In terms of the delicacy of doctors: sat in line on ultrasound, a man with a son of 16 years of age approached. She went out and out on the whole corridor: “Yes, you came to the scrotum? And your son? You know, I don't do the scrotum very well, it's better to go to Imyarek Imyarekovna, she does the scrotum very well!" The poor boy was red like cancer.

Yesterday I went with my wife to the night session "It 2".

As soon as the final titles went on the screen, the wife stands up and says to the whole hall: "Super movie for the first date! Don’t call me anymore, idiot!” Rapidly comes out.

The horror on the faces of those sitting next door was stronger than in some scenes of the film.

As they returned home, we walked with her all the way. I don't remember a more effective way to get rid of the toilet faster.)

Surely every doctor will have a different fairy tale about a patient who does not know how to insert candles or use a cyst. Often such cases seem fictional and give a strong anecdote. However, this time everything is serious: doctors and nurses are real, their patients are too.



1st You constantly have to explain to people that there should be no metal on them during MRI. Nothing anywhere. “I’m doing dead feet. Why should I take off my eyebrows? Yes, because the magnet affects the whole room, not a single foot, and will tear your ears out of your ears. And there are also patients with cardiostimulants (they can not do MRI at all), who are angry when they are denied tomography. We just don’t want to kill you. by Sapphires13



2nd Yes, if you smoke at home, it can worsen your child’s asthma. by BruteSquad610



Three A familiar pediatrician told the patient not to give her daughter the name Chlamydia. The woman, as it turned out, did not know that this was the name of the pathogenic bacterium, and thought the word sounded beautiful. by mermaidbeer



4 is I heard a conversation in the hallway of the hospital between a nurse and a woman who had to undergo a colonoscopy that day. The nurse said, “Did you eat anything? The patient said, “No, only oatmeal.” The nurse said, “But you couldn’t have breakfast.” Patient: “I know, but I always eat oatmeal for breakfast.” The nurse: “I understand, but the doctor should look at your digestive system. Therefore, it is not possible to eat before a colonoscopy.” Patient: “But after all, oatmeal is good for digestion. I always have breakfast.” © Dangerous



5 is No, I can’t determine the race of your child by ultrasound. When he is born, then you will be looking for the supposed father. by sutherbb36



6 is Regular shower is important. Truth is important! I work as a physiotherapist. by muffaluffugus83



7 is There are children of sex. You’ll be shocked to find out how many patients with simple abdominal pain are actually pregnant. And if you ask them if there is a possibility of pregnancy, they will answer firmly, “No.” by Cycro



8 is Do not lick contact lenses to clean them. I am serious. by Chipgal



9 is Three different patients and three stories: 1. Do not have sex 6 hours after the birth of the baby. 2nd Coffee smoothies and mixture are different things, so you do not need to feed a newborn with cream. Three Probiotics and antibiotics are not the same, in addition, from syphilis, probiotics do not help. by Kaclassen



10 is I worked in a pharmacy for nine years. Every person who comes up with a prescription needs to be explained what and how to use. Pharmacists stop people from dropping antibiotics into their ears or eyes, eating dry powder, and introducing oral contraceptives directly into the vagina. © IDreamofLoki

11 is Every day I explain to patients that they can’t eat before the operation. And they always say something like, “And if I had eaten and then got into an accident, would you not have operated me? In such cases, doctors take risks and perform surgery, but why take risks where you can’t? © thenotsogeekplayer



12 is A guy came to me in the pharmacy with a prescription for a cyst. He asks, “So I drink all this, and then I’ll break? “I say no, because it’s a enema and it’s used rectally. The guy confused says, “So I don’t need to drink this? I explain that you need to lie on your side and insert the enema into the rectum, and then squeeze its content inside. The patient is upset, “Should I put it there? ! to Go you go! “And he leaves. by IbuBROfen



Thirteen No, if you are drinking soda during pregnancy, the “bubbles” will not reach your baby. But this is still a bad idea, because there is caffeine in the soda. And by the way, a hot bath for pregnant women is not recommended to take not because the baby can drown, but because of the high temperature. © JonSnoWight



14 is I have been working as a nurse in the nursing home for many years. One day I met a 20-year-old woman who had already started fighting. We waited for the doctor, and I told her to suck. She and her husband looked around and then asked me, “Why are you asking us to do this? Why do you need it? “I am in shock. She explained that it is necessary to struggle to have a child. They said, “Are you going to crack? Then the doctor came, and I was very happy to get rid of this strange couple. by jdinpjs



15 is If you suddenly found a navel, then this is not a reason to call an ambulance and seek help from doctors! stayathmdad



16 is People complain about poor vision. His astigmatism increased by 3 dioptries, which is very serious. Check again, the result is the same. Asked to come back in a week to do the test, - already 4 diopters. Everyone is nervous. The guy suddenly holds his head with his hands, and with his big fingers presses his eyes with all his strength. It turns out he does this every time he is stressed. And it does it so strongly that it damages the front of the eyeball. He was forbidden to do so. by up766570



17th This dialogue takes place approximately once a week. I: “Have you missed this medication? The patient said, “No, I didn’t miss it.” I: “How many times in the last week have you not taken this medication? Patient: “Three times, and today I forgot too.” © RepublicansRInbreds



18 is If you weigh 100 kg and jump from the 1st floor onto a large beach umbrella, then for nothing you will not jump up like on a trampoline: you will crash to the ground and break your limbs. And it won’t inspire your lady’s heart. by OkeyDoke47



19 is To insert the candle, you must first remove the packaging from it. © Underwriting

There are no greater enemies to the state than the idiots, idiots and fools who have declared themselves the only right patriots of the country.

In the late 1960s, the Days of Polish Culture were held in Moscow, and the Poles brought a few very questionable performances from the point of view of Soviet censorship. Ekaterina Alekseevna Furceva, then Minister of Culture of the USSR, told her Polish colleague, Lucian Motyk:
We are in the same socialist camp.
To which he, smiling, replied:
Yes, but in our barracks more fun.

All the media reports that the arrested abuser who attacked Ella Pamfilova is native to Central Asia. And no one for any reason writes that the victim is a native of Central Asia.

became cruel. I read KillMePlease and did not sympathize with anyone. Betrayal, deception and the collapse of hopes. You will think. Only one girl's life really jumped and swung up - she stitched her hair with a pincet on her head, lighting herself with a phone lamp, and then found out that about 8 minutes was a live broadcast on the social network.

I don’t remember when it started, but it has been going on for 15 years. My wife paints her eyebrows. And every time he approaches and asks if everything is right and okay. For 15 years, I’ve been pretending to understand what she wants from me. Every time I look carefully, in half of the cases I say that everything is okay. In other cases, the type is aligned with a brush (well or how this shit is called in them). I don’t know exactly where it should be, but I adhere to uniformity and symmetry. It seems she really thinks I’m already in that special. With great experience.

With the will of our entrance in the courtyard every year a heat plant is eroded. They roar there every year. Very late. In the deep hole there was liquid dirt.

My husband and I are going from a children’s clinic. It has a new combination and rubber boots. He examines every hole. Please accelerate the step. Suddenly he crashed at the entrance to our yard and moved to the pit. I couldn’t shake my eye when he hit her!

Untransmitted untransmitted. On the shoulders in liquid dirt! I can't pull it out, my legs slip on the clay edges. Likewise, he can’t get out – it’s slippery and impossible to get stuck for anything. I throw a bag into him and order to hold it tightly. Now the pen should not be broken. I fall on my knees. Then on the stomach. Not to fall into this hole. Wow, I pulled it out. We go to the entrance. He waits in anticipation of punishment. I don’t even have the strength to offend him. From the elevator comes a neighbor.

God, where are you from?

My son with his nose:

From the clinic.

From the clinic? ! to

“They took medical dirt,” I explained.



Taking a shower without dressing. The documents in the bag were not damaged.

Three Stories of Strippers

1) One old lady decided to clean the sludge in the dishwasher in the kitchen. by Finger.

My finger is stuck. It began to swell, to take back no more. My grandmother stood by the mouth.

Two days. There was no phone nearby, but there was plenty of water.

She found her son, came because her mother stopped answering the calls.

I immediately called an ambulance (although I could just twist the siphon, okay).



2) One middle-aged lady decided to get something from the shelf above the toilet.

She entered the throne with her legs, but slipped and with one leg fell straight into the "point", so that her leg was stuck dead.

To remove the leg immediately did not work - the edema was drunk... But here near there was a husband - he was just

He twisted the stool from the fasteners and broke it with a hammer. A wife is sorry.

But he broke so unsuccessfully that a sharp piece of faisan cut the wife's artery on her leg. The result is a fountain of blood.

But the woman was lucky, they arrived quickly. Even brought to consciousness.



A little boy pushed his finger into the salt. My finger is stuck there. Not here, not there, not there either.

The arrival of the brigade first proposed to break the salmon - but the parents for some reason were not pleased with this option.

Solonka, allegedly, was the prababy of the author of Faberge himself (stradivari drum, da-da).

When the parents were offered to amputate the finger, they seriously began to discuss this option.



As a result, with the help of the driver, some tool, sunflower oil and a strong word, the finger was able to get without damage (and the finger, and antique valuables). Parents didn’t even say thank you.

And the bonus:



In one family, a child succeeded in sucking an empty bag of mayonnaise to his lips. “Doo again,” they seem to be called.

The content was sucked out, a vacuum was created, and the lip was sucked dead. The whole family is jumping around, someone calls an ambulance, someone comforts, someone drinks valocordine...



By the time the brigade arrived, the lip looked like a large blue slime. The midwife looked at it all, took the scissors and cut off the bottom of the package. Which, of course, immediately decayed as soon as the vacuum disappeared. Why all these moms-papas-grandparents did not guess immediately to do so - a mystery of nature.



As a result, the bleeding of course remained, but it went without hospitalization.