In the corporate chain:
of interest:
The dollar is so expensive.
How much will the salary increase from next year?
How much will the New Year’s Prize be?

and knowing:
The new year prize will be half a meter, approximately from the elbow
The salary from the new year will grow sanimeter by 20, approximately to the knees!

Condemnation on the forum of the ruble:
"The Bank of Russia in one end"

What is this destruction? The old woman with a whistle? The witch that broke all the glasses, extinguished all the lamps?
It is this: if, instead of operating every night, I start singing a choir in my apartment, I will be destroyed.
- If I, entering the bathroom, start, sorry for the expression, to urinate past the toilet and the same will do Zina and Daria Petrovna, the bathroom will begin to ruin.
Consequently, the destruction is not in the clothes, but in the heads.
So when these baritons shout “be the ruin!” I laugh. I swear I am funny.
It means that each of them should scratch himself in the back! And now, when he cleans out all kinds of hallucinations and cleans the barracks - his direct affair - the destruction will disappear by itself.
Bulgakov, " Dog Heart" Prof. The transformation:

Supplementary
Newly...

In my early childhood, I was taken to an oculist. As my parents suggested, I was prescribed glasses. And no one knew that I just didn’t know the alphabet.

How did you pick up the glasses? Or when you were put on -14 diopters, did you immediately recall Z and B?
____________

1) To check the visual acuity in children use a table with silhouettes (animals, plants, household items, etc.) Didn’t he swallow either?
2) Sivtsev table in the right part consists of gaps in circles. I don’t know where the left is?
3) At the "minus" the doctor looks at the retina and the lens.

So either someone is lying, or the doctor is not the doctor.

Morning chat at work
— — —
Maria: I just saw a piece of blue sky next to the office. A rare luck.
Maria (it is about the good)
What a sunset it was yesterday!
The sunset of the ruble

Remember I gave you a coin of 1 euro? Return to
yyy: for this euro I have been eating for the second month, so it won't work
xxx: the remaining 96 cents return at least

The Darth Vader, and you...

Please provide everyone with a written explanation who does not go to the corporate before 18:00 to the secretary (who will not give up the money will be automatically disbursed!)
Unfortunately, the event was planned for 50 people, and some executives spent a lot of time organizing the holiday for you, your refusal to attend the event is perceived as disrespectful to the employer and to their colleagues who have tried and try for you.
The management will consider 5 respectable explanatory, from all the others will be written off 1000r, we are waiting for you at the event

From Habr:
AAA: I have to complain, if I am not confusing anything, to RosPotrebnadzor.
BBB: The main thing is that RosComnadzor does not block the user's access to RosPotrebnadzor :)
CCC: These two organizations may have been inherited from the same parent class of RosAbstraktnadzor. I am beginning to understand the structure of our country.
XXX: I think you have to complain about sports lotto, this is the most reliable way in Russia!

At Avito in the collection section some guy sold all the $2 bill for 200 rubles.
I need to see if I hear a profitable purchase 😉

December 16, 2014 entered the Guinness Book of Records on the production of bricks per capita in Russia.

You will not enlighten, "semi-impotent" - is it how?
-------
About the “semi-impotent” I don’t know, but the “semi-automatic” member goes down by himself and rises with his hands.

When I was young, I was a millionaire.
And now?
Not yet, but I will be back soon.

In general, by feeling, the guards select the most strange and inadequate people. I suspect an interview.
“Hm, okay, the army, the stalk, the license for weapons. Everything is fine, the last question. Are you strange and inadequate?
Of course, here is the certificate.
Great, you are coming to us!

Elena: I can’t calm down with this momba...why? No login or password...how could I??? I know I’m drunk, but still 😉
Svetlana: not "reset the password" by NoTelephone?
I have to go back to log in 😉 😉 😉
Swedish (rofl)
From here comes morality.
We need to install the alcohol tester in the phone. so that he asks you for a confirmation of sobriety before sending SMS or registering on the Mamba))
Elena: Shake up, there’s not even a single thought I could have come up with at that moment.
Svetlana: you have to go back to that degree of sobriety)))) it will come to mind itself))
It has never happened with me before.)
Svetlana: there is no blocking type "you have three attempts"?
Try it from Mail.
Elena: Mail is not tied – it’s certain
Svetlana: but a couple of logins - password you could use? Or do you invent for each individual registration?
Logon is the phone number.
Switzerland: No 8
Elena: I don’t think...
The PIN code of the salary card.
Svetlana: the name of favorite spirits?
Svetlana: the phrase "I want, ble, man", picked up in Latin??? to
Yuhhhhhhhhhhh!!! (The Party)
Svetlana: What is it? I guessed it??? :O O

YYY: the man of Minsk from Moscow writes - *la, what to do, I earn like in Minsk))
XXX: I will roast for a long time when the crowds of Moscovites will go to lay tiles and paste wallpapers in Uzbekistan and Moldova

You have taken your course, go off here. For example, I want to go on a course, I want to read humor here.

What is better to buy for 2000 rubles?
Yy: The Hour of Love

Childhood ended when parents stopped buying you a box of candy for the New Year. = = (

People who have seen a lot of bad things are somewhat alarmed, but really scared by those who have not seen anything good.

Neighbors behind the wall watch football matches on the Internet, and I watch it on TV. This is the “go-o-ol!” First I scream, and then after 30 seconds the neighbors are already.
They even offered me money to keep silent.