Funny of course

xxx: Many years ago I read somewhere about a farmer who decided to grow a pig for bacon (well, a layer of meat, a layer of fat, again meat, etc.). Apparently for this a special breed is needed, but the male didn't start paring - took an ordinary pig and arranged her diet - a week of feeding for slaughter, a week on a poor diet. As a result, the pig grew up very thin and very wicked.

YYY is class! Don’t tell your wife, she will take it personally.

Not a poor diet, but a change in diet. That is, for a couple of months, crush a combined food with potatoes, then a month of grain clean. Bacon can be replaced. Especially the chest and neck. In other places, there is usually no bacon.

Grandpa, pointing to my desk (wallpaper - forest, lake, flowery):
- And you know, it looks like a landscape of... (pause) This is where the elves were... Interglacial!
Or maybe the Middle-earth?
Father: Aah... one figure, well, like the Lord of the Rings.

When you are 20 years old, you don’t even know how to scream, but you’re already trying to learn.

– – – – –
This is shit, intrigued, the silver sunset. Now write a post about your skills, the history of their development, what you have achieved in this area of human relationships.
(Maybe you need to change your hand every 10 seconds or so.)
Write, I am very waiting.
34 years. and lonely.

RZD cancelled Volgograd electric plants due to debt of 720 million in 4 years
RZD pays footballers Diarra and Busuf 250 million rubles per year each

XX: Yyy and I also decided not to argue with Matt. And then we picked up a very heavy box and she, to express her emotions on the subject of that weight, said: “Falling women! The male and female genitals mixed up - I strained, released the corner, and since then we have been mating again.

Here is here:
If your parents are old fools and don’t understand anything anymore, you’re an adult – get in the wheel and take responsibility for everyone.

Mark Twain: “Support it! When I was fourteen, my father was so stupid that I could hardly bear him. But when I was twenty-one years old, I was amazed at how clever this old man was.”

So if your parents are old fools and don’t understand anything anymore, just grow up.

A real domestic cat is not someone who spends his whole life in an apartment and is afraid of the street.
A real domestic cat - after rushing from a street walk home, the first thing to do is carry to his pot, catch >_<

I’ve been a good girl all year and I want a copy of the Death Star as a gift!
Sherlocked: You fought with a child in the store because of the last set of glowing stickers, stole a road sign, stumbled over people standing in line at the mail, after receiving the package, did not sleep at night, regularly alcoholized, and the depravity in your life by epicity is comparable only to sodomy among poets of the silver age. Oh yeah, what a girl? You are thirty!
I was, I was. The good. The girl. You don’t want the same thing to happen to you with a child in the store, right?

Commentary on the news "British Prince Andrew accused of pedophilia"
A little girl was waiting for her prince.

Here you take a beginner programmer to work - he doesn't know what a hash, nor what a tag, but he knows what a hashtag is and what it needs to be.

I lie on the couch under the cloth, my wife sits there and I feel like her feet are ice. The further dialogue:
I: Figase that for the ice
She: I have "these days" the blood does not reach my feet, on the way the leak...
I love her very much.)

Girls come and go, and the computer as it stood - so it will stand.

Listen, calm down with Hiroshima / Nagasaki. After the Japanese aggression only in China did not count about 35 million. Man (as you remember, the USSR lost "total" 25 million.) And there were also Korea, Indonesia, the Philippines and others. They should be bombed from north to south, from Kuril to Kyushu.

C VIM

Zizmo...
concerning the attitude of ordinary Hungarians to the Russians, a small sketch from my brother:
He met in Hungary on the service with our military (colonel, for instance), went for lunch in a café. Colonel in shape. Suspected of the waitress, the brother makes an order, because he speaks Hungarian freely, as opposed to, and simultaneously discusses the menu with the colonel in Russian.
The waitress turned around us. And so he will look, and on the other side will go... The Colonel is tired of it, and he asks something like, “Did the horns grow on me?”
The waitress: Yes, you are not. I just don’t understand, where are you from? Not Bulgarians, not Serbs.
Q: We are Russians.
The Russians? What are the Russian military doing here?? to
Take the polkan and lick: Something... They’re back.
Such a reaction they did not expect, the waiter cheered gladly at the manager:
The gun! The gun! The Russians are back!! to

Conversations with my husband:
I: And you know that when the father of the cosmonaut Leonov was accused of being the enemy of the people, "good" neighbors didn't do much to drive his wife and children out of the house, they even removed the trousers from the three-year-old Leonov. What kind of people could do that?? to
Husband: The same ones who are now shouting about repression.

But the most unlikely and fictional thing in the entire Harry Potter series is that hundreds of teenagers at the height of the transitional age live under one roof for about 9 months a year and can think of anything but the opposite sex!

I saw a wonderful miracle.
I go to work in the evening, on the bus. The bus is a new, new liaze (which is already available in the province), all in the cameras (the driver has a monitor for 7-8 pieces), the electronic dashboard, the auto-informator-girl, all such a clean-beautiful... mmm...
The people have little - New Year's Eve - sat behind, relaxed, I eat.
The smell is familiar. I was sorry, oh you! Under every lookout on the ceiling hangs a smell like the taxi drivers on the mirror talk.
From, I think, the service, from her, beauty!
second thought - driven smelled hanging, shob to break the gap from passengers

Mrs. Hudson: I brought you tea. You usually still sleep.
Will you bring me tea?! to
M. Hudson: Well of course! Did you think where it came from?
Sherlock: I don’t know...I thought he was always here...
My husband: - Yes, and the toilet paper on the holder is growing, I know.

2 January. I got sick and had to go to the hospital. These days there are therapists. The people are very much like on working days, only instead of 6 cabinets work 2. One of the nurses in the next circle between the offices surprisingly looks at this zombie apocalypse and gives in obvious confusion:
What are you all here...
And in fact, someone we stuck in the hospital, direct mood raised.)

Judging by the arcanum, the best way to get rich is to wreck all the barrels and boxes in the urban sewage.