bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124025
 05.02.2016
by 19512

You will decide.
or divorce with a trailer (divorced woman - a woman who has been married and survived a divorce)
or a girl who saw that her boyfriend did not marry her and became pregnant

The child should be born after the wedding. And yes, when you know exactly what you both want."

you will be surprised, but many divorced women with trailers gave birth to their husband and on mutual wishes.

PS usually such men choose women for a long time, and then it generally turns out that no one is going to give birth to them, or he is infertile at all :)

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №124024
 05.02.2016
All these of your blind-set training apps are nothing compared to a fat cat sitting on your arms.
A fat cat - learning to print blindly, without disturbing its fur demon.

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №124023
 05.02.2016
XX: And I take good care of my mouse. I feed with delicious fresh batteries, it runs freely, wireless. I bought her new carpet.
And I keep it at least 2 hours a day, yes.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №124022
 05.02.2016
f1203: What is fantasy? In Russia, anything can happen. I, for example, last summer barely got in a car accident with a horse, which ran on a trail.
Andrewcocos: Have you lost a horse?
He1ix: Deprived, he is now marine.

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124021
 05.02.2016
xxx: I have an invention born here, business gel Vaselyanka = Vaseline + Valerian!
Yyy: Vaseline in the mass!)

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №124020
 05.02.2016
The flu epidemic is when you squeezed, coughed, and all moved away from you. Great to remember the recipe.
Yyy: If you spit some ketchup at the same time, they will still get out of the room.

[ + 51 - ] Comment quote №124019
 05.02.2016
to this:

Write a reference on the dote with a presentation and opened topic - I will make a check.
He has not yet recognised the underdog.

I remember when the trees were small and Quake came out only the first, future programmers instead of studying for hours chased the deathmatch grid in the lab. And then one day the object-oriented programming lecturer, upset by the lack of people at his lecture, went to the laboratory... And instead of “all the turmoil” informed FPS fans that inside Quake there was an object language Quake C and a built-in compiler, and promised to show how to make a self-guided rocket, a realistic model of firearms and jetpack. To play is the fate of the users, to create is the privilege of the programmers! Since then, the man at the lecture had an anshlag, instead of boring internet shops, we used communicating bots, self-conducting guns, optimizing the consumption of cartridges, a model of burning walls and so on. Naturally, with the separation of conservances, componentization, autotests, etc. Actually playing the game became not interesting... Only now having worked without a little 20 years in the industry and chatting with the juniors at the very least can not, I understand how brilliant this lecturer was.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №124018
 05.02.2016
xxx: So successful men 2-5% of the total number.

Yyy: ))) not so - just 2-5% of men you think are successful. Thus e. There is a success line on its scale.
And so - "Yes, Petrovich is cool - lives in the basement, does not blow in the mouth, does not chase the shop wash - what else a person needs."
Or “Sorry, only the top 20 people from the Forbes list are invited to this party, you seem to be the 21st person to attend. What?! The 99th! The guard!and "

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №124017
 05.02.2016
I tried to read Alice in Wonderland in the original. Broken the brain on the second chapter - I read and hide - problems with her, and fucking me!

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124016
 05.02.2016
News of 2014.
A Zurich butcher has been selling pork instead of beef to Muslims for three years

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №124015
 05.02.2016
Correspondence of the Director of IP and the accountant:
“Good morning, Lena, can you go to the PFC tomorrow?
What, is there a choice?
There is always a choice, but you don’t have it. :)

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №124014
 05.02.2016
I never learned Python. Every time there appeared a suitable task that can be solved by scripting and refining skills, in the first search results was written "perl will cope better". But I didn’t learn perl either: it really did better, and solved the task faster than I had time to remember the syntax.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №124013
 05.02.2016
Called from the weight and body correction center, I was on some machine, all at work, asked - "You send three letters or you will go yourself?" Goodbye, hanged the phone.
And I sit down and worry that I am somehow ignorant.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №124012
 05.02.2016
X: Girls, in order to like modern guys, do not need to dress and paint like a tank. And you need to wear a helmet, a tank driver’s uniform, smell the sunshine and be very deaf, and slightly injured.
Y: Fuck, I got up from this picture.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №124011
 05.02.2016
My brother went to work for the first time. (He was 20 at the time)
Of course, you had to go through an interview, but first fill out the questionnaire.
All as usual: FIO, date of birth, etc.
So in the column "family status" he wrote "son".
The staff member, reading the questionnaire, smiled and asked: - Do you have a son?
The brother answered calmly, “No, it’s me.

He was taken to work, mistakenly accepting a sincere acknowledgment for his excellent sense of humor.
This story has been remembered for many years by the whole family and every time to tears :)

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №124010
 05.02.2016
We celebrated the birthday of one of my friends. It was in August and it was cold at night. One of the guests named Lecha, weighing 120 kilograms, was pretty tired and disappeared from his eyes. After a while, his snoring body was found on the hamac. It was dark and the temperature fell quite low. We, by the way, were already walking in jackets, and Lohino’s body in a T-shirt glowed with its navel and swallowed the leaf with its snoring. Our attempts to bring him home ended with nothing but a mat through a dream. I didn’t want to leave it so much even covering it with a blanket. He could just fall out of the hamac and don’t let God freeze. Three men stood above the body and tried to find a way out of the situation. It was all very simple, in one sentence. A girl came and whispered to his ear, “Lohah, do you want sex?”

The body reacted quickly.

Go home, I will come right away.

The spell worked instantly, Leha got up and went into the house, lay on the couch and fell asleep there. We stopped and went on to mark. In the morning he remembered nothing.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №124009
 05.02.2016
"A man stole a stick of sausage from a store..."
Father Fedor, is it you?? to

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №124008
 05.02.2016
You are old, you remember that old thing!! to
Is that what she should answer? I am 33, she is 27. School to God!! to

There is such a movie, "The Ugly" or "On the brink of madness", there is a moment: an adult man and a young girl are in the car, they begin to discuss a song playing on the radio, the man says: I do not listen to modern songs, what the girl answers: from what age she is modern, she is four years old.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №124007
 05.02.2016
My wife bought kefir.
It’s been three days and she’s not drinking.
Should I drink kefir?
No, don’t drink I’ll drink.
Five days have passed, the expiration date has expired.
I will throw out kefir, the expiry date has ended?
WOW : No! I make something.
Another week passes.
Kefir tried to kill me, I threw him out!
I need to buy a new one.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №124006
 05.02.2016
Canakau: So he’s normal, what are you?
Diamond: Well, for example, when we went to the cinema, everyone took popcorn, and he brought a bowl of peelings.

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