I told one of my close friends. He went to football with his friends. The team for which we were sick won. They were delighted with the victory of their favorite team. Strongly so sprinkled, straight up, what is called, “to the eyebrows.”)



From the first person.



This morning I was awakened by a knock on the window. He opened his eyes, recognized familiar wallpapers. At home, the knock continues. It’s hard to turn the head after yesterday. I think the pigeons, the paddles, bump into the glass. What do you owe...? He did not feed, like... A persistent knock was given in the crystal head with a snail. I decided to get up and get rid of the fools.



Hard to sit in bed. In front of the window and the door to the lodge. And on the loggia, a man stands, knocks on the window and makes signs, like, open it. In my heavy head there was the thought that, fucking, I got drunk... to normal people, whites come, and to me, a man. I tried to think logically. The man. Per someone's lover from my husband who came at the wrong time on my balcony escaped. No, it cannot be. The 9th floor, the last. Usually lovers go down the floor below, only a gymnast can climb to the floor above, and a man does not look like a gymnast... And below the floor the old grandfather lives. Well, I think it’s all, it’s time to use it. Smoking must also be stopped. Women are also more careful. Running should start in the morning. Healthy eating and gym. Then the men will not appear in the window in the morning.



The man continued to insist on entering the apartment. Okay, I think I’ll go open my hallucinations, what’s there... I opened the door. A man comes in. With a cage.



Why didn’t it open for so long? Will I get water from you?



Recruiting...



The man went into the bathroom and opened the water. The water rushes into the boiler, the man quietly rushes something under his nose. The idea arose, and not whether to volunteer for sanitary, very real hallucinations.



A man with a cage of water came out of the bathroom, drowned onto the balcony, crossed the fence outside, took the cage from the lodge and stood there...!!! to



And then I finally trembled and it came to me that the house has been facade work for a day, behind the balcony a building cylinder, and the man is a worker. I exploded with a mate who would be jealous of the ports. To the man’s question, “What are you like a victim?” he replied that you can’t be so scared of people, I almost said goodbye forever to all my bad habits.

Yesterday my wife sent me to the store for an egg for salad. Walk through the courtyard, wearing semi-season shoes quickly.

Well, I turned to the corner of the house, where the turn, cars in the ice hit, right on the back. The swimsuit and backpack softened the blow, but the ass was attached and the drums shook slightly. I lie down, shrink, think that it's okay, at least two eggs broken, not a dozen.

I see - a couple approaches me, young people, the girl first rushes, and the guy has walked well, see, he is crawling behind her.

I think fucking, and they say that we have a hard people and youth indifferent. He has already fallen to the side, began to get up on his knees, and here the girl runs and:

“Big brother, you can’t smoke?

I cried out:

No, I have given up.

- He dropped it, fucking, it would have been better to throw the bowls away!

The knight bubbles her and the couple goes on.

And you with Christmas, I think, and I continue my way for new eggs.

Dembel comes home to his hometown, and he is asked:

How is it in the army?

It is dumbobby!

And this how?

I will show you tomorrow!

At 4 in the morning the bell rings. The whole village fled in horror.

Dembele came out and cried out:

I and my brothers are in the woods, let the rest go!

Once upon a time, a fairly large company approached me. They made a new website, they needed SEO promotion. The meeting was held with the founder, a man aged 60.

Tell us what you need to promote our new website.

He briefly described the entire procedure, explained what and how. But the next phrase caught me into a philological stupor.

It is good, but it is long. Call Yandex tomorrow. Tell them how much money it takes to get on the first line forever. If they don’t agree, threaten me to buy them. Understood me?

After this phrase, I polently said goodbye, said that we were unlikely to be able to work out and disappeared from the scene.

At the box in front of me a young man at the end of the shopping asks:

Give me a kidney.

For a boy or for a girl?

Aha, what is the difference?

Well, for boys there can be a designer inside, or animals of all kinds. Or here dinosaurs, or wolves there are, puzzles.

And for girls?

and princesses.

I took for a boy. He left the box and handed it to his daughter.

Only true kings are able to voluntarily abdicate the throne!



© Dmitry Sviridov

I have a director at work, his name is Robert. Unlike most wealthy family people, he does not live in the suburbs, but in the Old Town (the case takes place in one of the cities on the East Coast of the United States). The place is prestigious, but there are also problems. One of the main things is that the streets there are narrow, many 250-300+ years old. For snow-gathering equipment they are not designed at all, and so you can barely plug the lighthouse, so that there is a place for passing. And snow to clean almost nowhere, only either on the sidewalk, or back on the road, well, or between parked cars to stop some like.

Therefore, there is a lot of drama between neighbors, especially for parking. When the snow falls, there is trouble. Civilization flies like a shell, and it happens that citizens mock each other’s faces, call the police, and become enemies for a lifetime.

Shortly after Robert and his family moved to the area, the first snow fell. Not very large, but centimeter from 40-50 namelo. When the storm stopped, he went out to clean the car. Look, and there is no place to remove the snowflake, more hasty people have already cleaned their cars, all the space between the cars is crowded. He started cleaning the snow, but where did he put it? I began to crawl on the sidewalk.

Here the owner of the house jumps out, begins to express his "fe", and very passionately, hot Italian blood is affected. He lived here for years, he cleaned the sidewalk with his own hands. And some inadequate citizens (i.e. Robert) are boundless, do not respect the work of others, and do not see the borders at all. Everything has happened here.” All this tirade is accompanied by obscene gestures and obscene vocabulary. For about 15 minutes, the footage burstingly expressed his emotions, and Robert listened silently.

Finally, the neighbor went away in anger, threatening punishment. Robert cleaned the car and removed the snow carefully from the sidewalk. Then he blinded a few snowmen and went home. He pulled old shirts and hats, a bunch of carrots, barbecue corns, and snowmen dressed. Then he took a bottle of decent wine and knocked on the neighbor. The angry man opened the door, and Robert gave him a bottle and said, "We live on the same street, neighbors now means. Likewise I love cleanliness.” Then he pointed to the snowmen and smiled and congratulated "with the first snow."

and all. Now they are in a very good relationship with their neighbors. The old Italian now helps him and the snow to clean, and even the place, when the parking is tense, holds for him. On life's little things helps on the first call and on a bottle of beer regularly invites. From the first snow they have made it a tradition.

They could just argue. The bad thing is not stupid...

The first half of 2019 will be tough, but then there will be mushrooms and berries.