When I had just learned the letters, I had a great interest in reading the signs, and they were often composed of some kind of incomprehensible words such as "IKMEK" or "ŽILEK-ŽILEŠ-YASHELČ". I also thought that I was just still reading heroic, and then my parents explained to me that I live in Tatarstan, and half of the signs here are in Tatar.

A curious tendency of applied meritionism: if the sucha is a beautiful warrior in a glowing armor lift, then the aftar is either a man, or a very small (aged nine to twelve) girl, and the adult aftorches write the sucha exclusively in the measure of loving prostitutes, former librarians and accountants, in whom, nevertheless, a bunch of men of the format must fall in love with the beautiful golden-haired warrior with the figure of Ken and in glowing trolls.

What do you think of this, Gunnar?
I don’t like that, Olaf. From the latest news, Breivik turned in the grave.
This is the number! Is he dead?
No matter how. He watched the news, broke the TV and demanded a grave. had to obtain.
To whom is his grave?
I do not know. Another fucking philosophy. He demonstrately leaned into it and also demonstrately turned over.
You know, Gunnar...
What is Olaf?
Do not change the TV.
Why is?
It will collapse.
The TV?
and Breivik.

My aunt washed the floor and knocked the shell on the shelf, as a result of the fingers in the whole eye. At work, she honestly told her sensitive female team the whole truth, but apparently did not dispel any doubts. The next day I came with a broken arm. The group sympathizes:
“Oll, you’re... say it honestly, husband, right?
No is! I am myself!
We are all here, we have been working together for 15 years.
I am myself, honestly. His own hand was broken!

My husband works as head of the IT department in a large holding company. He was contacted by a woman from one of the departments. The question was: "What to do? My Word is over."
Since no one decided to answer this question, I had to go to the workplace of this woman herself. When the man approached, the picture was the following.
There was only one file on the desktop (respectively "Word"). When it was opened, it appeared to contain 54,000 pages. In the future it turned out that this woman, joining this company 10 years ago, created a document for herself and kept it all the time. Just one file! Here he is finished!
How she was looking for it remains a mystery.

A well-known administrator of the next entertainment publication in VK, almost daily arranges the type of night chat and as the first throw asks some not very intellectual question about your favorite time of year, how many years have you first tried to bite cockroaches, and so on. Today his questioner was, at first glance, banal and prosaic, he sounded "describe your day in one word".

Seven minutes later, a friend enthusiastically cried in my face that for the first time in his life saw so many variations of the name of the fattened fur beast, and the founder of the public ordered to be more careful with questions for the night.

When I had just learned the letters, I had a great interest in reading the signs, and they were often made up of some kind of incomprehensible words such as "IKMEK" or "ŽILEK-ŽILEŠ-YASELČE". I also thought that I was just still reading, and then my parents explained to me that I live in Tatarstan, and half of the signs here are in Tatar.

Sharing and sharing everything? The important thing is that you get more out. Ambulance, police, road cleaning and snow cleaning. Let someone else pay, right?

In recent years, the taxes are most often paid just for Mikhalkov’s films and companies, military operations at borders and abroad, the uncontrolled increase in the number of officials and their wages. Roskomsabor and media control. The agitation of the people again.

The Comrade!
If you can pay a hired worker (e.g., a finisher) a maximum of $20, then depending on your mutual cunning (and his professionalism), you will pay him from 0 to 20. And he will give them a thousand to the state. I put it in my pocket 19.
But if under the same conditions you still have to pay for him 5 thousand dollars to the state (from your own pocket), then more than 15 you will not pay him under any conditions - you will simply not have them.
At the same time, what is typical, he will only get 14, you will pay all the 20, which he was willing to pay, and the state will say that the employee took only one thousand.

A blind rabbit runs along the path and stumbles at the snake. He speaks to the serpent:
“Sorry, I am blind and have not seen you, because I am blind, I don’t even know who I am.
The serpent answered:
I understand you. I am blind and I don’t know who I am.
The Rabbit offers:
Let’s feel each other and determine who we are.
The snake touches the rabbit and says:
You are soft, furry, with a short tail and long ears. You are probably a rabbit.
The rabbit, in turn, felt the snake and said:
You are cold, slippery, you have a small head and a very long tongue. You may be a project manager or project manager.

They picked up a cat and called it a dog. My husband is now different from "Kuzkin’s mother" and he doesn’t call me (((

The question of dogs. I go home from the stop. The pedestrian transition. The compassion is about to move to the red light. I explain to her that this affair is dangerous, they will move and the eye will not blink and it will end with her dog's straw. She is listening to me so carefully, and when the light is green we are crossing the street. We go home, and on the way I tell her about life, about Sam. We approach the entrance. I tap the home phone, and while the connection is going, I give the dog the command to "sit"!



The dog sits down and I ask her to give a voice. It is silent.

At this moment, the housewife:

Who is there?

I am a dog again.

The voice!

The housewife is delighted:

The Gave!! to



The dog looks at me, stands up and leaves.

The drawings of the unwinning lottery tickets took place today in Moscow.

I don't know if there is such a syndrome or not, but I sometimes have a strong burning from the view of something broken, leaking, curved, and so on. Hands are cleansed to repair! Recently I fixed the drain on the workplace...



I am for what? It’s sad to be a superhero – you have to stay unnoticed. This, on the one hand, is a plus: maybe the shelf is not curved, and this is the decision of the designer. But no one will praise it :(

I went to the supermarket after universe. I took a bottle of quas and a couple of pancakes and naturally went to the express box office. For those who do not know what kind of cash, I explain - it is a cash register, where they serve buyers who have less than five units of goods, but there are always people who ignore this feature. So there is a small line mostly of young (probably up to 30 years old) people and two ladies of the Balzac age with full baskets. Naturally, when the turn comes to them, the cashier polently asks to move to another cashier, because he cannot serve them. At the end of my ear I hear the conversation of these ladies:



Q1: Go, Lena, this stupid goat doesn’t want to serve us because we don’t fit the requirements for this box office.



Q2: The requirements? What are the requirements?



D1: Do you not see it? This is a box for young and beautiful!



After the rest of the evening, one thought did not give me peace: she said it seriously or not.

He returned home to the Urals instead of the usual Aeroflot this time. Such a picture is caught here - a landing is going, a guy, entering, sees his brother in business and jumps over the neighboring chair to him. As it turns out - a ticket in the economy (appropriate airport employee asked to sit over). Boldly and drunken, he tells Koresh how he rested well in his sandals. The champagne offered to drink, the stewardess approaches before the take-off and says - please take your seat, you have an economical ticket. And he dares to say, “and I’m going to bother here?”



So the whole flight and flew with a friend )) And I fucking miles buy some, I waste the extra money...

There are, but they will be few.

There is a nuance

“Zadolbay 19436, you wonder why most of the children are left to the father? I agree, this is injustice! It is after all, mothers complain about "not those feelings", and then throw the father with the mouth and drop it down at sunset.

Those characters (regardless of gender) that fall down at sunset, just children do not claim.
Those who want to raise their children are their opposite.

What does society say about a man seeking to raise children? Good guys, they say. The not seeking? Wow, poor girl, pushed by the butt, right has, did not stumble, boy. What do you say about a woman trying to raise children? and nothing. The not seeking? Oh she, they say. They say nothing good. Such things.

A woman draws to her four-year-old son with the intention of kissing him. The son kicked her off with the words: "Mom, I have no time to kiss. I think!"

It is not always possible to tell a person what you think of him. Sometimes you have to speak in roja, or even in harya.

Good day

Sean – a fun American for the first time in his life came from his New York to Moscow for business.
Sean’s parents are Russians, so he’s scratching like us without an accent and the only thing that gives him is absolute ignorance of Russian mat. Mom and dad did not teach the child, now I have to consult him for free.
Yesterday I ran, my eyes surprised and frightened, my phone waved and said:

Please help me read, I received a strange message.

I take, I read:

“100 rubles, you say? You are rotten! You want money, you want money, you want money! That you have on your crazy forehead...grown up! To your mother, to your... Daddy... your whole family... you, the horse, not 100 rubles!”

Well, and in the same spirit, there are another 300 unpleasant signs.
Sean asked:

I did not understand much here. Is it in Russian? Someone seems to be upset, but what? What did I do wrong?

I shrugged my shoulders and, of course, wanted to know the background of the conflict.
And the prehistory was this: Sean had a Moscow SIM card, so that without roaming to receive calls from his parents and here, he tried to put himself on the account of 100 rubles, but somewhere in one figure was wrong and the money went to another place.
With little thought, our hero wrote in this other place a message of the following content:

“Good day. I generously ask forgiveness, but I mistakenly sent 100 rubles to your account. If it is not difficult, please return them back.
Good day to you!”

In general, I explained to Sean the meaning of his incomprehensible words and persistent idiomatic expressions, he gratefully thanked and left.
Half an hour later, he returned completely happy and said:

I sent 100 rubles again to the unfortunate man’s account and wrote him:
"I don't know what happened to you, but apparently something very, very bad, since you are prepared to kill and rape a stranger and his entire family for a miserable hundred rubles.
I send you another 100 rubles, I am sure you need them much more than I do.
Do not forget bad and good day to you!”

And a couple of minutes later, Sean dropped on the phone 200 rubles and SMS:

“I’m sorry, I’ve done it all, I’m very ashamed. In fact, I am not at all.
And you have a good day!“!”