bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №121673
 11.12.2015
[15:36:39] Mikhail: The Hussar fun. You need a prostitute, 4 boxes of champagne, wax candles, 4 dishes, a room with parquet floor, hussars in any quantity. Hussars gather, rub the parquet floor in the room with wax candles, drink champagne, put the prostitute with cancer on 4 plates. The task: to naturalize it without touching your hands and not pushing in the corner.
[15:37:22] Val: if the hussar is a lot, 4 boxes of champagne may be a little
Val: Yes, I immediately calculate the situation
[15:38:48] anthony_hawk: experience does not drink, immediately understand

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №121672
 11.12.2015
News: The U.S. Ministry of Finance assessed the capital of "Islamic State"

The uncomfortable moment when the budget of a small terrorist organization is greater than the budget of a country with a population of 42 million.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №121671
 11.12.2015
The news:
"Minfin sees no reason for the rate of the dollar at 100 rubles "

Get ready man!

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №121670
 11.12.2015
<><><>>
They cut off small pieces and carried them to the nest nearby, feeding the larvae. They do not really enter themselves.

I'll tell you more: many adult asses generally eat only flower nectar, but the larvae - meat, so they will crush your shale. By the way, the males in mosquitoes also only pollinate the flowers.)))

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №121669
 11.12.2015
In my childhood, I was most interested in not what Santa Claus would give me, but how this bearded ninja unnoticedly penetrates into an apartment without a fireplace and fireplace.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №121668
 11.12.2015
by avocado)
— — —
How to fly to Moscow for free.
You write in the resume that you are uninterested, know 20 languages, IAS and IAS in perfection, you will work 10 years for 100,000 rubles, career growth is uninteresting, you work without weekends.
Sending to large companies in Moscow
They start to want you and call you to hell.
Buying a ticket.
You fly, for any reason you do not fit, you walk around Moscow, you get bored - you fly to your city at your own expense. Profit
— — —
Do you want to have a Skype interview before you get a ticket?
Schröder-Kat

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №121667
 11.12.2015
However, the graduates are just as sad, it is.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Those who have given children to school know that 99.9% of graduates are much more sad. In my mother’s time, they said, “A girl who has failed alternately in theatre, medicine and engineering enters the pedagogical school.” I was taught such things, and I called my school "very high school number one hundred and forty-four." The girl, deducted from our second course for chronic failure, in Krupskaya became a star, up to a diploma of the type "best graduate of the year". Her generation is now teaching my daughter at the best school in the area, and when I once again explained to her what the teacher couldn’t explain, she said, “Dad, did you say that your diploma allows you to work as a teacher? It would be great... there would be at least one normal at school".

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №121666
 11.12.2015
Not funny about this:
Wife: And I dreamed of a dream like a zombie apocalypse... not as global as walking, but still... you collect me both in the evenings, so that I can shoot the zombies when I take Lisa to the garden... and I go to work)
Wife: And in the kindergarten in each group, there is a supply of food for a week, and three armed soldiers...
Wife: Protecting the Children
I am sweet :)
Wife: that is, a zombie apocalypse, and we go to work

This girl described life in Israel, when another exacerbation of zombies with knives...

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №121665
 11.12.2015
DanFall :
Now came to my father, on the screen LMO - SKE. I ask "Locomotive with whom does it play?" answer "With whom"

Hagen is:
by Mr. When Sweden plays against Denmark, SWE – DEN is written on the board. And if you look at the remainder of the abbreviation, it will be DEN - MARK.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №121664
 11.12.2015
The online store is burning.
When registered gender I indicated (male).
The letter comes "Hi xxx! Small black dress + heels + shiny clutch = your holiday image!"
Thank you guys, now I know what to celebrate in the New Year.

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121663
 11.12.2015
I refuse to work in a company where there is one-layer toilet paper in the toilets)))
Tagged: thin
very thin (which is very thin)

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №121662
 11.12.2015
I am surprised, people. I understand that in the village or in a small town you go to the cemetery only to the graves of your own relatives, I do exactly the same. But in Moscow there are cemeteries, Novodevichy, Vagankovsky, etc., where many famous people are buried, popular actors, great musicians, composers, directors, artists, writers... And to their graves still come fans. And finding a grave in a cemetery, if you have never been there before, is difficult. For this, there is a free wifi - so that a person can find the place he wants to be buried, and then, without getting lost, peacefully return to the exit. What is so stressful about it? Are you afraid of the reputation if innovation reaches you? Was your grandmother’s biography not perfect?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №121661
 11.12.2015
Give me this day, give me this night, give me a chance.
YYY: Do you stick to the girl?
XXX: No damn, the employer at least for the trial period!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №121660
 11.12.2015
What do you know about inadequacy?! to

He walked the street, not touching anyone, suddenly the woman in front of him began to sing a song out of the honeymoon advertisement, dancing a bee dance!

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121659
 11.12.2015
And about religions!
For the guides, it sounds like this: There is no God except the Wagon, and his guide is the Prophet.

Harry the rail, Harry the rail!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №121658
 11.12.2015
Caroch came to Max, asking what it was. I had to say it was a fucking shame.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №121657
 11.12.2015
We had a daughter at the end of November. At the beginning of December, a colleague calls his husband and asks: what is from the company: a sweet gift or a ticket for the tree?! to

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №121656
 11.12.2015
(xxx has accidentally posted a newsletter on the entire contact list)

xxx: Guy, rate my online visit card: obomne.org/xxx
YYY: The internet, movies and onanism have ruined my life. But they made her standing" - Max, I didn't know much about you :-=O
Xxx:...
XXX: You are not alone. The boss tomorrow calls, Lenka is offended and doesn’t talk, mom writes angry messages... only the dad pleased: “You practically described my meaning of life until I met your mother. Find a girlfriend now" :D
yyy : ) )

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №121655
 11.12.2015
I am surprised by people...
The colleague has been smoking since the age of nine, drinking so much coffee every day that in the evening you have to swallow the pills from the heart, then the matter is drunk.
XHH: He looks at me with his square eyes and asks "How can you eat bitchbacks? This is bad!"

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121654
 11.12.2015
In passenger aircraft plan to introduce "upper class".

The passenger climbs onto the roof of the plane and tries to keep up the entire flight.

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