bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №110268
 05.03.2015
I’ll come to you fat.
I find it hard to imagine you with a bubble.
It is like a pregnant nail.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №110267
 05.03.2015
It’s hard in relationships when you’re a technician and a girl is a humanitarian.
YYY: It is normal. If you are not a fool, she is not a fool.

[ + 18 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №110266
 05.03.2015
Cholestya are sometimes self-realized through work/hobby. Those who are just rotten, both men and women are looking at.
Cholesticks in most cases simply self-realize their non-existent family through cats (dogs, hamsters, nephews, etc.) and rotten.
-----------
Holocausts sometimes self-realized through work/hobby/unselfish love for animals or children of relatives. Those who are just rotten, both men and women are looking at.
Cholestials in most cases simply self-realize their non-existent family through alcohol or pouring accumulated bile in different places and rot.
and CHO?

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №110265
 05.03.2015
It is direct...
1 ) 2015-03-04 11:40
I open somehow a packaging filler for the cat toilet and BAC! In a surprise package, a bowl of cat canned food "sardines in smoked salmon jelly".
...
By the night of the next day, I realized that it was a test drive of the filler. The puppy stumbled into the pot, with a frequency of once every 15 minutes, up to rattling for half a meter, each time during the defecation. Should I say that the 10-liter filling bag ended at 6 a.m.? I was hopelessly late to work. Yes, and the piss for the second day in the clinic, cleansing the stomach.
I think that sardines in salmon sauce, it is not only non-patriotic, but also convenient for the wallet.

2nd) 2015-03-05 08:58
Marketing says...
We had one marketer who offered a bonus to the cat toilet filler to sell cat food, so say, with a special additive that forces the animal to use the toilet twice as often. It is said that the feed pennies will go in comparison with the profit from the doubled sale of the filler.
These people are not interested in anything other than profits.
--------
...it’s straight "Wait for me" something!

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №110264
 05.03.2015
What are you, a sociopath?
He is rather a sociopath.
Is it how?
If I had them all!


[ + 48 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №110263
 05.03.2015
I put it on the ventilator.
Girls, a question from "the loser". How long I ran, I was most often cut off (or stopped communicating) with the words:
is boring
Too correctly
- "When everything is good, it’s bad" (it just killed me, greenhouse kids fucking. Good is bad, let’s craft ourselves proletarians. Late to Someone)
I pretended it was probably because of me, but the model of behavior that girls like is unacceptable to me. It is foolish to know who, instead of living, is worth the whole life. And now it’s free like the wind for a few years and I’m happy about it.
But after a while, the same girls came back into my life and started telling me how cool I was. After a little talk (usually at the first conversation), you always find out that there are children and divorce. When I explain that for nothing you did not give up with foreign children for me and I become a father, I am told that I am a goat and a scapegoat.
So I have a question, from what scare the girls decided that they are ready to fuck and give birth by love, and to answer and grow the consequences of such love they suddenly became obliged to the "failed man" who was sent a few years before this?

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №110262
 05.03.2015
They say, “Babies are stupid,” but men are good too. I came back from work, nothing predicted trouble. And then my faithful man asks in his forehead: Do you not want to live with me? Gathered to leave. I am O_O Where do these assumptions come from? I dreamed today that you were going somewhere with your ex. I never saw him, but intuitively I realized it was him. And in the morning, when I was sitting and thinking about the dream, with the thought that you were gathered to leave, you sneezed - that is, the truth was gathered. So not only "Babies" but also men are "stupid". Yes, and it is stupid to divide it by gender, as it is said in the family, not without wickedness, sorry for the comparison, but you are already tired of the constant battles of men / women, technicians / humanitarian... etc.)))

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №110261
 05.03.2015
Today at work, a colleague asks everyone the question - "How many two hundred backs?"
I answered without thinking – “Around four hundred dollars,” “Oh, nothing to myself!” – an outraged colleague cried out. Then I thought about my answer.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №110260
 05.03.2015
Men, sit down and hold on to something. This will be a tough news, but you will have to digest it: women have your cars and payments. This is what you do before other males, building an internal hierarchy (which slightly intersect with the degree of attractiveness in women). Most girls toyota from Zaporozhye will distinguish, but a more detailed gradation of the degree of stiffness of the cart is available only to enthusiasts. Where do myths come from? He has already sailed here twice. The man has heard that he is bored and has nothing to talk to him, so there will be no second date? He rattles his forehead and tries to understand "It’s because I don’t have a cool car?"—not recognizing the problem in myself. The overgrown child invited the girl instead of the first date to the check-in, drawing a vigilant mom with her? Of course, the girl escaped from them precisely because he doesn’t have an iPhone or any other ghirni. On the dating site, the man indifferently scrolled through the information about the girl and her interests, but appreciated the photo in the swimsuit and greeted the gallant "Well, we wake up?" - of course, he lives further in the confidence that he ignored precisely for the lack of a car / salary (and in every way this confidence is poured out in the internet). What is unfortunate is that there are not so many such epic copies among men, but they are the ones that set the tone: the more unlucky he is, the more willing he will be to educate everyone about what all these grandmothers need.

