bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №150554
 22.06.2018
In all the news today they write about one Chinese fan who confused Volgograd with Vologda.

And about thousands of Russians each year confusing electric cars to Fryazevo and Fryazin, leaving the Yaroslavl station, no one has ever written so massively.

It is offensive!

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №150553
 22.06.2018
Davecha was a guy, bringing a laptop for repair.

The problem - decided to disassemble independently, completely clean the dust, change the thermopast, glue the thermoplasts, in general, seriously serve the laptop. I could not collect back. Specifically, physically assembled, but now it does not work.

The problem is frequent. We accept. As a result of the disassembly, we eliminate all the shortcomings of this culibin. It starts. We call, come pleased, pay, take away.

He comes back the same evening. It doesn’t start again, he says. I asked him what he did with the laptop. In response to this, there is a genius phrase:

“I dismantled it to check that all the details were in place and you didn’t steal anything. Now it doesn’t start again.

There is no scene, one of the colleagues jumps and goes outside the door to crack. I hold this information more persistently and think about how to solve this problem and complete the exit from the cycle. After all, if he starts checking again, the situation will repeat.

It was decided to do everything in his eyes, with a small supplement for the dedicated time. He left not very pleased, but he has not returned yet.

[ + 22 - ] [5 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №150552
 21.06.2018
How did the French change? A nation is degenerating. Especially footballers, just like black people.

[ + 39 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №150551
 21.06.2018
A couple of years ago I had to work with a client who was near my alma mater. One day I left a little early and decided to walk through memorable places. He went to the dining room, dormitory, lecture halls, laboratories, and the student center. In the center of my attention was attracted by the solid advertisement of the show "Three Sisters." The poster stated that this action was organized by the "Russian Club", and events such as Rahmaninov's concert, Bardov's evening, films of the 60s, the Silver Age, thematic parties, etc.

“Good guys, organizers, they’ll go a long way,” I thought, and then I thought, “Would they know how and why it all started?” And remembered...

Lieutenant Schmidt's Children's Club

“I can account for every million I earn except for the first one.” – John Rockefeller

My family came to the United States in the early 1990s practically poor. Seven out of the four people had an astronomical sum of $220 and a few bowls with a barrel most of which were useless. I still don’t understand why we dragged into the U.S. a meat-cutter, an electrocutter, and a Polish shirt. The first few years in the new country was a bit difficult, although very fun.

My parents started working, my sister and I worked, but in the line "Total" finances sang romance. A year and a half later, my sister finished school, and what next? The parents did not even ask the question, she will go to the university, no matter how much it costs. And it cost a little, even despite grants and scholarships, especially given our then financial condition. They gave the last penny, because education is sacred.

Four years later, my sister graduated from college and it was time for me to go. With money it became a little easier, poor not to be called, but even to the middle class was very, very far away. Again, no alternatives were considered. “Let us turn.” We and our parents encouraged each other. “There will be a day, there will be food.”

As a result, I went to a decent private university, which is not even a free pleasure. In general, in the United States, university or college education is a solid bunch of money. I was really happy, I studied quite well in school, and the universe was generous and gave me a discount of almost half the amount. A quarter of the amount was borrowed by my parents, the rest was borrowed by me. In principle, everything is clear and fair, you want to save, not learn. If you want to study, pay. The road will be made by the one who goes, who needs education, he will get it, regardless of any barriers.

The difficulty was not only in the cost of education, but also in the fact that all the associated costs were also more than tangible. In private universities, the approach is simple, "where are you going from the submarine?"Therefore, the price for dormitory, food, etc. was placed just a horse. The starving studios (like me) tried to find at least some work, otherwise it would be quite acidic. The problem is that the student workforce was in excess, and therefore the pay was minimal, especially since the basis was employed by the university itself. The way out is simple, it takes a few work.

Where I have not worked. One time I was engaged in sending letters in which the university swore money. The work is not dusty, the letters in the envelopes are stuck and the marks are glued, but boring to the end. Then in the gym, the inventory was distributed, too, not dusty, but unfortunately distracted from sleep. At the same time, the library man was crumbling, also a penny in his pocket.

After finding two unique submissions, assess. The first is the official ball carrier for the women’s lacrosse team. Not work, but a story. You sit on a chair, look at the girls, a couple of times for a game from the basket you throw them a ball, and during the break around the field you will collect the balls. The second is even cooler, the movie operator for the women's basketball team. You go to different universities and shoot a game on camera. The girls are kind and responsive, feeding during trips, and paying for hours on the road too. In short, Sinekura, what else to say. One bad thing - games are not frequent enough and work is seasonal.

