bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №97693
 10.05.2014
The University. The students entered the audience with the words:

I’m sitting next to the rosette!
No to me!

I thought: what the technical progress has done with us... Earlier the ladies fought for the cavalry, and now - for the roof.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №97692
 10.05.2014
We had a group member - Misha Noskov. We called it, friendly, the Bag of Socks.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №97691
 10.05.2014
I will just leave it here.

From a popular news site:

There has been a rain of fish in Sri Lanka. Video is

Scientists offer to treat HIV with soy sauce

UFO attacks Afghan Taliban

In incitement of war in Syria accused "The Simpsons"

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №97690
 10.05.2014
I will soon grow old and die, and Khrushchev and Stepachev are still young and have new babies.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №97689
 10.05.2014
1: Tonight, at two o’clock, the phone started ringing. I shut down the call. He calls back. I throw. They call again. The number is completely unknown. I could not answer, maybe really. I didn't have time to say a word - there a drunk lady begins to order pizza, rolls, in general, shit, and even with such claims, which was not immediately answered to her superiority, does not listen to anything at all, it's got a man to eat pizza and all. I promised the fool everything I could, that I would come now, a gift from the firm, had to turn off the phone. In the morning I watched more than twenty "unaccepted" calls! And a voice message at seven in the morning that it will never ever order a pizza from me again!
2: I was offended. Sitting you understand the pizza is waiting, split already... And now is the time to work!

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №97688
 10.05.2014
The most common conversations with customers when making a loan:
Please name your date of birth.
The 83rd
Fully please.
One thousand nine hundred eighty-third!

[ + 38 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №97687
 10.05.2014
My mom and I recently went to LeroyMerlin (building hypermarket). There is a logic of the arrangement of the goods inaccessible to the ordinary man, only the chosen can understand; all consultants are dressed equally and stand in the passages with dark and solemn faces. So my mother turned to one of them:
"Dear servant of worship, where are you here?"
I should have seen the counselor’s face. :)

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №97686
 10.05.2014
Loneliness is when you learn that condoms have a shelf life.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №97685
 10.05.2014
Fought with his wife.
I thought now in an insult she would go to bed on the couch or not prepare breakfast tomorrow, well or not swallow my things...And she just removed me from friends in VK and added to the blacklist.
I was not prepared for that.)

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №97684
 10.05.2014
xxxh: Sorry to interrupt, but I can’t help but say how much I liked this phrase of you – “at the beginning of the twelfth evening.” Not the night, but the evening. The whole way of life is characterized.
Wow, the Bohemian one. I just knew you would understand.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №97683
 10.05.2014
Veronica: Sorry, we do not know Baimi.You are interested in the topic of self-development and leading a healthy lifestyle?
Ivan: A moment, I open a beer and we’ll discuss it with you.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №97682
 10.05.2014
Remember I called you to the bar?
See also: AGA
WOW: How did you go?
Leha joked that he would not drink, because once drunk, and he had a girlfriend, and two he will not bear.
I now have two boys...

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №97681
 10.05.2014
I grow grain at home on the window, as if it should already mature, but something is not. I decided to bow down, I encountered in some forum on the question "How much grows the peas". I think, okay, I’m not alone, I’ll find out now. Read the answer: "direct the arrow of the computer mouse to the flower. You will see the inscription with the amount of time left until the full ripening of the peas."
The first thought is NIFIGASSE! Then I realized that I was just back from life...

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №97680
 10.05.2014
Kaiske: I go back to the subway, switch the song in the player, the music does not play temporarily, I hear what is happening around. Behind me, a man with a cloth goes, he is like this: "If I was 25, we would have just drank tea with you. But I’m 35, and... let’s go to me". I could not stand it and quietly stood with myself.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №97679
 10.05.2014
*Commentary to some Guf clip*

MiSt!k: Don’t watch this video, the video is dead, the video is damned! After viewing this video, a phone call will be heard and a map voice will say, “You’ll live for seven days!” It’s like a six-hour, just a day longer!"

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №97678
 10.05.2014
XXX is
Creatively came out
XXX is
Online Olympiad in Latin. There is a big crossword in it that needs to be solved. The words are Latin, but each of them has some meaning in Russian. For example, "Fast Man" is a cursor.
XXX is
And here is the whole crossword, except for one word.
XXX is
Four people struggle over this word for many hours. "Long useless sitting, inaction", 6 letters, third "s"
XXX is
And when the strength is not exhausted, a stupid thought comes to my mind. I pick up old records from the PERL biofakovsky course for geneticists (the Nifiga himself is not a programmer, the Doctor of the Future) and write a program that pulls out the words of 6 letters from any text from the "s" in the third position. I enter the program Russian-Latin dictionary, modify the program so that the words are printed with translation and voila - only 1200 versions need to be viewed. 20 minutes and the answer is found.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №97677
 10.05.2014
...to sit with such eggs dryers is impossible - there is nowhere to put your feet))

I came up with a way to deal with such: you need to draw small hairy letters on the seats, in the places of the supposed intercourse. Then the owner of the elephant eggs, spreading the barks, will make the rest of the passengers laugh.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №97676
 10.05.2014
What brought you to me?
The dog, the doctor.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №97675
 10.05.2014
and nnn:
In primary school, a natural science teacher asked our class what process begins in animals in the spring? The class thought, and I decided to be wise. The fact is that we had a cat and I knew exactly what was happening to him in the spring. In general, I raised my hand and answered "Spring tumbling". The teacher asked me how. Well, I clarified: "This is when the cat begins to want a cat very much in the spring. We even once ran into the basement". Only then I learned that the correct answer was "link"

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №97674
 10.05.2014
I was at a wedding with friends. The witness is a very strange guy, after registration, still in the ZAGS, everyone is offered to drink champagne and congratulate the young, Tamada asks to try the champagne witness and asks: well, how does it taste? He was not confused and said, “You can drink!” The operator has stopped.

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