bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №146438
 13.11.2017
>>> About Me- 190 cm 85kg 40l

The volume of the bag indicated, and the run was diminished. Here and find out whether it is a garage or dead on the road. Again, if the owner alone is nothing, what if a dozen already?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №146437
 13.11.2017
Announced by:
A decent family of two people will remove a decent family of two people to arrange a messy sexual life.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №146436
 13.11.2017
Yesterday at work. In the morning there is a sad voice, not yet trembling, asking for a car. I see that I was in a club from Friday to Saturday. In the column "client" is written "Batman", Well, please do, I clarify:

The name of Batman?

The man is very embarrassed:

No to Yuri.

and mechanically:

Oh I understand. You are Yuri.

“Batman” corrected on “Yuri Wayne”

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №146435
 13.11.2017
When I was 5 or 6 years old, my mother was very ill. And she decided that she wasn’t long left. He says to me with a sad voice:

How will you be without me?

It meant us - her three children and her father respectively. I decided to encourage her and say:

Don’t worry, we’ll find a new mom.

Such "hot" support gave the mother additional strength to fight the disease. She changed her mind and soon recovered.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №146434
 13.11.2017
Sometimes I work in a taxi. I have a basic job, but in addition to it, I sometimes go to bomb in the evenings, especially on weekends. This story happened to me two years ago:

Friday and night. A great time, people go to clubs and from them, who vote a lot, it is not easy to earn so. At manon, I pick up a couple of voters - a young man supports a girl who has clearly overtaken. I’m going to hell, a thousand, I’m very happy. The girl sits back and unnoticed for me moves over the driver’s seat. The man sits in front of her, holding her bag in his hands, falls asleep.

In 25 minutes we arrive, the man counts with me, leaves. I go away. There are a few voters on the way (truly the best night in my history). Another three hours drive alone around the city, we have a fun conversation, short, the night went well.

I come home, start to inspect the car for forgotten things / garbage and suddenly find a girl. 0 0 0

She sits bending between her legs, in a toned car at night to notice her was simply impossible.

In short, I took it very seriously.I was rejected by trying to wake her up. The body refuses to think about anything. Neither me nor my name.

Let me call her husband and tell him he forgot his bed. That’s not the problem, this man took her bag when he went out.

Okay, I remember the address, I go out. At 5 a.m. on Saturday. We arrive at the address and...

What would you do?

I didn’t come up with anything better than to start signaling (dear witnesses of that shit, forgive me, I just didn’t know what to do). From some balcony comes a very evil uncle who promises to curl my neck (I understand him, I believe him), if the cause is not too serious. Through the matyugs I get a body, I demonstrate, I say that I have forgotten here in my car a lady, tell me whose?

The man laughs, he doesn’t know.

Cheesecake in general.

The girl doesn’t shrink at all. This was the first time I deliberately and deliberately struck a woman’s bark, very strong (by the way, funny). He swallowed the water and spoke to her, “You can just wave your finger where your house is in your mouth, animal.”

There is no answer. There is no silence, just silence.

What would you do 2?

Virgo is good from the word "very" - a short sweater, the figure is just a fairy tale. Leave her on the bench - they will be raped, laughed, put on the net. Not manly (aga, but to hit a girl manly, agree). In short, having provoked the anger of a few other neighbors, who also did not know the apartment belongings of this prince, I was forced to acknowledge the fiasco of this idea, and go on my own.



My wife was just in the seventh sky of luck to have such a caring husband.

My wife started shouting me when she saw me with my body on my shoulder. I asked her to get into the situation, but she was just moaning. The oval so that the battery began to knock. Could this have awakened my husband?

No is.

It only stunned my wife, and I was ready for the second time in the evening to apply a physical rape on a woman, but my princess began to bluff.

God, what a delight.

I was so glad that my wife’s smile began to shake my eyes. It’s going to come back soon, naively I thought.

No is. She just swallowed, I stopped holding her, and she turned straight into a pale face.

Here happened what I could not expect – my wife went for a cloth, wiped out the whole alcoholic party on the floor, and asked me how it happened. I explained. She laughed.

I was nervous, but I laughed. Remember the joke - Do you know that laughter is the best way to pull a girl into bed? What is the first? - A huge knife - haahah, you are funny) - A reasonable choice) A good joke.

In short, my wife decided that it was better to let this body sleep. But the prince dirty his face and hair, before placing had to wash it. How to wash. My wife watched every millimetre of movement of my hands as I held my companion’s head over the bathroom.



Not long to read, did you get so upset?



This story ended very funny. The next day our puppy dried up, dried out a couple and a half cups of water in a few minutes and, seeing me and my wife, asked if we did not dried up. Here we wandered.

She did not behave very well, to be honest. We’ve experienced so much, and she’ll let me say – why these handcuffs, why I’m in the shirt, where I am.



I told you, I found out. She apologized, asked for the phone, called, asked to bring.

There is no problem.



We come, and there...

Her mother and her husband. The man in both eyes has such lights that I get worse. Mother of the cats leads him to the car clearly satisfied with the result. I go out to say hello and give me a envelope. It contains 10,000 rubles. Very pleasant, very pleasant. My wife and I say goodbye to the screams of our daughter on the man - yes, you just eaten and the beginning of his beating her beautiful fragile pen.



The result was that my wife and I just spent the weekend offgenically, laughed over this story for a long time, and I became ten times more attentive when I drive people.



P.S. I have a few more wonderful taxi stories that I will be happy to share.

[ + 51 - ] Comment quote №146433
 13.11.2017
I am always for silence. I am one of those people who think that breaking the silence in a public place is disgusting. I have always believed that in a public place (café, restaurant, train station or in a plane) you should behave in a way that does not cause inconvenience to people nearby. Unfortunately, not everyone shares my point of view.



I drive in an electric car (with seats), the whole car is sold, there are no free seats. A mother with a child appears. Child of 6 years.

Young man, you took our place.

No, this is my ticket.

There is a place at the window.

No, here is my place No. 21 on the scheme next to the window.

- I and the child, miss us to the window, he wants to look out the window.

I hate such situations because I know they will never give up if I ask. A couple of times my wife and I were asked to give us a seat next to people sitting alone, we never gave up. *** by



Okay, I give up my seat, I wait another 10 minutes until they disassemble things, while helping to put heavy things on the upper shelf. We are going. After 15 minutes.

Young man, please sit back, the window is blowing.

Sorry what? You chose the place yourself.

Do you know that a child can get rid of it?

Can I read the book calmly? You have moved me. If the child is suffocating, sit there.

Psihanul eventually moved. He got a shirt from above, placed them a piece of the window. My aunt has been considering the design for a long time, apparently she didn’t know how to do it.



The child had to have fun outside the window. My mother gave him a plan and it started. Children's cartoons about lucky, chunga-changa and so on. Without the headphones.



Do you give you headphones? (I offer my own)

No thanks, he is okay.

It disturbs the sound on the plan.

Well, what I will do is a child, what I can do.

- Give him expensive headphones in which he can watch cartoons at least all the way.

Here a song of fixics sang in the whole voice. I am psychic.



He got the tablet, opened the yandex and entered "PORNO". At the request appeared some awful Japanese cartoon, where in the orgy participated, two girls, a robot and a man in a clown mask.



The child was distracted, realizing that my story was more interesting.

Turn off now!

Why is?

You are not allowed to put porn on the train.

It’s not porn and I don’t even play music. Either you turn off the damn sound and I turn off the cartoon, or we keep watching mine.

Do you give me your headphones?

No is!



The rest of the road we walked in silence. And most importantly, I hate people who view politeness and education as weakness.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №146432
 13.11.2017
The off-season for traumatologists is when the motorcyclists have already finished and the snowboarders have not yet begun.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №146431
 13.11.2017
The hell of a punctual person is when you agree with a friend/girlfriend/dog to meet at 7 p.m. and you have almost arrived at the meeting place, at 18:50 p.m., and you are written, “Write how you go out” and you understand that this person has not even left.

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №146430
 13.11.2017
Bpatella, hole to be small - to work from 7 years old, goats to pasture, in a hundred / on the car, to remind, "and then what is he doing for my spending?"

What year are you?
The sixth passed.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №146429
 13.11.2017
xxx: guests invited here, some did not know each other, and a couple was computer maniacs
xxx: Well, Romych with Lenka right at the corner, one for the stationary in one corner, choking with a note in the other, what to take from them, pulled his hand.
xxx: and the cat in the middle of the drinking was twisted in that room, suddenly this silence arises, approaches Romka, hugs him from above, gently so, then, without saying a word, leads him to the kitchen, puts a salad on him, sits in front of him and looks at him, swirling, turning around.
XXX: and all this without a single word, note :)
YYY: Well what?
xxx: that "no and", together went home :) did not even say goodbye

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №146428
 13.11.2017
Are you so hungry that you burn a baton of bread and drink a bag of milk? I have a baton of bread lying in the refrigerator for two weeks (the right one needs to be taken), and milk stands for six months

Milk for 6 months. Do you drop it under your tongue before sleeping?

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №146427
 13.11.2017
No, yet all washing machines delivered to Russia must have an “emergency shower” function. It’s like a menu russification. A purely software solution, voluntary and compulsory for the market. No, you can also sell with the English menu, if the sale is not unfortunate. Also here too.
Pressed a clever combination of buttons according to the inscription in the corner of the panel, it poured (strictly through the air conditioning cabin, it is cleaner), rinse the mechanisms with cold water, poured it again to the maximum (if there are several level sensors), heated to +38 and stand-alone.
The hose instead of the collector is plugged into the shower, the largest button of the available turns off the melting pump, the entire indicator is occupied by a large indicator of the remaining water level.
Lying, like the foot is itching. and the back :(

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №146426
 13.11.2017
As for the little ones, that is all.

A brother said a year ago that he leaves his wife after 15 years of marriage, because she is uncomfortable, you will come home - to sit nowhere and at all, uncomfortable at home. We were a little surprised (this kind of mess they did not see, a normal housing mess), but he knew better, of course.

In general, exactly a week after the official divorce, the brother already rented an apartment with his new love. When trying to come to visit to get acquainted, it became clear that such a mess his former wife really did not have. Because people are all adults and understand everything, but the female cowards, whispering on the luster during a family tea drink, are still a bit overwhelming.

In general, the concept has changed over the year, a brother with a new wife almost already joyfully pigs for a couple and, if possible, plunges into the former - said, now he is a free man, and she arranged a breathing house: do not shake the ashes on the carpet, my dishes every evening...

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №146425
 13.11.2017
You are even better than you seemed at first sight.

yyy: Here I always knew that to drink with a man, then come to eat all his pelmeni and sleep-working relentlessly :)

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №146424
 13.11.2017
Situation in Barcelona:
Half of the population hangs Catalan flags and burns Spanish flags. The second half hangs Spanish flags and burns Catalan flags. And only two immigrants from the Russian Federation, Benja and Fima, are engaged in sewing Spanish and Catalan flags.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №146423
 13.11.2017
The language of Esop

This is interesting - and why did the grandmother from the vacuum cleaner come to visit her husband and daughter?

This is called all the cards on the table. And he can't with the child frankly - look at what my vacuum cleaner is powerful, and what a long hose, and what a child you have, the next time one comes...

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №146422
 13.11.2017
Listen, it turns out, Aki Kaurismiaki is really a director like that!
WOW: What did you think?
Okay, some sort of fucks...

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №146421
 13.11.2017
In the business!
I found it on Google "Lacal".
He gives me a hint "Maybe you meant "laklo"?"

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №146420
 13.11.2017
Kretki: A computer game has 27 characters in a guild. On the journey to
The underground character can perform the role of a tank, fighter or doctor. one
The character in the guild can be both a tank, and a fighter, and a doctor. Thirteen
Characters can be tanks. Twelve characters can be doctors.
Fourteen can be fighters. Both a tank and a doctor can be seven. and
One tank and five soldiers. A doctor and a soldier are four. How many characters
Could they be fighters?(The task of computer science)

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №146419
 13.11.2017
Show today a popular asset, the value of which is not overpriced?

The Trade Fleet. For the last 400 years, it is worth just as much as the market needs.

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