But the financial problem remained. No matter how you turn, do not shuffle, and you will not earn normal money. You seem to work 25-30 hours a week, and you have $ 100, many 150. The cost was very high, but I tried to save where I could. The apartment with a fellow student, Semka, was taken off the campus for a couple cheaper, for all kinds of seminars and presentations was recorded because there were sometimes fed for free, and the light at the end of the tunnel is not visible.

Sevki's situation was a bit better, his brother with business in the Russian Federation. But in the 90s it was like, then thick and then the flute and the drums sound, then it is completely empty, and then you thank God for being alive. In short, he needed money almost as much as I did, not to swear the healthy guys a penny from their parents who barely have enough. In what shit we just didn’t fit in to be golden. They traded furniture for students, they recorded as accountants for the population, they tried to sell telephone tariffs, but everything was short or unreliable. Ambition was a lot, but in fact it turned out to be a shit.

The financial anus worsened every beginning of the semester. The reason is simple, books. There was virtually no online book sales at the time (the topic was just beginning), so the university store was essentially a monopoly. They smashed seven skins from the unhappy students without the slightest indulgence. I took an average of 5-6 classes per semester and often needed two or three textbooks for each. And books and $50, and $70, and $100 could cost, so the final amount for the poor student came out monstrous. A weekly salary went away for one or two books.

Particularly oppressed some foolish professors. They announced that it was for their class that a certain textbook or taskbook was required and... they created it themselves. Then this masterpiece of the epistolar genre was delivered to the university store and the poor students were forced to buy it in the third way. There is absolutely no place to go, you cry, but you take. One thing is happy, with your money you enrich your favorite teachers. As I remember now, an unconscious geology teacher demanded $80 for his small booklet in a soft cover. The computer science teacher had more requests, almost $120.

The only one who had the conscience and understanding was our Tax Teacher, Stephen Lydka. Moreover, he said, “Books are thick, and there is no meaning in them. Everything that is really for knowledge, not for a crack, I will read to you in the lectures. Keep good accounts, and that’s 3/4 of the thing. Here is a book that I made myself. There are key concepts. It costs just $9, which is about how much I should print it. The rest of the literature, if necessary, can be taken to the library. And indeed, from this well-written, thin book I learned much more than from a dozen others.

The subject itself? It seemed, taxation is unambiguous fi, can not be more boring. Here you are wrong. Stephen’s lectures started at 8 a.m., and he himself came at 7-7:15 a.m., in case someone had questions on the subject. So, the students gathered in the classroom at 7 in the morning as a stick, only to quench him. His lectures were something with something, a charge of energy, a fireworks of humor, and a kaleidoscope of excellent life examples. This Master created an amazing atmosphere and made his subject so understandable and fascinating that students from other faculties (biologists, physicists, engineers, etc.) enrolled in it, although they absolutely did not need this subject for a diploma. I have never met anything like that before or after.

Unfortunately, the rare fuckers (sorry, there is no other word) from the university administration wasted it without rattling. The only, in my opinion, worthy professor in the whole department. Tenure (permanent position) was not given to him for his chagrin, and he went away offended. I generally think these university passions are very violet, but then I thought it was my duty to call the department and write a letter to the president of the university that from now on, instead of charity, they would only receive sex from me. Then I learned that several hundred other former students spoke in about the same tone. But I probably turned away.

At the end of each semester, the question arose, but what to do with used textbooks? If it was very lucky, then there was a picture that planned to take a class in the next semester, then the book was sold to him/her. Usually, with tears in the eyes, they drag everything back to the university store where books were accepted for about 10-15% of the price. And often they didn’t accept, they just said, “A new edition is coming out. If you want to, take it back, or this box, put it there.” Well, when the next semester came... these same textbooks that students took for money, the university laid out on the shelves as b/u for 75-80% of the price of new, and they were bought out in the air. It happened that the books that the students just gave for free the university also sold (in cases if the next edition to the beginning of the semester did not have time or the teacher allowed to use both versions, especially because they rarely seriously differed).

And this is the end of another semester, I am sadly overtaking my library, and sadly pretending how much I will be overtaken this time. Seven falls and seeing my acid look asks:
“Is it not fun? What did you hang your head?”
“Why to have fun? There are no income, only expenses. As the saying goes, “the student gives books to the university store.” The student is the subject, and the shop is the proper.”
I am also an amateur philologist. Smells of seventh. “The store is a place.”
“Another summit of philosophical thought” I hugged.

And suddenly, as a swallow, the glass was running:
“The Eureka. He who was nothing becomes everything. We will show them the mother of Kuzma, we will start a pound of distress, where the cancers winter, and why marriage is impatient."
“To whom to show? And most importantly what? I am very concerned about exhibitionism. I agree to show only in a narrow circle of limited people."
“The Gusars are silent. I announce the first meeting of shareholders of JSC "Rog and Copy" open. Our goal is to bring to the masses the reasonable, good, and eternal. In exchange for a freely convertible currency, of course.”
“The goal is good. I support all the low fibers of my soul. And now, closer to the body, as Mopassan said.”

