bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 126 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №22338
 10.11.2009
I am in shock. Looking for material for the report. I found it in Google. passed by the first reference. I went to the website and there was a book. A whole book on the subject. on my subject. Click on "Read the book". I get the entire text. Text of the whole book. Books on my subject. Here is the text, Berry. and free. No need to increase the member. SMS messages cannot be read. You just take and download the book. I am in total shock.

[ + 55 - ] Comment quote №22337
 10.11.2009
From DC++:
[17:04:28] <BORODA> day of parade
[17:04:45] <BORODA> has a movie in whom
[17:06:20] <Feanor> I guess why you didn’t find it in your search ))

[ + 105 - ] Comment quote №22336
 10.11.2009
I’m talking to a friend’s brother (a boy 6 years old).
I: How nice you are!
He: It was simple.
I : What?
He is pretending. I am actually a dirty smelly creature.

[ + 96 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №22335
 10.11.2009
C from the forum:
We live on the outskirts - two "front" houses of a new microry. Well, it should have been like that, according to the general plan of the USSR. Only since the moment of collapse - nothing new was built - the area is hopeless. Therefore, we have two lines - five-story panels standing next to each other, but separated from the rest of the city by a strip of "nothing land".
Here is. In the neighboring house lives an unidentified rap lover. He does not listen loud enough to understand where, but enough to hear. Noise prevents sleep. Monday (already), hour of night, characteristic rhythms "music". The noise of the window opening, the scream of my neighbor (flag-radio technician, 34 years old, the voice stops the tanks):
Make the sound quieter.
No response in 5 minutes. The same neighbor:
Sorry, the good people.
And there came the sound. Clean, clear, no noise and whisper, as is usually the case on cheap systems. Military Polonese of Chopin. The rapper tried to portray something with his whisperer, but then the neighbor added and I realized that before that there was not a sound, but a sound. When Frederick’s wonderful composition ended, it became quiet. I heard the snow falling.

[ + 102 - ] Comment quote №22334
 10.11.2009
My floor in the kitchen. Specifically, I scratch out especially prominent fragments. Varka is interested, to such an extent that he is about to fall on his legs in the shattered, but not yet washed shame. I try to push her away, in a harsh tone:
- "Please be careful!"
Zero of attention. by :
"Who did you say it to?and "
Also also. What to do? And here I recall the recent visits of my nephew... the Holkin family... and I launch heavy artillery – I open my arms and give in a joyful tone:
- "Thanks to you!"
The crust is dematerialized at such a rate that even the glowing feathers are not visible )))))))))
Noah is a reflex!

[ + 68 - ] Comment quote №22333
 10.11.2009
I sit in the office, listen to the radio.
Irina: "Anya, Katya and Yulia greet their ex-husbands and ask to put a song for them "Bring Me the Eagle."

[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №22332
 10.11.2009
The xxx:
Sasha waited for 40 minutes at the entrance yesterday.
The xxx:
Confessed in love.
The xxx:
This is his first time like this.
YYYY :
What did you say?
The xxx:
I smell of garlic from my mouth.

[ + 130 - ] Comment quote №22331
 10.11.2009
I work in an ambulance. I get out of the call, fucked that shit, - only 2 nights, and I have already done two daily norms of trains, - unbarred, I want to sleep. I stood in the car and smoked. There are two dates of Aborigines. One approaches me and asks:
What about the swine flu?
I look him in the eyes and say quietly:
The fucking...
I see, the Aboriginal squeezed and I continue in the same tone:
- We have no time to take out the corpses... The SES people lack an apartment to disinfect... They say soon the Emergency Ministry will be connected... They have some kind of fireworks...
I throw out the bull, sit in the car and leave.
So let’s know who is making the rumors.

[ + 72 - ] Comment quote №22330
 10.11.2009
Thoughts written with grammar errors cannot be perceived as intelligent.

[ + 39 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №22329
 10.11.2009
They drank in communion. Spontaneously, so simply, without a reason.
Although, on the other hand, if a tough week is behind, two weekends ahead, and there is vodka – what else is the reason? Moreover, it happened that vodka was at least poured, and to eat - well, at least a ball. Strangely enough, this ridiculous disproportion happened to us much more often than the opposite. Even in the time of the total struggle against drunkenness, of which we are talking. Well here. A night from Friday to Saturday, a bargain, a sea of vodka, six young hungry men, and two iris. Something I want! Where to get food? Or a bread? The last gastronome in the city closed at ten. If, for example, for vodka, you can also fly to a restaurant. But for food?
It will not even come to mind.

Meanwhile, good, good food was very nearby, even within visibility, on the balcony below. There she kept pellets, which she made for sale, Liba Samogon.