[ + 26 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №110259
 05.03.2015
We walk on the names of a acquaintance, on the date of another acquaintance. There was a conversation about a film where the Odysseus luke could not be stretched. First I thought about fairy tales. The owner of the country, a man of absolutely no outstanding setup, with a clever face came out, returned with a two-meter rod which he called the "long English bow" and offered to put on him a tendon and shoot.
Titus, under a joint hood, was caught only by both of us. No one was able to stretch the bow with the aunt to the end, and the owner of the bow forbade to stand with his legs.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №110258
 05.03.2015
I give my friend an iPhone and I say:
Go to charging.
It runs, the charging does not work. The iPhone is broken and the connector works poorly.
I: Done him in the ass and get up again.
My friend: Oh?
I: Swipe in the connector and put in the charging.
He blows, puts in, and charges.
Friend: I’ve heard of course that Apple is a Pidor technique, but to be so...

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №110257
 05.03.2015
Recipes from Asia:
Fraud can only be combated by ensuring the inevitability of a proportionate punishment, or a high probability of a multiplier.
_______
and Singapore. The percentage of corruption and fraud is reduced to almost zero. What they did: fabulous official salaries to officials. But if caught on bribery: under fines and measures falls not only he but all his relatives.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №110256
 05.03.2015
>>> But almost everyone thinks that their opinion is the only true one. Is it better to explain how to properly make ananas on the penis? Soft or already erected?

correctly lowered
Ahha

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №110255
 05.03.2015
So I got a very stupid question. Why recently any male representative during important negotiations necessarily threatens an uncomfortable interlocutor with the prospect of living alone surrounded by dozens of cats?

And for women, I usually don't notice this, although they have something to cover. Eternal Dinner of Pellmen, gigabytes of porn, "mirror disease" - and many of the charms of the solitary life can be frightened in response. But for some reason only men consider it necessary to speak with irony about a strong and independent woman, without regretting sarcasm.

Explain why you hate people who don’t want to spend time with you. No one condemns persuaded single men, but somewhere an incomprehensible antipathy has arisen to the “holocausts.” And this can sometimes be met in girls, but here everything is clear - the desire to show yourself in the best light and show that "nothing". But where does this come from for the stronger sex? What is jealousy about what goes well without you? Potential jealousy of cats? Explain to the Alien.and :)

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №110254
 05.03.2015
My friend complained: I slept so badly today. All night rounded side by side. Almost all of the bed.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №110253
 05.03.2015
Andrei: When I drag a child on my arms, I hang a gold chain on my ear so that it does not interfere, or the little one is constantly clinging to it. So accustomed that I forget to remove it, and then I go in the electric car to Mystic as an Indian princess.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №110252
 05.03.2015
This is:

I would like to refer again to my experience of studying physics. We physicists were constantly given theorems and their proofs — and inhumanly asked these proofs at the exam. I don’t need to know how an integral feature of Koshi is proven, I believe it. I am a physicist. It goes well, and thank God. No, please learn the proof.

In Germany then studied, solving tasks on electronics, the prede also records some integral and says that it is so disassembled, it is considered.
And why? I am asking.
“Go here, come to the window,” said the priest. I approach the window. 10th floor, view of the campus.
Do you see that green body? There are mathematicians. They prove this to us day and night.
_______________________________________________________

The Germans are not paid for it.
Many of us would be happy to explain. As they say, feel the difference.
Z is. Now a physicist without a solid knowledge of mathematics is worth a little.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №110251
 05.03.2015
From Twitter:
Do you have a familiar programmer?
C++ or Java?
If I’m in PHP, I’m married.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №110250
 05.03.2015
Almost broke out.
— — —
If anyone does not know, I am a sociopath. He is now married and his wife knows it.
— — —
A sociopath who adopted the norms of society (marriage). Writing on a tight website? Worried about what people think about him? The Pt! A new word in psychiatry? A socialized sociopath? Or I don’t even know how...
Your doctor - and he should be, because sociopathy is a sort of mental disorder - a lochpendos, because you can not do what a dissident can do - to become a laureate!

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №110249
 05.03.2015
Zadolbaška No. 16713, which summed up its history very instructive.

The fact that you are proud to have condemned a mom with a child who scratched you a strangely parked car does not make you absolutely nobody. The laws should have been remembered before when it was parked in the courtyards.

And judging by how he boasted of his "weight under 120" and steep bonds, it is not difficult to guess what will happen and intimidate his mommy so that she doesn't get too hard in court. Yes, the court decided that your scratch on the car is more expensive than the tenants from whom you took the playground. I’t be so happy in your place. Another time you park too close to some sandbox – and you will be yourself in the role of another caretaker, who was immediately suspected of excessive love for children. Prove that you are not a camel.

So take advantage of your "cool connections", and buy a garage.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna