My daughter went to my grandmother in the summer. She is 5 years. He helps in the farm.In the evening he meets his sheep, the shepherd of which is chased by the shepherd to the beginning of the street, and then who is where they run.Since sheep are stupid creatures by nature, they are met with pieces of bread, or they can run past the house."Your" sheep are recognized by the attached bright clothes of a certain color. They have pieces of bread, others are driven away (bread is not enough to feed everybody))) The daughter likes to meet sheep. Every evening she gets her bread and runs to her sheep, gives them pieces of bread, and they run after her to the yard. But someday, Aries Borke, something didn't like in the behavior of the girl, and he began to push the daughter in the back. It pushes her to fall, waiting for her to jump up and run away. He pushes, he pushes again. A grandmother runs to save her granddaughter. granddaughter to her. A few steps before the grandmother moves on to the strut step, smashing the hand of the sludge and tears, gives out:

Grandma, where is Grandpa? Let’s cut it off to the fucking mother!! to



Grandma is a teacher of Russian language and literature. To say that she lost her jaw is not to say anything.)))

When I was 15, I wanted to go to the sea to rest, but there was no money to travel. I decided to earn them. I bought a newspaper with ads and started looking for a low-skilled job. I found a suitable ad. I called. I was invited by the manager of one of the shops. I needed a truck.



I was small, but not stupid. The head of the warehouse assured me that the first week to work for free, but then will be paid money. Oh a miracle! I’m going to be charged, and I’ll be paid for it! It is incredible! He will only give money at the end of the month, just like the rest of the workers. He sent this “non-companion.”



I go home sad. Walked on foot (approximately 14 blocks to the house). By the edge of the ear he heard a man standing on the street and loudly spoke to the phone: "Have you gone to hell! I will find another assistant. Go on! “” I don't know what bothered me, but I approached that same man and actually asked for helpers myself.



He agreed that he would pay every day. I started working the next day. Started very early in the morning. I woke up at five in the morning, drank tea, made sandwiches and left the house before my parents woke up. The work was simple, but very difficult: it was necessary to pull the solution, to pull the sand, to pull the cement, to pull the bricks, to pull the boards... It was necessary to pull a lot of things.



Started the concrete mixer at half-seven. From three o’clock we had a break. The master went somewhere, and I rested right on the building. By the end of the first week, I learned to sleep on broken boards. By the way, daytime sleep recovered well. Even going through hell was impossible. Then they continued to work until six and separated. Every day I had 250 rubles in my pocket. Sometimes I earned 300 (if you were delayed). In a year and a half, I went to the sea. It was the hardest money in my life. Even before the sea I got a smooth chocolate thistle. The palms represented a layer of muscles. I never thought that another mosquito could form under the mosquito.



It was then that I learned to value every ruble. I was very sorry to spend the money earned afterwards and mossels. That summer, I realized that I didn’t want to work this way all my life and I needed to go to the universe. No matter where. Work with your head, not your hands.



Since September, I’ve been trying to study like I’ve never studied before. That was when I got a real incentive to learn.

When I was a child, I had hamsters. fruited above measure, for which they were occasionally hunted, and planted in different aquariums: females in one, males - in another, respectively. This gave me food for reflection: the females began to fight, and in the end, the two simply bite. The males, after a couple of days of celibacy, began to actively curl each other in the bats. As a result, a few of the smallest and weakest died: the intestines rose from the buttocks. Yes, the females eventually started with lesbians.



In the summer, I took them to the house. There I allowed some especially obedient people to walk: I let them go, in the expectation that they would return. They returned. One (I called him Bublik) was a truly deserved veteran: he was constantly in history, but managed to survive. He did not have the left eye (he fell into the mouse), and both ears were broken into the slats (it was already rattled on the moths of the dacha). On his back he had a couple of seals, which seemed to be scars (it was he who met the courtyard cat).



As a child, I had to eat caffeine pills (low blood pressure was), so these wheels I always had a breakdown (in the class I was like a dealer). When I got home, I saw a package of pills. There was no pill. The bubble reached the package - and dragged it to himself in the cage. In short, that evening he was stunned more than ever: all night he was jumping in the wheel, scratching his legs, like a natural racing horse. From time to time, he fell out of the wheel, drank from the drink for a long time, after which he fell on his side, and shaken in convulsions for a couple of minutes. Then he jumped, and again on the wheel. By the morning he calmed down and I thought he would sink – no! He fell asleep and began to crawl through the cage. After a couple of minutes, I pulled out the slice: a piece of the pill, under-eaten the day before - and tasted it deliciously. Since then he has become a caffeine addict. Because of this, he became the real alpha male of the entire hamster herd, having bite everything that moved within reach and what could not. in rare moments when I didn't throw him another pill - he was wildly irritable, and against this background - he tempted the cat heavily (he had to take to the veterinarian, sew his foot and cheek). The cat then nodded from him at the corner.



He died not so epic, but extremely bloody: he came out of the cage for an evening promenade, and I, not noticing this bastard, entering the room, closed the door. His back was under the door (in the gap between the door and the floor). When I went out, the door clogged, so I pushed it harder. At the bottom, something crumbled, and the hamster fucker was blotted with a half-circle at the entrance to the room.



Blessed the whole apartment.

I was 15 years old, I went to my girlfriend for her birthday, but something went wrong with my girlfriend, the fever rose, the girl got sick. Well, I sat for half an hour for decency and went home. I go in and I hear this - ah, ah, oh, oh. Okay, I quietly closed the door, went to the kitchen, made tea, sat in the corner, drink. Here I hear running, laughing in the hallway, flying up into the kitchen, red like crabs, sweating, breathing like horses after races, well, though not naked - mom in a coat, father in families. And here I... They stopped, the eyes opened, the hair stood inviting.

What are you doing here?

I drink tea.

- Oh, and we slept, slept, got up, decided to drink a cup.

We pour ourselves, we sit in silence, we drink, my mother tries to bring the breath in order, my father looks at the ceiling.

I sat down for a moment, went, I say, to sleep. As I walked out into the hallway, I heard a breath of relief.

One day after lunch, my grandmother looked at me for a long time and finally said:

You are not so terrible.



Thank you grandmother, life has become much more fun.

Pessimists immediately marry full women, so as not to be disappointed.

The New Year's Adventures of the Cat.

For some reason it is believed that the most suitable name for a cat is Vaska. I do not know. Among the cats I know only one. And that not entirely. Not exactly a cat. But formally yes. And so – no.

There was a New Year's event with Vasks in one office. Whether gas drivers, or oil producers, or maybe even gold miners. Two young men from the office were returning from a six-month long journey. Before the New Year. It looks like the movie geologists, if you look above the collar. Beards, mouths airy with northern thinning. You know the north, right? Unlike the South, only oil is washed if rubbed with sand.

The costumes were dotted with cravates. And it must be said that working in the fresh air exclusively contributes to the development of the muscle frame. Dresses with T-shirts on the shoulders. Why in the figures is indiscriminacy and fear. So that the clothes do not break up in joy. In the airplane, a liter of CO was eaten to the bottom - that an elephant was crushed. But there is smell. and cognac.

They came back before the new year. Right in Domodedovo, in the old yet, and maybe Sheremetyevo is also not new. The drivers had to meet them. Slots anyway. But they forgot to call in a hurry, or if there was anything else in the dispatch. did not meet. We hired a taxi. One sat in front, the other, clearly from behind. There was a passenger in the car. A boy in the corner.

- Son what, - the driver asks, who is in front of the castle, - took a ride with him?

No, the driver is not my son. The boy was at the airport. Third day in turn. They tried to surrender to the militia, one time escaped, the second little that escaped and bitten everyone there and scratched. He says nothing about himself, fleeing, looking out of the shelter. His name is Vasco.

Both of the passengers, Vaskoy. As a cat.

“You are the shit cats,” the boy reacted, “and I am Vasily.

These beards are even stronger.

- Don't be offended, boy, go with us, we will introduce you to this Cat. We are now in the office for a party, we have a tree there, the artists with Cobson, the Cat is there too. You will like each other. What if the boss takes you back to the airport?

and took. Meet the cat. The cat is not a real cat. And the entire director. And what they call him like the Cat Vasco is just friends. This is Vasily Ivanovich Cat. Vaska Cat liked, he took the boy home, to meet the new year. Cat one, Vaska one, two more fun to celebrate the new year. Almost thirty years ago.

Now one of the worries is not what it would be in retirement, what a pension at sixty-five - a man in full blossom of strength, a hundred-fifty lying bump. But on a trip, a cat moves in his place. Vasily Vasilyevich Cat, son of the Cat. A graduate of some prestigious institute, whether in oil, gas, or diamonds in general. No, I know exactly which one. I know the real name, but I don’t know. Everything happens on Christmas and New Year, if you believe it. If you don’t believe it, even more. But less often.

An intelligent man runs for beer through the ranks of the workers.
Where are you going, glasses? The workers shouted to him. Do you see the working class standing in line?
What a working class you are in 70 years of no revolution!

When I first looked at the matrix at the age of 9, it made a big impression on me.

Everyone in school asked each other what kind of pills would you choose? And of course everyone said red, it's so cool shooting, fighting.

At the age of 15, after reviewing it, I thought to the hell this boring and boring life I was against the system, exactly red!

Now I am 25 and recently I revised the matrix again, and even without thinking I realized that well in the ass all this, of course blue, I want to eat deliciously watching the series with my wife and to hide with friends, and not that’s all that’s in the movie. Let me lie in the water with a hole in my neck.

The next day he asked this question to a colleague, he was 32 years old.

He said that he would not even go to the morphine, he needs to take the child from the kindergarten, pay the mortgage and in general in a week he has a vacation.

Question: 40 years old, how are you doing this?

My friend works in a small provincial town as an ambulance doctor. They have this practice: if the patient requires a complex, but not very urgent operation, he is taken by car to Moscow, to go at 7 a.m., so it is quite acceptable. Naturally, it is an ambulance and naturally, doctors accompany it. They usually go to the capital fast and without stops, and back already relaxed.

One day a brigade of doctors returned from Moscow; the patient was taken away, in Moscow they stayed for a couple of hours - and back. They have been there for a long time and everybody wants to eat. They stopped at the street grocery store, the driver and the police officer closed the car, and my friend went to order something. It was empty in the tavern, but when the service staff, consisting exclusively of representatives of the southern republics, saw a doctor coming to them, in the form very strongly resembling the form of the staff of the sanepidemnadzor, there was no one left. Turning the chairs and jumping out of the windows, the cashier, the cook, the cleaner and the rest rushed away.

After a little thought, the brigade decided not to eat here, but to look for something with more confident staff.