bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №133511
 13.09.2016
Before the lesson of geometry, one of her classmates runs through everything and says that she will prove the theorem, to learn the proof of which was a homework. No one has to argue, we need an assessment.



We go to class and sit down. The classmate pulls her hand to prove the theorem and goes out to the board. Here I see that this girl begins a panic attack. It turns out, the teacher, in order not to waste time at the lesson, drawn a drawing to the theorem on the board in advance, but the summits of the figures signed with other letters (not in that order)... Everything went missing... because the classmate learned the proof of the theorem NOW, straight, his mother, as a poem... and change at least one letter in the drawing - a failure, because what she learned, she did not understand at all, just a set of sentences...



But I must say that the classmate quickly found a way out. She grabbed the cloth and quickly rewrote the letters at the top of the figures (there was no choice). And he began to read his poem, with a feeling, expressively)))) and it is appropriate to read the poem))).



Everyone, of course, understood everything - including the teacher, but she did not interrupt her, listened to the end and made an assessment.



It has been 14 years since I graduated from school, but I still remember this case... And now to my eldest son (2nd grade), when we do lessons, I always say that the main thing is to understand the meaning, and then everything else will be easy and simple.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №133510
 13.09.2016
I sell an avito LG phone my, almost new and with a bunch of accessories, as I gave friends on DR a new reason. The buyer calls, we negotiate, we agree on a meeting that he will come to our house after 19:00.



In about an hour, a call from an unknown number. A woman’s voice rings out of tension: “Allo, do you sell skies?”

Sorry, you may be wrong, I answer.

You are shit! I know where you live: Malenkovsky street, home(××). I will be there at 19. 00 and all the zenks you scratch out, you will know how to turn with other men, the ski hall of heroes - saliva and anger straight out of the phone speaker.



I was a little rushed. But the two times mentioned "skis" led to the thought:

Of course come here. The LG phone that will come man at 19. 00 to buy, obviously does not take it, a stitch with stools and the phone itself is clearly a female model.



Silence from the phone for half a minute and, “Oh, girl, sorry. Probably true to me on my birthday... Sadly only b/u gifts, but the truth is not to fat now... Nerves and anger popped... I look at his phone “Sky”. What skies in September I think, Kobe... I apologize again.”



God, don’t give me such jealousy and mistrust to my husband.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №133509
 13.09.2016
What fool did you put on?
I never turned it off.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №133508
 13.09.2016
Chort, my friend, how old I am.
YYY: Why is it?
xxx: Today I realized that I'm not looking for a relationship for the sake of 'body' pleasures, but ready for sex for the sake of relationships.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №133507
 13.09.2016
"In Moscow a man with a tail robbed a student".

And I could have killed the old woman, the old man!

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №133506
 13.09.2016
It was such an aristocrat that his dogs were nobles - d'Oberman, d'Ogi and

d's and the wicked

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №133505
 13.09.2016
I have the feeling that the nine lars found in the colonel are a clever advertising company of the Ministry of Internal Affairs. How many young people want to work there!

[ + 37 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №133504
 13.09.2016
I (eat the cake) suits my son (3 years old).
Q: Do you eat cake?! to
I: No, this is a fruit baking cake, do you want a piece?
C: No, I don’t like baking.
I know, I know, I know...

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №133503
 13.09.2016
In fact, the first meaning of the word ass is a donkey. Which has ears. Moreover, in Jerome's time it was the only meaning in the written language; the meaning of "Jop" appeared much later. So the translation is correct.

I will add, the British "ass" (asshole) rebirthed into the American "ass" (jopa) through the idiom "asshole". In the original - "the donkey hole", which subsequently changed the smiles to simply "the donkey", because Americans like to shorten words to one, usually the first slang. Thus, the English "seat" turned into the American "jopa". But we laugh at them not just because of that :)

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №133502
 13.09.2016
It was a long time ago, when there were no routes and people were often travelling along the way... I went by car from Volgograd to Moscow, on a business trip. On the "cross" in Ilovl stands an elderly woman with flowers and cake, of course stopped, asked..."Where? So far away, straight away, not reaching Mikhailovki! My son’s birthday is coming to him. And all the way she told him how good he was... As she said, not coming to the city, asks to stop. I say, let me wait until the son comes... “Yes, he’s out!” The cross is worth... How at that moment I wanted to turn home, to my mother...

