Today he bakes in the summer, so at the end of the run he pulled off the wind, remaining in the maid. I approach my entrance, and from there comes out a neighbor with a baby three or four years old. The girl looked at me and said to her mother:

Look at the dressed man!

Not my uncle, but my uncle, teaches my mother.

“No,” said the girl, “I only have one uncle, Uncle Mish, and the other uncles.

“You still need to say uncle, and ‘uncle’ is uncultural,” Mother objects.

“No, mom, all the relatives are uncles, and the rest are uncles, even Dima from your work, who comes to visit us! She reveals all the secrets of the girl.

I say goodbye to the woman and go into the entrance, and I hear a voice from the closed door:

Don’t tell anyone about Uncle Dime anymore.

Recently, our driver had a holiday - 15 years of marriage with a slightly inadequate on the ground of jealousy wife. In the morning I asked and went to meet her from the night shift, decided to make a surprise. He sat next to the shop, so he was waiting. Here on the front passenger seat sits a girl aged 20-25, calls the address. I didn't have time to explain that he wasn't a taxi driver, the driver's door opened and the angry wife shouted, "I thought he was at work, and he was riding with the prostitutes!" He begins to slide him on the back. The prostitute jumps out of the car and runs away at sunset, which further aggravates the victim’s situation.



PS: In the evening, the driver again asked - to celebrate the happy 15 years in the restaurant.

xxx: I once found a cassette from my parents, with that, and while my parents were not at home I decided to look, everything went well, until after ten minutes the light was cut off, (previously it was often so) I almost sat down from fear, because the parents had to come back in an hour! So I first disassembled the screw on the screws, and quickly assembled) the cassette back only the next day wrapped so that they did not burn)

YYY: Fighting for fame

The food supermarket. I went out with my husband for food, and already running to the box office, they remembered that they forgot to take bananas. I leave my husband in a line (before 2-3 people), I quickly go for bananas myself.

We take bananas often, I know they lie next to self-service weights near the box office, respectively, I plan for seconds after 40 to return to the row.

I take bananas, put on the weights, tick the right buttons, stick the price card and see two men running to me, and after them a shelf of alcohol.

They put me a bag of tomatoes and said:

And to us, and to us!

I ignore the absence of "please", it's not difficult for me to help, especially I know that the older generation is not too friendly with these weights.

I put a pack on the scales, choose the tab "Vegetables" and ask:

What are tomatoes?

The men are not ready to answer this question, one of them points somewhere and says:

There are those who lie.

There are three types of tomatoes.

You must know yourself! Come and see, says the man.

I flatter from this turn of events, silently leave a bag of tomatoes, take my bananas and go to the box office.

Following me fly insults, threats to write a complaint about me in a complaint book and get my dismissal. And only then I realized that I was somehow miraculously taken for a supermarket employee while the staff shape was green, and I was in a siren shirt. Alcoholic ways are unconfessable

Pedagogical University, practice in school. I sit in the dining room, I prepare for the lesson, at this time all the students are in class.

The director (D) comes in with a swipe and approaches my table.



Q: Why are you not in class?! to

I: - I have a lesson only in 20 minutes will start.

Q: What class is it?

I – 7V

D: So you have physics now, why do you walk?

I: - You don't understand, I am a teacher, practice at your school. English at 7B is only the next lesson, I’m just preparing here.

D is AAA. Well yes.

D: - Look how well dressed, decent, as a teacher and appropriate. Go to...



Sweat gently cuddled, and they left. And I’ve been thinking about not looking very good at 12, when you’re 20 years old.

We share the entrance with one unpleasant woman aged 35 (Let’s call her Galina).

I met her when she was trying to get her wheelchair down the stairs and I decided to offer help.

I go to her with a smile and not having time to open her mouth, she screams:

G – You’re watching, you’re looking at me and you don’t even want to offer help?

I am what? I came to you to help you.

