bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №124206
 10.02.2016
All requirements for passwords are found on the websites. Somewhere through the fingers. My bank allows a password with a length of 5 characters. Somewhere they watch. The site requires a minimum of 10 characters digital password with at least two head letters and two digits.
Do criminals steal rubbish? Or are customers paying?

[ + 18 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124205
 10.02.2016
The Birth of a Shark. The egg? What? what? that. The sharks don’t bother anyone. Or is there a lot of sarcasm that I didn’t notice?

Wow: There was a reason to broaden your horizons that you didn’t notice.

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124204
 10.02.2016
We have no problems with freedom of speech. There are problems with freedom after speech.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №124203
 10.02.2016
What do you know about professionals?
I was told by a hairdresser I knew that a master named Said came to cut his scissors. This master wraps in different areas and makes raids to hairdressers. After that, the knives stopped cutting normally.
The hairdresser has nothing to do - takes the sealed scissors and goes to Voronezh (200 km). This is shown to a verified master. He looks at the scissors and says only one phrase:
Oh that said. And the marriage.

[ + 33 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124202
 10.02.2016
I live on the third floor. A few days in a row I leave the apartment at the same time with the neighbors.
The first day. I go out, neighbors are already sitting in the elevator. They offer to go with them. Thanks, I go down on foot. I wait for a few seconds for the neighbors, holding them at the entrance door.
The second day. The neighbors are waiting for the elevator. Judging by the sound, the elevator is nearby. I leave the house, get into the car and leave before the neighbors leave the house.
The third day. Neighbors do not call the elevator, they go down with me.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №124201
 10.02.2016
What is an Indy Studio?
XXX for analphabets
xxx = = =
yyy: This is when three hipsters take a macbook and smog, move the forms into unity and try to raise money on a kickstarter for a game about the worm in space.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №124200
 10.02.2016
A week ago I read the "wine card" and among cocktails highlighted the low price "sex on the beach", on the question why "sex on the beach" costs only 200 rubles, a brilliant answer from the waitress was given: "well, it's not the season!"



P.S "sex on the beach" is a screwdriver with orange and peach juice - for the lovers of... vodka...

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №124199
 10.02.2016
How did they get the self-deniers who consider men to be infants! Wives and mothers regularly emerge, now also the sister Alenushka! Your brother is an adult man, so it is enough to educate him and:
1) Stop performing the function of the general cleaner. Do you maintain cleanliness? The young man.
Prepare for yourself separately. If your brother does not take care of how his wife feeds him, they and their wife will solve the matter BOTH.
3) Wash in turn. Take care of your things, not someone else’s clothes. Judging by the passage of unpaid debts, you have different budgets with your brother. His money is his choice, whether to spend it on his wife’s dress and plushes. Don't satisfy his spending - don't give him your money (in a difficult situation you can provide foods and necessary things, if he is already on the pitch), and you don't need to educate him. If the request of his wife creates him a problem, let him again deal with his wife.

Most likely, the brother does not see the problem precisely because you break your head and throw everything behind his wife to clean up. The inconvenience is only for you.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №124198
 10.02.2016
In one deaf forest, a hunter found the thrown loose horns. And he attached them to a tree in a thick bush. So that part of the horns was above this bush visible. And as soon as the hunting season begins, there is always a whirlwind in this area. And in the unfortunate tree with horns already two hundred rifle bullets.

[ + 45 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124197
 10.02.2016
My husband went on a business trip on Wednesday. I think I don’t want to miss alone, I’ll call my girlfriend, even if we talk without strange ears. I write a message: “My husband is on a business trip. Come to visit.” And... by chance I send it to whom? Right to my husband! An instant call: “Who are you inviting there while I am not there?” He explained everything, as if calming down. In the evening a friend came, we sat talking. Calling the homephone. His friend came for the drill. Mysteriously walked around the apartment, swallowed our pizza and left quietly. Drill has never been taken.”

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №124196
 10.02.2016
At six o’clock my mother left me with my grandfather. She was terribly worried, and when she arrived, she saw me with a wrapped hand. When asked what happened, I replied, “I was bitten by a crazy dog.” A week later she left again. My mom called me every day and arrived three days earlier. He sees me healthy and calming. And I run to her joyfully and woe: “Mommy, and I was hit by the air!” My grandfather didn’t leave me anymore.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №124195
 10.02.2016
Every mistake proudly considers itself an exception to the rule.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №124194
 10.02.2016
The wife asked to deal with toys that the children no longer play with. The result: kicked on a children's synthesizer, assembled a puzzle, built a tower, played a tank fight. My wife said she would clean it by herself.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №124193
 10.02.2016
The Red Hat! A grey wolf cried out.
The grey coat. The girl cried.

[ + 13 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124192
 10.02.2016
Today there was another joke about ITshnika at work:

and oh! Why are you so beautiful today? A date tonight?
I broke my jeans yesterday.

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124191
 10.02.2016
[15:01:09] lexicon2004: a whisker?
Isaeva Maria: No, I’m a fuck
Yuriy Petuk: But this is already a call to overthrow power...

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №124190
 10.02.2016
It is obvious that all the buildings are built on the land belonging to the city, and therefore illegal to whom they belong, the question is secondary.

I’m sorry, but I can’t argue with people who operate with such logical constructions. It is above my capabilities.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №124189
 10.02.2016
Description of the game Dinosaur Hunt:
He appeared in the game, on the shore. by POKAL. I picked up the cocktail, it will be useful.
It is cold, you want to drink and eat, you need to move the bulls otherwise here and you will remain in the form of a corpse.
You go and collect berries. Oh! What beautiful black berries, probably delicious. He ate and fell unconscious. The raptor came and ate your body with all the tricks. Oh well! I don’t eat black beans anymore.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №124188
 10.02.2016
1954 and I support it.
Exchange the apartment, if it is shared with your brother, let the young people eat and buy plush mice for their money, and grind the dirt on their own. Living in the same house with people who have fundamentally different approaches to life is a mutual hell.
And there and see how much brother one on one with a loved one will last. Per, only the level of comfort that the sister provides does not allow him to notice the shortcomings of his wife. Or maybe he has found his happiness, and he will be happy, despite the lack of money, empty refrigerator, dirt and noisy dirt. Each his own.

[ + 19 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124187
 10.02.2016
by 19534

Love me without consequences.
** by
Married on the 25th (not even the fifth, ah), after thirty years.
No abortion in any form, no viral or chlamydia.
Gondons should be tightened.
This is the "disproportionate experience", ah.

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