bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №142904
 10.07.2017
Sitting at work. On the radio played music to the film "Ivan Vasilyevich changes profession", from the scene of the pursuit. As soon as the music ended, a colleague whispered: “I’m listening to music, and it feels like I just watched the movie.”

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №142903
 10.07.2017
If a custodian loses his job, there is no problem. You can always arrange a product consultant with EliExpress.

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №142902
 10.07.2017
Nothing better personifies the day of love than the blackmailer, who bowed to marriage literally under the fear of death (the guy - but he dropped me, so let him die from the scourge - very characteristic for a LOVE man to think so), but nothing better personifies the day of fidelity than the kidnapper, who tried three times from this blackmailer and medical care, and promises while not fulfilling. The main thing - the couple is harmonious, each other really stand))) Beauty-and...

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №142901
 10.07.2017
There is one employee at work, he is Valery's passport, and in the everyday life, for some reason, Gosha. There is no problem, everyone knows. But the question, why so, arises on every more or less informal session. Gosha makes a difficult face and answers: "Because Guy Valery Katull". No one understands, but usually he asks nothing more.

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №142900
 10.07.2017
I just hope that someday people will understand that if they need to drink for appetite or sleep, then they have problems not with appetite and sleep, but with alcohol addiction. At the moment, I’m quietly burning out of this jerk...

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №142899
 10.07.2017
7 years ago I had my first smartphone, I recorded on it a vidos from Ozzy Osborn's concert, where he bites the head of a flying mouse. I had a single goal, but I couldn’t make the dream come true. Several smartphones have already changed, the widos has moved from one to the other. And today 10.07.17 was fulfilled, my dream was fulfilled, with the words "in the name of Satan!!I showed him to Jehovah’s Witnesses. Believe in the dream.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №142898
 10.07.2017
My father was an aitišnik, so I took care that I had no access to the comp. The password on my mom’s account stood, and on my account was a proga under system rights (not deleted) which restricted the computer to 2 hours a day.

When my mom was washing/cleaning the apartment and was wet-handed somehow asked to follow the clock under her account, she entered the password and left, I shot my mobile phone wet keys and then picked up the next day while my mom was at work)

Then the father burned and the password was changed to such that the mother entered 100 times from the leaflet.

It has been somewhere another half a year, and I came to the mind another idea - when launching the comp was changing the time in the bios for a couple of years ahead, the proga thought that the next day and gave more to chase. Then he returned.



Then I had to write a proga, which performed the shutdown of the system, but broke 2-3 programs such as word and exel with peint, and if they hanged then the system will not shut down (Win XP), although the command to shut down is also with system rights. The threshold turned off, thinking that the computer was shutting off, but then I canceled the command to turn the comp off =) So I became a programmer.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №142897
 10.07.2017
My mom took the BP from Dendi, eventually I had another BP, after which my mom began to take the switch from the TV power (there from the Chinese fork to the usual), but when she found me watching TV and saw the fork with two twisted wires inserted in the socket, she never took anything more.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №142896
 10.07.2017
Previously limited his son time playing on the computer, password (since 10 years has passed). One day I come home, the computer is warm. How is? It turned out that the baby, hearing that I came back from work, hid the camera among the toys on the monitor stand and put it on the video recording and thus drawn the password))

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №142895
 10.07.2017
Loky-Ershasty: Yes, yes, baby, I’m picking up a blind method.
You thought I would be tired of answering your questions?
Loky-Erchasty: My fingers are ripping on the keyboard like butterflies on the spring lawn
Loky-Erchasty: and you tick with two fingers and get nervous
Loki: Die and die and die!!by 111
Gary has left the chat.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №142894
 10.07.2017
The student of the third grade in the text is given the word "give". I ask, why did you write with a soft sign? The answer was genius:
So the test word "give"!

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №142893
 10.07.2017
I remembered the story that happened to me about a month after I got my driver’s license and bought a car.

In the evening, the courtyard is full of battle, I look for a place to get up. He walked around the house and began to turn around. I looked in the mirrors inattentively, and the darkness and the light bulb were blind. He entered the King’s Bamper with an old lady. I have a flashlight, he has a bumper. The signal did not work, the wheels hit, effect 0. He left a note with his phone number and went to bed.

In the morning the call, the man proved adequate, agreed that the bumper I will fix him and everything is okay. Now I understand that they could heat up for leaving the place of the accident.

I asked a friend of mine to do it. The first thing he told me was why I left the room, nobody saw it, he would leave and all. The same opinion was expressed by the colour collector.

Half of my staff did not support my decision to take responsibility.

And I’m 100% sure, hit who their car and hide, they’d go all the fools and how it’s possible to spoil someone else’s property and take it down.

That is how we live.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №142892
 10.07.2017
From the news tape:
The Central Bank may make it difficult to transfer money from the card "World"
According to the law, only the World card can be attached to the accounts on which budgeters receive salaries, but people have the right to connect the transfer of funds to the cards of other banks.
The idea of limiting car transfers is that customers will be uncomfortable every time in manual mode to transfer funds and then they will be more likely to use the "World"

Nothing to add! As in the old anecdote: a dog can be forced to eat mustard! A dog with a mustard under his tail. The dog eats mustard.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №142891
 10.07.2017
"The International Human Rights Foundation based in the Netherlands

Responsible Robots has proposed to introduce criminal punishment for the rape of sex robots.

A great idea. But the case can only be aroused if there is a statement from the raped robot.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №142890
 10.07.2017
>XXXX: "G R I Z N O K R O V K A"
Are you fighting for what??? I would be roasting in this situation, suffocating the entire horse army of the

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №142889
 10.07.2017
>"go to Gmail"
Hey, in Google TeamViewer you can find on request "download you" =)

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №142888
 10.07.2017
xxx: To today’s news about the activation of the Ku Klux Klan in the states – If you still use IDE devices – then you are encouraging slavery (master/slave)

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №142887
 10.07.2017
Installer of games with DISKET, AGA surprised. You probably didn’t know what a hellish combination of Spectrum+magnetophone was. When after 3-5 hours of collapsing with this ligament it is possible to put Diszy, this is happiness.
Want to play tomorrow? All over again! cannot be preserved.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №142886
 10.07.2017
The wise old man:
It is funny when 30-year-olds are called aunt and aunt even younger than 20-year-olds. They think that 30 years is a lot and so far... 10 years are flashy, but the realization of this comes when you’re well over 40 years.

Do you know what is really funny? When the number of years from the date of their birth people consider an achievement and decide that this number somehow elevates them above the rest. You can be an idiot at any age.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №142885
 10.07.2017
In childhood, the song of V. Leontyeva "I - the lonely wanderer of love Kazanov, eternal lover and eternal evil-hearted man" caused me to fear because the "eternal lover and eternal evil man - PTICEED!" Who is the heart-eater I did not know, but about bird-eaters I watched, of course, in the cognitive transmission. A bird-eating villain and a sloppy man jumping through the scene - this is all really terrible for the child's unstable psyche.

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