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №133501
 13.09.2016
When I was a child, my aunt gave my son a drummer for his birthday. The child was full of joy all day. In the evening, I said to the child, “Sereja, do you want to see how the drum is arranged? You can resolve it. Then you can’t collect it.”

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №133500
 13.09.2016
Pirra Renard: There is a word wholly and fully explaining the causes of events happening in my life and their consequences, and the word is "Stupid"!

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №133499
 13.09.2016
One of my favourite jokes is an inscription from a children's work: "In the woods more often opened the woods." But none of my friends, the fox, understands it, because those of them who could appreciate the funnyness of the inscription, do not know the prison slang, and those who know, for some reason, the nichren is not funny.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №133498
 13.09.2016
1st You are a mother and you have a son.
2nd My son has a computer.
Three You are writing to a friend "My son has porn on the computer!"
4 is You can guess in 100% of cases.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №133497
 13.09.2016
xxx: I was choking at a friend in the garage, and he decided to squeeze my new jeans with a powder fire extinguisher. He joked and ran away, knocking the door outside. I decided to support the joke and unload the remnants of the fire extinguisher. The powder covered the tools, special clothes, shelves and everything with a good layer. They were so impressed by the joke that after two months they did not talk to each other.

Yyy: And you, I see, are a straight master of subtle intellectual humor.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №133496
 13.09.2016
Q: Did you have a contact quotation?
YYYYYYYYYYYYY
Yyy: I kicked the actor’s leg a little.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №133495
 13.09.2016
In the route sheet, the driver indicated the destination - the seagull. That is it, happiness!

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №133494
 13.09.2016
I came here to dig potatoes. Having loaded the last bag in the bag, my wife and I went to the bus stop. There are local ones. They noticed us, they fit. Well there. There are sighs like this, the classic is shorter. Fighting with them is reluctant. Well, I’m like Gordon going down the elevator to their level and say, “Brother, you’re that, you mark yourself for the beginning, you’re who you are at all? I am Viti Kalina, and who are you?” (The wife’s name is Kalinina)) A man with respect “aaah, heard, heard, sorry brother.” My wife now calls me that.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №133493
 13.09.2016
I had to visit the hospital in 2011 and so it happened that I decided to be operated. I lie down, waiting for the honey sister to come to shave me and prepare for the operation in every way. The chamber (preoperative or as it is called there...) was for 3 patients, but we were only two, I and my grandfather were 75. The first row on the shave fell on the grandfather that was there with his leg. The honey sister came and closed the veil between me and my grandfather to shave him alone so to say. The process of shaving began, accompanied by the sounds of the shaving of the shave at the foot, through the screen everything is heard perfectly. After five minutes of shaving, apparently when the sister finished, the grandfather says, “Girl, this is not that leg.” I tried to keep it from laughing, but in the end everything was rotting :)

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №133492
 13.09.2016
To be honest, I am a fan of BDSM. I love when I am physically hurt (within the limits of reasonable, of course).When meeting young people, how to immediately burn out my hobbies - is not quite normal.And imagine, about a month ago I met a cute young man, feeling that I am no longer in patience, invited him to myself to "see a movie". He was powerful, with a good sense of humor, and behaved confidently and strictly, thinking that he is perfect for the role of the dominant, after 15 minutes of watching the film, tactically asked:- you ever bound a girl? it was necessary to see the eyes of this guy... he whispered answered-no.- Do you want to try?(his eyes were rounded even more) feeling uncomfortable, I decided to relax him a little. I removed the cough, I sit in the lift, I look at his reaction.He is silent, and I am terribly uncomfortable... minutes pass, the silence is there.I persistently, with an unbearable desire, I say to him - make me hurt! He raises his hand (after which I carefully watch all sorts of actions), and sharply, looking straight into my eyes... like a shellband :D and filled with hysterical laughter

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