bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 29 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №156403
 08.06.2021
I have a acquaintance. He has been married to a woman for 15 years. She has a son from her first marriage, no children together. Her son got married this weekend. My acquaintance a week before the wedding, on this occasion, asked for work, helped with the organization of the wedding, drove, negotiated, destroyed, helped with money.

I meet him today and ask him how it went.

I don’t know, I wasn’t invited.

...??? to

The man said I was no one for him.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №156402
 07.06.2021
xxx: told by a bank employee.

She came to them madam of deep retirement age and stated that she would file for them in court.

It turns out, after hearing in the media about the abductions from plastic cards, she didn’t come up with anything better than to make a hole in the corner of the card and put a strong thread into it. You wear your medal on your chest. Everything would be nothing, but she decided to get the money without taking it off her neck. The ATM pulled her card, and the grandmother stepped her nose into the screen. The keyboard is not visible, began to enter the PIN code on the touch. The first attempt... - the code is wrong, the second attempt... - the same. The line at the ATM offers help and asks to name the PIN code out loud. But not! “Don’t tell anyone...not even a bank employee! I am myself!” The third attempt failed again. And when this happens, in the ATM such a card is pulled even deeper into a separate compartment. She began to press her neck. Nite is strong. Those around them have neither scissors nor a knife... Fortunately, one man was not confused and knocked away his grandmother in the mess.



Fuck you are the master of unexpected endings!

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №156401
 07.06.2021
Created in Cyberpunk 2077 a girl with a member, anticipating how many funny situations can be

Conclusion: It is never mentioned. Moreover, in bed scenes fuck me :(



YYY: And in the game?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №156400
 07.06.2021
Workers usually retire a little earlier - due to disability.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №156399
 07.06.2021
The Introvert. I am often tired of people, and I need time to be alone. I started dating a girl. After some time, they began to live together in a single-room apartment (until the finances do not allow more). I came home and there was a surprise. The girl made a cozy room from the warehouse for a few days so that I could be alone for a while, even when she was home. I think I will soon get married.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №156398
 07.06.2021
Diaspora - in translation from the ancient Greek, "sophisticated, little useful skilled, not recognizing local laws and sharply imposing their primitive customs on the local population, longing for their historical homeland in the economic ass, but preferring to do it from a distance." Why is the ancient Greek language still laconic and emoticon...

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №156397
 07.06.2021
In the glorious ancient prehistoric times, or more precisely in 2017, my husband and I traveled by bicycle through Andalusia (for LL - the area in Spain).

And here, in the area of Gibraltar, we are twisting on a not very steep, but very long rise, (this is also called a "pull", either because it stretches for a long time, or because it pulls all the veins out of you). The air temperature (which is important) is slightly below +30C.

We meet an old man, too. He stopped, began to say something, to move his hands. It points to my chest, it hugs itself by the shoulders and depicts that it trembles. My husband and I are building versions, one of which is sloppy, the other is rugged. The old man shrugged his hand, pulled out the bag, broke it into two pieces, one gave to his husband, the other to me. And it shows that, he says, we need to get underneath the moths. Thirty on the street, remember?) is

Well, they didn’t argue, he went away, took the bags, gave him a bag with a mattress – we always buy on trips. We went to the top and there was a wind! As it turned out later, in Gibraltar some hellish rose of winds, and cyclists try to avoid this place. And here began a long long descent... In my ears whispered, my fingers were fastened to the brake, and only the bag under the trunk saved me from blowing through.

Forgive me, my dear grandfather, for thinking bad about you.)

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №156396
 06.06.2021
Xxx: A familiar twin daughter is under four years old, very shabby and not developed by years. On the walk, they used a wooden hill designed for winter skating, although their mother warned them that it was full. Of course, one instantly caught the stitch in a soft place. Not even a hose, but a slice of a centimeter long.

Mom is not used to, she has a traveling pharmacy box with her for all unexpected cases. She got the pincet and peroxide, dropped it from the affected pants, pulled the speck. After the operation, she raised her eyes and saw the second daughter, who stood in front of them, shaking her mouth, completely white.

“Mommy,” said the girl shocked, “are you the one who pulled her shilo out of her ass?”

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №156395
 06.06.2021
It is time for everyone to understand: law enforcement agencies protect the law, not some citizens there.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №156394
 06.06.2021
A familiar twin daughter is not a full four years old, very shy and not developed by years. On the walk, they used a wooden hill designed for winter skating, although their mother warned them that it was full. Of course, one instantly caught the stitch in a soft place. Not even a hose, but a slice of a centimeter long.

Mom is not used to, she has a traveling pharmacy box with her for all unexpected cases. She got the pincet and peroxide, dropped it from the affected pants, pulled the speck. After the operation, she raised her eyes and saw the second daughter, who stood in front of them, shaking her mouth, completely white.
“Mommy,” said the girl shocked, “are you the one who pulled her shilo out of her ass?”

