“Since I got married, I started to feel like my wife was a cat.
YYY: What is it?
I wake up in the morning with my hair in my mouth; I sit down for dinner with my hair in my food; I go to the bathroom with my hair everywhere.

The Moscow Metro. I stand on the platform, I observe the picture: a train approaches, a couple sits in the wagon, a man (M) stands up and goes to the exit of the wagon. The woman, stuck in the phone, did not notice that the satellite has gone out, continues to sit. A man goes out on the platform, walks a few meters, turns around and sees that the woman has not come out, he runs back to the door of the car in panic:
Natasha, Natasha is Natasha!
The woman raises her eyes from the phone, breaks up and runs to the exit. The door closes, a man and a woman meet through the closed door of the car.
You are going to go, Natasha.
The train goes into the tunnel, a man goes out of the station. The curtain.

Happy New Year, Comrades of Belarus! And did you know that you can now enter pedagogical universities without exams, by interview, if after 5 years you agree to work in school? In short, there are no brains, but you stick, health and good mood.

This happened at the Christmas market.



I walked with my wife in rows. My wife went into one of the tents.

I approached her from behind, looking through my shoulder.

I see, he looks at the strawberries on the counter. I cooked a lot of cake at home yesterday. I take her by the hand, take her out of the counter and tell her.

As long as we don’t eat cookies, no sausages!



I drove three meters away until I realized that the wife was not mine!! to



Then she laughed for a long time with her husband (who went ahead) and my wife, who followed.

zzz: In general, the defendant claimed that during the drunkenness, friends said, “Now we’re going to beat you” and for some reason attacked you. I had to get a knife and cut them all.
XXX: What about the second episode?
Zzz: There he drank with his friends, fell asleep, and woke up from the fact that his friends woke him up and said, “We’re going to beat you.” You know, self-defense, a knife, two bodies.
xxx is. He is probably a fucker.

So, in the pros and cons "home-store",whether it’s peelmen, milk,what else there – I’ve uncovered,earth-to-everyone.Somebody,be so kind,explain – laugh WHERE?

This happened when my oldest daughter went to second grade. My parents decided to organize a holiday for the children on September 1 and took them to the night club "Storm" in the afternoon. Thus e. In the evening and night it was a night club, and in the day it could be rented for birthdays and all kinds of holidays.
We approach the entrance with our wife and child, and there everything is as appropriate, a guard at the post and a girl-administrator to take us to our seats. And while we tell who we are, the child reads the inscriptions on the door loudly. And one of them was: "Drug entry is prohibited". He turns to us and asks so loudly, “Mom, Dad, have we taken our drugs?” The guard rattled as if he wanted to get a shocker and immediately apply it to us. My wife froze confused. My eye was delayed. The girl, the administrator from the whistleblower, slipped on the wall and only the child turned her head and could not understand what she said.
They let us red from shame. And the first thing my wife asked other mothers who were upset by this: "And how are you doing with drugs here?"

x: I put a cake to tea, there was a contextual advertisement for the sale of women's clothes XL :(
y: All XL steel at work
Happy New Year, with new size!and ;)

Smoking may also be prohibited in the home if there are persons opposed to nicotine use in their presence.

I think the standard reaction will be: "I'll write off, you'll say your opinion on the street"
In other words: what fucking thing? Are you crazy there?

Eaten on the Internet

Bringing the cat home, she stuck under the battery behind the curtain and stayed there until morning. On the evening of coming from work the next day, the cat began to whisper at me and tried to throw away.

That was the time when I was still in kindergarten.

And when my parents and I were at my grandmother’s house, and every time I went to the toilet, the grandmother stood up near the toilet door and began to pronounce “writing-writing” and so on until the end of my urination and when I went out, she asked, “Well, what’s okay with writing?”

My father saw it and tried to tell my grandmother that I was grown up enough and could go to the toilet without the support of my grandmother.

But of course, my grandmother didn’t get to it and she continued to do it.

And once again sitting with my grandmother, my father again sees this picture of a "writing" grandmother standing at the door and says nothing to her, and I was surprised.

But he was silent, he waited until his grandmother went to the toilet, stood up at the door and began to say, "writing-writing-writing", and so until the grandmother came out of the toilet. Grandma comes out of the bathroom with an expression of her face, which I can never express in words, but I will never forget.

And the father with an absolutely serious expression of the face says, "Well, that's normal."

In this way he quickly learnt her to do "writing".

Many decent scientists do not believe in God. S. Hawking, for example, that does not prevent him from being a great scientist... The conclusion – belief in God does not move science forward in any way, but remains a personal affair of everyone... And Hindus, for example, believe in many gods) that does not prevent them from being outstanding mathematicians.

YYY:...and programmers

After the holidays*
Canakau: hacked the account?
The Diamond: No Not broken up! My account has not been hacked! Requests for money, insults and shitty comments were really written by me!

Has your account been hacked?

No is! Not broken up! My account has not been hacked! Requests for money, insults and shitty comments were really written by me!

Births in cats, lions, tigers and all cats, as well as in sheep and goats, and also, strangely enough, in rabbits and even in whites, are called corns.
Why - I don't know, apparently, because it's easier than to come up with all kinds of words such as worship, worship and the like.
Although for sheep in Ushakov's dictionary there is an option - lamb.
And for rabbits, I heard the option - okrol.
But both of these words are used much less often than the traditional corner.

US Embassy in Moscow suspended visas due to water supply problems

The comments:

The Russian hackers broke into the sewer.

To warm up is to become a bad vegetable.

A discussion of the 2017 film of the 1960s: Atomic trains, weather control stations, photonic starfighters, and so on.
The commentary:
These were expectations. But here is the reality: "January 3, 2017: an inhabitant of Yakutia blinded a giant cock from the dew."

When it was -30 in Moscow, American diplomats asked Putin to expel them from Russia.

Here is a quote...

> because no one knows what the mysterious species mushrooms collected along the highway consist of.

It is a sin not to quote:

lll> We call these "sumziks". Middle Ural Medeplavil Plant. Plus the sufixes.
nnn> This is great. The mushrooms are even cooler than the berries I ate in a meter from the eight-lane highway. I called these berries “Tetraethylfighter.”