bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №112590
 25.04.2015
I went to the psychotherapist, and he said to me, “And you, my friend, have a personality disorder, here are your pills. As soon as you start to hear the voices, immediately call, others will write you out"
Here is the stop.
This explains a lot :D
HH: This is not the end of the story. I come home, all in trouble, thinking about how I got to such a life. I go to bed and I dream that I am a java app. And I, that is, my consciousness, is an abstract class with a huge bunch of heirs. I look further into the code and see that it is absolutely randomly selected who will "roll". Karoche re-written the code so that at least some logic was in the choice of the steering wheel and that it could be changed at any time.
It seems easier)

Back to Old

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №112589
 25.04.2015
So why aren’t they on dating sites?
___________
Because to die an old lady is not so scary - it is definitely no worse than daily wiping out of all that shit, that on dating sites fly on girls the most active male category there - those for whom the "dating site" is synonymous with "social bordell for the poor of both sexes". I can’t imagine how deprived of self-esteem or how deeply desperate the girls there are.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №112588
 25.04.2015
"Even in families where there are villas and they ride Bentley, you can, unfortunately, find lice"-Onishchenko on the Eche.
Now if I see Bentley on the road, I begin to think, I wonder, does the owner have lice?

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №112587
 25.04.2015
It even became interesting: what do these "time-employed people" do the remaining 11 months of the year?
____________
I wish you never in your life to know how seasonal workers live out of season.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №112586
 25.04.2015
An application to the tech support of the company arrives: "I have a screwdriver on the screen, and it prevents me from working. Do something!"
Well, I’ll go through the remote desk, please show me. Drive somewhere in the center of the screen with the mouse, pointing to an empty place.
"Where do I go?" -"That is where I point out, this is the screwdriver". Well, maybe a glitch of something above all the windows just may not be transmitted in the picture... In general, I walk to the owner of a strange screwdriver.
I take off the monitor and leave. and all.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №112585
 25.04.2015
Count how many people a day you meet when you go from/to work/work, these people can be met. You can go to the internet, there are dating sites, sites on themes, just sites funny.
_____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Do you seriously not notice the semantic difference between the "outgoing person who could have met" and the "familiar"? Well, suppose how many of the encountered on the way from work and to work of the female age obviously not interested in you, how many of the remaining more or less married, how many of the relatively free are already in love and hold someone on the mark, and how many of the units left after the departure of the "gust" and "type" of the already few remaining category will not want to meet on the street with some strange uncle.
Or in your forest on the streets walk exclusively free colorers, who are only waiting for some left guy to favor them with their attention?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №112584
 25.04.2015
Mother settled on the "Game of Thrones". I watched all four seasons in a week. Our little dog is now a lonely wolf. The cat was called Imperfect. Why is? Because it is castrated.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №112583
 25.04.2015
The fucking! has slid.
— — —
I prefer forums for one simple reason. This is my most natural professional deformity. I worked in the press for 15 years. And when I write a message in the chat, I try to write literally. I put the head letters and interpenetration signs, then re-read the message before sending, correct the spelling and style. While I write one message, most interlocutors have time to set five... And if we’re little familiar, I’m often called a brake.
— — —
I'm sorry, but imagine how it feels to write to a corrector and editor with such bits one by one on a brother. Simple work correspondence stretches for hours... and there is no rescue. Even attempts to move to the Albanian do not help - one shit, time is wasted on checking, only now - the conformity of errors. T_T

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №112582
 25.04.2015
What is a total dictatorship?
Regional Yandex news, re-printing the headline of one respected Voronezh newspaper: In Voronezh, a 29-year-old man jumped down from the balcony on the sixth floor.
Go down!! Not upwards, like all normal people, but downwards.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №112581
 25.04.2015
___________
And don’t dream ?
To talk, men have friends.
– – – –
Their wives also have friends. For the "talk"

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №112580
 25.04.2015
XX: I am a 16-year-old girl, if you were a 25-year-old guy, what would you do to me?
YY: housewife

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №112579
 25.04.2015
Are there absolutely no options? I understand the whole thing, of course, but I want to believe that a rotten system can be changed. Here are you, there are others who want everything to be okay.
_________________________
There are, and there are many adequate people, but in the end, everything rests on the bosses who either lie down before the superior, or on the mud, or with Wachter's syndrome. And if you try to roll a barrel on the above, the dicks will be recorded immediately in the American spies, and on your "I demand children of good education" you will be answered "I don't like Russia - you are in the United States". There are many suitable ones, but the hatred is better fixed on its positions.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №112578
 25.04.2015
xxx: read about a guy who spent 30 minutes a day collecting a bag of garbage on the shore, people joined him and eventually the shore was completely cleaned;
Yyy: fine, you can clean around the house like this.
XXX: Aha
And in the scratch we go through every day.
XXX: What about the apartment?
And in the apartment, yes.
Yyy: but it's better not to talk about the garbage bag that we collect there))

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №112577
 25.04.2015
Sometimes a man drowns only because he is not considered a shit.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №112576
 25.04.2015
My wife brought history. I could not share. Such stories are probably not uncommon. My wife is a therapist. From her words: A couple has been visiting me for a couple of years - he is 92, he is 90 this year. Yes, old-age wounds, but thank God, no Alzheimer’s or something like that. They talked. On May 9th we will have two celebrations for Victory plus 70 years of marriage. I was discharged from the hospital for injury at the beginning of May 45, and I met her on the 7th. The day after the victory. I gladly made her an offer. Then they wrote immediately. Seventy years together. And on the 9th, the children took the restaurant, everyone will gather, and children, and grandchildren, and grandchildren.
There was something in that generation. Let the specialists understand this. And I want to raise the ninth bottle separately for those.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №112575
 25.04.2015
What people went?
Hears by the edge of the ear, sees by the edge of the eye, and then thinks by the rest of the brain.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №112574
 25.04.2015
In St. Petersburg, a man under the guise of a police officer in a Mercedes car stole 5 million from a fifteen-year-old resident of Moscow, with whom he met in a cafe.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №112573
 25.04.2015
I thought... The witch girls riding a pony are cavalry.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №112572
 25.04.2015
On Monday I had sex with my wife, on Tuesday - again sex, strange, I thought. the third day in a row sex, I did not know what to think, 3 days in a row, this was only when they started living together. Day 4 again sex, I am in shock, I am tormented by doubts. On the fifth day it came: after sex, I immediately fall to sleep, and she goes to play arhedge calmly, and no one interferes with her, does not occupy the computer. This is female deception!

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №112571
 25.04.2015
Chugaister: At one time, I was worried about Mason, who went to find the missing Eden.
Then, in our village, the lights were turned off for three years.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna