I sat down at night, drank a beer, watched a series. At three o’clock I remembered that my friend’s birthday had already begun. Knowing that a friend with humor and not offended decided to call him immediately and congratulate him. I called, but he did not take the phone. I think okay.

The next night, I sleep, exactly at three o’clock, a friend calls, takes the phone, asks, “why did you call?”))

Two years ago, in my multi-thousand enterprise, a girl from the supplier for a joke blinded the director’s order to cut wages by 20 percent and dismiss 10 percent of the company’s employees. After sending this to his colleagues in the department and about 30 people there, he began to watch and laugh quietly at the reaction of people. Everything would be nothing but by the time she said it was a joke-sarafan radio spread this news throughout the factory and forced a lot of chiefs of workshops and other units to sweat a lot by gathering emergency meetings on the reduction of the state. If you are reading this, sign up! Let me know what happened to you after this epic dismissal? P.s : but they even wanted to launch a criminal case on this photoshop masterpiece))))

I remember, I had nothing to remember before. Now another thing is to remember and it remains.

Wunsdorf, Legnica and Milovice To the question, what is common between these three names, the quickest answer will follow from the male who served in the Soviet Army :) In these cities there was the command of groups of Soviet troops in the GDR, PRR and Czechoslovakia together with large military units, and it was there that additional ambulance trains from Moscow began to take out officer families and freelancers when the process of withdrawal of Soviet troops began. The appointment of these trains was carried out by special orders issued in the last minute, and the popularity of the guides they did not enjoy: drunken with sorrow and fear of the future officer, scandalous officer wives "Mit Kidern and Babychen", not willing to pay for excess baggage, indispensable brigades of inspectors, like griffs flying to the smell of violations... in general, almost guaranteed recovery, and there and before the transfer from overseas to domestic flights nearby. Here they became guides there to appoint students - what are the demands?

Call from the car station:
Can you take an extra flight tomorrow?
Again a milk?
No, the order did not come, today Prague, the tour group.
We arrive in Prague at the Main Station, the center of the city. Eight in the morning, back at two in the afternoon. We quickly prepare the cars for the return flight - now you can go to the city. According to the idea, one conductor should stay in each wagon, but, fucking, what can happen in the quietest Prague at all? There are two students on the whole train (12 cars), the rest together with the boss - to the city for shopping.

We come back early - opla, and the composition on the platform and not. Well, we think the water filled off, the matter of five minutes. Time goes by, there is no composition, we smell petroleum and go to the station boss.
Where is the train to Moscow?
- And he was taken to Milovice, he is leaving there today.
When will he come from Milovic to Prague?
- And he will not go to Prague, he will go directly to Moscow... (looking at the clock)... or rather, he has already gone. What did you want?
We are his brigade.
There is no scene. The head of the station grabs the phone, speaks a lot and loudly in Czech, turns to us:
He did everything he could. Your train will be delayed for an hour in Cologne, this is an hour on the electric train, which leaves in 2 minutes. If you don’t have time, your train will leave without you. The March!

I never ran so fast. We succeeded, we came to Colin, we see the train, we knock - nobody opens. Finally, a sleeping passenger appears:
Should you?
Open, we are your guides.
You surrendered to us, and we are well without you.

When the crew came to Milovic and was delivered for landing, the two students left on it realized that a global crash had occurred, and managed to ensure the landing of the whole crew, and then twice rotated, as if on a paddle, serving 12 wagons. Such a strange system of service of the Soviet train did not go unnoticed by the Soviet military commander of the Czech station, and a telegram flew to the border. The inspectors who arrived on the signal found complete order on the train: peacefully sleeping passengers, a train brigade set, no violations. The chief of the train with the rough brick went into a deaf negative, and the very idea that the train brigade could be fully behind the train was rejected with indignation. There were also no willing people in the ministry to take action: after all, this changed schedule was not brought to the attention of the brigade because of their fault. As a result, the incident was safely forgotten, and we had a saying for several years: "Well, why are you rushing like a Cologne electric car?"

