bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №154952
 09.09.2020
xxx: Cotton with a negative increase in the number of glasses in the car

YYY: Can you say anything more in Russian journalism?

The xxx:

We have a good rate of negative growth.

Do you mean “economic downturn”?

No to growth. Just a negative. The pace is very good.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №154951
 09.09.2020
A colleague of work said:

I am on a trip to the town. I sit in the hotel, walk into the room, check out.

Beautiful room, huge bathroom with jacuzzi, the size of a small pool.

I begin to work out things, expecting how I will now ballet in this very jacuzzi and thinking whether to order a champagne in the room.

At this time, a delicate knock on the door. I open - the maid stands and puts two hives with water on the threshold.

This is for the toilet.

Meaning for the toilet?

There is no water.

How about... jacuzzi.

- Aaaah, well if you want to wash, you call, I’ll warm your water.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №154950
 09.09.2020
As a student, I decided to work in the city’s amusement park during the summer holidays. Sphere of service, fu – I know, but it’s better than sitting at home and shooting at mommy’s bowl.

My first attraction was a chain carousel. Every morning, the duty mechanics examined your attraction, you could tell them about some kind of squid that they were obliged to remove and finally, to schedule in the journal - said, all type-top. The "chain" was a new one, but Chinese, which is why there were constant problems with it. For example, at the end of three minutes of rotation, the program had to turn off the engine and drop the hydraulic along with all passengers under a fun braking. Just just? Yes is. What could go wrong? Yes all! The most common problem was the descent: the rotation stopped, and people hanged four meters above the ground. The challenge of mechanics, some manipulation in the womb of this satanic machine and the solemn descent. It happened that the hydraulic started early when the engine continued to rotate. I was saved by the fact that I never pulled the headphones at the shift - it is heard by the sound that the engine was working and had time to turn off the chain and roll the emergency brakes. But this is all the introduction that has been delayed.

Visitors to the park. It is obvious that people come different: all age groups, categories and status. And in out-of-course situations they behave differently. The rule of the crowd acts very brightly, it is worth a couple of people to create some wild (for example, urgently cling to their chairs and start tearing), as others massively break to do the same. The operator in such moments is required to quickly and clearly / loudly / seriously give instructions to the visitors. Very quickly to quench the panic, to prevent deplorable consequences. But sometimes the operator is powerless.

In the evening, on my "chain" comes a guy of thirty years, slightly overwhelmed, stretching a ticket. Drunk we do not serve, but here in general the rental plan was not fulfilled, so I risked missing it. He obediently occupies his seat, listens to my instructions, speaks properly... I start. In the first round, his phone goes off. This is the usual practice in the amusement park. Shoes, little stuff, phones, rubbers – what we just didn’t see flying out of our visitors. Even the golden rain was once...Khm, something I distracted. The phone went off and went away. Only this miracle began to disappear. And then - like in the fog... He pulls on the chains, breaks down, flies out precisely into a nearby pine - a disgusting bubble! It immediately collapses to the ground. I freeze the attraction with a frozen heart, call for help and run to it. I thought it was a corpse. Not a figured! Scratches, bruises, in the consciousness. Apologized, said, "Orbit is not mine," stood up and went out, refusing to help me, but I was given a weekend, sent home, told not to go out the next day. Everything was okay, there were no complaints or quarrels.

A month later, "Chain" ordered a long life - some reducer flew, a new spare part and Chinese engineers have already flown, wait. I started throwing into other attractions as a replacement. The specifics and spectacles deserve a separate post. And now on the subject - I had to work a long time on the wheel of observation. An old heroobor, rising to the height of a nine-story house and allowing you to capture a sad view of our scattered stinking city. There are three buttons on the controller: start, stop, back. So at the customer's wish to slow down or unfold as an infernal machine the view wheel the operator can not. In the rain, the attraction did not work, it happened that a few days were standing. It was raining that day and there were not many people there. When the rain stopped, he started the wheel to dry. The hour turned, dried up, lit up the illumination, and a crowd of people collapsed. Imagine that the viewing wheel is the clock plate. People sit in the cabin on the number “6” and move to “12”. The first cabin, the second, the third, the fourth, the fifth and suddenly it starts to rain! Rain, a wild splash of wind and water. The line quickly runs under the roof, I run into the booth. The five cabins that he has already had time to load have reached "12" and only as they reached "1" all this part begins to fly sharply back to "6". The people whisper, I press the red button "STOP" - damn two! A multi-ton shrinkage with a load on one side continues to rotate, the reels do not have adhesion to the wet frame. Wait until the inertia is done. And when these movements almost fade, the door of one of the cabins opens and a pregnant woman jumps out! The height was about three meters. Do you now understand what flashback I caught when I read the memo from the original post? I am alive, not damaged, everything is fine. She was terrified and decided to save herself. Her husband, by the way, then came out of the relaxed attraction, as nothing happened to embrace and the couple left. There have been many more cases with this damn wheel, but I have already stretched my story.

As a conclusion... Attractions are very dangerous mechanisms and getting into them, you risk your health and even your life. Safety measures, instructions from operators and various restrictions, including Mechanics are needed to make you have fun and leave intact. In the event of an emergency, listen to the operator or rescuers, do not aggravate the already dangerous situation. If you are still alive, everything is going well and you don’t have to strive to die faster by throwing out a number. Think with your head, take care of yourself.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №154949
 09.09.2020
The wonderful archer Tatiana Tower told me how one day, on a tour in Chita, the organizers wrote on the poster "Apherist" instead of "Archist".

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №154948
 09.09.2020
Having a dog is a serious thing, not getting married. You won’t get divorced here, you’ll have to live until you die (your or her:)

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №154947
 09.09.2020
“Be kind, please be kind!”

So the classic.
The man came home from work in the evening. At the factory, he smelled off the change, bought a bottle of beer and sat down quietly at the stop waiting for the bus to a distant microry.
In the evening, there is no people (unwise: the residential sector is far away), the bus is forever late...
There is a young woman sitting there, all in tears.
Word for word, it turned out that she was driven out of the apartment by relatives, without things and money, and she herself was not a local.
Naturally, the man offered him to stay overnight, and she agreed.
We arrived at his home, a small one-story private house.
No, it wasn’t until then, he was guided by gentlemen’s principles and slept in the kitchen. The first day before his arrival from work she prepared dinner (soup, second, cake). The second day I cleaned things. On the third day, she disappeared with a laptop and an electrical tool.
On the fourth day, the SMS comes in the form:
“Transfer 5000 to [the green bank], or we’ll give it to the lombard.”
At the scene of the incident, traces of hands were seized, which gave the result on the basis: the girl is convicted twice, resides in one of our permanent addresses.
At the address, she was found drunk in a company with persons of criminal appearance (one is her ex-husband).
The laptop has already been handed over, the electrical tool has been left for later.
“Well, at least it will work with what,” the victim said, having received his property back.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №154946
 09.09.2020
In order not to upset the population, now the rate of the dollar will be not for 1, but for 0.9

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