A dictatorship is when you always have to think three times before you think.

Do not meet for clothes.

In the unforgettable nineties we had a film club, i.e. professional dog owners. More precisely, there were a dozen such clubs in the city, but our was sharply different in at least two parameters of "elite": first, there were connections in Russia and abroad, and therefore our dogs were the best in the city, and second, there was a "circle of especially close", which was not easy to get into.
The director (read the club’s owner) is an alpha male, a hundred percent leader, as he will say – so it will be. To pay tribute: in my memory, there was not a single "cossack" behind him.
There was a special creature in this circle.
His name was Andrew. He held Afghan bourses. The reason for choosing – “and they have such a beautiful hair!” Yes, yes, this is such a glamorous voice. Andrew worked in the most expensive salon in the city. The Stylist. A simple layout there cost the monthly salary of a middle-class bank worker. Dressed accordingly - even in women this style caused some confusion. Men have no idea of his sexual orientation, and women also have no doubts.
But it was with our women that he first made friends. and what? Who else can fix a haircut in five minutes (even to yourself, even to your dog) and generally for free? Who else will advise which cosmetics to use, and which is the shit advertised? Who else would advise just like, whose color is more to the face?
The men were treated with a certain amount of distrust, although he also offered them hairstyles.
The Andrew's Club was very helpful in leading courses on trimming - preparation of dogs of "haired" breeds for exhibitions. He was successful, his students co-operated and organized their salon.
... and here was the case, after which our brutal men, the owners of pitbulls, rottweilers, Caucasians stopped touching Andrew with doubts.
So, in the evening, we sit down and discuss options on what transport we will all take to the next exhibition. Andrus is broken.
With a litre bottle of vodka in one hand and a pack of snacks in the other.
I have a son born!! He runs from the threshold.
Eeee... the first? I am interested in the director.
And yes!! The first! There are three daughters!! The oldest is almost six years old.

After the scene, the director said:
Yes, it is a sacred matter. Where are the glasses?

P.S. After that, our men were willing to trust Andrew to shave them too.

My daughter’s 5th grade painting task: “Draw an alien.”

As a result, the girl brings a pair and a note in the diary: "There are no such aliens!"

One day in my youth, I carelessly approached the ass of a horse, and he almost carried out all my teeth. Then I realized that homosexuality was not for me.

There are people who think that a cockroach grows into a pigeon.)

In the VK-publice of one of the media news that the rights to the brand of the Olympic team of Russia got foreign offshore.

The head of the publication proclaimed it this way:
Russia tested the brand of its own Olympic team. The foreign offshore.

Pleased with the comment:
The Olympics have not yet begun, and we have already begun.

and DNA:
Old size balls:
Dactile with jamb and chorus!
We will make a new,
Dimensions of Non-Figure...
Infection, again amphibians

News on the city website: "The roads of the city are marked.’
First comment: "It would be better to put asphalt on the roads of the city!"

Chocolate cannot be stored in the refrigerator O_o"
Chocolate can’t be stored.)
I don't understand the people who keep it :D

From the stones of Habr:

Smart people perceived the joke and comment on it as a metaphor, and laughed at a higher level of abstraction.

The castle of Riga (Latin. Rīgas pils, Germany Rigaer Schloss)Historical reference"In February 1941, the city palace of the pioneers opened in the Riga Castle."That is, no one was upset that German troops broke there since June and destroyed the civilian population.

You didn’t get embarrassed that February 1941 was BEFORE June 1941... a fool.

A colleague told me. She decided to meet in a cafe with a girlfriend who was about to give birth. She came to the agreed place, there she was met by a long-legged dressed hostess, and my colleague says to her: “I am waiting for a girl in a position somewhere here...” The hostess opens her eyes: “In what position?” A fellow, half loudly: “Sitting down, fucking...”

Wark (12:42:29 19/06/2013)
I am afraid to take your car.

Malysh: (12:43:03 19/06/2013)
Why is?

Wark (12:45:42 19/06/2013)
Why not I? Because we have a lot of different requirements for machines, because while she was with you, you beat her countless times, about the number of "left" details in it I'm even afraid to think, potmoou that we have different aesthetic preferences, potmoou that I don't want to ride in a car in which you could fuck, chew and cut the grass at the same time by a company of ten people and besides that, you are a Jew and I don't trust you.

In the district nursery brought a girl 18 years old, from a distant village (there was nothing about television, about radio, nothing heard). Well, after the examination, they said - "everything to shave."Well, she went with her, of course, the nurse to help, but she was cut off - herself. So myself, so myself. Worrying started in 40 minutes. What she was doing there became clear as soon as she came out... The shaved head – the little things. She even shaved her eyebrows... Roddom was hysterical for two weeks.

Fuck your sleeves and sleeves!! 1

- "... organized a profile division of small wholesale trade in liquefied gas".
Do you sell fireworks?
Oh, but how beautiful they called it. :)

My wife told me.
She goes from the institute home, somewhere in the classroom two boys and a girl come in. They get a pack and start broadcasting, but not about sick relatives, but something more interesting.
Dear passengers, I apologize for speaking. Help whoever can. In connection with the current law, we ask you to apply for the purchase of software licenses, games and movies, so that the case is pirated.
Someone took away the eyes, the grandmothers were screaming, a couple of people even a half-hour or a hundred even sunny in a bag, and the bearded uncle, measuring them with a respectful look, gave two thousand.

Admin, let the comments go back!
You can get the cap back :)
And let us help a man with a dollar who along with his grandfather on the green
The helicopter exploded.)

by KOTOMINSHREDER!! to