My husband is sick, I’m at work, I’m at home. At the end of the working day comes the SMS "Zay, you are a professional in this business, help! What to do when there is nothing to do? *" (sitting at home for six months)

Here is the funniest spam:

You have no one to drink with? Do you miss it? Do you need a drink with your guest?
I will come and drink with you for 3000 rubles (for a day) + your drinks.
I will come to any area of Moscow and Moscow suburb.
We can swallow all day.
I will support any company, fun, adequate, know enough in good fun.
My name is Sergey, I am 37 years old, I live in Moscow on Shkelkovskaya.
Call by phone: 8 916 284 59 37

Good luck in your difficult business! and :)

Interesting fact: One of the high schools in the suburbs of Chicago wanted to collect donations for the local cultural center. Two students persuaded the school administration to resort to "torture": put on the school radio on the shifts Justin Bieber's song "Baby" for a week in a row or until donations of $ 1,000 are collected. Three days later, the necessary amount was collected. The maniacs will grow up. This is beyond good and evil. Although in this way, success can be boosted. Either mass suicides will begin, or the success will grow.

The car was bought by my uncle from the court service. It was the sixth car I sold, but it was the first time. He came to see the car, he liked it, and said:"Okay, I take it". And took it. I took the car and the PTS and plastic. Left the money. The next day I brought all the documents - the purchase / sale contract, the fact that the car was removed from the record, tax papers. And you complain about the bureaucracy... What to fear.

At the Technical Support Department:
XXX: What will be the killing of a man?
Tagged: landing
What about killing a user?

So much nonsense in the databases I have not even heard from my classmates... It would be funny if it wasn’t so sad.

Although not, it is still funny - my colleague all the "exam" with Facebook was sitting, I barely restrained myself so that I also didn't do it and didn't roast))

The Day of Knowledge)

* * * *

Why is it between the tables?
To get the store out.
Where do you shop?
Select the name of the product, the price of the product, the quantity.
Where is the shop?
- Well, it's okay, you need to remove the strap - it's superfluous here

* * * *

Did you do these tasks yourself?
- Yes
How many tasks are there?
and eight
That is to say, having completed eight tasks on your own, you haven’t remembered how you wrote where? Are you serious?

You have already heard about "All men need virgins!"No one needs them! Only Morocco is one: he himself does not know what he wants and whether he wants at all, and you, as a normal man, the responsibility of a car and a small cart, so as not to say: "All the goat men!" The class, when taught by experience and untrained, then it's all in shit!

Dialogue with a member of my team:
- Anton, you can sometimes be distracted, you're not too busy?
To be honest, I have nothing to do right now.
and clearly. Then I will not distract you - enjoy it!

The lamp does not burn.
The calendar lies.
On the bank account is 1 ruble.

He asked Arthem how to differentiate between two twins. He says they are different and that I immediately see a person who hasn’t dealt with two mops.

Today made documents in the immigration, a young girl receives an inspector. I lay down the papers, give some, take others and ask:
How many do you work today?
And I see how she is pale, then the red does not find anything to say, I slightly clarify:
Will I be able to report to the commission today?
She was directly offended...

At the dacha.
He didn’t load and lied.
He hanged and cried hard.
Mangal

Miguel: The Rosselkhoznadzor, in the course of unplanned inspections of the stores of three food chains "Ashan", Selgros and "Olivier", found in meat semi-fabricates intestinal stick, listeria and salmonella.
Miguel: AIDS, syphilis and cholera
Miguel: plague, sickle and eggs of the ce-ce fly
Miguel: larvae of malaria mosquitoes, poliomyelitis ticks and longnose tick
Miguel: And all why?
Miguel: because from the unspiritual West even pathogenic creatures flee closer to Russian spirituality

here here :

xxxh: I saw a lot of interesting in the process of finding a job, but when in the section of "Jurisprudence" the only job is " office cleaner", I begin to doubt that I have chosen the right path.

I once saw the vacancy "Driver of the concrete mixer" in the section "Sphere of entertainment"...)

There was once a shop near us with vegetation and all kinds of garden crafts under the simple name "Garden Center". He had a neon sign with a palm. Years went by, the entropy did not sleep, the leaves of the palm first burned on the sign, and then the letters in the name. It resulted in a night decoration worthy of the red light area.

If you had time on the train...
WOW: And the saucers?Laughing (laughing) Laughing

Today I saw live how the budget is drawn on the example of a kindergarten. She turned the pile into the pipe and pushed into the anus of the tick-tickers, although it was left behind the frame.

XHH: You are aware of one soft headset position 179 more than is drawn on the plan.
Wu: the administration asked for three, but in terms of space only two was enough in the reception and method cabinet
Wow: but it's okay, I wrote in the leaflet that one headset to be considered as a spare and stored in the warehouse
XX: Next to two unnecessary positions of the doll theater and three additional positions of the doll theater from our previous conversation? I’m afraid it’s time for you to expand your warehouse if that goes on...

July: Interesting state - to drink alone on your birthday! experiment in the middle)
Where are the guests?
Sergey: By the way, a good phrase - "drink on birthday") Someone drinks in saliva, someone in meat, and someone - on birthday)

Night service in the office.

I went straight through the corridor and crashed into the iron box of the storage chambers, which stands near the entrance to the household goods.
It is dark and there is a lot of noise.
The corridor is fully illuminated, I just walked and just crashed.
I still constantly knock my shoulder at the door to my own room, where I have been living for 5 years.
I have lived in my room somewhere since 98 years, and in an apartment from birth, but I still crash sometimes in everything in a row)))
Zzzz: Gather an army like you
Zzzz: You will destroy anyone.

Every citizen constantly feels the caring hand of the native state in his pocket.