bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №112582
 25.04.2015
What is a total dictatorship?
Regional Yandex news, re-printing the headline of one respected Voronezh newspaper: In Voronezh, a 29-year-old man jumped down from the balcony on the sixth floor.
Go down!! Not upwards, like all normal people, but downwards.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №112581
 25.04.2015
___________
And don’t dream 😉
To talk, men have friends.
– – – –
Their wives also have friends. For the "talk"

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №112580
 25.04.2015
XX: I am a 16-year-old girl, if you were a 25-year-old guy, what would you do to me?
YY: housewife

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №112579
 25.04.2015
Are there absolutely no options? I understand the whole thing, of course, but I want to believe that a rotten system can be changed. Here are you, there are others who want everything to be okay.
_________________________
There are, and there are many adequate people, but in the end, everything rests on the bosses who either lie down before the superior, or on the mud, or with Wachter's syndrome. And if you try to roll a barrel on the above, the dicks will be recorded immediately in the American spies, and on your "I demand children of good education" you will be answered "I don't like Russia - you are in the United States". There are many suitable ones, but the hatred is better fixed on its positions.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №112578
 25.04.2015
xxx: read about a guy who spent 30 minutes a day collecting a bag of garbage on the shore, people joined him and eventually the shore was completely cleaned;
Yyy: fine, you can clean around the house like this.
XXX: Aha
And in the scratch we go through every day.
XXX: What about the apartment?
And in the apartment, yes.
Yyy: but it's better not to talk about the garbage bag that we collect there))

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №112577
 25.04.2015
Sometimes a man drowns only because he is not considered a shit.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №112576
 25.04.2015
My wife brought history. I could not share. Such stories are probably not uncommon. My wife is a therapist. From her words: A couple has been visiting me for a couple of years - he is 92, he is 90 this year. Yes, old-age wounds, but thank God, no Alzheimer’s or something like that. They talked. On May 9th we will have two celebrations for Victory plus 70 years of marriage. I was discharged from the hospital for injury at the beginning of May 45, and I met her on the 7th. The day after the victory. I gladly made her an offer. Then they wrote immediately. Seventy years together. And on the 9th, the children took the restaurant, everyone will gather, and children, and grandchildren, and grandchildren.
There was something in that generation. Let the specialists understand this. And I want to raise the ninth bottle separately for those.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №112575
 25.04.2015
What people went?
Hears by the edge of the ear, sees by the edge of the eye, and then thinks by the rest of the brain.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №112574
 25.04.2015
In St. Petersburg, a man under the guise of a police officer in a Mercedes car stole 5 million from a fifteen-year-old resident of Moscow, with whom he met in a cafe.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №112573
 25.04.2015
I thought... The witch girls riding a pony are cavalry.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №112572
 25.04.2015
On Monday I had sex with my wife, on Tuesday - again sex, strange, I thought. the third day in a row sex, I did not know what to think, 3 days in a row, this was only when they started living together. Day 4 again sex, I am in shock, I am tormented by doubts. On the fifth day it came: after sex, I immediately fall to sleep, and she goes to play arhedge calmly, and no one interferes with her, does not occupy the computer. This is female deception!

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №112571
 25.04.2015
Chugaister: At one time, I was worried about Mason, who went to find the missing Eden.
Then, in our village, the lights were turned off for three years.

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №112570
 25.04.2015
On the eve of my 17th birthday, my nine-year-old sister was running with burning eyes all day, so she wanted to give me a gift. In the morning, as usual, I woke her up to school. And he said, “You can already give me your present.” Before she had time to open her eyes, she pulled and embraced me with her little pen. Then I went under the pillow and got the envelope with the inscription: “Dear brother on my birthday!” and when I opened it, I discovered one banknote of 10 dollars, two banknotes of 10 hryvnia, one banknote of 2 hryvnia, one banknote of 1 hryvnia. It was all her money. I hugged her tightly and lay down so long that she could not see my tears.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №112569
 25.04.2015
Comments on the article "US Defense Ministry: Russian hackers hacked the Pentagon systems"

111: again in Russian schoolchildren computer science lesson was
222: Well, in general, it was more correct to write in the article: "Americans, according to the old good tradition, accused Russian hackers of everything."

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №112568
 25.04.2015
I remember how an elderly philosopher told about an experiment with three waters (warm, medium and ice), on the basis of which he argued that the concepts of "warm" and "cold" are subjective, like all human senses, so they cannot be relied on. I then argued with him for a long time about this, trying to explain that these concepts are just objective, it is necessary to perceive them not as a quantitative assessment (temperature), but as a qualitative direction of heat transmission. However, he did not want to accept my point of view, and in the end everyone remained with their own opinion, with the firm conviction that the opponent is a fool.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №112567
 25.04.2015
XX: I understood, I understood!! My weight now depends on the rate of the dollar! The dollar 54 is the weight of 54, the dollar 50,28 is the weight of 50,28. For the well-being of the country, we will have to lose weight.
HY: I offer business. We buy for almost all the money dollars, for the rest of the money we feed you with cakes. We sell for $60k, we lose weight and repeat again.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №112566
 25.04.2015
Authors of 17114
With respect, a person who is not the first month trying to find two authors of the same amateur book. The authors signed their creation by the names of Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader.
The youth...
Chuvak, first, the book was written more than 10 years ago and then these nics were the norm on the same level as Bilbo, Angmarz, 13th Nazgull, Saruman, etc. The first wave, you know.
Second, look by the title: "Here and there". It is once.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №112565
 25.04.2015
On my day, my wife gave me a beautiful printed ring.
To my surprise, it didn’t hit one of the fingers.
Wife: Well, you said we have the same fingers!
I look at her thin palm and my grabs. I begin to ask.
Fifteen years ago, when we were not yet married, I made an offer to my girlfriend, and she agreed, taking a ring that suited her well.
Then she tortured me as I guessed with the size – her rings weren’t so many, and they were more or less constantly in sight. I said I moved the ring and remembered where it went.
So she concluded that we have the same fingers. And then it came to the smallest, to the first phalanx.
Fifteen years later, my fingers became thicker.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №112564
 25.04.2015
You are a funny people. What men, what grandmothers. Gender is such a charm.
A single 50 million women are waiting for him. And he, so that they do not relax, and immediately realized that he is a man, in any case on the first date will tell what he is. In the other, all the men are terribly scourgeous, because, oh horror, they want to eat every day, but do not want to build a house with one tail, listening to songs under the guitar. And in both sexes, individuals of the opposite sex should all be happy to be able to do with their own hands, having only incomplete instruction in Chinese, from paired electronic parts to sewing with gold, to maintain intellectual conversations, to be perfectly literate and careful, to understand computers, knight armor, music and poetry, types of food and beverages, all the time, with pleasure, to quarrel with children, to earn well, to be generous, but not economic, to be gentle and attentive, but not annoying, talented to fuck in any poses, but only when they are told. Never contradict, love the same thing as the other half, but sincerely! In case of non-compliance with any of the paragraphs, the name is automatically assigned to a dull chicken or a handless fool, readily accepted by the culprit. It remains only to find such a perfect couple of ideal people and exhibit in the museum, in the form of imperfect. You’ll find it, you’ll see it, it’s interesting.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №112563
 25.04.2015
Angrywrighter: our driver asked the winger to let him go early for the wedding, because there was no work and due to the previously worked time, I had to drive until late. He replied that he knows nothing when the driver worked until late.Well, the driver offered to look at the computer, the track is written, for which he said he has no time. Then the driver put out everything he thinks of him. Time to write a report to the director that the driver sent him where he should be, he found it without problems. Isn’t it a fool?

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna