bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №82006
 25.05.2013
I repent, I sinned, did not make meals in the genre style from the originals, but bought ready-made cocktails. I read the description and find the beautiful one:
"The method of preparation:
Prepare for preparation"

Buying for money, cooking until you are ready and eating until you are full is simple.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №82005
 25.05.2013
I argued with friends that there were no bands in German rock that shame this genre of music...but someone took and remembered Tokio hotel.......

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №82004
 25.05.2013
XHH: Its tenacity is a separate topic. I remember he wiped my skin with red paint at work. I’m angry, I say “do what you want, but I’ll come back from lunch – it should be like new.” Well I go. I go back, I look at the jacket on the hangover from a distance, there is no stain. I came closer, and this fool smashed black over the red paint.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №82003
 25.05.2013
I hear the cuddle... I ask – when will I get married?
I got stuck :D

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №82002
 25.05.2013
A genius phrase - I can't lose weight on an empty stomach!

[ + 70 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №82001
 25.05.2013
Western Europe reminds me of a man who brought home a hungry and sick dog, the dog was cured, fed, the dog tempted to the death of children, fucked the wife of the owner, ridiculed everything and puzzled, and the owner is afraid to even choke him in order not to violate his rights. Animals have no rights, and angry dogs must be shot. Unfortunately, not everyone understands this.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №82000
 25.05.2013
What happened to me yesterday:
at the workplace in the garage under the table accidentally found a dried dead mouse, moved her leg to the side, knowing that it should be removed but the feeling of resentment at that stage won and I left it where I found it. Full of determination, I take the sink and the butterfly, bow under the table and find nothing. A careful inspection with the help of additional lighting also gave nothing! The question of where the mouse came from remains unanswered. There was no one else in the garage besides me at the time.

YYY: Except for a cat or a rat.

XH: Has anything like this disappeared in any of the forums?

YYY: I lost faith in people under similar circumstances.

[ + 43 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №81999
 25.05.2013
A friend in the army wrote:
and Sasha:
I go around the territory. The atmosphere of fallout new Vegas, everywhere rainbows, a little green grass, everywhere destroyed but standing warehouse buildings. In my hands I have a small bit made of a sling of a fire spade, on the entire domain of which the inscription "demidrol" is adorned. And then I am attacked by a bunch of dogs, heads 6, running is useless, I take a fight. And as a result, the step-by-step battle mode is not turned on, and I lastined it almost 24 years ago.
and Sasha:
In short, I managed to get to the fire extinguisher, and scared them with loud whispers :)

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №81998
 25.05.2013
J: I do not understand why to go to Chernobyl, this is the same place of the tragedy of thousands of people, some, mm, parasitization on the human mountain.

M: And this is what a man who in Italy wanted to visit, to see Pompeii, and two years ago made Auschwitz an obligatory destination for a trip to Poland, and eventually visited it.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №81997
 25.05.2013
We fly to Turkey on the second of May, the boy from fear overtaken to the hell - we go out last, and he only opens his eyes with the grimas of horror and asks "and the gondoliers there (shows his hand down, behind the illuminator) - is there?Good stewardesses begin to reassure them that gondoliers are Venice, Venice is in Italy, and Italy is a little different flight, and there another time somehow. And this pepper sits with crazy eyes and doesn’t want to go anywhere. And then the steward, who understood what the mistake was, desperately failed to leave the ship on time, said to him loudly - not the gondoliers, but the Langoliers, and we broke them in the Second World War in Berlin, don't remember what? I have never seen a man standing at peace in front of his eyes. But he walked down the stairs cautiously, as if remembering what King had there.

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №81996
 25.05.2013
Choosing the name of the child.
I: I think we’ll look at the baby when it’s born and decide who it looks like.
Husband: What if he would be like, for example, Akakia?
I: Then I’ll jump out the window of the chamber. What about the Watchtower?
Husband: And if it’s like the Watchtower, I’ll throw you out of the chamber window!

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №81995
 25.05.2013
Because of the forest, because of the mountains came to us FATAL ERROR (c) KDE

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №81994
 25.05.2013
I don’t fuck Ivanov today. with him.
So is it a celebration?
XHH: a cushion with a batch))

[ + 18 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №81993
 25.05.2013
by Ivan Davydov:
In the premises of the Sunday School of the Rise Cathedral of Novosibirsk was held a round table dedicated to the American former porn star Sasha Gray. This should be read slowly, thoughtfully, repeating every word about yourself. It is just beautiful. It sounds like a sophisticated joke. ...
by Ivan Ganev:
One thing I wonder is why the official poops have not yet made a logical conclusion about Sasha Grey? Obviously, her arrival in Russia angered God, and he sent earthquakes and hurricanes to us.

[ + 46 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №81992
 25.05.2013
Listened to:
In our dormitory in the institute lived a girl from the distant suburb of Moscow. On weekends she went to her mother, and on Sundays she always brought guests out of the house for us, often it was cakes - with cabbage, potatoes in the winter, with apples, crochet in the summer. They lived modestly, there was no father, no mother without education. In order to teach the daughter in the living room, the mother worked in 3 places, the girl also worked.
One day our neighbor returns from the house with pets, cakes with meat, cold. We are surprised - the girlfriend is silent like a guerrilla. But we managed to split it.
In the morning before the main work, her mother washed the floors in the factory. In order to shorten the road, she walked along a narrow path between the fence, the factory and the meat combination. Here she goes somehow, squeezing on the move, and suddenly something heavy falls on her shoulder from above. After a few more steps of inertia, the mother fell to her knees, turned her head to see what it was, and almost fainted. She found a naked leg hanging from her shoulder.
But the woman was strong, rested, then looked at her wear better. It turned out to be half a already quite large, recently struck pig. Apparently, someone from the night shift threw him through the fence, so that, coming through the passageway, without trouble to pick up the meat in a deserted place.
The mother after such a shock did not go away and the harch, which fell from the sky, did not leave the thief. From it was prepared a wealth of meat that struck us."

[ + 20 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №81991
 25.05.2013
of the Habr. Comments to the post about installing a smoker on a motorcycle for charging equipment.

XXX is oh! But there are also electric scooters - this is just a serious uninterruptor on the wheels.

Yyy: You can simultaneously feed the servacle and leave the taxpayer. It is beautiful =)

[ + 38 - ] [6 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №81990
 25.05.2013
Decided to wipe out the book shelf on the weekend, book override, all that, her husband sent her son to go for a walk. And suddenly something black falls on me from the books, runs on the carpet and hides under the couch! My scream was probably heard in the neighborhood.

It turned out, s...ka, a wheel from a child’s car!

[ + 41 - ] [5 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №81989
 25.05.2013
Discussion of the law on the feelings of believers in the local
xxxxxxxxxxx:
All got it!
When I go on vacation, I will try the topic for registering my confession. I will actually make a confession of Darwin’s Witnesses and I will prosecute especially prominent personalities. And it is not to be condemned, but to be dangerous for me, who passes by. To beat the enemy is most beneficial with his own weapons. I think a lot of people will join my "sect"!

[ + 30 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №81988
 25.05.2013
by Gogyan:
Why mix everything into one bunch? I have nothing against onanism and full-fledged sex. Against sexual education as well. But it should be timely and preferably under the supervision of parents, not street authorities. Your absolutely liberal option (as in the case of totalitarian) and will lead to the “Papa go to hell.”

by Mithgol:
Onanism under the strict control of parents is perversion, and sexual.

[ + 42 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №81987
 25.05.2013
The picture. The men repair the roof of the 9-story, cook the goodron with autogen. Inaccurately what is hit, spilling a goodron, everything is burning. View from the neighboring 24-storey office building. Fire capec - fire, smoke and hell. The director of the office, where we are in guests doing a good thing - calls the fire department from a mobile phone. Firefighters and "a? Yes!! The Yopt! What will we do?" We are waiting. 15 minutes, traffic jams, azzce flames - it is hot. Because of the roof, mega-touch is drawn and the giga-liven flows straight (we have a show here every evening - for two days of a half-month water rate). The roof instantly fades, steam, thickening, rains, sparks, rains, 10 minutes - everything goes down.
The firefighter arrives.
In short, this gentleman, who, Balbes, called a firefighter from his mobile phone, is fined for a false call.

No good deed should remain unpunished.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna