bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №133083
 04.09.2016
Stories about sham during inspections. I watched somewhere on the exit from a large supermarket, how the security service worked. There was a phone call when one of the buyers came out with a couple of bags. Two security officers immediately approached him and polently asked him to leave. Then followed by checking the contents of the packages, checking the store cheque. It took a minute, a maximum of two. Immediately the elder, apologizing, gets somewhere from under his shelf a chocolate tile and handed it to the "victim". The buyer smiles and goes away in bags and with chocolate, and I am standing asleep, smiling too. So pleasant from this scene. I think it is service.
I forgot to clarify. It was in Frankfurt am Main.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №133082
 04.09.2016
The school year is like pregnancy: it lasts nine months, and nausea begins from the second week.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №133081
 04.09.2016
XXX: What are you doing?
xxx you are lying?
YYYYYYYYYYY
xxx and me.
XXX: We are as if lying together!
XXX: What is your celebration?
YYY: Working Day

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №133080
 04.09.2016
[21:37:22] xxx: send out the food
...
[23:40:15] xxx: there is food, now you can do something all night :)
...
[23:59:12] xxx fuck after eating not want to work

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №133079
 04.09.2016
On the line on September 1, a pair of quadrocopters circled over the crowd. People with selfie sticks looked up in envy, and I realized that the next epochal invention of the century was a SELFICOPTER. I already see these advertising messages of the upcoming future:... buy wings for your smartphone! The selfie killer! A helicopter in your pocket. ...C moisture-resistant blanket and LED lighting of the object of shooting!

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №133078
 04.09.2016
Dialogue with my husband:
I:Today I will cook roulette from chicken breasts with cheese and garlic.
Husband: Is it normal to hear about what you’re going to cook and I get up?

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №133077
 04.09.2016
I bought a jacket in an American store. I forgot to take off clothes. There was a frame at the exit. Two rough guards politely but firmly took in the arms of the Negro who followed me, an unconscious Negro (Pardon, an African American).

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №133076
 04.09.2016
What do you do on the weekend?
I will fuck my girlfriend and catch Pokémon.
and Panathinaika. Don’t confuse the electricity!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №133075
 04.09.2016
The woman discovered that the body of an adult has about 75 kilometers of nerves. Now is Noah:

You ruined the best miles of my nerves!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №133074
 04.09.2016
Chuma: Do you know this feeling when you find out that you’ve been walking around for a long time?
Nazg: the type of what?
Chuma: Well how you drive a car, and she does not have brakes. Or do you sleep with a girl and then find out that she doesn’t have everything "pure" there? And here is the feeling that I was very close to an unknown danger to you, but it passed :)
Nazg: Tell me
Chuma: the girl's parents have a toilet, toilet and bead. He hangs two towels on different hooks. I always wiped my hands by hanging closer to the laundry machine. And yesterday I learned why the second towel hangs there and how it has to do with the standing bead!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №133073
 04.09.2016
XXX received this letter:
1 new vacancy on subscription «"PHP-developer", New Zealand»
Developer of technology (production of pellets)
by agreement
OOO "Company of Holidays" (Novosibirsk)

yyy lol) and not to say that they did not get with the vacancy
xxx is 😉

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №133072
 04.09.2016
XXX is fun.
8 You go after drinking.
XXX: Looking to the sky
XXX is moving.
XXX is strange.
XXX: The Dolby Parallel

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №133071
 04.09.2016
"NVPshnik was Moses Markovich Shapiro. Oh, if you do not know Moses Markovich, you do not know the invincible and legendary in its entirety! When Comrade Colonel retired, the order came to hand over to the Military Command all the weapons available in the NPP cabinet, with the exception of EMNIP 6 empty AKs for school.

Oh, it was a spectacle, when the high school students marched along the tramways along the town hall to the RVK, to the PPSH, Shmaiser, MG or 34, or even 42, a pair of rifles, RPD and DP. No, without knowing Moses Markovich, it is hard to imagine what a real colonel with an economic wheel can stock up for the joy of children!

By the way, the high school students marched in storms with their sleeves under the classic of Schiller's "Wer reitet so spaet durch Nacht und Wind" (known in the homeland by Zhukovsky's translation of "The Forest Tsar"), naturally - on a classic German marching motif.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №133070
 04.09.2016
If compared with the sample of an asteroid that landed on the territory of Chelyabinsk in February 2103, the asteroid approaching the Earth is much larger in size.

YYY: What year are you writing to us? What about the robot uprising? Is it over?)

[ + 33 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №133069
 04.09.2016
A day ago, a friend dropped a picture of my absolute twin. Even I immediately understood - one face: nose, lips, eyebrows, eyes, even hair, hair structure and the way to chest. I found this guy yesterday, it turned out he just got bad on the photo. The type I am is a swollen copy of him. It is disgusting shit.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №133068
 04.09.2016
I used to ride a Bentley one day. When I crossed the road in red...

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №133067
 04.09.2016
The case was in summer. I was just 6 years old. My mother and I went to Crimea for a long 4 days, and I missed the upper shelf. There was an elderly couple with us. And here the train is going, I miss my red bandana in my hands, and suddenly this man says

Do you want magic? Raise your hand with your cloth to the window, and stir them around.

What I did. After a while, the train stood somewhere in the steppe. stand for a long time. The man probably smoked. Here the door of our coupe opens, a conductor and a thick uncle stands and asks what happened and if we didn’t take the red cloth.

I have confessed. My mother’s robbers told us that they would land us at the nearest station.

We were not landed. I had to apologize. My neighbor arrived in the house only in the evening.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №133066
 04.09.2016
The bird puppies:
As strange as there are buds in everyone, including in birds, the fact is that in the egg the embryo is attached to the umbilical yellow, so it receives nutrition. And when the umbilical cord is peeled, it also dies and the umbilical remains, little noticeable, but nevertheless it is! This is known to any child who has seen how chickens are peeled (gushes/tissues/indyushats and eggs with them).

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