bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №110614
 13.03.2015
I got my salary.
How did you fix the crane without that shit?
Q: Are you talking about salary?? to

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №110613
 13.03.2015
The male is interested.
______
The man is sure! The chinchilla male thus stretches out his hand: the chickens there in a bowl to pour or just chew - immediately begins to show interest. I would have been able to print, I would have complained on the internet, that the hostess hands and feet of his evil friendship. And no furry cattle wants to limit themselves to the females of their species!

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №110612
 13.03.2015
One day, a monkey took a stick in her legs and started taking a selfie.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №110611
 13.03.2015
If a man brings coffee to bed, the first thing you should do to thank him is not to marry him for as long as possible.

[ + 75 - ] Comment quote №110610
 13.03.2015
Everyone who has at least once been to the construction and economic supermarkets knows: there are a lot of sales consultants. But they are all busy. They go somewhere. So are busy. Very busy. Or they are not responsible for the department in which they are now standing and talking. Therefore, they relatively politely board you, go through the shelf and talk again, and sometimes do not cross.

This happened in one of the shops. We call it “Arsenal”. The former asked to help buy the expenditure before the repair. We walk through the department and see: two consultants specifically drop. The end of the working day, everything was enough, the questions-questions of the “stupid” buyers. They say “I’m not from this department, go to the seller” and disappear. After 20 minutes of fermentation, a boring cashier girl and a guard remained at the exit. And eight couples, a little confused because they were forgotten in the store, were us.

A minute after five we started to communicate, discuss the materials, and another five began to stumble, what and how to wrap-measure-bear. The guard was vigilant at the exit. The cashier was missing.

Then I saw the phone! He stood in the corner, in front of the compound. Well, you know, there are billboards. The button phone. In front of the buttons of the inscriptions: “director”, “guard”, “cash”, “storage”. It was so fun for me. I call the director. What to small.
and yes.
Hi to you!
Hi to you.
"Please tell me, here I need to buy the cable and this fence where it closes. I already got the roses. I found cement. Plinth got it. And the cable I cut off, will the girl on the box trust me, or will it exaggerate? Here another man is looking for a tile. Someone else needs to say something about the mixture, but I don’t know.
Where are you calling?
The Director.
from where?
How from where? From the shopping room. There’s no one here, we’ve been here for half an hour.
- (short guts) by pi-pi-pi
In a few seconds, a man in a costume breaks out. No, he’s jumping at us, looking around. I am pleased with him:
It was I who called you!
It goes spots, bleeds and disappears too. But then then!! to
I didn't know that all the cassiers were sitting on the box and there were 1.5 sellers for each pair.
I hadn’t heard the director speak. Judging by the sounds, he’s drinking them. They appeared as they disappeared, and even more. Red, quiet, polite, understandable and everything at our disposal.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №110609
 13.03.2015
In order to have a good life in our country, two things are needed: that the people finally begin to work and the government finally stops!

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №110608
 13.03.2015
Dialogue in the office between the manager (M) and the developer (R):
M: How much time do you feel left for this task? When is the end?
R: I don’t know, by the feelings, everything is somehow unclear, blurred.
M is. A feeling of a blurred end?
R: Yes, the feeling of a messy end.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №110607
 13.03.2015
I pulled the nails out of the bat garage and knocked them into the ground. Hui knows why, probably because it was easy to get in.

And then the grandmother (the kingdom of heaven) said to the baby, "Make a wooden puddle for the child - let it develop!" The next morning I had a kianoko with which I walked knocking everywhere, imitating a tumultuous development. And at lunch the same day, while my grandmother was sleeping on the couch, I loaded her with this puddle in her forehead! My grandmother did not raise any more questions about my development, because Kiyanochka flew from the breakout into the river for 10 minutes... her hands.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №110606
 13.03.2015
Friendship between man and woman.
God, why did you actually decide that friendship excludes both sex and even thoughts about it? A close relationship based on mutual trust, attachment, common interests." My husband and I, for example, have been closest friends for many years, our relationship is based on mutual trust, attachment, common interests, and not on sex, although he is also very good. It is friendship that lies at the basis of long strong family relationships: if you have nothing to do with a man but to fuck, then nothing good in the future will come out of this.
Well, if you are not even in a romantic relationship, then why from one thought of sex everything else that binds you should instantly evaporate somewhere?

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №110605
 13.03.2015
From the 4pda on the pink iPhone:

Better black as Darth Vader.
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Zzzz: And he said he was your father.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №110604
 13.03.2015
but really - born after the 80s often some missed... my girl worked (85 AD, the highest degree), the cartoon "Treasure Island" saw it for the first time when we were chasing it in the office in order of relaxation. In the 2008s.
__________________________________
"I watched this cartoon as a child, but you didn’t!"
A reason for pride and an indicator of a broad horizon.
God, people, do you even know what kind of Aachen you are in?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №110603
 13.03.2015
I see that...
— — —
I was here on March 8th... congratulated in contact with the girl one cute... wrote a congratulation and a picture. In the picture, a cat-type brought a bouquet of flowers - a mercy to melt. Nothing confused me. Just I sent a message - in the tape this same photo with the signature of the "8 March independent woman"... I now understand why I don't have a girlfriend, I am a pathological troll.
— — —
This is not a troll, it is a society. A couple (and more) years ago (and a bouquet of cats is not a banana, it is a classic, google) I quietly sent this photo to different girls I knew, exclusively to delight and raise the mood. And it worked, and no one joked about “independent women.”

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №110602
 13.03.2015
In the cinema with children. There is a huge dog on the screen. Every time he publishes a long "rrrrrrr..." and at the end of the shocking "...VVVVAF!!!". Everyone ran away, only a small kitten is sitting with the dog in front of the cheek and watching the process with curiosity. On the next "rrrrrr..." the dog is slightly knocking his foot on his mouth. The dog silently silences, silences for a couple of seconds, starts again "rrrrrrrr...", again gets to the mouth, silences, staying on the naked piece of wool.
From the room a child’s voice: "Cast is knocking down!"

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №110601
 13.03.2015
Terry Pratchett has died. The world of his dust. Rest in the world!

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №110600
 13.03.2015
When your husband introduces his friends to you, do you not think that they also had sex together?
____________________________
I’ll tell you more: when any person in general introduces me to their friends of any gender, I think the least about whether they’re fucking or not. I was crazy about my sex.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №110599
 13.03.2015
The chest should not be large or small. It must be beautiful first of all.
YYY: First of all, she must be a woman.

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №110598
 13.03.2015
It is curious to note that the gods of the flat world never especially bothered themselves with all sorts of judgments over the souls of the dead, so people went to Hell only if they deeply and sincerely believed that there was their place. What’t have happened if they didn’t know about its existence. This explains why it is so important to shoot the missionaries at their first appearance." (c) Terry Pratchett.

A great writer has died today. May the earth be you, sir.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №110597
 13.03.2015
There is a left account in one blue network. Today I received a message from a friend:

Sergey, come in to Nicholas immediately!

O_0

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №110596
 13.03.2015
A flat world without a creator...Thank you, Terry Pratchett

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №110595
 13.03.2015
Cinderella syndrome in action. She bought a sexy maid's costume while washing, washing the refrigerator, the microwave, the bath and the floor throughout the house

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