My grandfather, until his death at the age of 105, ate caviar at every meal and drank a good French cognac. Five times a week I ate a half-pound steak and drank a bottle of old Italian red wine. Once a week, at his request, we ordered him two prostitutes and four drops of cocaine.
Why did he die?
We killed him. It was impossible to carry out such expenses.

Be more restrained...

When I worked in the state laboratory, I was the only male representative in our FHMA department. One day, around 3 p.m., the grandmothers, as usual, drank tea in the remote cabinet, and I worked in the nearby cabinet (the remote cabinet passed through the cabinet where I worked). Suddenly an unknown man in a costume came in. Judging by the reaction of the grandmothers, he was a very important person, for all the grandmothers stood up when they saw him, and sat back only after he left. After talking to the grandmothers, the old man in the costume began to leave. But before he went out, he turned around at the door and, pointing to me with his finger, said, “Don’t offend my grandson. This is the youngest son of my eldest daughter.” He blinked at me with a smile. After that he went out. Everyone was left with their eyes round of surprise, including me. When I was asked, “Is that true?I said, “Yes, this is pure truth.”

If a half-hour video found a couple of minutes of desired information - it is still lucky. Sometimes, you are looking for, for example, a disassembly of a fresh notebook, so that you don't break the tip, you come across a video called "the replacement of the HDD with the SSD in the $model_note$". Oh, what is needed! A typical chronology:

5 minutes to look at the box

5 minutes – consider how beautiful it is and what ports it has

10 minutes - turn on, wait for full loading with the deployment of the master of the initial settings "think username and password", without installation

2 minutes - and video sponsor - multiwark redmond, crazy! carefully press the buttons on the multivark, because after recording the video it will need to be packed and returned

3 minutes - we show that the new laptop brakes, in some frankly fucking way, like copying a big film from the C disk to the D disk. in the frame large-scale window inscription "3 hours and 25 minutes left", which floats and does not focus.

30 seconds - we find out that this can be fixed by replacing the disk with the SSD. the slide of frames, the hook - before us a notebook, in which the HDD was replaced by the SSD and the OS was slid. In any case, they updated the page and overwhelmed if YouTube did not collapse. No, it is really a scratch.

further convinced that the SSD really works faster, learned that tickets need to be bought on airlines, denial, anger, bargain, depression, acceptance, let’s look for the next video.

In second grade I did not want to go to school. In the morning she got up before everyone, hiding things (the guy left) and herself under the bed. What I thought, I probably go out later, I'll be a little offended and don't have to go. In the morning, they were looking for me, telling me where I was.In the end, when I went out, it turned out that it was Sunday. This is a failure (

What is the most disgusting secret you are hiding right now?



DARTHVICKER: My wife went into a drunkard with her colleagues and ran into shit. I had difficulty bringing her home. She cut off, arranged drunk cries, blew - it was a nightmare and not for the first time. When I put her in bed, I went and joked on the runway next to her car, and then told her that she had done it when she was drunk and that our neighbor had seen her do it. She discovered it when she went to work the next day. Since then, she has not been drunk on people, and it happened 4 years ago. If she still allows herself, then only one drink with her colleagues after work and that’s all.

I have a friend in Germany. All things work. And then she got an offer to work in South Africa as the head of some department. She gladly told me, and I was like this:

Stop, South Africa is Africa!

Well yes.

You go there to be the boss. Black people will not listen to you. They are lazy, unlike you, the Germans, they are not disciplined.

All is understandable. You believe in stereotypes about Africa. It is the 21st century, it has not been so long ago. Yes, and you’re from the post-Soviet space, you’re a bit racist about black people there. In fact, everything is different.



If you want, let’s see. She went there in January and worked. No one listens to her, does not want to work, is openly despised. In March, she openly hated all her black employees (there were white employees who listened to her) and decided to fly back to Germany. Europe is closed to flights. Just recently arrived from South Africa, all nervous, evil. She tells everyone about life in South Africa, and the Germans who know her don’t believe, now think that she is racist and has invented everything. The propaganda cape works in Europe.