bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 19 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №126016
 27.03.2016
This is:

I invented a new character!
By analogy with Medusa Gorgona, Medusa Jargon.
When you look at her, she beats on the feather and wildly matches.

On the contrary! When you look at her yourself, you start beating on the fancy and on the puppy.

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №126015
 27.03.2016
Only today, only for you.
Winning a sum of money, life experience as a gift!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №126014
 27.03.2016
Once I stood for 10 minutes demonstrating a clear desire to cross (one leg on the road), and nobody even thought to slow.
I have to go, there is no other way, but I want to live.
And what to do?

Half the brick in the hand demonstratively throw.
Well. or take all this matter by phone and send it to the local hybrid, with the question "for how long?". Let them produce a conditional reflex in drivers, displaying a patrol there.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №126013
 27.03.2016
The Driver:

I know a way to make pedestrians stop plunging poison to drivers.
It is necessary that a car, as in the Far East in the 90s, cost like a monthly salary, at the level of an iPhone, and to drive can be from 16 years of age.
So that every schoolchild, Zuko, would learn to ride himself and not arrange a foolish jerk "I was charged with cars!!and "
Well, except for mentally ill people who can’t drive a car...

If psychiatrists start, like the owners of hunting weapons in recent years, it is normal to check those drivers to whom they don't look to give certificates, then probably at least a third of drivers will become pedestrians, and 90% of the rest will have to properly treat the nerves.

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №126012
 27.03.2016
I went to the brewery and took the first shift. I sleep. Somewhere at three o’clock at night, a cuddly cat rushes to me and let me roar. I don’t understand what he needs. The hour two. He never gave me to sleep. In the morning, the men came, I said to them: yes, said, and so - the cat here some oral of midnight. They said, “This is local! If you poured a beer into his plate, he would run away.” It turns out that he stumbled at me at night, and I never understood.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №126011
 27.03.2016
I was 5 years old. My grandfather asked me to bring a hammer from Sarai. Such a big hammer. And here I go, pleased, home, waving this same hammer, I go, I go... And then the darkness...

I turned out to be so good with the hammer that I loaded myself in the forehead and cut myself off.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №126010
 27.03.2016
Let us give a few examples of questions on the "Idiotent", which the Russians who moved to Germany remembered on Russian-language forums:
Do you drive on the highway at night and see a bird sitting on a tree, your actions?? to
The correct answer: - Stop and adjust the lights

What would you do if the guests you came to by car offered you a drink?
Options of Answer:
I will refuse;
I’ll drink and go home by taxi.
I will drink and stay overnight with the masters.
The correct answer, the option you should have proposed yourself:
"I will not go to people who can offer a drink to a driver"

Or ask
How many trees are on the road from Munich to Nuremberg?
"And who counted them? Well, a lot of..."
It is wrong! There are as many as on the road from Nuremberg to Munich.

or
"How many turns in Germany"?
The subject thinks, and in vain. There are only two: the right and the left.

Interestingly, at the psychologist’s door in the transfer center hangs a poster: “Let hope, everyone who enters!”
To fail an idiot, you don’t have to be an idiot. For example, you enter the office and you are asked why you didn’t close the door. You’re turning around, and in vain—ah, you couldn’t even remember that. and c)

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №126009
 27.03.2016
Lex:... And Leningrad is slowly but surely turning into Viagra

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №126008
 27.03.2016
Commentary on News:
"The chatbot with artificial intelligence, targeting a youth audience, in a day learned to blaspheme and became racist"
I seem to understand why Skynet started killing people.

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №126007
 27.03.2016
The most stupid stereotypes start with the words "all women" and "all men". It does not happen. and fucking. See in the quote "all women", or "all men" - just skip not reading. All men are different - even this fucking, there are twins in the first half-hour of life. All women are people - unfortunately, there are among them and non-men, as well as among men. Do not engage in provocations, intentional and accidental. All women, like all men, deserve an individual approach and personal consideration. So why are you still reading this text? I told you, do not read. Unfortunately, all men are curious, and all women never do what they are told.

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №126006
 27.03.2016
The pedestrian transition.
Ask for advice:
Unregulated transition, formally within the city, really less than 90 no one is driving, the traffic is lively.
Once I stood for 10 minutes demonstrating a clear desire to cross (one leg on the road), and nobody even thought to slow.
I have to go, there is no other way, but I want to live.
And what to do?

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №126005
 27.03.2016

to who:
After the release of the film "Batman v Superman" will be released a porn parody called "Batman is not against Superman".

The Comrade!
Batman V Superman Part 1 - Damien Crosse & Topher Di Maggio

Enjoy it ))
Happy Spring and Spring in the Morning!

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №126004
 27.03.2016
xxx: rabbits actually eat once a day, as their winter feeding this tree bark for one digestive cycle is not completely decomposed to nutrient structures
YYY: I did not understand
zzz: What rabbits eat in the winter flies through the intestines and is only partially absorbed. Therefore, they eat their own shit to absorb what is left there from the first passage.
YYY: I understand
JJ: Has he won for the second time?

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №126003
 27.03.2016
About the year 2003-04. I am a tired student for the day, I go from the institute to the shelter and I decide to sit on the bench on the boulevard to rest. After a couple of minutes, a drunken cloud is drawn from somewhere, blows up next to it (the boulevard is full of empty benches, but we understand that it is the one on which I am sitting that is the best) and begins to actively meet in the spirit of “Your mother doesn’t need a son-in-law?” My mother doesn't need a son-in-law, especially one who is drunk on the boulevards and clings to the girls who dress up as daughters. I get up, I leave, the man is itching after me and begins to grab my hands. Dinner around no one is useless.

I push the man away as I can. I’m one and a half heads lower and twice lighter, so I can’t really, but he’s drunk and stands badly on his legs, shakes and falls – well, as he falls, he just sits his ass on the sand. He begins to cry that I am a hooligan. Here, wherever you can take - the police armor, which, it turns out, was still around... In general, jokes and jokes, but I spent an hour and a half in the monkey house, until I understood what and who was hooliganizing here. Later, I was triumphantly brought into communion on the Mento car and was conducted with a jokeful rush to "no longer beat anyone", neighbors in communion still looked with respect for a long time.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №126002
 27.03.2016
I was four years old when my grandfather died. I, whether because of my age, or my parents did not tell me the truth, did not understand the essence of the funeral. A cemetery with many grandmothers and grandparents. My parents left me with these grandmothers. The grandmothers were very upset, they cried, and I, completely unaware of what was going on, said, "Well, you are crying, you will meet soon!" I am still ashamed of them.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №126001
 27.03.2016
It is said that people use their Photoshop only 5% of the time. 

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №126000
 27.03.2016
Discussing ideas for the new Hitman - what other exotic types of killings could be put into the game.

xxx: Change the victim’s home address in Google Maps

[ + 20 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №125999
 27.03.2016
Walker, dying on the crossing, remember – you were right!

It’s cool, of course, but, dear drivers, how do we cross the road?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №125998
 27.03.2016
Tamil: It has been said many times to the world that the loudest of all about the mercantial women is the loudest cry. · ·

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №125997
 27.03.2016
Dialogue with the candidate:
xxx: generally we write all the software without bugwo and even without any serious mistakes
YYY: You know, I don’t even know what to answer...

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