At an old job, the boss once asks:
How much time do you need for the program?
Well, in three months, you can show something, you will see.

(3 months has passed)
and hello. Is the program ready? We sold it to two customers, it is time to deliver.
– O_O

XXX: My sister is burned
xxx: grit, from her cough dragging, as if you had been drinking a week
I actually drank for a week...

News with comments:
The Security Council of the Russian Federation will discuss the disconnection of Russia from the global internet

Urriy: And it can make the Kremlin a museum and leave them there alone without the internet, foreign food and clothing. There are no elections, only a crazy king and a courtyard. Let them invent their "laws", and we show them in the humorous magazine "Kremlin news"?

My mom started posting icons on Facebook. I wrote on a pair of boards that she sells icons wholesale. After 20 or 50 calls, the icons were removed.

In the evening I go home from work, tired, the whole day laid networks, set up comps, dropped routes, set up firewalls...

Behind me a guy walked, we approached the elevator together. I go in, turn around, and by habit I ask:

Which to you?
The fifth... – without any fear the guy answers...
- OK - I say and I start ticking the lift buttons: 1,9,2,1,6,8,1,4,3,...

And only when the elevator (by some miracle not going crazy, touched to go to some random floor) came to me the realization of what happened... I turn to the guy, and the one in the corner pressed and eyes like a frog, he looks at me not glimpsing... Apologized to him - said that he reworked, he seemed to believe, but from the elevator all the way, he ran out afterwards...

I did not know that Kosovo was a country until it imposed sanctions on Russia.

My wife briefly explained everything.

I look fucking late.

Study of personnel. The lecturer (L) has been arguing with the girl (D) for three minutes about compliance with the laws in personnel affairs:
D (hot): And the accountant tells us to do what is convenient for them! Well, what’s a little wrong with the law...We’re a team!
L (flegmatic): team and sit down. It will be more fun.

citizens of Zekai and Zekai, former present and future
Remember one proverb "beware the honor of the straw". But once you have lost, you do not have to smell that you are so good to show some wrong attitude, because there is even more hatred in the world than you.

A joke on the subject.

An old Scottish man sits in a pub, sits, pulls a beer, smokes a tube. He sat, sat and said:
This is this mill, I built it myself, ONE!... I gathered the stones, put the solution and built... but for some reason nobody calls me McFlaren the builder of mills.
He sat down, drank a beer, and went on.
This garden, which now has the greatest harvest of fruits and berries, I have planted myself, ONE!Everyone rejoices and gathers fruit. But for some reason nobody calls me a McFlaren gardener.
He sat down, drank a beer, and went on.
This is the bridge I built myself.He broke trees, sculpted and made a bridge, now cars ride on it, people walk on it. But for some reason nobody calls me the McFlaren bridge builder.
He sat down, drank a beer, and went on.
But it was necessary to cut off the sheep once.

We sit and do lessons. Both are no longer. The child is suffering and suffering. I: Well, don’t worry, it’s not all that bad and hard. It will be harder and worse...
Baby: Mother, do not encourage me!! to

I hope there is a separate hell for drivers with unregulated headlights.

24 hours in finished working shoes, in which air does not penetrate.
The march now with my socks can solve world conflicts. They’ll all be friends if I don’t let them go :D

Self-defense with pistols

The story was told by the chief accountant of one of the firms in which I worked "computer engineer".
The lady loves the theater very much and learned that there is some grand performance in Moscow. I went to the capital, and the housing is expensive, and I settled in the settlements. I went to the theater, it was great. But to the place of the night drive by electric car and to the residential mass to walk through the forest. Time, of course later on. She walks through this leash and two guys in sporting costumes adjust to her:
Are you afraid to walk in the woods at night?
No, it’s not scary, but if you guys are afraid or lost, I can do it!
The men found nothing to answer and left behind.
I asked her how she wasn’t afraid to say that. To which she replied that in such a situation she still had nothing more to do than go to the v-bank.

Then I understood why her tax officers were afraid.

Threatening with weapons without using them.
I went to the sovkha not that story, not that story, not that joke about one healthy ambal of extremely criminal appearance. Under two meters, well for a hundred weight, a dark chest, a chilling voice... in general, all the scary ones in one.
So, late in the evening, this guy approached his victims and WILLLY asked them to present him with some amount of money. With the most polite words and a loud voice. If he refused, he apologized and left. He collected very little in the end and could not put him in prison due to the absence of the crime. But I was sentenced for thorns :)

Why are programmers green?
“It’s the grass, son... in the sense, it’s green, not the programmers.

I have three liters of honey waiting for you.
Aiditz: and 64 kg of meat
XXX: It's the most romantic thing I've heard in my life

I have a question –
They say there were jokes before.

Can I drink on Friday?
Maxim: Let’s just kick it first, and there it will go.)

...there was a matter... so 7-10 years ago, sent a brother to the store, for bread and tomato pasta... well what do you think? He brought 2 kilograms of sugar and cried with tears and said, “Maya, forgive me, did I break the mayonnaise along the way?” I am still being sent to the store.

here here :
There is a bell at the church. If she wakes up the whole area at 9 a.m. on Sunday, is it right to call her a bell?
***************
This is still lucky for you, you do not have a minaret under your side, from which 5 times a day (at the same time, once after sunset, and one before dawn) oreth the muezzin, and oreth as not dreamed of the sirens, warning the air defense..and yes, no weekends.