If I didn’t say, you’t think.

I - Okay, I went, good luck

G and help?

I say goodbye.



I never greeted her again, but a few days ago she surprised me even more.



I sit at home, make a pickup, enjoy the weekend. knock at the door. I did not wait for the guests, I go and look at her in the doorstep.

Well, maybe I want to reconcile, okay, I’ll open up.



Do you have Wi-Fi 12345?

I say hello, yes my, and what?

G - Write me a password please (although you said)

I – Why? What about yours?

D - Disabled for non-payment, shit

Am I long for you?

G – In what sense? You won’t get worse if I’m connected to him.

Do I pay 50/50 you offer?

Is it 50/50?

I - You came to ask me to provide you with the internet at your own expense?

Of course, there are some rocks around.



And she left... I’m almost sure, she doesn’t even understand what she’s doing wrong in this life.



All good neighbors!

It was 10 years ago. Worked in the factory. I was always late to change in the morning. I was late on the bus again, waiting for the bus. A dozen of them appeared to be colleagues. I hold my hand, I brake. The car stops, I open the passenger door, I look - the driver is unknown. He looks at me with a similar face.

Fuck, I was wrong.

Fuck, I too. Sit down, we are going.

I: And where are you?

He: Well there, in the same place. You are there too, right?

I : Well yes.

We sat down, we arrived. I was able to change)

Money is not the most important thing in life. As long as you have them.

Once a month I come to visit my parents. It is sacred. On this arrival, Peter met me with a pretty pleasant weather and I decided to walk around the places of my youth. The memories flooded like a huge wave: here we walked, here I cleaned someone’s mouth, and there they cleaned me.
Young man, can you help me bring my bag to the stop? An unknown voice brought me back to reality.
I turned to the voice. She was an old woman, but well dressed. Next to her was a large bag on wheels, red, in a cage. With such bags, older people usually go shopping. The bag lacked one wheel.
“She came out of the store, went down the stairs and it fell,” she said with regret, as if apologizing.
– Where are you going? – I asked and took the handbag.
The upper part of the bag moved away a little and I saw a large bag of cat food. The bag was quite heavy and, in addition, the absence of one wheel made it quite difficult to move. I imagined how she would continue to drag her...
“Your cat has a good appetite,” I joked and sneered at the food. The old lady was a little confused.
“I have seven cats at home, and they also have a very good appetite – I got my iPhone and showed her my home zoo.
“I’ll take the bag to the nearest stop, and how are you going with it?” I asked and suggested.
My car is parked nearby. Let me take you home. Who else will take care of us besides each other?
After a short deal, she agreed and we went to the car. We talked along the way.
The war caught her, a six-year-old girl and her mother in Ukraine. The local population did not pay foreigners very much, so my mother decided to try to return home, if not to Leningrad, then at least to the territory of Russia. In addition, her father was an officer and the Germans encouraged the local population to give them military families.
The world is not without good people and in one village they were sheltered for a few days. When the Germans entered the village, she hid her mother. During the sudden inspections, they were dropped into the basement. In order for the girl not to be afraid of rats, the owner dropped a cat with her. The warm and furry animal heated and calmed the urcha.
They managed to get to Ryazan, but the happiness was short: in a short time the Germans occupied the Ryazan region. It was difficult time. Not my aunt. Food was not always there, and when it was, it was not always enough. She went looking for food on the street and at the laundry near the market, where the sellers dropped the garbage.
“It’s a bit of me for my mom,” she said as if apologizing to the street cats, who were also looking for food there.
Sometimes cats left her waste, and sometimes they fled with them. At this point, she, a six-year-old, promised herself that if she and her mother survived, she would always help the homeless cats.
They and their mother survived and the six-year-old still keeps her promise. She took out a thick notebook from the pocket of the bag where a careful emphasis was recorded how many cats, in what yard and how much food is needed.
After pulling the bag to the door, I abandoned the tea offered, quickly said goodbye, wished good luck to the cats and returned to the car. I knew the apartment number. Just throw a envelope in your mailbox with the signature "This is for your cats."
If one of you, walking around Peter, sees an old lady with a bag on wheels and a thick notebook whispering under her nose:
Candle street, house 20 - 3 cats, Kolomenskaya 9 - 2 cats, just help her bring the bag. She is really heavy.

At the Safe Internet Forum, commenting on the latest sovereign Internet law, Mizulina cried out that “Prohibition is freedom.”
In my opinion, it’s as if she came to the doctor, complaining about the pain in the heart, and he said to her, “Well, you, blue girl, disease is health!

at work. I ask the gardener (Tajik by nation)

“Ali, tell me a joke about the Russians and the Tajiks, and you’re morring with each other.”

Ali: “Well listen to it!” and ;

He says, “It is building. The Russian. and Tajikistan. The house.”

I was called from a charity and told that they were collecting money to help children with disabilities. I said that I still help kids with specialties and give them a job. My colleagues have heard this and are now offended :(

On the road behind the city stopped at a gasoline station. When I was about to leave, I was approached by a very young, but very bearded and very sensitive guy of a very Caucasian appearance. He had a ten-litre canister in his hands.

Can you take 5 miles? I finished gasoline, came here, and back with the canister is hard.

Having examined all possible divorce options and the possibility of robbery/attacks/abductions, I did not find the strength to refuse the guy. We put the canister in the trunk and went. A few kilometers later, on the sidelines, “in a clean field” really stood a lonely “law”. I stopped and gave the canister.

thank you! Do you accidentally have a wreck? Asked the guy.

“No... But here’s a bottle of plastic jamurjuka, almost empty. Cut and there will be a wreath.

“I don’t have a knife,” the man complained. "Fuck, a Caucasian without a knife, I will tell who - they won't believe," I thought.

Is there a fireplace? Burn and float. It burns normally. There was an altruist in me.



At the moment when the guy burned the first hole at the bottom of the bottle, a police car slowed down next to us and a loud voice came from it: "Do you help, addicts?"

Following the voice appeared an uncle who squeezed the clavier of the lost machine.

It would be good to help, but why are drug addicts? I was aware.

- And you can give me some other version, why do you need a bottle with a hole and a lighter? I asked the roadguard.

- Making a wreath, to pour fuel from a canister into a tank - is this option suitable?

Why not cut?

There is no knife.

- Fuck, two Caucasians without a knife, I'll tell who - they won't believe! “And after cutting the knife, the police officer quickly broke the bottle, made sure that the fuel was poured into the tank and headed to his car. I said goodbye to everyone and shouted to the police officer: “I’m not a Caucasian, I didn’t shave for three weeks on a business trip,” blown up on my seat and sinking into the burning sunset. And what shouted the bearded guy in the rear-view mirror with his hand remains unknown to everyone...

I drive my business in my car, my cell phone. I don’t like driving, I decided to slow down. I stopped at the outskirts (in a quiet area of the city), took my cell phone, answered the message. The passenger door opens, the grandfather sits. Silent, sitting and clinging, he sits. I said, “Hello, what do you do?” He named the address. Well, I took it, it was nearby, he gave 100r. He accidentally took an order from a taxi driver. Autumn 2016 in Perm.

One person took a portrait photo. He looked at him and said to the photographer:

A great photo! I want him on my grave!

The photographer replied slightly confused:

and mmh. Such a compliment for my work has never been said to me.

The case was almost 30 years ago. I was about six years old, we rested with our parents in Theodosius, rented a house on the outskirts. One late evening, walking around the city centre, they stumbled upon a cinema, or more precisely, the House of Culture, in which films were shown. There were no posters, displays, etc., so my mom asked at the box office 5 times, is it possible for a evening session with the child? The good aunt of the ticketmaker replied – Yes, yes, we can go with children, we show normal movies.



We sit and wait, the room is filled. At some point, a TV was taken to the stage and connected to it. After that, the ticketing aunt put a cassette and left, turning off the lights.



I don't remember what it was for the movie, what it was called, but the first few minutes went well, and then the porn began. Not erotic, but such a particular posture with two men and a aunt who had huge breasts and well very thick vegetation between the legs (it was fashionable in the 90s apparently). They rotated her birthplace along and across, all of this, of course, was accompanied by stones and replicas of "fak mi", "oh e, bi, kamon" and the like.



The parents were sitting in a stupor, there was a grave silence in the hall, maybe all of them, or maybe the opposite, were intrigued by the plot. My mother first noticed, took my hand and said that we would go for a soda.



In the hall, we found no one, even the ticketmaker disappeared. But my mom probably liked the movie very much, and she dreamed of watching it, so we started looking for someone. And in the cellar at the very exit of the DC found a guard - an old grandfather. My mom asked him to sit with me until the end of the movie. I remember that my grandfather and I were playing bats, eating roses from the bush in the yard, drinking soda from the machine, reading a newspaper, and I asked everyone – how is it to live next to the sea?



Then the movie ended and the parents rushed home. I was allowed to sleep on the veranda that day as a bonus (the veranda is, of course, loudly said, rather a large doorway with a couch). I remember, I asked about this from the first day of rest, but I always received a rejection, and then they themselves grabbed me on this veranda.

I sit here for days, I don’t touch anyone, I watch YouTube on TV, I work in the background. And then the telecast tells me: Honor3 wants to connect with you. to permit?



Oh, I think the news! I have honors at home and have never driven. Press the rejection.

After 10 seconds, the request is repeated. Rejected again. and repeat again. And once seven.

I am already tired. I don’t allow this honor to see normal youtuber, I’m angry already.



Okay, let’s get connected. Let’s see who you are there, the chimkin’s hacker of television. I approve. And then my telephone becomes a screen translator of someone else’s smartphone. and there!



No, unfortunately, no strawberries and nothing like that (I was even upset). Only photos of children, repairs and toilets. Apparently the man is doing repairs. And a happy father. He is in panic now. Because sitting at home on his couch, I can see him panically laying pictures somewhere in someone else’s apartment. They are not shown on the telecast. It reaches the peak of a panic attack and turns off.



Thank God, I can finally relax.

But not. He again suddenly penetrates into my TV (no request, I allowed it). He started showing me his daughter again. Then my toilet. Thank you for not being in the toilet. Then he gets tired of looking at the pictures (and me, of course, too). And he starts just feverishly running all the apps on the phone. So I got a portrait of a user: a man older than 35, his name is Paul, he is driving on the damage and so on.



I write to the chat at home, say, some Paul, stop raping my TV. But on the screen, actually, of the TV, I see that he does not receive this message, which means he is not in the chat at home. I was upset because I was tired of staring at his screen, and I never found a way to turn it off. But Paul was tired too and he joined himself. I turned off the unconditional authorization for honor and set up YouTube again. But the stubborn neighbor continued to break into my content.



In the end, I became psychotic, went to the settings and renamed the TV device to "Pasha, this is not your telephone! “”



And then I imagined, there is a guy sitting with a new telephone (like my), trying to connect to it, but nothing works. And then a tired telephone writes to him, “Pasha, I’m not yours.”

I would probably sit.

I go through honey. Committee at the Institute. I passed almost all the doctors, I will go to the last and main to put the last stamps. The doctor is a young woman of her age, reading the results of the tests in my card and not raising her eyes: "Oh, here are you, I was waiting for you!"



My heart went to the heels, a bunch of thoughts went through my head - what is there: diabetes, leukemia or, worse, syphilis? When is? From whom? I used condoms. What about the unfortunate 1%?

Place flowers on my closet while I decorate. Very high lately.