bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 71 - ] Comment quote №44132
 07.03.2011
My friend Skinkhead gave me leather gloves without fingers. I feel heavy, I feel heavy. It turns out that this precautionary wienocha has put a cast there! I’m not afraid to go home late.

[ + 62 - ] Comment quote №44131
 07.03.2011
I recently came to see my son studying at school in secret from him. I go to the computer office:
The teacher asks:
What is the main tool for working with the computer?
The hands! My son is screaming.
I would more precisely say that...
You are what? No one has been using the head for a long time, it is not fashionable!
Now I am proud of my son.

[ + 71 - ] Comment quote №44130
 07.03.2011
I came to the tax office, the guard asks who I am, opens the door in front of me and moves forward with a bold step. I sneak after him, along the way thinking that in the tax again jumping with security and customers security now carries to the spot. He opens one door along the way, then another, I follow, then turns to the left (although my inspector is sitting in the room to the right), I automatically think “blin, they’ve been transplanted again.” I turn after him and suddenly I realize that I am in a man’s toilet!

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №44129
 07.03.2011
have drunk. I admired her ugly body.

[ + 73 - ] Comment quote №44128
 07.03.2011
A friend told me:
My boyfriend is allergic. When he is overwhelmed, he is crying. I went to the pharmacy for a puddle and something else.
We approach the seller.
I am so happy, I smile and the guy next to me is crying:
Please give me a pregnancy test and condoms.
The seller was in Houston.

[ + 75 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №44127
 07.03.2011
He was sick, I mean. The one between the pelvis and the left leg. One week it hurt, another hurt, went to the doctors. I go to the doctor, tick my finger - here the joint hurts. I felt, looked, said, the joints hurt, your eyes are red - no different chlamydia. A lot of directions. I ran for a month probably, I donated blood, went to the orthopedist, went to the ophthalmologist, went to the health centre in the universe, almost about to take a paid analysis for chlamydia. Everywhere I tick my finger, I say - here the joint hurts. Everyone checks, checks, and understands nothing. A rheumatologist is the best doctor. There were six in the count. And before him, however, came the great truth, which he revealed to me... In this place there is no joint, there are ligaments and they are broken. % of

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №44126
 07.03.2011
Our rulers and their people live on the other side of the poverty line.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №44125
 07.03.2011
This was not taken from the inuit, but placed there.
It happened to me an hour ago.
I was on the fifth tram. I stand on the back floor. Behind me is a man from a deep bottom. Looks not dirty, normally dressed, shaved, beards under his nose. Suitable conductor, a young woman aged 25-30. He says that there is no money, she replied that, said, prepare then for the exit, and went to call the driver. Sorry for the wagon. Ordinary situation, I have to say.
I regretted him and quietly swallowed the red - on, I say, you will give her.
Thank you says.
The driver arrives at the stop. You have a ticket, he asks. That guy has no money! The driver took him out of the door. With my red!! to
So my reserve of human love for today is exhausted.

[ + 49 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №44124
 07.03.2011
Question: Why from 2012 a lieutenant of the police or the army will receive
40,000 rubles, and a doctor-specialist with 15 years of experience only 20,000?
Answer: Because the military and the police swear to the state and the government, and the doctors swear to some Hippocrates. Let him pay them!

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №44123
 07.03.2011
The family lunch. My grandfather tells me about the summer vacation:
- I remember we were in the Crimea, it was good... Well, your daddy I don’t know... he was small, we didn’t pour him...

[ + 63 - ] Comment quote №44122
 07.03.2011
Since 01.02.2011 the compulsory military service has been abolished. Thus, the transition to the contract system of the armed forces is finally completed.

True in Germany.

[ + 71 - ] Comment quote №44121
 07.03.2011
and embarrassed.

My dad knows how to sneeze. He can only craft! My mom and I are already accustomed, and instead of "Be Healthy!" we have the first reaction to his cheek - Eptvuyamat! The reaction is completely involuntary, I would even say, reflexive, but fully corresponding to the state that we have at that moment. Well, not only do we have temporary deafness after such a sneezing, my daddy too! Therefore, he already hears "Be healthy!" which follows a little later, and never offends)))
Yesterday mom calls and just cries in the phone))) Daddy sneezed at work, in a closed office. And then, for half an hour, his boss ran through the hallway, shouting, “Who brought the dog to the office?”Q. Who has just laid a dog??" and
Dad is very proud!

[ + 64 - ] Comment quote №44120
 07.03.2011
XXX: 3 hours in Gaia. To whom I will tell, they will not believe. Even the haishnuts roar and cry.
xxx: At the crossroads, the fool on Suzuki got to give back and she got in front of us. I went to GAI. During the inspection, this same fool tried to park and got into our ass already. The foolish sheep barely drowned us.

[ + 69 - ] Comment quote №44119
 07.03.2011
One of the comments to a video with Putin on YouTube:

Putin is smart. He may ask "Where are the cookies?!" reduce the response to "Lack of funding by federal banks in the northern districts..."

[ + 86 - ] Comment quote №44118
 07.03.2011
I sit in the bus and play Nirvana. The controller approaches, I squeeze a piece of paper, and it asks me, “Do you have Nirvana?” I pulled her one headphone into a stupa: "There is". She is also in a stupor: "Please don’t give a broken banknote". It has gone from the heart :)

[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №44117
 07.03.2011
You know what the mother-in-law gave for March 8?
YYYY?
HGH-Toilet Water "Antipathy"
yyy-Give her a column "Old P*Zda"

c the rage

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №44116
 07.03.2011
Rick, we’ll have something to tell our son! by Kiss:
WOW: How did you fuck me in the men’s toilet at the cinema or how did you fuck me on the roof of the St. Petersburg Philharmonic?

[ + 72 - ] Comment quote №44115
 07.03.2011
I met a guy for six months, loved him madly and decided to give him my virginity. I am not one of the ten, so I decided to take everything into my own hands. I sent my parents to the country, they came home to me, Romantic, all the business. I stretch for him the width, where everything is ready for battle, only touching the member - he ends. I think nothing, let’s try again. Try the same stuff. Seven times underwear!! to
The comments:
HH: Why did they not continue? No longer standing up?
Yyy: The guy lost consciousness from nervous exhaustion.

[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №44114
 07.03.2011
And it ran over the face of Vladimir Vladimirovich, but Dmitry Anatolyevich was calm!
Z is. Advertising has been fixed! Stalin would have been shot!!

[ + 54 - ] Comment quote №44113
 07.03.2011
to you!

The Prehistory.
We serve with brother in various organizations, mercenaries. Brother Saper, I am a sniper. We usually go each in our group.

The history.
The festivities. New Year (seems to be), a mine field in the passage zone, a map is needed. "Brother, did you not put it in place?" Map is received. Painted very vague and sleepy.
We went through the field, and I slept too. On this map, which the conductor held up with his feet. The driver’s name is GPS.

Where are you serving, friend? very needed.

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