Here Sömka and announced his congenital plan.
“Look here. You will now drag your books to Golgotha. You will get a spoonful of oil. Is the thesis fair?”
“Experience is a great thing. And he suggests that yes. I am ready to consider options.”
“What if the books... don’t give up?”
“Sema, and you are a masochist-maximalist. You offer to fly like a faner over Paris and not get a penny at all. Relax people and have fun.”
“This is exactly what I offer. Moreover, the shareholders of JSC “Rog and Copyt” immediately collect all the cash, borrow as much as they can and... direct their footsteps to the university store and begin to buy textbooks from the suffering populus at a price greater than those university crumbs.”
“Someone, did you eat a dead fish? Was the milk unclean? What kind of shit do you offer? Not only do not get money, but also give the last and collect all the shit. Note, I’m ready to bite the granite of science, but here I predict that I’ll eat paper instead of pizza, and that’s a perversion. The soul does not accept these conditions. What will we do with these books?”
“I told you that you’re a fool and your ears are cold. We will trade them.”
“Oh, we’ll open a store, or a bench, in front of the store, and we’ll call the buyers, ‘Devushek, Devushek, book buy. Look at the B. The book of Percy. What do you think of my baritone?”
“You are right and you are wrong, my friend Socrates. We really occupy the square. Actually in front of the store. We will only buy books. This is the idea of selling.” And Sömka announced the remainder of the idea "I had to sit in the touch there once..."

Diamond smoke went through our modest apartment. The idea was so simple, so genius. It is just a miracle that the gold of Klondike lying on the surface for so many years has not been picked up. With a trembling but confident hand, I took the checkbook and looked at the balance sheet.
“I feel painful things. This is all done by hard work. I am willing to do charity for the hungry. What will the merchant say?”
“I have about that. I think our capital will be enough to produce a furor in science and technology.”
“The fuck. With a naked hero on the overwhelming, they attacked the devil. But is it fair? Desperate times require desperate action.”

The next morning, having put together our modest capital, borrowed a foldable table and a couple of chairs from the neighbors, we settled at the outside entrance to the store. From the hand swept the advertisement, said we buy textbooks at a high price. What price to offer for which book we had no idea, we had to periodically run inside and find out what textbooks the store accepts. Then we dressed up for $5-7 dollars. For books that the university did not give money at all, we gave $ 3-5, depending on the condition and thickness of the book.

At first it was quiet, but very soon when we learned that we were paying more, we were besieged by a crowd of students. The unfortunate table was bended by the weight of the books. Then they started putting them under the table in boxes. Then they put the books on the asphalt. Soon the indignant shop workers jumped out to us with complaints, saying what fucking thing? What is self-activity? What is the monopoly attempt?

In response, we reasonably stated that there was no harm from us. We just want to buy books from our fellow intellectuals. Where is it stated that this is prohibited?
“Huligans are deprived of sight.” Oral of Seven.
“Well, put Lypkin-Typkin here.” I seconded sharply.
“I will complain to the prosecutor,” Sam cried out.
“Can we send them simply to her, with all the proletarian directness?” I have proposed.

The next day we repeated the concert, and on the third we finished the money. As a result, we found several hundred textbooks on all subjects, from ancient philosophy to higher mathematics, from chemistry to quantum mechanics. It was 50 meters from our desk to the parking lot, not more, but we pulled our hands off quite a bit. The poor submarine of Semki even wandered from the loaded foilings. And when I remember dragging this good from the car to us into the apartment on the 3rd floor I get bad, although almost 20 years have passed since then. But now we were ready for the battle of the Titans.

As respected readers probably guessed we were not going to sell these books in retail sitting on the bench or banally disclosing ads. The buyer had planned only one...SAM university store. How to check such a hashtag? Here I will explain.

The fact is that when the semester began, the first couple of weeks of general status at the university could be described as "Romashka's bad." Students enroll in classes and very often then change them (for various reasons). Thus, the books already purchased must be handed over to them and purchased new ones. All you need for this is a simple form that is issued in the registration center. It was filled out by hand, indicating which class was cancelled, which one was taken in return, and the employee of the center (often the same brother-student working for the hour and who was absolutely offended) put either a stamp or a signature.

After crushing and building the eyes of the student girls, we became the owners of a whole pack of empty forms. We filled out the forms, indicated that we were changing the schedule and went to the store with textbooks.
“I want to surrender. I take another class.” I stated firmly. “Give money into working hands.”
“Let me see,” the employee whispered. “Did you take the credit card? Or the university account?
“For Nail, of course.” I assured me.
“Do you have a check?” The shoppers resisted.
What kind of check? I did not save, I lost. But these are the books, the same you have on the shelf. No more to take them from anywhere. And according to the rules, we can take them out for the first 2 weeks without any problems."
This resistance usually stopped and for the books that we bought (or even received for free) for pennies received a retail price from the store. And here there has already appeared a whole pad with a bright blue catch.

In the university store we appeared almost three times a day, because we needed time to sell as many books as possible. After a few days, our faces were so blurred that the sellers greeted us like relatives. Naturally, they understood everything and resisted by inertia, but they “had no methods against the Bone of Saprikin” because we did not violate any rules. And so every trip to the store brought us hundreds of dollars. Of course, we did not have time to deliver all the books, some of which the store refused to accept because these textbooks were no longer used, but 80 percent of the inventory we loaded.

Profit on investment exceeded all the most optimistic forecasts and climbed well below 600%. We finally felt like people. There was worthy money in the pocket. I did not quit working, but I was no longer forced to save every penny. Moreover, I even partially paid off my school debt and allowed myself some surpluses. Well, of course, Sevka and I were looking forward to the start of the next semester to repeat our arias on bis.

Unfortunately, the concert did not succeed on the request of the viewers. More precisely, books then we bought, and in a much larger quantity than before. But the clever university merchants have circled us by the curve. According to the new rules, it was necessary to indicate the number of the student ticket and show the identification card when handing over the books. Moreover, an official schedule had to be presented before and after the replacement.

We stumbled like rattled deer, changing schedule several times a day, but running to the registration center and back took a lot of time. Plus, we were so confused that we were foolishly pushed out of the store and from the center, barely able to register for real classes. The issue had to be resolved and urgently, because there was quite decent money on the counter.

“And Eureka again,” announced Sam. “We are alone, that is our weakness. But abroad will help. There are ideas.”
“Please publish the entire list.”
"We must shout out, and organize ideological fighters for the dungeons. It is not worth counting on the help of the Aborigines. Their Protestant ethics and Buddhist order of things will not allow them to participate in our hashtag. I need another like that. And more simply, we need Lieutenant Schmidt’s children.”

Of course, Russian-language students at the university were before us, but very rarely. Per only in the year of our arrival slowly and the conquest of Siberia by Jermak began. If in our year enrolled a person 6 "Russian", then to the third course in the university was at least a person 25.

“Let’s call those we know. At the same time, ask them to bring those they know. Well, the announcement in the student center will be hanged, it is said that the "Russian Club" is formed. Do you want to break bread with us?”
“And then what? “Are you not afraid to announce Noah?”
“What are they afraid of? This is my last semester.” He completed the universe in 3 years. "You still have one semester after that, your wages will be enough for your age. And his brother emigrant will save himself and help us. This is our donation to the “Union of Sword and Oral.”

said and done. Someone who could have noticed the advertisement. We organized a council in Files, more precisely on the benches near the library. There may be 15-18 people. A speech pushed from which stones would slip.
Dear brothers and sisters, Kents and Mochals, Aids and Goyim, Chuvaks and Chuvichs. How long will the puppy of capital suck the last juices out of the hegemon, collecting an immeasurable tribute in the form of payment for textbooks? There is a chance to restore historical justice and make money for everyone. The scheme is as simple as two fingers, then you hit the goods. Our product, your time. income is guaranteed. At the breakdown, an honest boy half. Whoever agrees, write down your coordinates on this sheet. Who wants to think, no problem. Just don’t pull the cat for a long time, because the time we have is very little, it’s money that we can make together.”

The insightful speech found a response and almost everyone agreed. All that was required from the neophytes, a couple of times to change their schedule, show forms together with their identification cards, and hand over their share of books. It was calculated after each given game. The goods were rid of literally in a couple of days for general benefit. Of course our earnings were less than planned, but even with this arrangement we still earned very decent.

As a knowledgeable of human souls, Semka proposed to cover a modest lawn, the benefit of the profit from the enterprise was decent. A few pizzas, chicken wings, beer, and anecdotes are the best foundation for the unification of the proletariat. Everybody liked it, the more so. A couple of times in a semester we met with a fun company, and there the year ended.

Before graduating from university, Samka tells me;
“You see, we have already organized the people. People are like Pavlov's dogs, used to the hole. You can lead them to a bright future. I am late in the leader, I am going to the master's degree, and you with our group of comrades can break a good bowl."
“From now on in more detail.” I was interested.
“Yes very simple. On the next drink, I will nominate you for the President of the Russian Club. As usual, the people are silent. I am sure everyone will support. Moreover, we have suited them for the following semesters. You register all as the "Russian Club" at the university officially, because there are enough people. And then handy hands and no fraud, demand a budget. I learned that the university is generously giving student organizations money. You will be filled and drunk, and the boys will lose a penny.”

The idea of the official "Russian Club" was all accepted "on hurra." The shooting was calculated as by notes, of course, no one objected to my presidency.

Well, the next semester (my last in the university) we already met in full arms, with a bunch of textbooks that we organized. At the same time I made a presentation in the administration, the club was officially registered. Per it helped that we subdued the entire Russian language faculty to lobbyism for us. I even managed a budget of a couple of thousands of dollars, say we will visit museums, get rich culturally, and even organize some public event. One shit, the budget only for the next semester was given, my share was not enough.

I don’t regret it, I earned enough money from books. In the following semester, Lieutenant Schmidt’s Children’s Club lived a full life. With the first money organized a big walk in a Russian restaurant. Even the wise will report for it as "studying Russian cuisine." For a couple of years, as the first official President of the Russian Club, I was invited to all kinds of meetings, even to my home several times all the eagle came to visit. Then they slowly stopped, the more I myself to this matter with work and my travels cooled.

Well, now you can see the Russian Club rigorous guys run. Everything is white, puffy, clean and cultural. It is probably right. And yet, they would know how and why it all started...

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №150550
 21.06.2018
When in the church you throw a little thing into a box for the needs of the temple, remember - for the princess of a female monastery in the Yaroslavl region are looking for a personal cook. A salary of 90 thousand rubles... and throw more.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №150549
 21.06.2018
The client (K) calls and immediately begins to scream:

Q: How do I do so that I don’t have to constantly contact you to recover your login and password? ! to

Q: Do I remember the data?

Q: Thank you very much!

He drops the call.

[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №150548
 21.06.2018
I go electric. A 50-year-old man is sitting in front of me. Shirt, trousers and tie. This is called “Middle Level Manager.” He gets an apple, eats, and squeezes the straw in the gap between the window and the seat. We approach the end. He stands up for the exit. Next is the dialogue between me (I) and uncle (D):

I: Have you forgotten anything?

D: No, and what then?

I: (I’m pointing to the bite) Why waste it?

Uncle immediately switches to supernatural intonation

D is Uber!

I: I wonder who?

D: I am a fool! Who are you to tell me? ! to

It turns and moves to the exit.

I take a bite... To be honest, the strongest desire was to push him that bite over the shovel. But he was in a tie, so with all the desire it would not work. But in his hands he has a leather wallet, which is so successful not stuck to the end of the lightning. I squeezed him in the wallet with a precise movement and dropped it at sunset. As far as I understand, he didn’t even notice it :)

On the one hand, childhood of course. On the other hand, it became easier.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №150547
 20.06.2018
A acquaintance told me.

I sit in the salon, waiting for my master to be released, on the contrary, - apparently a single man with his son (age 5), from the series "shilo in one place".

The baby, pointing to me with a finger, “silently” so, to the whole salon:

“Daddy, and Daddy, look at what aunt! This... Like her... Well how you love her... Well, a blonde with black hair... And her legs are normal! And the ears! Let’s get married to her!

Red as cancer dad.

“Misha, you can’t say that, don’t tick your finger, be silent, don’t be ashamed.

Misha, not paying attention to the dad, who even has his heels, probably, red:

Soon I realized that my aunt is good. And now she will be cut and she will be beautiful... like a pterodactyl! At least you can call her to see.

A poor dad from somewhere under the chair explained to me that the child was stunned by dinosaurs, and “beautiful like a pterodactile” is a compliment.

What female heart does not grow out of such galacticity? I had to go to the cinema with my father Igor and my son Misha after the haircut, watch the cartoon.

And in the salon since then all the masters, including manicure and pedicure, ask if to make me beautiful, "like a pterodactyl"...

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №150546
 20.06.2018
One of my relatives was an employee of GAI. He told that story. From the first person.

The partner had a big and pure love with the seller of the store, located next to the DPS post. Everything would be fine, but he was long and strongly married, and she was married. I had to get out somehow. And here we end the shift late in the evening. The partner says:

- Well, you here all the papers, and I will take the Verochka to the house. It just closed.

As it turned out, they were not far away. From the road turned into the woods. We left literally 20 meters from the road and stopped. The partner placed Faith on the rear seat, and himself remained outside in the doorway of the open door. As a true gentleman believes, he kneeled before the lady and began to explain her in love, not so much in words, but in deeds.

I quickly finished all the things and went to the house. I see, at one of the turns, all the cars slow down, almost stop, and then sharply increase speed and leave. I went to this place and I took the phone and called my partner.

