ ‎(12:32):
Yes Yes
Opium‎(12:33):
The girls in the restaurants go away and say they are going to pop up their nose. In fact, they’re putting our brains in the powder because they’re fucking fucking!
~pOoZziTive~ ‎(12:33):
And then ? Dress up. and. and.

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №14564
 17.02.2009
Proletary (01:20:36 16/02/2009)
I scratched my back in blood by accident.

Katich (01:20:46 16/02/2009)
The carpenter?

[ + 66 - ] Comment quote №14563
 17.02.2009
One day, my former chemist from school invited me for tea. Well to do - my favorite student went to FMSH)) I come to her home and see the following picture with oil:
The teacher’s son is 5-6 years old. He stands at the table, on which lies an open chemistry textbook for the 8th grade on the subject of Ionic crystalline grids. The boy is trying to mix something in the water. I ask :

Do you disturb?

The salt!

And you know why salt and sugar dissolve well and chocolate doesn’t?

To which little gives out an entirely ingenious phrase:

The Chocolate Molecule! They are non-polar!!So they are not prone to dissociation in polar solvents!!! to

I thought I knew chemistry.)

[ + 62 - ] Comment quote №14562
 17.02.2009
We sit behind the compass, we look right.
Give me a mouse.
I: I will not
She: Then I will not give!

It’s a bad girl, and you won’t argue :)

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №14561
 17.02.2009
Conversation with one man. It works as an admin in a false.
A lot of compounds?
- Nea, a piece of 15, the main thing is not worth any license wheel.
Are they not afraid of checks and checks?

[ + 56 - ] Comment quote №14560
 17.02.2009
1st :
Yesterday I read a book on how to diversify family sex. There is a recommendation of the type "dediciate one day to the realization of your hidden fantasies". What if I have a hidden fantasy – to blow my boss in the mouth, and when he sits down, cut off his neck and fuck him in the throat?

2nd :
if you have such fantasies, then I recommend for the future to mistake less windows, and for today to go after lunch for calculation and work.

1st :
Sergey Valentinovich, I am purely in the sense of "and suddenly"!

2nd :
And I am not. I wait after lunch. I also realize my fantasies.

[ + 71 - ] Comment quote №14559
 17.02.2009
Last day with my friend. A classic of the Russian genre.
The Winter. and slide. He is on the new "Mitsubishi Pagero", in front of him - the old six, before that - GAZ-66 with a military driver (!) by Driving. In front of all this sausage is a crossroads.
Gas sharply on the brakes (the military can’t do otherwise!) and Glamour. The “shoha” slightly enters it, and my friend, Ess-nno, gently holds it behind.
A friend comes out in upset feelings, shakes his pockets for money, is going to solve the issue (he is completely guilty!and tk. Since yesterday, it hasn’t gone out yet. A guy comes out of the jiggle, stretches him 5,000 pieces and with a breathing in his voice barely says: "Man, let go!" It sounds like even a friend can hear it. At the crossroads there are three (!) The DPS car. Good-hearted goats hang along the road in confusion. The sounds of the strikes were — but no one blinked by the accident and ran to them.
At this time, wet from horror, the young soldier, not even feeling that behind him was caught, and closing this most luxurious back of our main characters from the gait, tries to get started. And he doesn’t even understand their increased attention to his humble person.
Without changing his face or saying a word, he takes the money and goes back. The kids sit on the cars, build up, and at this time, just a pre-infarct military is still touching.
All the dishes of NESPACE pass through the crossroads of the guys who have gone astray from the excitement in gray bushlats and hide in the city fog.
The curtain.

[ + 56 - ] Comment quote №14558
 17.02.2009
In Texas crashed hot debris of satellites
From Russia with Love!!!! to

[ + 64 - ] Comment quote №14557
 17.02.2009
Fragment of correspondence on one of the dating sites:

Sergey > Natasha, what do you think about anal sex?

Natalia > I don’t even know what to say... I have no experience. Although once the ex-husband persuaded, promised to buy the shirt... But it didn’t work, or rather, only half went in, then it hurt me... So I bought a half-shirt.

[ + 55 - ] Comment quote №14556
 17.02.2009
xxx: I can even make it out ?
YYY: You don’t have to look at it.)
xxx how is it? ?
XXX: I am a girl!
XXX: I have it by nature.
YYY : GM! I have heard that every girl sooner or later will try to sit on the neck of a guy... But I know that for this purely physiologically it is necessary to stretch the legs! )))
xxx: fuck it!))))))))))))))))))))))))

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna