A drunk, sleeping friend at a party.
Just don’t talk about me this time!

List of universe smokers:
We live in a free country.
Great, and I am in Russia.

One bad programmer creates two jobs a year. c) Habrahabr

xxx: Tonight you go for a walk on HD guys don't narve)))
What is the "HD boy"?
XXX is very good 😉

Sometimes you don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
The news "rejoice"
At night, a resident of the village of Borisoglebsky (Yaroslavsk region) named Anna began fighting, and at half five in the morning she called an ambulance to be transported to the nursery. However, the old "Gazel" could not get to the village due to bad weather conditions... Feeling the fighting, immediately began to act according to the plan. They and their husband set fire to the fire, called a fire car and drove to the nearest nursery: the snowed road stretched to him for 150 kilometers.
Oh Russia...

Xxx: You should be more careful. Did you hear that all the correspondence is read by the intelligence services?
YYY: Let them read, I have nothing like that in conversations, maybe even useful. In the previous job, two of the WBs significantly increased their IQ by reading my correspondence.

Today is clearly my day!
YYY: What happened?
The boss in vacation, now no one to scream at me, from work went to the store where there was no queue, the forever broken elevator in the house worked.
The most important thing was waiting for me at home.
Did your wife have a headache?
HGH is better!
WOW :?
The opera’s wife to 12 versions rejected!
You have a good life, congratulations!

metalltouch: and they (English) cat - "this"(It)
metalltouch: "feed this"
Doberman Silver: I have a picture right in front of my eyes: night, a family couple in bed. She turns to Him and sleepily asks, “Have You fed This?” The camera leaves and we see a terrible monster standing near the bed (such as Slenderman) chewing something bloody. He clutches his eyes, turns to her, embraces her waist, and breathes lightly: “Don’t worry, dear, she has fed herself.

xxx: but somebody knows famous black programmers
by Miles Bennett Dyson :)
xxx: thin

Russia is a country of unlimited possibilities. Only here can you exceed the limit of unlimited internet!

xxx: The disgusting men who spread their feet in public transportation, I want them all to move in the same way!

Yyy: Then there will be no room on the streets (

I sit in a cafe with a friend with whom we are doing a big project. I have a website, including design. We discuss all the nuances of this not easy business. Suddenly a 13-year-old girlfriend calls. In the dialogue:
Mom, where are you?
In the cafe
And with whom?
With Borey?
With which?
Which website does the project.
The one who made the hat for the website?
Yes, that is the same!

I changed my hat that same night.

I just learned the most shocking truth in 12 years of life together.
It turns out, curtains in one room cost 45 thousand, and in the other - 50 thousand. The ruble!

to this:

I ask you, girl, what is your password?
The girl answers me and calls me MY!!! The Password!! 12 characters, numbers, letters, special symbols.
I am humiliated and insulted."

It is destiny. Now you have to marry her. Or it’s on you.

Arthem
What is the woman with such beautiful eyes doing?

Elena
by Jura

All pregnancy behaves adequately, I do not know and do not demand the impossible.
But this morning nature decided to take off.
A task for my husband:
I want to eat something pink.

(They are
We sit, we drink, men, from 37 to 47 years old, five.
Talk about life, problems and other serious things.
“Dota, it’s not a game, it’s shit,” one said.
Everyone agreed.
“I play Red Alert,” I said.
They looked at me incomprehensively.
Basars went for the devil, planes, dancers and so on.
I am playing in the stock market! Jacob said.
And everyone silenced.

When evil is lacking on everyone, focus on a particular person.

It was a story about a computer company and a hard drive from October 23.
Everybody knows that Bernard Shaw once visited a restaurant whose service he did not like very much. Then he said to the manager of the restaurant, “Please embrace me for goodbye.” “Are you going somewhere?”
The show answered. You will never see me again in this restaurant.
So then history. In 1999, after the crisis of 98, having failed to cope with the difficult economic situation, I was forced to emigrate outside the ICAD (to the village, to my aunt in Saratov) and even further to Yoshkar-Olu. The computer I had at the time was quite decent: the second pen was scaled up to 450 da a screw of 10 (!)GB. I was doing digital video. And here, as for sin, a screw is covered. It covers dumb. You have to buy a new one. I go to the local computer. The company on the letter A. So and so, I say, I need a 20GB screw. No, they say not 20, but there are 40. It is a peach! Take it, you will not miss it! Only 150 killed. If you insist, I will take it.
I come home, I connect the screw - oh! The screw is not visible in the bios! The cloud. The next morning I go to A and apparently thinking that I have the right to say, "the screw is not determined, either give another, or put the money in the ass!" And so calmly they say to me, “Oh, lucky! The screw on our comp is visible, and that you have such a fig (tomato) mother, it is your problem! If you want, buy us a wonderful new mother! Just a peach!” And I say to them: "And in general, in decent firms, the return of the goods within 3 days without explaining the reasons..." And they are so cultural to me: "And we are not especially disappointed!"
and so on. I remembered Bernard Shaw, said goodbye to them and went to a different computer to solve my problems. The Firm.
5 years have passed. At that time, I became the head of an IT credit institution. Of course, the purchase of equipment lay on my narrow shoulders. From time to time, representatives of various companies came to me with offers of cooperation. And then one day another manager comes to us and tells us about the brilliant prospects of cooperation between our credit institution and the computer firm A. Then I look with my thoughtful eyes into his, full of hope, and quietly and sadly tell him the above story.
And when he left the room, I clearly felt that there was still supreme justice on earth. It only takes a very long time to wait for its manifestation, life may not be enough.

The advice on a women’s forum, clearly from the blonde: “Speed him a little mustard powder in his trousers. If he complains about itching and burning, then honest; if not, then he betrays." I did not confess anything! Silently, I first broke my nose and then went to the venereologist.