bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №138927
 17.02.2017
XX: I have come to this conclusion.
The lonely sysadmin is no different from the lonely woman.
XXX: One with a lot of cats

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №138926
 17.02.2017
Knowledge is power!
The cyanide potassium is just from blue acid and makes...
Blue acid is a very volatile volatile compound, and dark nuts for it is not necessary, it is easier to get synthetically, and the cyanide sodium at 1 course in the inorganic laboratory is obtained, so there are no problems. And carbolic acid is nothing more than a phenol, and by chemical structure is not an acid at all. Transparent is not synonymous with colorless!!! In the characteristics of the reagent always write a transparent, red color, or transparent, slightly yellowish...The device for measuring something is a photocolorimeter, (FEC) on it measure the concentration of the substance of the colored solution, so that slightly yellowish or yellow is a big difference, while the solution remains transparent, otherwise the light will not pass through it. Exceptionally convenient for urine tests.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №138925
 17.02.2017
The man’s logic.

I don’t know everyone in the office yet. I came to eat in the kitchen, warm up the food, all in working thoughts. A woman stands at the table, cutting vegetables. -"Hello you are happy! Thanks to you too!"
I went to wash my hands, I come back, the girl stands cutting vegetables... It seems the same as before, but not the one... do not say hello? and panic)
I lower my eyes. No to! A different shape of the ass) means a different girl.
Hello, I say good appetite!

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №138924
 17.02.2017
I work in a bookstore:

- Do you have sets for browsing, panels, strings for browsing?
This is a bookstore.
Well, I thought – since you have books on sewing, then maybe there are sets...
I have medicines and cooking books. But to open the pharmacy combined with the dining room I am not in a hurry.

Is there a colour scotch?
No is
And the green?

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №138923
 17.02.2017
XX: In a dream three days wrote "Mario" on 1C.
XX: It was Mario with a new weapon – a basketball ball. And I was terrified about how to make the physics of this ball.
XX: And then there was a presentation with a bunch of people. And I was ashamed because I didn’t drink those pieces of code where Mario mocked the matte and made the nasty jokes.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №138922
 17.02.2017
A strong, independent woman, who has her business, money and status, has no right to get a child from whom she wanted, having given up alimony in advance (well, or almost given up, that is, they will lie on her father only in case of her disability, the transition of the poverty line, loss of workability and other unexpected). But unfortunately! She has no such right. The man will be deducted anyway. And since this immediately scares 90% of potential fathers, forcing her to either choose artificial insemination with an unknown goat in the clinic, or forced to connect with someone with a permanent family, all of her self-sufficiency and independence legally turns into a scam.

You can put a sketch in the "father" column. You can adopt a child. Not all strong and independent people want to have children at all. And the phrase "forced to connect with someone permanent family" is generally surprising: the husband takes much less time than the child, and helps him grow up. There are, of course, babysitters (we are provided under the condition of the task), but if you do not communicate with him, do you not pass on his knowledge and do not educate him? Because it should be so? You are not independent.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №138921
 17.02.2017
I remembered the story of a pigeon on a bicycle in the summer.

xxx: The story happened in the summer when I was riding a bike trail. On the way I followed, a not frightened flock of pigeons formed, for which the rapidly approaching object did not pose a threat. In a meter before contact, the herd decides to leave its current habitat. The lack of analytical thinking did not allow to calculate the trajectory of the flight, or over them the desire to commit suicide prevailed. Thus, one of the members of this herd inevitably collided with my leg and accelerated, according to Newton's second law. As a result, this angry bird headed toward a fortification structure called a bench. Well, it is believed that on a beautiful summer evening on the bench there were several modmuazels, the density of which on this bench was such that it did not allow the feathered projectile to fly past. In spite of Newton’s pedal laws, I started to rotate faster.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №138920
 17.02.2017
The importation

B dining room of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of the Russian Federation in Moscow, opposite the classic chicken cottlets in panirova, known as cottlets in Kiev, hanged the inscription "cottlets in Crimea".

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №138919
 17.02.2017
V.m: Here's how I'm sometimes arranged for the TZ: Well, in general, I had an initial request - a light one-handed elephant, but which is still one-handed, not a sword without a guard - there are light swords, about so - only a sword. That it resembles a lightweight sword rather than a sword.
But the sword!
V.M: And as a sword

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №138918
 17.02.2017
I always thought that a joke is when both sides laugh, not one. This is not a joke, but a ridicule or humiliation. This also applies to joke.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №138917
 17.02.2017
The Dignity:
A good sight. I play battlefield 1 in 4k and on ultra settings, everything is stable, below 60 has not fallen

The shortcomings:
not

The general impressions:
I feel a little sorry.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №138916
 17.02.2017
The post of Russia trolls either itself or people. Established Post-Bank, but not accepting card payments. at all. Even a post bank card.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №138915
 17.02.2017
We went to the theatre with Tania.
Courtesy of Dramatic.
The premiere of Hamlet.
The actor is a shit.
I forgot the text.
They closed the curtain - and judging by the sounds, they broke his p$s.
Waiting for another actor.
Oh, and it is simple!!! to

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №138914
 17.02.2017
In 2013, the month of August. At the ChrtkK “Grozny” in Chechnya – we are mounting a film about a regiment of local special forces. In addition to the filming, there is, among other things, an interview with the commander of the regiment on various topics. We get to the point when the Colonel says:

We are not equal to the West. What a western place where a man lives with a man!

The director of the installation, a healthy guy named Tamerlan, a fighter, hearing this, dies. Without changing his face, he said:

The homophobes are cursed.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №138913
 17.02.2017
0KLRiyDQv9C40LTR:
Where do they get money from? When I was studying at the university, there were reactants, and some I even drank, but there were not so many.
Modern equipment of the unit. In the department of analytical chemistry in my new was only a fuck, which
light permeability determines, I don't remember how the device is called and I'm not sure that the term is correct, generally you go there,
he gives a value, for example 0.25, et for something I don't remember. There were advanced electronic weights.
It can be measured with accuracy up to millions of grams of weight. Well, these devices were allowed to us only a couple of times,
Prep showed how it works, and all.

by Alket:
First I hanged on your strange nick, then saw the phrase "and some I even drank" and the questions disappeared

[ + 38 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №138912
 17.02.2017
One day I bought a big Purina bag at Wal-Mart for our dog. While I was in the line, a woman asked me if I had a dog.

I was a little annoyed, so after giving in to the impulse, I said to her, “No, I’m just sitting on the Purina diet again... although it probably isn’t worth it because I got into the hospital because of the last time... but I lost 50 pounds before I woke up in the resuscitation room with tubes coming out of my two hands.”

Her eyes came out of the orbit.

I continued to tell about my fictional diet, and she completely believed every word I said. I told her, “It’s a simple, inexpensive diet. You just load your pockets with purine food and eat one or two pieces every time you feel hungry. It says it’s a nutritious and full-fledged food, so I’m going to try it again.”

I have to mention here that almost everyone in the line was already fully enthusiastic about my story, especially the tall guy behind it.

Terrified, she asked me what poisoned me in the dog feed and why I was in the hospital.

I said, “Nothing... I was just sitting on the street and licking my ass when I got under the car.”

I thought the tall guy would just grumble of laughter.

This is pikabu

[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №138911
 17.02.2017
During my marriage, I had a familiar family. They lived with an agreement: the days of the week were guilty of all misfortunes, and the days of the week were guilty of misfortunes. On Sunday, for balance, Cat.

There was no quarrel in my memory.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №138910
 17.02.2017
I recently got out of work for a break, I end the phone conversation, I hear from the back: "Girl, tell me, where is the Fort store? "

I think about myself, “How can you not see him? ? to The wing in the neighboring house, just 10 meters away. I turn around and the man is blind. And somewhat annoyingly I say, “You’re going in the right direction.” Then I analyze my idiotic response and how uncomfortable it is for him to go through the winter trails with a stick and immediately add, “Let’s let me lead you?” He immediately and confidently takes my hand and says, “Oh, thank God, a normal man! All of them answer me there.” and laughing. You laugh, Carl

I couldn’t come up with an excuse for people who explained the road to the blind through “there”... By the end of the day, this phrase was spinning in my head.

And the man joked that his legs were all right and his fists didn’t scare him. I sincerely wish you a good day.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №138909
 17.02.2017
I go to the lighthouse with a two-year-old son. In anticipation of the green signal on the lighting, a few pedestrians are already missing. A small street in the old city centre. The road is not wide, it is well seen on both sides. The light is very “long”. The fire is still red, but there are no cars yet.

What do pedestrians do? is correct. Everyone courageously walks on the road. The son at his two years already knows exactly why the lighting is needed, but obeying the herd feeling, he also tries to walk.

Here I say with a very strict voice, “Kuudдаа on red? Back to! »

His son took a step back. And the same step in my team is done by everyone else. Man is six. Their heads were pulled into their shoulders and returned to the sidewalk. After a couple of seconds, two or three of them nervously turned around to see who was so terrible in their backs. Whoever smiled, someone blamed his nose. Everyone was waiting for the green.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №138908
 17.02.2017
Our justice is now more consistent with the image of a woman with a veil than the half-naked of the brake Femida.

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