bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 13 - ] Comment quote №85843
 20.08.2013
Writes the lady:
I had a mysterious dream.
As if I put new columns to the comp, turn it on louder and... I hear my computer and my browser communicate. It turned out that they were both girls; they were bored by me. The computer is younger and scared of me, and the browser is older and her voice is very tired.
So here is the question: how can I now please my fighting friends?

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №85842
 20.08.2013
Wife calls today: Do you remember what day is today? I’m in shock (where I got stuck). It was a mortgage payment.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №85841
 20.08.2013
to this:
and

Discussions on a single forum:
The black discs on a black car look like black socks on a black woman.
and
And the body shade of the socks on it will look great ;)

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №85840
 20.08.2013
10:01 Daisy: I remember how joked on the forum of carpenters, joked man 5 in the topic))
10:01 Daisy: fucking was on the subject - whether to scratch the canvas

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №85839
 20.08.2013
Well, what about a cat, no matter what color it is? Your medieval superstitions have already struck, the 21st century is in the midst. Or maybe let’s get all the cats out, we’ll make a bubon plague 2?

Well, you are bustling again, pupil Ogurtsov! This was a funny and very positive quote, which is rare now. All cute - and the people who stopped, and the cat walking on the pedestrian crossing. You are just a fool.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №85838
 20.08.2013
If you slept with someone else’s wife, you also fall under the anti-piracy law. You used a woman without the permission of her rightholder.

[ + 33 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №85837
 20.08.2013
XXX is
A stupid question?

YYYY
The Glagol

XXX is
Empire is what?

YYYY
Do not worry. This is not a stupid question. You are a heretic and you have to be burned.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №85836
 20.08.2013
The model is going to be filmed.
XXX: Al, well, at least a pimple on the nose.
YYY: This is the job of a visitor!
X: Al, you have a haircut.
This is a hairdresser’s job.
Well, at least make the face easier!
YYY: And that’s a photographer’s job.

[ + 42 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №85835
 20.08.2013
The most positive organization in the territory of the entire former Union is located in Elabuga. See also: ELABUGAZ

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №85834
 20.08.2013
Vkontakt, photo of Nizhny Novgorod of the 1970s. A crowd on the shore. The comments:
Q: Why so many people?
Instead of contact, people used to walk.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №85833
 20.08.2013
HHH: How are you? I terminate working.
Yyy: I’m convulsively hooked) Lunch lies and looks at me with reproach
XXX: End it up! How he dares!

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №85832
 20.08.2013
From a heart attack usually run those after whom the heart attack and did not intend to pursue. Nick Blue

[ + 56 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №85831
 20.08.2013
Go for a walk tonight. In the store at the same time. We bought cakes, bread, and we went back.
A cat is sitting. Right in the middle of the road. Small as that, dead. The eyes of Lup-Lup The tail drops. And one of them is...destined. What awaits is unclear. There is such a place, there is nothing to wait for. Only with a bumper in the forehead. On the left the fence, on the right the bush. Cars rarely drive, people do not walk.
Shket says, “Let’s give him a sausage?” I – let it go.
They cleaned the sauce, put it on the side. I started to squeeze that sausage into myself.
And here I close my eyes – hop! There are five more bushes. The same ones.
And when I saw them turn into a chain, I immediately thought that we went that way in vain. And when we were silently covered by a half-ring, I think - it wasn't necessary to buy an apartment in this city? And one so immediately - guys, is it not that you have sausages accidentally smell? And the other just without a preface with a pack of utilities. Damn, fuck like the Gypsies. And just unpleasant. The evening is empty. There is no one. Two of us, six of them.
We had six sauces. We gave the sausages, and while they were dealing with them, we quietly walked back to the store. We need to eat something ourselves too.
I go out of the store, I say, maybe we go another way? Sketch is AHA.

They act like that, yes. When you go to the store, there is no one. But when you go back, loaded with white sweeping bags, they land on the road of the most miserable and dead. A familiar tactic, right? This is how Spanish works. A young man approaches his uncle and says, “Uncle, give me fifteen copies.”
“Go on, boy!” The Uncle says.
And then out of the corner out five, and intriguedly interested, "Why did you, uncle, our brother nahuy sent?"
And they move.

We played such a role as a stuntman. Strucco was older, and he was a beginner. The appearance is suitable. He was small, dull, and at his seventeen at fourteen barely pulled. At the same time, it was sharp as a shaver and explosive as nitroglycerin. Many complained about his ignorance.
In addition to the function of seduction, a good knowledge of psychology is required from such a person. He must quickly decide who should approach and who better not. This skill was mastered in perfection. I made a mistake only once. When a man with a simple village face, instead of answering a beggar, smiled widely, stumbled into his pants, and stretched out a coin. This is where the Stroke had to be vigilant, and play off. But everything happened as it happened. At first, this man with a good-hearted face quickly and unforcedly occupied our entire strike group, and when we threw ourselves down, unmistakably dismembered the captain and pursued Strucchko. In spite of all his struggles, he had no chance. He belonged to the category of people who were accustomed to bringing everything started to an end. He was chasing for a sweet soul. It only saved the excellent knowledge of the area. We all then, of course, shouted, but the lesson that this man taught us was good.
Usually such games end with either a zone or an army. He was lucky, he was summoned before he was jailed. He went to Afghanistan. Sometimes during a joint operation pulled out of the shelling of the desant captain with the broken pieces of his legs. Pear on himself, and when they fell into some gap and rested, the wounded suddenly speaks.
So what, shake? Did he hit?
The commander of the desant intelligence group turned out to be the same man with a deceptively good-hearted face.
The rope then also struck. He then received the Red Star, and the captain after the hospital was commissioned.
Now Strutchok along with his boys goes to him in Tyumen, fishing.

So are these too. The Spanish Spanish. During the day, the bombers drove at the refuelling station, at night they go to the construction site, to the Tajiks. Here, here, here and here, here and here, here and here, here and here, here and here, here and here, here and here, here and here. Do you eat CHO? In the evening, they go on a big road. To load the rare careless citizens who come back from the store in the dark.

The next day we found some meat in the freezer, unfried, cut, went there. Sitting on the fence. They see us, they run away. “Hello guys! Cho-how is it? “Do you eat cha?”
They put meat on a bag.
Shit asks :
Why don’t they eat on the package?
And they, of course, immediately melted the meat out of the package, rolled it out in the dirt, sitting on the clutches.
Maybe they are more comfortable.
It is dirty, the microbes.
Nothing terrible though.
Shake looked at me and said with an indignation.
and yes? And I remember when I was a little boy, you didn’t let me squeeze the straw from the floor.
What a bad boy is growing up.

[ + 26 - ] [6 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №85830
 20.08.2013
When the game ends, the king and the pedestrian fall into the same box.

[ + 14 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №85829
 20.08.2013
Found in the phone that you can send SMS with a delay, decided to cuddle over his wife. Written SMS "Are you waiting for today? You do not suspect anything?" and put the shipment at lunch time to yourself. At lunch, I put my phone closer to my wife, I sit and wait. In general, she didn’t even look at the number from which the SMS came... In the end, tonight at the hotel =(

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №85828
 20.08.2013
[23:15:09] dead design: let her sleep at 24!
A story before going to sleep? :)
It was serotonin.
He loved sleeping at night.
His friend appeared at night.
Melatonin
But this beloved friend can only appear in total darkness! This is very important!
And if the darkness is incomplete, then this friend can not materialize, and then some people have cancer.
But they don’t always deal with such a terrible enemy.
This is why it is so important to sleep in complete darkness, so that friends melatonin and serotonin meet every night and do not give the opportunity to appear terrible Cancer.
And if serotonin and melanine were together all night, then in the morning you will have a good memory and a lively spirit.
You can play fun all day.
This is the end of the story) and now go to sleep!

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №85827
 20.08.2013
C of Habra:

A steep cruise control system on the UAZike-Buhanka, if you adjust a little: you carry on a poorly crossed track, crash on a catch, you are thrown almost to the ceiling, and the force of pressing the gas pedal decreases - the gas is automatically thrown down, and then you land on your ass and your leg again on the pedals in the position "to the floor". The main thing is to hold on to the steering wheel so that the head does not break through the ceiling of the cabin... As a result, there is a fairly smooth horizontal movement, because of this. The smaller the cat, the less gas is thrown out.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №85826
 20.08.2013
QA Habrahabr
XXX: Can the fiber optic be welded? I always thought they were welding metal products.
YYY: I read somewhere that you can cook soup.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №85825
 20.08.2013
On my phone is twice as much operation as on the compact.
Firefox on the phone eats twice as much speed as on the comp.
I hate the future.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №85824
 20.08.2013
AChaplygin
A steep cruise control system on the UAZike-Buhanka, if you adjust a little: you carry on a poorly crossed track, crash on a catch, you are thrown almost to the ceiling, and the force of pressing the gas pedal decreases - the gas is automatically thrown down, and then you land on your ass and your leg again on the pedals in the position "to the floor". The main thing is to hold on to the steering wheel so that the head does not break through the ceiling of the cabin... As a result, there is a fairly smooth horizontal movement, because of this. The smaller the cat, the less gas is thrown out.
gmist
Yes, and you can also turn on the lower, press on the gas mount and go to the salon to drink vodka - it will not go anywhere from the track.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna