bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №97651
 09.05.2014
Once, at school, we were sent out to congratulate the nearby grandmother-veteran, invite her to a school concert. We bought sweets, flowers, came to the address, and there is no one at home, because of the door, no one responds to our calls and knocks. We get out of the entrance, and there the locals discuss their difficult old fate. Asked them, they say, said, died last year, heroic, said, a woman was, the whole war passed... We breathed sympathetically, went to report to the class leader about the failure of the operation, was late, said, for a year. The next day, on the ninth, the aforementioned heroine of combat and political in the parade uniform, with the chest hanged with orders, appeared to the concert.

[ + 71 - ] Comment quote №97650
 09.05.2014
A picture of the Reichstag.
You are here and the Armenian.
Ukrainians and Kazakhs
We are a sign for peace.

Have a celebration, guys. Peace to you.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №97649
 09.05.2014
In general it was so. My aquarium is 150 liters. The caterpillars flourished like dirt. They don’t go to the store, it’s a pity to throw away. And here, miraculously, I meet the announcement, the children's psychoneurological internship will welcome fish, plants, etc. with gratitude. In the zoo.
I called, agreed on May 9, the second half of the day. Holidays and holidays are comfortable for everyone.
Just after the shaley went home and in a good mood caught three three-liter pots of livelihood, plants to a bunch, soil of 20 kilos, a fish sachet, all things.
They came shortly. I met you on Hurricane, thank you. I catch a fish, I ask, and the soil is needed, 20 kilos? They need, they say. I am hockey, I will bring happiness.
I go out the door, spring, butterflies flowers. Beauty in general. And here I am all such in camouflage, opening the door of the psychiatric department and frightening the gentle butterflies, carrying myself to the car, chewing fun with a wet aquarium bag.
And only when I took the ground, I finally realized why I became the object of such close attention of relatives and dusty sanitary workers.

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №97648
 09.05.2014
S&W: I’ve always thought it’s enough to put a compass on the shotguns.

xxx: and the option - the red light and the blade is already forgotten?

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №97647
 09.05.2014
In the cabin of the plane, the stewardess announced: “Dear passengers! For technical reasons...” then breathed, took a long pause and added “...the televisions on board during the flight will not work!”, after the first part of the phrase, even those who recently went to the toilet, at least, got upset.

[ + 33 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №97646
 09.05.2014
How have self-loving males already got the indulgence and contempt "female logic". If your wife is stupid, it only means that she is stupid, not that feminine logic. And it’s your personal difficulties, a fool to marry. Or, first, they choose the blunders, only to please the eye, and then they are surprised by the "female logic." No need to summarize, guys. Statistics and fools. Are you statistics?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №97645
 09.05.2014
xxx: And why does it seem to me that the expression “public chamber” is somehow associated with psycho...

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №97644
 09.05.2014
to this:
XHH: Women’s logic is a topic beaten. She doesn’t stop surprising me!
I sit in the kitchen in the evening, drink tea, my wife is preparing a fruit salad. He asks, please give me a couple of strawberries. I give. A couple of strawberries. He looks at me with wide open eyes and with a sincere, untranslatable insult in his voice says: Well, not two! O_O
____________________________________________________________
Send a fool for a bottle of vodka, and he will bring one.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №97643
 09.05.2014
Daradali: At the entrance to the Edward Munch Museum paranoid control, like at the airport, “Cry” has been kidnapped twice, in 1994 and 2004, and they seem to feel nervous this year.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №97642
 09.05.2014
I have a young, fresh, full of enthusiasm and vital energy in my room, a fly.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №97641
 09.05.2014
It was about a man who was sitting in the last row in the bus.
Friend, see how wide he folds his knees when he sits.
sitting with such egg dryers is impossible - there is nowhere to put your feet)))

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №97640
 09.05.2014
Comments on the film "Jurassic Park" on the website of Murmansk Cinema

by 27.08.01
Neon: Hmmm... I will tell you that the service is not brilliant:( What you should do so that every viewer on the scheme in the box office chose a place for themselves and this place was sketched, so there would be a coca and where free seats.

by 08.04.13
Just a viewer: Neon, in "Atlantic", as well as in "Murmansk" I always chose a place at the box office. There is a monitor where you can see everything.

by 09.04.13
Bust: Just a viewer, Neon has been waiting for 12 years for your response. I finally waited. A great human thanks.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №97639
 09.05.2014
Will you give me a massage?
I: of course
Wife: It would just be dirty for you!

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №97638
 09.05.2014
She: If a man takes the initiative, it’s called "potting eggs"
She: And if the initiative is shown by a woman, what does she incite?
It is egg cells.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №97637
 09.05.2014
This is:
All the things, wives/girlfriends take with you "for company" for shopping. Take it and go with her to the gun store! Especially if you have a license to buy something to "choose, touch, sample everything you like."Yes, not forgetting to say in the beginning: We are for a minute.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
If somebody doesn’t have to deal with a woman in the shops, it can just then give up such "walks"??? Or, all the big clowns who have no opinion?? to
And yes, I am a woman... but with my beloved husband I can choose a drill, a perforator, mix and simply help to change the wheel on the car... and he, if he went with me to the store (voluntarily, please note, no one is dragging him there), he doesn't bother, but takes an active part!
P.S. I’m sorry, but I’m really overwhelmed!
Cotta, admin, good to all

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №97636
 09.05.2014
to this:
In 2030, Russia will begin dynamically exploring the moon.
Take Siberia first.

Take care of the land, take care of the moon.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №97635
 09.05.2014
The bad advice:

All the things, wives/girlfriends take with you "for company" for shopping. Take it and go with her to the gun store! Especially if you have a license to buy something to "choose, touch, sample everything you like."Yes, not forgetting to say in the beginning: We are for a minute.

Suddenly she’ll like it, and she’ll want to buy a good gun too? And then, one not very good day, you get slightly upset and don’t have time to answer that she’s not fat.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №97634
 09.05.2014
this
But I have more.
Microwave Panasonic
7 years ago. She has a sensory.
the panel from which the buttons are already
Year 4 is out. I am
The quality, the quality, which
They did not follow the norms.
Plastic and symbols
Printed and Damn.
A cellulite, after
I doubted this story,
I decided to check, check.
Nocturnal... to tell? and :(

Brother thank you. I also have a microwave Panasonic and now it is like new.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №97633
 09.05.2014
to this

My neighbors love me. A father says to his little son today: "Nikita, if you are still going to be a mother, you will get a puddle from me!"

Our neighbors lived here, my mom and my 16-year-old daughter. Then I hear a whisper behind the wall:
M: Oh you are crazy!
D: You are crazy!
Thank you very much, daughter!

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №97632
 09.05.2014
You like to think of yourself as a believer not so much because you really believe, but because in religious books you find justifications for your actions and lifestyle. The Bible does this better than any other book. In it everyone finds something about which he can say, "I do exactly the same, and it's good," after which his heartbeat blows up to incredible limits and he considers himself the only worthy, among all "these," about which, by the way, there is also written, but bad. There is no sin for which there is no justification in the Bible. And all thanks to one magical word – "repentance".
I prefer justice. And if there really is an afterlife, then I would rather honestly answer for every deed in hell with other equally honest people than go to heaven, full of hypocrites, and rejoice with a whimpering smile that I have been avenged.

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