Comments on contraception:

One time she lived with her grandmother and a strict grandfather, a hero of the Great Patriotic. The best contraceptive before marriage was the only time the grandfather said the phrase: "You bring in the bottom - here is a foam, off a tail."

In one of the toys, the guy laid out the anthem of the magicians with the words "We entered the fight of cancer with enemies." The comments:
Cancer is a fight against cancer?
This is a fight with cancers.
and yes! This is a shit fight!

to this:
A word about gifts. My sun spirits gave me 96%. It is 5 liters!! I am happy and excited! The perfume understands.

I am a perfume!
and morze.

As the popular proverb says: "A good word and a good bowl can more than just a good word. If the oak is large - without a good word you can do it"

The lady without the dog: All the kids told me: "do not dig in the nose - children will not be", strange, but it works, although I am not deep
and :)

A comment on the "Market" about one of Sony’s phones pleased:

What you did not expect is this built-in hair remover, a successful solution with the location of angular segments, solves the issue of hair care. Methodically, after each conversation removes one, two hairs. It’s hard to get used to, you scratch after every conversation."

I took the cat from Lena.
WOW: How are you named?
We called it Lucy, but the name hasn’t survived, because everyone is perverted as much as he can: Lucy is with us, Lucy, Lucyana, Lucyandra, etc. The prize of spectator sympathy won the name of Shluya, but most often used in everyday life is Lucybleaaat!!!!, pronounced in elevated tones with a note of hysteria, often accompanied by the whisper of falling furniture or the ringing of beating dishes)))

After negotiating with a difficult client:
How the meeting went.
I’ve moved to "you" very quickly.
What did the employer say?
He said, “Go, you go, you go!

My brother, a man is far from modern technology, and he is not very keen to get into the novelty. He lives in a small town in the south of Russia. And then I persuaded him to come to visit us, to see the big city, to drive with my granddaughter. Then he took him to Ashan. Before that, we drank a beer with him, and it came to an end. I take him to the toilet, there are wall pissuars with photoelements. We do our business, the father begins to look for a wash, then the dialogue:
Father, just stick the width and go away.
It closes, goes away, with a little delay, the water ran away. My father doubts:
How is it?

-You see the camera built-in, I show him the eye of the photo element, - and in the cabin behind the wall the operator sits and looks at who has finished and the width is stuck, so you can wash, he presses the button and the water went.

- Hell worker... Only he was able to speak out to his father.

Until yesterday morning, Niccolo di Mauro, an Italian criminal authority, a member of the Fasiani clan, nicknamed “The Wooden Head”, was working in the Italian bistro of Raduga in St. Petersburg. Very good lunch, I recommend. 240 rubles: salad, a piece of pizza, soup and pasta. This Nicholas was always polite, joyful: “bonjorno”, “grazi”, “bon appetito”. I just couldn’t remember that my payWave card didn’t work.

“You came and said, Don di Mauro, I need a salad, a piece of pizza, soup and pasta. But you ask without respect, you do not offer friendship, you have not even called me a wooden head.

The dark thoughts chase Pink,
Do not give them favors!
The Comrade! Do not be a dumb shit!
Be a shameful cocoa!

We talk to a friend, not a dog.
I'm telling about my favorite in our rottweiler, healthy, under the center weight:
He is lying, something is bite.  I go and ask "Jack!  And he scratched his beautiful brown eyes on me and, without releasing the rod from his teeth, turned on his back, putting a scratch for scratching.  I think this characterizes a dog very well.
“You know, I think that’s more characteristic of you: approaching a biting rottweiler...

Want a joke?
Grandma Ira gave us a set of scatters with towels for the wedding
That’s what I gave her for her birthday two years ago.
Three thousand is worth.

Try rubbing silicone with some fairy. The fat after the socks will dissolve, and the socks will stick again normally.
— — —
Where is the fat, do you want to say I’m fat?? to

There are no outgoing provisions. There is a situation – without weekends.

> And if they serve a snack, the subconscious will scream straight:
- Well, take the sticks properly and quickly tie the shell!

Dear Lin, can I ask you? The shirt connected with the slice - such a comic has never been seen here!

We talked about reincarnation:
XXX: But it would be good to be reborn into a goose. You live normally, goochees, and so - until they are baked until the next holiday. The Beauty.
YYY: Oh, and you will die as a goose. The farced. An apple in the ass.
xxx: yes, the goose is not the best reincarnation :D
It’s even worse to be born into the same apple.

From the Dating Site:

Alexander is
Can we sit where?

Anastasia
I am in Vladivostok.
You are in Moscow.)
Where are we sitting? 😉

Alexander is
Apparently in the train.

Do you have anything to ask your uncle about the car?
yyy: ah, say that your guy drops oil, burns abs, does not turn on 4 transmission and wash the side
XXX is OK 😉
yyy: I think he will say that it’s easier for you to find another guy))))))))))

A joint bathroom, between the bathroom and the toilet is a working washing machine. My wife is sitting, sorry, on the toilet, and I am standing with one leg in the bath, where the water is getting. We talk. I rely on the laundry machine and I get a little struggling. I naturally jump away from her, but the fist is gone. And here I look at my wife’s foot just pressed to the washing machine... And I shouted “Pica-pica-chou!” and slightly ticked her finger. Struggled...