bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №122594
 03.01.2016
Top commentary to the trailer of the film "5th Wave":

In all films, aliens are attacking America. Maybe they want to save the world from America?

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №122593
 03.01.2016
Citruska Peskov: the babies are generally quite mysterious, even if it is judged by itself.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №122592
 03.01.2016
...many just like when a girl like a cat - thick, warm and soft...

Heard at work: Now Anka met, goes and carries a large bag of cakes from the dining room. A nice girl, and on diets does not sit, so hungry with her you will not stay, and stick to very eat for what.

Do you sit on diets?
It happens when the money ends (series "Next")

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №122591
 03.01.2016
The dogs,
What do you know about Lego?

by XperiaP59
It hurts to go on.)

[ + 17 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №122590
 03.01.2016
Oh, under the bed, five cyborgs found a racial hole.
xxx: tifu, damn android, fancy for five kg in the sense

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №122589
 03.01.2016
I go on the street today. It is cold, freezing -30C, to meet me, the bomz is wrapped with a buoy. I stopped at the entrance to smoke, and then he became two meters from me. I asked for a cigarette, I gave him one, he turned in his hands, looked at it, knocked something in his nose and smoked. I, by kindness of mind, gathered forty rubles in my pockets, gave it to him and said, go and buy yourself at least Belomora. He took the money and said, “I smoke Kent, son!”)) Unfortunately, in the darkness, his face was not visible. This is what there is in the city of Vorkuta))) Happy New Year, and all of you good guys!!!)

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №122588
 03.01.2016
tayojka: Fuck, on the courtyard on January 1, and the news is as if it was April 1.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №122587
 03.01.2016
This composition of the Blue Light will only stop Death.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №122586
 03.01.2016
The Snow Adventure.

The night. The Metel. The deaf city. An empty taxi enters the station. The tired driver opens the gas tank, turns around to pick up a gun, and suddenly feels someone knocking him on his back. He trembles frightened, turns slowly, and sees that behind his back is a bloated snowman, and beats his head under his shoulder.

Your own mother! The driver is in the heart. Where did it bring you?! to

The Snowman is silent, foolishly smiling and drunk at the wind. The driver takes him for the shirt and goes to the box office.

Take your grandmother, take your grandmother! It will fly! He speaks in the dark window.
What other grandmother? Sleep comes from within.
The inflated! A taxi driver shows a snowman standing next to him.
This is not my grandmother! The operator responds.
Not yours means not yours. The driver says, and the car leaves.
Snowman, rushing to the wind, remains standing in sad loneliness in the middle of an empty gas station.

* * * *
The snow had nothing to do with it. Half an hour ago, he was stunned from the school barrel, where the day before a disorderly storm fixed his pull-up. Thro the day the snowman stood, waving the scroll to the schoolchildren, and at night, when the dwarf rose, crashed from the dwarf and flew. And landed on the nearby gasoline station, scared by his sudden appearance of the midnight taxi driver.

When the taxi left, the abandoned snowman still stood at the box office a little while, as if waiting for the delivery, then another wind pulled him up, lifted him up, and threw him off on the highway, right under the wheels of the passing passenger car. The snowman was hit by a buffer, then the front glass, he flew high to the sky, and disappeared from his eyes in the snow. The girl at the wheel from fear struck the brake pedal into the floor, the car took off, twisted the wolf several times on the icy track, and eventually brought it into the sidewalk bushes. Fortunately, there is no damage to both the driver and the car. For a few seconds the girl sat, recovering, then took the phone, got out of the car, and went back to the scene of the accident. On the way, she called a short number, and when the operator answered, she said:
Hi to you! I just hit a man!
He then named his name and the coordinates of the scene.
Wait to! The operator said, and hanged the phone.
The girl put the phone in her pocket and went to the side in search of the victim. But no matter how much she looked into the empty highway, into the snowy side, she could never find even a hint on the downed pedestrian.

It was not possible to do this, neither the haishniks who arrived soon, nor the ambulances who also arrived on the call. Moreover, a thorough inspection of the almost new car found no traces of impact on it.
Are you sure? At the end of the day, I asked the unfortunate driver.
Do you think I am joking?
Well, is it too little. Maybe you seemed? Sleeping behind the wheel.
I did not sleep! I just don’t know where she came from! She jumped out in front of the car! The girl said and cried. It’s because of stress or because they don’t believe it.
So be calm! Was it a woman?
The girl cried, thought and said.
I am not sure. I thought so. She was in a white coat, you know.

In the meantime, the haishniki helped to push the car out of the cabin, drafted a protocol, and handed it to the girl.
And now what? He asked the.
The hookers shrugged their shoulders.
Well, since the second participant in the incident was not found, there are no claims from our side to you. Take care of the insurance. Please be careful on the road!
An unwanted ambulance left. Gaia’s car has gone. The last, stealing, disappeared from sight a car with a girl driving. Everything fell into the snow again. And the snowman, the unlucky and unidentified culprit of the incident, flew around the surroundings for some time, obeying the winds, and finally landed in the yard of some private house.

* * * *
In the morning, when the butterfly lay down, and the frosty sunshine looked, a tightly wrapped four-year-old carapuse rolled out on the door of the house. Until late in the evening, he and his father were catching the snow. The snowfall was huge, almost with Dad’s growth. They made him a beautiful nose from real carrots, which they asked from a whirling mother, and put a real old cage on the head. And now the baby could not wait to see if anything happened to the snowman overnight. Karapuz slipped from the doorstep, stood for a couple of minutes, tore wide opened eyes into the courtyard, and then shouted "Mommy! “Mommy!” He threw back.

and Mom! Mother!! He cried as he ran into the hallway. The snowman is married!! to
Have you married? My mother asked from the kitchen. Whom did he marry?
On whom, on whom! The child was upset. In the snow naturally.
What other snow? What are you making up, son? Trying to hide his anger, his mother replied.
What am I inventing? Go see yourself!

Destined to breathe, the mother put on her jacket and went out after the baby into the yard. The sight that opened her eyes was worthy of delight. To the strong snow side of yesterday's sneaker, a accurate copy of it was gently pressed. Only smaller growth, and inflatable. Yes, unlike the real snowman, whose face had a harsh masculine expression, the copy happily licked, like the bride on the wedding photo.

Did you not notice anything strange in the yard when you left in the morning? My mom called my dad at work.
“No,” I thought, the father replied. And what happened?
I told you yesterday that you need two snowflakes. Did you say one snowman would be boring?! to
Well she said. and what?
Why do you never listen to me?! to
God, what has happened?! to
- This snowman of yours at night pulled yourself from somewhere inflated grandmother!! to

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №122585
 03.01.2016
My father is afraid of Santa. When Santa comes, I can’t find Daddy.

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №122584
 03.01.2016
There is an active discussion in the group chat.

xxx what do you think?

xxx: I'm stuck with a little on my hands and, especially without an expert opinion, I try not to trample.)

You sit on the couch.
YYY: He’s not badly stimulating :)

[ + 24 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №122583
 03.01.2016
From Chat WOT:
XXX: 150 thousand battles in man! to warm!
Have you ever seen the shit live?

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №122582
 03.01.2016
The project "Eat Like Home!" entered the shortlist of the annual award. O. Bender "Tricks and Cheating" 2015.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №122581
 03.01.2016
Work on January 2. The guard at the entrance is obviously swirling, the smell in the CPC room is such that you want to eat.

I go out. The security guard is trying to check my pass, but it’s very stormy. I observe the acrobatic ethud "to get up from the board without getting up from the board". Then the sick voice tragically pronounces: "Okay, pass. What a fool will go here on holiday if it doesn’t work!".

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №122580
 03.01.2016
Who sees what in this picture?
The serpent that swallowed an elephant.
Zzz: I see the curved hat
www: zzz, you need to read more...

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №122579
 03.01.2016
words of acquaintance. Child 4 to 5 years. Parents include a girland on the tree for the sample.
Diane gives
No shit to yourself, once, two, three... It burned.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №122578
 03.01.2016
Caller: Why did you cry?
Ann_ba: Yes, I watched the movie
Ann_ba: Worried about the heroes, but they finally kissed there and it all became a tip-top
Ann_ba is banal
Caller: Well, how to say, banal... to whom how =)
caller: How is it called?
Ann_ba: The Gorbatha Mountain
caller: 0 0

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №122577
 03.01.2016
The Dokian:

...many just like when a girl like a cat - thick, warm and soft...

Heard at work: Now Anka met, goes and carries a large bag of cakes from the dining room. A nice girl, and on diets does not sit, so hungry with her you will not stay, and stick to very eat for what.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №122576
 02.01.2016
(Discussions about romance
XHH: By the way, skin is all romantic nonsense. It is hot, sweaty and "bites" in the most delicate places. The naked skin.
yyy: Individually bite the skins of unkilled animals

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №122575
 02.01.2016
Does anyone seriously believe that women make beauty for men’s sake? Grandmothers do this to humiliate other grandmothers, this has long been known. · ·

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