Anything urgent, something urgent? I am busy! I heard the unhappy voice of my partner.

- You hear, fool, the jacket reflects the light, or you shine like light music. All passers see. You think you are punishing the offender.

He did not repeat such mistakes again. But between us we sometimes called him Dim-Svetomuzyka.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №150545
 20.06.2018
AutoVAZ will start producing the "six" again - after the restyling it will be called Lada X-6

The name is good, convenient. For many, the conversation with the talks in the club will go to a completely new level:

What kind of car do you have?

and X-6

I love the BMW.

I also love BMW.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №150544
 20.06.2018
In Tver court, a friend will appeal a fine for non-payment of parking (2500 rubles).

Are you tired of complaining about the fines? Here one man is walking, will appeal a fine of 300 rubles, the case is confused, I am ready to give him 300 rubles, only if he was back!

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №150543
 20.06.2018
To start the economy, the wise build factories, and the fools build stadiums.

The wise man teaches the children, and the fool teaches the EEG.

The wise man pays the people for work and the fool for service.

For the wise, old age is a merit, for the fool a burden.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №150542
 20.06.2018
Recently I told a story from the police practice in which a worthy military chosen with the hooligans the most correct line of behavior, and applied force only in the extreme case. The story has caused a fierce discussion. There were also adequate opinions, but one of the main streams was the surprise of such a man's " cowardice". Someone even began to reason with the concepts of the zone - said, you will behave this way, you will become a lifetime under the shell of mistake and a spoonful of hole. You will be a cock. Once again I am convinced of the correctness of Pelevin - the soul of the Russian man wraps the term, and the body is free, he is trying his best to behave according to the concepts, so as not to let God think of anything in the zone. Nevertheless, I, as a professional who has worked for a decade and a half in the law enforcement system, laugh at other citizens' attempts to make an impression on the fool, to be "not fools" in the eyes of "right guys". Just remember that most of these “right guys” are double idiots with eight classes of education. Those who all their lives live in shit and argue with the concepts of Ellochka Ludojadka. They have no desires other than those that the animals share - to have sex, to eat and the opposite of eating, and in all these desires they are extremely inconsistent - he wants to eat, he will rob and eat, he wants sex, he will drop your wife into bushes.
I would like to tell a story that happened eight or nine years ago, which perfectly demonstrates the intellectual level of hypocrisy. I often tell her in schools when they are invited, and I think that thanks to her fans of the AUE culture has become an order less.
There lived a man. He lived very comfortably - near the garage, where his car was still nearby - a small forest with a pond. One day on his birthday he was given a video camera, and he installed it on the kitchen balcony, headed to the garage where his car was standing and connected to the TV. For a nervous person is very convenient - at any time switched to the desired channel and watched if the spana is not wrong near the garage. This camera and played a fatal role in the fate of four scammers at once. No, she didn’t shoot a horrible crime, it was a lot more funny. So, one day, two guests from the sunny South came to visit a man. He, despite all his caution, let the boys into the apartment and took them to the kitchen. It turned out that the guys suggested to install glass packs. The man was not interested in the offer, but the guests continued to insist, and the further, the more. At some point in the dispute, one of the guests from attempts to divorce (this is a well-known topic, very popular at the time - the client does not get windows, but the money is deprived) has already gone to direct threats and demands of money. The man under some pretext ran to the kitchen balcony and spread the camera towards the kitchen, putting it on recording. This maneuver somewhat miraculously remained unnoticed by the scammers. Returning to the kitchen, he offered the guests to go away with a greeting, in response to which he received a hook on the left and straight into the chest. After hitting the man, guests searched the apartment, turning everything in the kitchen including. They managed to pull out a little - some ten or twenty thousand, which was in the man's wallet. Then, with a proud sight, the mountains departed. The man wrote a statement attaching a video recording. Vano and Sergo were detained the next day, eventually fleeing for seven years for the robbery under article 162. But this is not the end of history. During the process, relatives of guests from the South often came to the man, all from the same camp. Someone tearfully prayed to pity and not destroy young souls, someone offered money, and one of the visitors delighted. When he entered the kitchen, he sat in front of the man and laid a gun on the table. He wrapped his sleeves and said, “Do you see this and that tattoo?” I was sitting behind the moisture, and "if you do not take a claim on the biratov..." The man has long been accustomed to accepting these kinds of guests in the kitchen and every time, already going to open the door, put the camera to record. This time the conversation was also recorded. When checked in the police department, the threatening man was immediately established - indeed, a recidivist, who was suspended by 105. The place of residence was also known, and the opera group left at the same time. The defendant was given 2 years for 119 1 (menace of murder, if there were grounds to fear the implementation of the threat). This article is rarely closed. How do you prove that the victim was really afraid and the murderer threatened not in a joke? Usually she goes by steam car to serious bodily injury or attempted murder: that is, conditionally if the villain shouted, "I will kill you," and then crushed the victim, but for some reason did not hit. But in this situation, the person simply wrote a deadline for himself.
But as Zadornov said, “It’s too early to laugh!” Subsequently, another person appeared in the apartment to the victim. He no longer threatened, but expressed himself fluidly: "You know that there is anything that is better to give in such a situation," - well, and so on. The man did not understand what it was, however, in any case took the recording to the operatives. It turned out that on the footage - a known recidivist, announced in search. Two police officers were sent to the man, and for him and his family liberated a service home in the center of the city. It was thought that the operation would take weeks, but the scammer was caught on the second day - he was noticed in a summer cafe near the victim's home. This has already flown to the "White Swan", and the operatives have flown the stars to pursue.
And the funniest thing – what? The fraudsters came on the same rack three times. The lawyers were familiar with the material in the case, they knew perfectly that their actions were recorded on the film, but persistently continued to rape the cactus.
And I also add to the young people who have been permeated by the AUE culture what the unforgettable Colonel Cherenkov told us at the Department of Criminology. From a financial point of view, the criminal is very similar to a prostitute. Who is a prostitute? A girl who has not invested in education, personal skills, but earns as a leader in the field where these abilities are required. Conditionally, if she was a secretary, she would get 25 thousand, become a prostitute, she gets as a chief secretary - 75-120 thousand. And if an honest girl grows in personal skills and her value on the labor market rises, the value of a prostitute falls as she loses attractiveness with age. Also, the scammer - could work as a carrier for 30 thousand, but pulls money from his pockets for 100-150, constantly risking personal freedom and health. So think, young people - what is better, to invest in education, or once and for all to drunk themselves out of the society of decent people, to ruin their lives and earn pennies. In addition, criminals can rarely give something to their children (if they have it at all, which is a comparative rarity), and they become most often addicts, go the way of parents...

