The University. The students entered the audience with the words:

I’m sitting next to the rosette!
No to me!

I thought: what the technical progress has done with us... Earlier the ladies fought for the cavalry, and now - for the roof.

We had a group member - Misha Noskov. We called it, friendly, the Bag of Socks.

I will just leave it here.

From a popular news site:

There has been a rain of fish in Sri Lanka. Video is

Scientists offer to treat HIV with soy sauce

UFO attacks Afghan Taliban

In incitement of war in Syria accused "The Simpsons"

I will soon grow old and die, and Khrushchev and Stepachev are still young and have new babies.

1: Tonight, at two o’clock, the phone started ringing. I shut down the call. He calls back. I throw. They call again. The number is completely unknown. I could not answer, maybe really. I didn't have time to say a word - there a drunk lady begins to order pizza, rolls, in general, shit, and even with such claims, which was not immediately answered to her superiority, does not listen to anything at all, it's got a man to eat pizza and all. I promised the fool everything I could, that I would come now, a gift from the firm, had to turn off the phone. In the morning I watched more than twenty "unaccepted" calls! And a voice message at seven in the morning that it will never ever order a pizza from me again!
2: I was offended. Sitting you understand the pizza is waiting, split already... And now is the time to work!

The most common conversations with customers when making a loan:
Please name your date of birth.
The 83rd
Fully please.
One thousand nine hundred eighty-third!

My mom and I recently went to LeroyMerlin (building hypermarket). There is a logic of the arrangement of the goods inaccessible to the ordinary man, only the chosen can understand; all consultants are dressed equally and stand in the passages with dark and solemn faces. So my mother turned to one of them:
"Dear servant of worship, where are you here?"
I should have seen the counselor’s face. :)

Loneliness is when you learn that condoms have a shelf life.

Fought with his wife.
I thought now in an insult she would go to bed on the couch or not prepare breakfast tomorrow, well or not swallow my things...And she just removed me from friends in VK and added to the blacklist.
I was not prepared for that.)

xxxh: Sorry to interrupt, but I can’t help but say how much I liked this phrase of you – “at the beginning of the twelfth evening.” Not the night, but the evening. The whole way of life is characterized.
Wow, the Bohemian one. I just knew you would understand.

Veronica: Sorry, we do not know Baimi.You are interested in the topic of self-development and leading a healthy lifestyle?
Ivan: A moment, I open a beer and we’ll discuss it with you.

Remember I called you to the bar?
See also: AGA
WOW: How did you go?
Leha joked that he would not drink, because once drunk, and he had a girlfriend, and two he will not bear.
I now have two boys...

I grow grain at home on the window, as if it should already mature, but something is not. I decided to bow down, I encountered in some forum on the question "How much grows the peas". I think, okay, I’m not alone, I’ll find out now. Read the answer: "direct the arrow of the computer mouse to the flower. You will see the inscription with the amount of time left until the full ripening of the peas."
The first thought is NIFIGASSE! Then I realized that I was just back from life...

Kaiske: I go back to the subway, switch the song in the player, the music does not play temporarily, I hear what is happening around. Behind me, a man with a cloth goes, he is like this: "If I was 25, we would have just drank tea with you. But I’m 35, and... let’s go to me". I could not stand it and quietly stood with myself.

*Commentary to some Guf clip*

MiSt!k: Don’t watch this video, the video is dead, the video is damned! After viewing this video, a phone call will be heard and a map voice will say, “You’ll live for seven days!” It’s like a six-hour, just a day longer!"

XXX is
Creatively came out
XXX is
Online Olympiad in Latin. There is a big crossword in it that needs to be solved. The words are Latin, but each of them has some meaning in Russian. For example, "Fast Man" is a cursor.
XXX is
And here is the whole crossword, except for one word.
XXX is
Four people struggle over this word for many hours. "Long useless sitting, inaction", 6 letters, third "s"
XXX is
And when the strength is not exhausted, a stupid thought comes to my mind. I pick up old records from the PERL biofakovsky course for geneticists (the Nifiga himself is not a programmer, the Doctor of the Future) and write a program that pulls out the words of 6 letters from any text from the "s" in the third position. I enter the program Russian-Latin dictionary, modify the program so that the words are printed with translation and voila - only 1200 versions need to be viewed. 20 minutes and the answer is found.

...to sit with such eggs dryers is impossible - there is nowhere to put your feet))

I came up with a way to deal with such: you need to draw small hairy letters on the seats, in the places of the supposed intercourse. Then the owner of the elephant eggs, spreading the barks, will make the rest of the passengers laugh.

What brought you to me?
The dog, the doctor.

and nnn:
In primary school, a natural science teacher asked our class what process begins in animals in the spring? The class thought, and I decided to be wise. The fact is that we had a cat and I knew exactly what was happening to him in the spring. In general, I raised my hand and answered "Spring tumbling". The teacher asked me how. Well, I clarified: "This is when the cat begins to want a cat very much in the spring. We even once ran into the basement". Only then I learned that the correct answer was "link"

I was at a wedding with friends. The witness is a very strange guy, after registration, still in the ZAGS, everyone is offered to drink champagne and congratulate the young, Tamada asks to try the champagne witness and asks: well, how does it taste? He was not confused and said, “You can drink!” The operator has stopped.