bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №140176
 03.04.2017
Martian ships ride on Mars, satellites fly around it...and poor Martian people sit in bomb shelters and think, “When these aliens are going to take down, it’s terrible!and "

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №140175
 03.04.2017
Stop looking into other people's lives and counting other people's money and children - and you will all be happy.

Let us stop. As soon as other people stop shouting and waving their children as standards, we will immediately stop discussing and condemning them. Those who do not flatter are much less often condemned; they are simply not noticed.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №140174
 03.04.2017
xxx:...the uncomfortable feeling when you’re okay" comes from a number that you don’t have in your notebook.
This is your personal FSB.
YYY: taking care of

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №140173
 03.04.2017
XXX (16:27:35 3/04/2017)
Tell me here.
XXX (16:27:52 3/04/2017)
Can you imagine a penis with an anus as a separate organism?
whey (16:28:39 3/04/2017)
You have a tough Monday.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №140172
 03.04.2017
Well, I don't know who is underpaid for the hospital, and we have hard-working alcoholics under the threat of depression being pushed home. It was just an epidemic :)
And if you really don’t want to catch up later, then you can also work remotely.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №140171
 03.04.2017
XXX: Completely expected behavior. Purchased a Chinese soldering station - open and:
1) Eliminate all suspicious places
2) if the section of power wires is insufficient - replace with thicker wires
3) look at and, if necessary, change the radiators on power cells.
4) if necessary, disconnect the filtering and protection elements instead of switches to the placed place
5) look at the scheme and add what is necessary.
It looks like buying a domestic car.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №140170
 03.04.2017
I had a friend in guests. He has a 4 year old son. And so it happened that it was time for the boy to go to daytime sleep. He, like all normal children, did not want to. The usual resistance of the mother, leading her child to the bed, did not lead to anything, and the puppy resorted to the most standard method - let go of tears. The father of the family heard this, stood up, approached the roaring son and began to say loudly: "But! and two! Three! and four.” After the word "four" the child silenced and reluctantly, but went to bed. I am in shock. No scorn, no excuses, just counted to 4 and the boy obediently departed. I obviously have the question, “What was it now? “”



It turns out that the family has a system to combat crying and bad behavior. Every time a child is planning a journey or a trip somewhere, buying a toy, etc., he has a limit - 30 seconds of crying and disobedience. And if before this event he exceeds this limit, then he will get a shirt, not a new toy or a trip to the cinema. Not for one time, but in the sum. And as the father of the family said, after implementing such a system, we do not cry for more than 7 seconds. I think it is genius!

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №140169
 03.04.2017
When I was a student, I lived in a dormitory. I think, if not everyone, many are familiar with this condition: you want to eat, but there is no money. My studenthood fell to the most democratic era, when everything was possible, but the people had no money for anything. Accordingly, the wacht in the dormitory had a purely nominal name and the babockerbers had not yet stood on the wacht. Two Korean women came to us in common (why Korean women - even kill, I still don't understand). They speak of God, they speak of themselves, they speak of themselves. And there they met me. It was evening, there was nothing to do. Asked if I believed in God, I said no. Here they had their eyes and shimmered, they began to persuade me to go to visit them – they live nearby, to talk about God, to eat what He sent... The last argument proved to be decisive. I followed them, and the truth was not far away. By the way, I was in that company not alone, three other girls went with us, talking about God.

Now I remember vaguely what they were telling us there, but the girl was clearly stuck. I was waiting for the promised food. Finally we sat down at the table, the Korean women started praying for something, the results of the seminar? The Dispute? The lectures? to bring the flock to thee, and to ask him how close he is to God. And all these high-spiritual conversations were periodically silenced by my grumbling, and requests to give me a salad. I don’t remember what I talked to them about, but I ate at the time.

In the future, they came to us several times hostel, some of the girls brought to themselves many times, but never called me again. When I asked why you don’t take me with you, they explained that I don’t believe in God too much and they can’t do anything about it)))

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №140168
 03.04.2017
We have an employee, a lovely woman, but when you try to explain something to her, she’s wildly stupid. They start answering something, asking strange questions, etc. Over the years of joint work, there has been (and not only in me) a stable opinion, the worker is a brake, she needs to explain everything twice. And suddenly, today I was shaded: she is just deaf, but carefully hides it. I tried to increase the noise. There is! Everything comes from the word!
Therefore, morality is not to be ashamed of your shortcomings. Let people know better that you are deaf than they think you are stupid.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №140167
 03.04.2017
Comrade the tourist. Enchanted, like a bull, with a tent, a backpack, with cooking not a fire and with a sorter in the bushes - for someone a journey, and for someone the hell is hell. Well, even when traveling by bicycle, a person wants to spend the evening in human conditions, washing with hot water, sleeping on clean plates, not worrying about dinner and breakfast...This is for an affordable price and everywhere - we do not. and not foreseeable. What do you say if half-country use a gas bowl for cooking and go to the toilet on the street, and after the water - to the column? And horror-horror, there will be no inertia there and no place to charge gadgets! Who needs such a trip? Children and not very young and healthy remains only to sit at home and watch the beauty of our homeland on TV.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №140166
 03.04.2017
She is, of course, an elite... but still a prostitute!

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №140165
 03.04.2017
The Prehistory:
I live in South Korea, communication with compatriots little, and then went to the sauna and met a Russian-speaking woman. We talked, then drank, then talked. This is her story, but to be easier, from the first person.

I fell into a depression after my divorce, my dad gave me money and sent me to South Korea to stay for a week. Heh... divorced, met a Korean sympathetic, began to communicate, after six months they married. I naturally moved to Korea. There were no problems with the language, first in English, then Korean learned, the son was born. When it was tired of sitting at home, the son grew up, arranged for a small kimchi factory. 16 years as in a fairy tale... an accident put a fat spot in this fairy tale. The husband of an engineer, pulling the wires on the roofs in the rainy weather fell from the 12th floor.
I was burned, weary, but it is necessary to live, to raise a son, thank God, there is work. I had to move to a cheaper apartment.
And at work, a young guy, 15 years younger than me, began to help me so sharply, then not just to help, we were shorter, after a month of marriage. Last week, I started throwing things in the laundry, I usually wrap my pockets only before washing. There were coins burners, and he didn’t put out his wallet. Curiously, I opened up and swallowed.
There is my photo. Not just a photo, I remember exactly when and to whom I gave it.
After marrying my second husband, 17 years ago we went on a tour of Korea and relatives. My uncle's uncle lived in Jeddah, and we spent three days there. My uncle had an 11-year-old grandson who fell in love with me at first sight, asked for this photo and promised to marry me when I grew up.
Seventeen years later, the boy kept his promise.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №140164
 03.04.2017
Why do all girls want to be wives of rich men?
In fact, they want to be their widows.

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №140163
 03.04.2017
I was not so drunk yesterday.
Tagged: friendship
You’ve scattered your girlfriend.
I asked if she had a boyfriend and asked for his phone number.
UUU: She rolled into the situation and dictated
UUU: You called on your cell phone, touched a silent phone and threatened to tear off the eggs.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №140162
 03.04.2017
It is "how to become rich" - save on everything and make money on everything.

This is a very bourgeois view of the process of appearance of wealth, most often out of this comes "how to threaten physical and mental health".
In order to be rich, you have to be the first. The first to patent, the first to start producing or selling and the first to stop when it becomes unprofitable. And as long as you are running behind every passing stone, you won't earn a nicotine seriously.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №140161
 03.04.2017
We sit down, think about how to correct the financial situation, I propose to guess from the book, I ask - will I be able to catch up with the husband of the crown prince of Dubai? I guess page 88, 8 line from below - I open Kerouac, Suetou Duluoz and read (so right in the covers) - "Fig you was".

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №140160
 03.04.2017
When I was 10 years old, my mother taught me how to make an injection. We often stayed alone and she was very sick during that time. May have needed help.
She called me and said, “Kolly!” and put the butt under the blanket. Well, I chatted the needle there, she squeezed, says "Squeeze out and see it!". I rushed to put on the syringe. Immediately I was scared and pulled out. She " well what are you! It was so good!" I said "aga" and started rolling the syringe into the same hole.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №140159
 03.04.2017
At one time, everyone kept their favorite music on the compass - well, it was when the internet was weak, and large amounts of information were transferred to internal HDDs.
Then the Internet became fast and social networks publicly available, any music in any quantity became possible to listen to without downloading to the computer. It was strange to have gigabytes of mp3 on the compile.

That’s what I found now. that from VKontakte completely drunk Tsoy (I don’t know about the rest of the social networks, I didn’t check)... the march, again it was time to quickly increase the home media library

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №140158
 03.04.2017
I am in prostitution.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I am in space, I am in space.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №140157
 03.04.2017
The next day after the boy
XXX: fuck, civilians sit like that, nothing is ashamed
Tagged: ageing

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