The first six floors of our factory compartment, a typical nine-storey, were inhabited by "family", those who had been waiting for the line for the apartment for years. The top three are young people like us. At the same time, in addition to the workers of the factory, in some way the most varied other wreckage was wrapped up in the community.
For example, the room on the third floor was occupied by the venue, Vitya Lunohod.
The nickname Lunohod he was given for suffering from sleep disorders, and from insomnia every night made circumnavigation of his site. In connection with this, by the way, street crime on his site was miserable, and Vitya was on a good account with the chief.
Sergey Grigoryan, by the name of Atavism, lived with his wife on the fifth. He was the only spouse from our company, he never worked anywhere, he was a farcer, and he provided us with no problems in the difficult moments of total cashlessness. We, in turn, often hid him in our closet from the heavy hand of Wally’s wife, with us he kept a hood and what things.
Well, on the sixth, right below us, lived a young grandmother, a widow with minor twins, Luba Samogon.

She knew the whole area. When she was left alone with two breastfed children without her husband, the mother-in-law who lived in the village came up with her business to survive. In his village, he drove a self-driving car on an industrial scale, brought flags, and Luba poured into a tank and traded. Since she had no other sources of existence, Vitya Lunohod looked at this matter through her fingers. However, soon the times came to be harsh, the trade of the sameon had to be overturned, and the name was attached and remained. A swirling swirling without a hint invented Love a new business. He brought meat and flour from the village.
Love wrapped pellets for sale. Pelmeni, universal hostel food, and even homemade, of normal meat, at the price of shops from do not understand what, flew in Love only give. The twins, barely grown up, began to actively help Lube, why the buyers came across in the palms, then on the coin, then on the hook, then on the button, then on the small details of the children's designer. But they did not complain, but laughed and spoke.
In the winter, when there were no problems with storage, Luba made palms with a large stock, packed a kilogram in cellophane bags, frozen and stored on a common balcony.

We were constant and trusted buyers at Lubani, and if she was not at home, they could freely take the goods without demand, in debt. To do this, it was enough to get into the common hall of the family section, from where the door led to the balcony. Anytime, but not at night. After hitting the family section at night with such a request, you could only count on hitting a bowl on the bowl. We knew this, but after every drop, going out to smoke, we still unwittingly stepped up with a hungry gaze in the product's deck on the floor below.
Oh shit to fuck! The eye does not have a tooth.
How to get? Just close up somehow...
Spinning would... or at least a cat.
And Oleg said.
The shout! So is Musk!

The young cat Muska appeared in our room unknown where six months ago. Just one day she entered the open door, looked, smelled, and remained alive. Why did she choose us? Fig knows it. With food we had an eternal tension, nobody was especially touched by her, could and whispered if confused under her feet. I don’t understand, much shorter. But she survived and survived. She loved to sleep with a glomerule on someone's pillow, when trying to remove it, she had a wicked habit of clinging to the carpet with all four legs and finally separating it could only be firmly leaned into the pillow with her leg.
Apparently this was her property and Oleg remembered it.
And what? Every pillow weighs more than a pencil.

Binded two shards. (Then, remember, there were just three-kilometer shirts in fashion that were wrapped eighteen times around the neck and still wrapped on the ground?) At one end, Muska was carefully tied under the stomach. Tested on a pillow. The pillow was fastened immediately and securely. But whether she will be able to carry a kilogram of peelings over the abyss, it could only be established on the spot. And six lobothrushes with one cat's forearm came out in the night. The operator of the lifting mechanism was appointed Oleg. We stood on the insurer and sinked, hanging across the fence. No one really expected the outcome. So, wild entertainment of drunk old idiots. Oleg cautiously dropped the cat outside, stepped it up to the sixth floor level, and, slightly swinging, dropped it down precisely on the package of pelletry!

Muska, feeling the support under her legs, did not deceive expectations and disciplined her nails into the bag, clinging to the slippery surface as for life. Oleg slightly supported the shell, making the cat hold stronger, and began to carefully choose. We are stunned! The cat slipped over the fence, and hanged slightly swinging along with the bag over the abyss. We stopped breathing. So we wanted pellets that the saliva dropped from the balcony. Oleg was only left to carefully and quickly digest the end when the unexpected happened.

Someone whispered “Shuher! The moonwalker!", but everybody has already seen how the corner of the house appeared. He traditionally completed the night watch by walking around the perimeter of the community. All are frozen. Vitya walked slowly under the balconies and, fortunately, did not look up. But at the moment when we already decided what happened, at the moment when Vitya just equaled us, Muska released the package. Afraid of prosecution?
Decided to take revenge? She knows these cats. Anyway, a kilogram of peelmen in the night’s silence of the shursh smoothly flew down.

He collapsed right in front of the nose of the area, arousing the air with a pleasant frosty knock. The package exploded, and the peelmen sprinkled Vite under his feet. He was stunned by surprise. We went off and frozen too. However, instead of looking up, the Lunar Horse bended and began to study the contents under his feet. It saved us. Someone whispered “Atas!” and broke out of the balcony. And then Oleg, either getting rid of the evidence, or submitting to general panic, took and let go of the shirt.

