bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №136235
 24.11.2016
The laundry machine broke. Called the Master. He opened it, turned it, looked at it and said that the repair would cost 10,000 rubles. They refused.

The master gathered the tools and left, leaving a few bullets in the drum. Called another. He began to inspect and says that the drums in the drum are not just that. The previous master just removed the management fee, which costs about a dozen, although the size is quite small, i.e. he actually stole.

He suggested that if they do not return the fee, write a statement, but people bought a new machine and do not worry. Be careful with the aircraft.

[ + 65 - ] Comment quote №136234
 24.11.2016
On the road I usually do not stop, and here the young man almost jumped out under my wheels. I had to slow. He asked for a ride. I drove it safely and left. At the parking lot near the house I found this: 1) He stole my wallet; 2) He put it in his bag; 3) He forgot his bag in my car. With my wallet, my wallet and my passport.

[ + 38 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №136233
 24.11.2016
Hello to all, dear Pickups!

A year ago I visited a water park in Kazan. After bathing started gathering and needed to dry the hair with a moisturizer. As always before me was a line of 6 ladies, to one fan and a man 8 to another fan at the other end of the dressing room. What to do, we will have to wait. But suddenly my gaze fell on the fan, which no one uses and there is no turn to it. He hanged on a wall with a fork disconnected from the router. I approach the fan and hear a woman from the neighboring line saying, “And he doesn’t work! The other adds, “Yes, it doesn’t work.” But by connecting the device to power, the fan worked. At that moment, I felt the looks of an "achtighitrajopo".

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №136232
 24.11.2016
The advantage of living on the fifth floor of a five-story house: above you will surely not live any dust, which is loudly melting, constantly moving furniture, knocking something and arranging floods with predictable frequency.
Disadvantage: With a high degree of probability, this dude will be you.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №136231
 24.11.2016
The appetite goes by the price.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №136230
 24.11.2016
This story happened less than a year ago. I had a friend with whom we were close friends for a while. She lived with her parents at the time, and in their home lived an ara parrot. A large and beautiful bird of red-green color, the content of which in complexity resembled the maintenance of a Boeing. The spider was not very speaking, but in a very human language asked for food and sometimes wished for a peaceful night in response. One day, parents leave their daughter with their pet at home, and they go to Turkey for 10 days. A couple of hours after I left, I stood on the threshold of their apartment, and I didn’t plan to leave until the reverse plane’s chassis touched the runway. We lived there all three times. But sooner or later all the good ends, so that at the end of the holiday, all the traces of the stay of the guy were removed from the apartment, whom the parents did not know, and I rushed away in a hurry. And everything would be fine, but a few days later it turned out that my regular communication with the poppy in the evenings was not in vain. The head of the family drank tea, turned off the light in the apartment and on the way to the bedroom decided to say goodbye to the pet.
A peaceful night.
“And you, bird,” answered an unknown man’s voice from the darkness.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №136229
 24.11.2016
- Why for the stolen bag of potatoes in the SIZO, and for the bribe of 2 million dollars - under house arrest?
“Because dollars are not securely secured papers, and the bag is material value.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №136228
 24.11.2016
Read the news about who was chosen by readers and experts of Maxim magazine as the most sexy women of Russia. Looking at the photos, I am not the reader and expert of this magazine.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №136227
 24.11.2016
Suddenly she felt his jeans hardened. "Cold or something more?" - she guessed"...

[ + 25 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №136226
 24.11.2016
>>>>
Tell me, how do you abate lo?
Registration: What is it?
How does he abate lo?
Registration: What is it?
He again: how does Abbott abate?
Registration: I don’t understand you.

Here, looking around, the guy sees the Lightning, which prints something intense, all in itself, works.

He approaches her, stretches out the phone: say "lo".
Lighting off the monitor: what?
He said "lo" say.

The lighthouse takes the telephone and, with an incomprehensible sight, says to it: lo.

Parnisha begins to roast and throws the phone, shouting: duo, you!!!! to
>>>>

This guy is a fool! It should have been "otolaingologist" to speak!

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №136225
 24.11.2016
xxx: I always remember what I did, but I never understand – naphiga?! to

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №136224
 24.11.2016
Yesterday I received a laser instruction.
My cats are very thoughtful now.
I found a way to park.
xxx: stop the point on the door when the cat runs to it and sits down to group for a jump, turn off the hint.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh The car is parked for 20 minutes.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №136223
 24.11.2016
We had a boy at work one, categorically not pronouncing the letter "r". At all, he just didn’t have that letter in the conversation and that’s all. Everyone who has worked with him has long been used to it and has not noticed it. One day, his wife asked to record her to Laura, by phone. He did this from the work phone in the office where we worked, everyone was sitting doing their business, nobody paid attention to him.

calls to:
Tell me, how do you abate lo?
Registration: What is it?
How does he abate lo?
Registration: What is it?
He again: how does Abbott abate?
Registration: I don’t understand you.

Here, looking around, the guy sees the Lightning, which prints something intense, all in itself, works.

He approaches her, stretches out the phone: say "lo".
Lighting off the monitor: what?
He said "lo" say.

The lighthouse takes the telephone and, with an incomprehensible sight, says to it: lo.

Parnisha begins to roast and throws the phone, shouting: duo, you!!!! to

When we all knew what was happening, we walked up the whole floor.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №136222
 24.11.2016
A friend after divorce from his wife and a year of depression invites the girl to a restaurant. The main thing is not to let her know that he has children.

Or order a dessert?
If you want a dessert, eat vegetables first.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №136221
 24.11.2016
As a child, I loved to eat sugar, dumb without anything, ate in large quantities, because of this I often got very bad, I was ripped out, sick, but I still ate it, ate it as the last time... Parents began to hide it, but I found and poured this sugar into bags, and then crushed. Once I found a whole bag of sugar, I was very pleased and started as always to sleep in bags, 20 pieces was shed and hid in the room, well, and on that very day my mom decided to do general cleaning and found all my bags with sugar. It looked like cops found drugs in me. My mom stopped eating sugar.

[ + 36 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №136220
 24.11.2016
Prehistory: Not so long ago I read on Picaba post about the new possibility of customers of the Russian Post to report on the hotline if the line in front of them in the office of more than five people. This is done very simply: it is enough to call 8-800-2005-888, press 6 after the announcement of the menu and enter the index of the department in the tone mode.
So the story itself: I came yesterday to my post office and watched the picture with oil - one operator, 7 people in line. I make a phone call, wait for the operator's commands, enter magical combinations. It takes no more than three minutes, a lady of the size of the postal ZILs flies out of the box with a scream of "who is here, the smartest, they complain", throws out the people who don't understand anything with a terrible look, and then says, to the address of the only operator, "Marine, let's show you something" and takes Marina into the box for 15 minutes...
This system cannot be defeated.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №136219
 24.11.2016
So, you are applying for the position of head of the division in our company. Describe your strengths.
- I can go to my subordinates at lunch and 5 minutes before the end of the working day.
You are accepted!

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №136218
 24.11.2016
They are shit, not Linux.
by
“Not folders, but catalogues” – because there are many catalogues, but you have one folder. Usually by the word "mappings" detect ventuzyatnikov and dualbutchikov, true linuxoids... called "catalogues", and will never miss the chance to correct ignorance.
// is
The usual red-eyed way to get out of your elitism. I saw that kind of penguin on Laura. “Catalogue” is the actual structure of the tree, “mapping” is the structure in the interface. To a virtual directory (for example, referring to a network device) the program can blindly refer to the real and see the files in it, not knowing about its "virtuality", and a virtual folder of the type "remove your computer" can only be seen with your eyes. In one manager it is (Mastday default), in another it is not (Total Commander, Norton, Lightning), because it is virtual. The /dev folder will be in any manager because it is real, although it corresponds to a virtual (AKA “special”) directory. The catalog can be mounted somewhere high in the tree, from this will change the actual structure, there will be a real path to the files. A folder that has made a quick link in the file manager does not change the actual structure of the assembly. The word “mapping” is officially used in the script because it is a file manager. It takes the directories and shows the user the folders. Apparently, the "true" Linux is considered to be the one who screams louder, not the one who co-wrote the penguin axes and their basic envelope.

[ + 31 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №136217
 24.11.2016
I was angry with a 15-year-old student yesterday. I said I was illiterate because it would be "use" and not "use"
XXX is me! Master of Albanian Jazzyka! by Scuco! I went on to the internet and went out :(

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №136216
 24.11.2016
AA: the serpent will now be pulled out for fishing
BB: Oh, after he became a member of our oxana alexevna...

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