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №156393
 06.06.2021
What is strange. We have an absolutely unstoppable hockey player in the country. He scores 8-10 shots per game. The defence and goalkeeper of the opponent when he sees him in the real sense of the word are thrown down.
Why doesn’t he play for the team?! to

[ + 33 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №156392
 05.06.2021
It seems to us that the mosquito feeds disgustingly. And from his point of view, it is a silent scream that should paralyze the victim.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №156391
 05.06.2021
My mom has puppies at work, and she regularly makes them cakes. A few days ago, I confused the usual snack with a dog. My mom cooked better than I did :)

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №156390
 05.06.2021
I work as an educator in a youth group. Five years of pedagogical institute is nothing compared to two volumes on the training of dogs of different breeds. This is what really helps in the work.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №156389
 04.06.2021
We have a shop in the area. The “Last Hope Shop”. If I go 400-500 meters to Magnit, 5ki, etc., then I run there. The range: from brewed beer with snacks, to candy and sausages.

Owners (and sellers) always go with dissatisfied fucking. I come and talk on the phone, telling you what cigarettes you need. The seller takes the package I need - I show the card, say payment with the card. The seller stands. I agreed and put the phone.

In our store, it is forbidden to talk on the phone.

In the sense? I called the cigarettes. Pay by card. What is the problem?

I do not like your voice.

I don’t like my voice, you can listen to it. Yes, you probably better shut down if the buyers annoy you.

We are being pushed out by large networks.

- So they press out, because you have a higher price in the store, and you can close the store at any time and hang a sign that you will be in 1-2 hours, plus this to you, as you do not go to the store, then you are the spouse, always unhappy go.

We are unhappy because there is no revenue.

It is unpleasant to come to you.

No is! Large networks are leaving us! And in general – you can not come to our store: we will not sell you anything!



First I wanted to write to Rospotrebnadzor that they say they refuse to serve, and then I think: And get me to go to this store and make profits for idiots.

[ by

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №156388
 04.06.2021
Xxx: As a child, I often dreamed before going to bed, then I worked some scenes with those I was in love with, then I saved my school from terrorists (after the tragedy in Beslan). Then somewhere took many millions and built her cottage village and settled there only those she respected in life and all bought Ford Focus Si Max (just came out, saw the advertisement). In general, the dream cries before sleeping constantly. You lie down and think of something real like tomorrow at work to finish things faster and go to the city for food. by Tifou.



Yyy: I often dream lately that I will become the Incarnation of Evil, Anti-Christ and Ruler of All Earth)) I will have steep castles everywhere, where the most beautiful and best women of the world will lie and I will fertilize them and travel everywhere and fertilize everyone))) I will be built steep temples and everything else)) And also, even in space space will be built space palaces, and I will even have steep space ships and everything else, and all of humanity will be my personal property))) And then I will adolescent and all the fantasies go out of my head and I go to bed)))



Zzz: This is how ordinary masturbation saves all of us from enslavement by the Antichrist. and Amen.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №156387
 04.06.2021
The state, even when it embraces you, holds your hands in your pockets.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №156386
 04.06.2021
Message from the terrorist.
Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu received a mail from Hamas leader
During the recent ceasefire, the Palestinian leader of Hamas, Khaled Mashal, sent a “gift”... (in fact, it was a gesture of hatred and contempt for Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu). It was a box of notes. After the box was checked for safety reasons, Netanyahu opened it and saw that the contents of the box were cows. He opened an accompanying note in which Khaled Mashal wrote in Arabic, “To you and all of you respected Zionists.”
Mr. Netanyahu, who is very good at speaking Arabic, thought and decided to respond with reciprocity. He immediately sent the Hamas leader an equally beautiful package also containing a personal note.
Mr. Mashal and other leaders of Hamas were surprised that they received the response package so quickly and, having carefully checked it, as well as suspecting it could contain a bomb, they uncovered it.
But to their surprise, they did not see what they could logically expect. The shipment was a tiny chip - a chip capable of being charged with solar energy, with a memory of 1.8 terabytes, which could produce 3D hologram images on the display and could function in a cell phone, tablet or laptop, which represented a sample of the world's most advanced technology.
A tiny label on the chip read: “Invented and manufactured in Israel.”
In a note, Prime Minister Netanyahu personally wrote in Arabic, Hebrew, French and English:
“Every leader of a nation must show the world the best that its people can produce.”

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №156385
 04.06.2021
Now you need to get a license for educational activities. That is, to educate people that the Earth is round, a license is needed, and to carry the nonsense that the Earth is flat - not.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №156384
 04.06.2021
A friend jumped with a parachute. The instructor said, “The feet together! Imagine: between the knees – one hundred euros, and between the legs – one hundred euros. My legs were broken and I gave the money to the doctor.

As it is obvious.)



YYY: It looks like one of my former acquaintances had a similar instruction. My legs didn't break up at all - Jaden



Zzzz: I probably didn’t want to go to the doctor after you.

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