The district was just in the position of a semi-low start when our cat fell gently on his back, accompanied by a long faul.
The district cried and cried. The cat jumped, and cleverly jumped over the head of the moonwalker, stumbled away, wiping out the shells. What the district man felt, watching how a multi-colored tape quickly leaps from him in the snow, we never knew. But exactly ten minutes later, he stood on the threshold of our room with a layer of thoughtfulness on his face. We were tense.
Do you guys not sleep? Drinking what?
Comrade Captain, drink the sea! Oleg was pleased. - Other
We have nothing to eat at all! There is no bread!
We will fix it! - said Moonhood, estimating the number of uninvited
Drinking bottles and wiping hands. Would you be pellets? Pellets in me.
The refrigerator, the house, the love of the house.

While the Lunochod was walking after the pelletry, while someone was thrown into the kitchen to put water, I went down, went out and quietly called Muska. She immediately jumped out of the corner and jumped on her arms, kicking her tail. No shorts, of course, there was no more with her.

Then we sat at the table, joked, drank vodka, and walked, squeezing and burning, cooking hot peelings from a common larger bowl.
Vitya, loading a glass into himself, was still thoughtfully sitting a little by the side.
And then Muska, who had already recovered from stress and used to rotate under her feet, approached him, wrapped up her pants with lamps, blinked, jumped on her knees, rolled up with a glomerule and murmured.
and hm! A cat will not go to a bad man. One of us wiped out.
And yes! Strange animals these cats. Thoughtfully extended the area.
He held a wide hand on Musske’s back, and suddenly said. The boys,
Why do you need a cat? You have nothing to eat anyway. Let me take her?
It was unexpected. On the one hand, the cat seemed to be of no importance to us. On the other hand, how could we give her if it was not our cat at all? He just came and lived. by itself. And then Oleg, as the oldest, chewed the peel and said joyfully:
“You know, Captain, let it go. When you go, bring her with you. if
Take it – take it. If not, she will flee from you to us.
will return.
Well, then on the bag! Or it is too late.
Vitya looked at the clock, carefully twisted the pouch, smelled the crust, gently dropped the cat to the floor, and went to the door.

He did not even call her. Muska stood a whisper, sneered, and struck the trail.
Only at the threshold looked around, looked at us with an indifferent gaze, sneezed, and slipped out of the door.
And yes! Strange animals these cats. Thoughtfully spread the serpent.
and Gregory.
“Nothing strange,” Oleg looked at him a little surprised. The Babes
As a grandmother. Do you not know. Oh! By the way! Don’t forget the morning money.
Take the pellets.
And put on a new. Today was still Saturday.

[ + 64 - ] Comment quote №22328
 10.11.2009
It is said that at the moment of death, admin remembers all of his passwords.

[ + 81 - ] Comment quote №22327
 10.11.2009
My friend said, “Nowowow, fuck, don’t look at me with that kind of eyes! I feel ashamed and want to hit you!"

[ + 57 - ] Comment quote №22326
 10.11.2009
I go home, a 12-year-old boy approaches me and says so sadly, “Can you buy cigarettes in the kiosk?” Or my dad sent me for cigarettes, and I am not sold, they say that the little one is still. Before I answered anything, the boy looked closely at me (and I had curly tails and a stupidly satisfied face :))) and sadly said:"Al you will not be sold either..."

[ + 84 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №22325
 10.11.2009
I have hamsters.
The girl does not give
He hopped after her for half a day, only to fit - she unfolds and gives in the mouth
Then he was offended, went to the house of the kind of her stuff throwing up, so funny it was - all like in life.

[ + 75 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №22324
 10.11.2009
From the forum:
One day a man came to Socrates and said, “Do you know what your friend says about you? Socrates replied, "Before you tell me this news, ask for it through three sits. The first is the Sito of Truth. Are you sure that what you are going to tell me is true? I have heard this from others. You see, you are not sure. The second sitho is the sitho of good. Will this news make me happy? Absolutely not. And finally, the third sito is the sito of benefit. Will this news be useful? I doubt it. You want to tell me a news in which there is no truth or good, and it is useless. Why talk to her then?

The first comment:

This is not a parable, it is a triple filter of Socrates.

[ + 67 - ] Comment quote №22323
 10.11.2009
Will you go to the cinema with us in 2012?
No, I’ll wait a few years and see in real =)

[ + 100 - ] Comment quote №22322
 10.11.2009
There are people in whom God lives, there are people in whom the devil lives, and there are people in whom only worms live.
Great words for entering the series Doctor House))

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №22321
 10.11.2009
The case was in one of the state offices, where mostly women work. It is lunch time, everyone has already tasted and talks about their cup of tea. The conversation came about sex and someone said that Ekaterina 2 loved extraordinary sex and died under the horse. And here one girl dreamingly says: “What a beautiful death!!!” No one could work until the end of the day.

[ + 64 - ] Comment quote №22320
 10.11.2009
From the Women’s Forum:

How do I get my husband to make me a coney?
Wash and shave!

[ + 70 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №22319
 10.11.2009
When leaving the kitchen, turn off the light with your head.

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