The boy (7th grade) asks for advice on what to talk to the girls. I'm telling him about topics that girls are interested in:

Do not exaggerate your taste. Maybe she loves cabbage and broccoli? And you will talk about meat, she will be uninterested, and then the conversation will not work out.

(I noticed that he was distracted and looked at the cat.)

Do you listen to me? Repeat what I said.

Dad, I hear it all. If she loves cabbage and broccoli, then the conversation will not work!

- I sit in the commission at the last oral exam, - told my aunt, - the rector enters, comes closer and whispers to me, like the chairman of the commission: "We have already recruited enough students, there are no more seats, cut all the others."

But how then?

Your problem is my responsibility. to cut!

I sit down, cutting everybody in a row, like a maniac. Contrary, what will you do? Work is such. A guy sits down to me, tells all the questions about the ticket, and the most offensive thing, it is visible that the smart woman knows what she is talking about, not as some - will go out, and do not understand the meaning. He did not raise his hand, spit and took the exam and five others. And to the rector she said, “I teach those I recruit, so I will not retreat, punish if you want.

How she was punished I do not know, but the last twenty years of her life she worked as dean of the faculty, and the rector was already another.

As a young student, we had a good company of five people. “And sorrow and joy are all half.”

One of our friends from this company, let’s call him Alexey, has not a large production and recently, in connection with the expansion, moved to a new office. As an office, I removed half of the office building. Not such a big building. of double. in the former base. Only somewhere 700 m2 - 350m2 on the 1st floor and 350m2 on the second (approximately). Below are production and warehouses, on top is a negotiation hall, a large office for salespeople, a cabinet for an advertiser, a cabinet for an accountant. Production, and, of course, his personal office with a reception room and a secretary in it.

Then Leha decided to make a presentation of the office. Gathered us all last Friday closer to the end of the working day. Naturally with wives and children. Champagne arranged, snacks are not clever. Yes for my own. After an hour and a half of celebration, the children began to captivate from boredom and the girls began to hint that it was time to go home. Leha says:

— Fuck, girls, let me hold your men a little? I need to bring the furniture. I will not raise myself. Guys will help.

Women don’t mind, especially me. They took a taxi and went back to the office waiting for the furniture. We sit at the table and drink shampoo. The host of the event held the last sale and we were left alone in the whole office. Lisha closes the entrance door with a key and says:

- Okay guys, I didn't show you the whole office, go.

We enter his office (here you need to explain: you know, before in the Soviet cabinets of managers there were such cabinets throughout the wall. Well, like, from the wall to the wall and under the ceiling - cabinets, shelves, shelves, etc. And it was often that you opened the closet, and there was a door into the hallway or another office. So Alexey has the same wall of closets and a secret door in his office.



We enter there, and there is another 50 square cabinet. In the office: your san. a node, 2 sofas, 4 chairs, a refrigerator filled with beer, a table, a huge telecome, a bunch of bags, a pair of cabinets and a PS4 with a bunch of games.



Needless to say, we only got out of there on Saturday.

Today he is calling for “help at work.” In the general chat wrote that the closets to dismantle gathered. He asks for help. He even dropped a picture as he broke one door. I think I need to help.

In connection with the coming year of the pig, astrologers recommend to meet the New Year, decorate your clothes with pearls.

Presenting me to the audience, you briefly announced my list of services and listed a few regalies. thank you. There are no additions and additions. There is, if you allow me, a postwriting...
There was one arrested behind us. Gold from the Caucasus. An unpleasant middle-aged man. Those I try not to put anywhere. While the identity was established, translators were obtained, foreign victims fled, the case began to collapse in front of the eyes. Three months later, the question of his release arose. The investigator sounded out of his own powerlessness. The search was on the rails. The commander of the Moor came to me to warn. For an hour and a half, they wore each other’s wings. Eventually he released.
About six months later, at some event, an opera from the 2nd department of Petrovka approaches me and asks:
Remember the murderer who was released in August?
- I remember, - I say, and the mood down the sinusoid, - whom did he stumble?
The opera negatively moves its head: - No, - he says, - on a local shelf demanded from the fellow 50 thousand. dollars that the prosecutor owes for his release.
And what? I ask, and the mood is a stone to the bottom.
The tower was removed and placed on the counter. My grandmother doesn’t take...
I do not count other awards.

Strange, but with marriage and divorce congratulate the same people and equally sincere.

When I was a taxi driver, I was in demand for the service of a “treated driver”. I accepted it, I go to provide it. Time – there are no more than three in the morning, Monday is just beginning, winter, dark.

I came, I see, the jeep stands - all fashionable, charged, high, the kangaroo in front is impressive. Even by Moscow standards, he is beautiful. And the customer is a lady, about half a year old, looks as well-maintained as the car.

She sits down a little, sits on the passenger seat, calls the address, we go. We came to some high house, and the places are all occupied, there is nowhere to touch. He proposes to go back to the prospectus. She knows what to do, I do. We return along a narrow path, along the garages and bands along the belt.

Suddenly, the client came to the idea of parking the car right in the square, between the trees. I’m trying to explain that her car won’t take that swarm, because we’ll sit down! She says very confidently and authoritatively: “But let’s not sit down! “We agreed that if we get caught up in the snow, it’s not my problem.

I am a self-confident driver, I turn, go and go! And at some point I begin to feel the car hanging on my stomach, the wheels are turning, and there is no point. The lady asked, “Well, you’re still sitting down, right? "I answer that yes, and, so high quality, that only to dig, there is no other way out. The entrance to the house was also closed.

And then the client says, “Excellent! Here is your honorary. I’ll wake up this elephant! Let him dig and dig! I assured you that it was impossible to hit this car! ha ha! »