One day I bought a big Purina bag at Wal-Mart for our dog. While I was in the line, a woman asked me if I had a dog.

I was a little annoyed, so after giving in to the impulse, I said to her, “No, I’m just sitting on the Purina diet again... although it probably isn’t worth it because I got into the hospital because of the last time... but I lost 50 pounds before I woke up in the resuscitation room with tubes coming out of my two hands.”

Her eyes came out of the orbit.

I continued to tell about my fictional diet, and she completely believed every word I said. I told her, “It’s a simple, inexpensive diet. You just load your pockets with purine food and eat one or two pieces every time you feel hungry. It says it’s a nutritious and full-fledged food, so I’m going to try it again.”

I have to mention here that almost everyone in the line was already fully enthusiastic about my story, especially the tall guy behind it.

Terrified, she asked me what poisoned me in the dog feed and why I was in the hospital.

I said, “Nothing... I was just sitting on the street and licking my ass when I got under the car.”

I thought the tall guy would just grumble of laughter.

This is pikabu