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №150541
 20.06.2018
If at the time of the football championship, protests, rallies and other events were banned, why did they not ban deputies from adopting laws at the same time?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №150540
 20.06.2018
I walk on the beach with my husband. The frogs were so loose that he occasionally looks at them in the water, because of this he barelyins a conversation, constantly distracted.

When I noticed that I was dull and stopped trying to talk, he immediately reassured me:

Don’t worry, I need you more than frogs.

Then it hangs for a few seconds and so thoughtfully:

There are many frogs, but you are alone.

I had never seen such a painful doubt on his face.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №150539
 20.06.2018
and London. A crowd of drunk Hindus rushes into the cafe from a neighboring pub. This nation is not typical to be drunk. Especially in the stall. The clothes are all decent, but the alcohol went through and boiled. The staff lost their feet, what to do with them and how to get rid of them. And here comes a waitress from a neighboring cafe, let’s call him Peter, who once worked here too. He slowly evaluates the situation and cries at full volume with mobile hard porn. The shouts and shouts filled the hall.

Hindus are stifled, instantly silenced and quickly disappeared.

The staff looked at Peter with astonishment, saying that it had just happened.

With them it is only possible. When they hit, they are ready for any war, but not for porn. We always drive them out, Peter explains phlegmatically.

[ + 32 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №150538
 19.06.2018
In the 90s I was a student. And once I had to pull home from the store a bag on wheels, full of pearls.

Basically borrowed and meeting acquaintances in the next courtyard, I decided to stay to play, looking at the back of my eyes on the bag.

And at some point I noticed how a grandmother quickly appreciated the contents of the bag and so boldly pulled it.

I was already rushing to restore justice, as the thought came to mind that the pearl is very heavy, and the grandmother is dragging the bag to the right side for me. Therefore...

For 15 minutes I quietly followed her in the distance, until my grandmother’s route stopped coinciding with the route to my home.

And here already a polite pioneer in my face caught my grandmother and with the words, "grandmother, this is my bag" - returned to himself valuables in the form of crops and bags.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №150537
 19.06.2018
We talked about the bad habit of a common acquaintance to bite her nails when she’s anxious. They started to remember how they all bite their nails as a child. And whom they taught. One of his nails was rubbed with pepper, one even with mustard) who at a younger age remembered some kind of special lacquer. I also remembered how my father taught me to bite my nails.

I was 10 years old. My father saw that I bite my nails again. He looked at me with a smile and spoke. Imagine you catch a girl for her chest, and you have the nails chewed, cuddled. This will be a shame... all fucking! From 10 years, I don't bite my nails (this conversation is in my head)

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №150536
 19.06.2018
Even at the time when we did not have such a fight with our nearest neighbor, I frequently visited relatives in Ukraine.

A cousin’s husband was a haishnikov in a provincial, but rather large city. Fortunately, he is now retired. At one of my arrivals, he went on night service. I came back in the morning in a very elevated mood and told the following story. From the first person.

We stand on the track. I was lucky, I caught a drunk man and drawn him. The detainee sits in the rear seat, I write a protocol on the front passenger. The partner lazyly looks into the flow of cars. Shake a stick, but instead of stopping, Niva adds gas and hides away. The man is jumping for the ride.

We went to catch!

Nivea was fast. But to the ringing of the siren and the demand to stop, she did not respond. turned into the city. They started crawling in the streets. We don’t have America and we can’t block the traffic by replacing our car. They will get rid of them and be forced to repair at their own expense. Contacted the boss, he promised to call reinforcements and allowed us to shoot on the wheels if we left the city. At the next turn, Niva slightly failed to calculate the trajectory and crashed into the rebrick by unloading one wheel. Further pursuit continues with sparks carved by a disk on asphalt. But the full drive allows her to move on.

Apparently realizing that in the city from us not to separate, Niva goes outside the city.

- The driver of Niva, bla bla bla bla, leave immediately or we open fire! I am in the mattress.

Niva immediately bends on some forest path and gets stuck, bustling in place. I run out of the car with a gun in my hand. I run to the driver’s door. I pull the pen, it’s closed. Then I handled the pistol over the glass. It is in the movie glass beats from a light blow of the main character. Everything is a little more complicated in life. The glass did not break from either the first or the fifth blow. At that moment, Niva got stuck on the road and went back. But the last blow also resulted. The glass was broken in pieces. While the car was moving, I managed to get the gas bubble and let the stream in the window. But it was already far away.

In the forest, the pursuit continued at a speed of 30 kilometers per hour. And then Niva turns just into the forest, apparently the driver had hoped for its off-road qualities. Overall, the calculation was correct. We immediately lay down on the defense in the sidewalk and the wheels rolled in the air. But he did not calculate the width of the car and crashed between two trees 20 meters ahead. As we got out of the car, the driver of Niva walked out of a broken window (the door was clogged by a tree) and tried to hit the forest.

to stand! Or I will shoot! - I shouted him in the back and shot in the air (at this moment the relative turned his eyes straight from pleasure, apparently he had long dreamed of doing so, but the opportunity was not provided).

The driver stopped and raised his hands. I ran, slapped him off his legs, laid his face down and put on handcuffs.

Why did you run away, fool? They could have shot!

I drank a little. I met the girls. We went to ride. I was scared that you would take the right. Maybe his wife will find out.

As later turned out, in Niva, two girls with reduced social responsibility were sitting on the back seat.

Go sit with us in the back seat. We can call for help or get stuck.

No, I will not sit!

You sit where I tell you! I answered a bit of the beast.

“Look quietly, Commander, I was very scared when you fired and fought.

When I turned his back, I saw the wet hovering pants behind him.

When he and his partner broke up, they called the PPS.

While the chief and the PPS decided to draft a protocol. I approach our car, and from the rear seat comes the manic, which I was designing when the pursuit began and which we immediately forgot. He just shone!

Men, it’s just to shake! This is just Hollywood! Damn, I am not sorry for my rights. I am glad you stopped me! I will tell my grandchildren how I participated in the pursuit of the shooting! Thanks to you!

In the end, the PPS-Niki was taken. Girls with reduced social responsibility wanted to be taken to the city. In the end, they conspired with the PPS and they took them to their UAZik. The chief sent us to write an explanation on the shooting topic. Local news reports said a few words about the incident.

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №150535
 19.06.2018
I was detained on the passage of my employee in a drunk state before the start of the work shift. The penalty for this dose is one - dismissal.

Immediately on the operative pool brigade came into hysteria:

- You can, come in, talk to the management, he will no longer be.

I was then in the management on a good account, my opinion was taken into account. And he was a good expert, one of the last. It is hard to find such a replacement. I thought and agreed:

I’ll call you now and make an arrangement. I need two names, who of you will be the guardian? If it happens again, I’ll expel all three.

In the end, there was not even one guarantor, they looked at each other and said, "Yes, he must be drunk, and why should I lose my job for him?"



And approximately at the same time - my employee was detained on the passageway with a regular electric light bulb.

Everything went according to the same scenario. Here I announce to everyone:

“The cost of this light bulb is 0.017 percent of his salary. Who is responsible for a colleague?”

And the same people who screamed to me a minute ago - "Anyone can give up, he understood everything, we guarantee him," instantly silenced and gave out:

It is foolish to steal a light bulb with such a salary. What idiot should I say?

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