Somewhere in the 1980s came the fashion of home birth. Judging by the ZH and other Internet, it did not pass now, but it began then. Back to nature, so to speak. They gave birth at their own risk in the bathroom, with the help of a husband and sometimes a friend who had already gone through this test. On the one hand, of course, barbarism; on the other hand, given the then order in the Soviet nurseries, home nurses avoided many problems and stresses. In short, the question is controversial.

Of my acquaintances, the first decided on home birth, Vera, wife
The Costy Bayanist. In fact, the Moscow intellectual is not in the face, his instrument is a guitar, but Kostya has always been original in all respects, not excluding this one. He plays virtuously, performed with the most famous groups up to Spivakov. Although not, Spivakov seems to be doing without a banana, but something of the same level. not shrinking
Kostia and low genre, easily picked up any song and always accompanied on our sidelines. To date, one of my brightest musical impressions is "Sunnychko lesnoye", performed under the banana of thirty drunk gargling.

When Vera gave birth, my wife and I were just waiting for the baby and lively interested in all the details of the process. I visited them on the fifth day. Satisfied Vera, pressing a tiny naked creature to the chest, told me that everything went incredibly easily and successfully. There was neither severe pain nor fear, because all the 8 or 10 hours that lasted while giving birth,
Kosta played her on the baseball. She listened to beautiful music, lusted for it and felt nothing but unlimited happiness. In addition, Kostya assured that from such a musical entry into the life of children should come with absolute musical hearing.

After a year and a half, Vera, in the same way, in the bath under Kostin Bajan, easily and painlessly gave birth to a second boy, and two more - a girl. And then she suddenly divorced Kosti and married Misha, also a guy from our company. This was not something special in our environment: everyone was young, free of prejudice, easily falling in love and over-loving, did not consider it a betrayal and continued to be friends with former spouses and their new passions.

Kostya left the apartment to the newlyweds and, recruited to some touring ensemble, began to travel with him around the world. Not a year later, his stomach began to grow again. When I heard about home birth,
Misha, the son of doctors and grandson of doctors, who had never eaten an unwashed apple in his life, came into horror. Faith, for her part, did not want to hear about any nursing homes and demanded a bath and a husband.

They came together to give birth in the nursery, with a doctor nearby, but as naturally as possible: a separate chamber, a husband nearby, and god, let no stimulations, epidurals, narcissisms and even more caesarean. By that time, experimental nursing homes had already appeared, where you could agree on such things - of course, on the mud and for money. Mishina's parents, of course, were not happy when their son married a woman with three children, and treated Vera more than coolly. But they fulfilled their parental duty, pressed on old acquaintances and provided all the necessary conditions.

Birth from the very beginning went not as in the previous three times. In unusual circumstances, Faith could not be reborn. Periodically the doctor approached, offered anesthesia, heard the refusal and again departed – apparently, serious danger has not yet been seen, although pain and suffering were abundant. Misha stood next to him, listened to Verina's words and was tired of being unable to help.

– Well, why did I drop the bone, – Nilla Faith between the battles. He would have played in the battlefield now, and everything would have passed. And you... you can’t even make a lip harmonic, nonsense.

There is no worse insult to a man than when a woman compares him to her ex. There is no more incentive for him. Misha approached the phone standing in the chamber (the luxury is almost unthinkable), at three calls reached the current Kostina friend, learned that Kostya was on a tour in some Manila or Kuala Lumpur, and recorded the phone of the hotel. The call there should have cost crazy money – hell with it.

It was a deep night in Kuala Lumpur. Pulled out of bed, Kostya could not understand who and why he should play in the battlefield. But the words "faith gives birth" awakened in him if not the brain, then the conditional reflexes. He took the instrument, Misha brought a telephone to Verino’s ear, and from there the divine sounds of the Amur waves were poured out.

“Well, finally,” said Vera, laying on the back of the bed and straining the necessary muscles. “Well, finally,” thought the little boy inside of Vera and helped to get out. The doctor approached, made sure that the matter went, and left, surprised by the psychics of the mother-in-law.

But idyllia did not last long. Telephone communication with Kuala Lumpur was interrupted and was no longer restored. The child is stuck again.
It’s time to stimulate, the doctor said.
“Don’t, please don’t,” asked Vera. I want to give birth myself, I want to give birth myself. You are a man, do something!
“After half an hour,” the doctor warned, “I will not listen to anyone. I don’t want to go to court either.
“Support,” Misha shouted, running out of the chamber, “you’ll be beaten.

So tell me, where in the reconstruction Moscow at eleven o’clock at night can you find a battalionist? Misha rushed to the nearest cabbage, where live music played in his performances. Music was, but in the form of a rock band.
Misha thought for a second if Ionic would go down for the banana, then looked into the second cabbage, the third, the fourth. I went down in the subway – there were poor people standing there, someone was singing a violin, but there was no bayana. He went out into the street trying to figure out where there was a concert hall or a conservatory. There was no time for the Conservatory.

“Lord,” said the unbeliever Misha loudly, “if you are, let me now hear the sounds of the bayana.

I listened and really heard. He was in Sokolniki, playing behind the fence of the park. He moved to the sound - under the lamp several elderly couples danced, they were also played by a young, slightly drunk man.
“Dad,” Misha cried, “I need you. Let’s go with me and I’ll explain everything.
The grandfather tried to object, but Misha, swallowing on one shoulder, with the other hand already dragged him to the car.
Will you put a bottle? I asked about the Balinist.
“I’ll give you a box,” promised Misha, “but go quickly.

When Misha, where the money, where with a terrible look broke through the cord of babysitters, with a crazy grandfather on a trailer broke into the chamber, there were already doctors and anesthesiologists. Someone tried to put Vera a dropper, she was weakly repelled.

Stand on! I screamed Misha. You promised me half an hour, I still have five minutes.
He sat his grandfather on a chair in the corner, pulled him in his hand and said:
and play! Don’t look there, you’ll faint. Look at the instrument.
What to play?
No matter what, the Amur waves.
It was bad to go out, the doctor said. What we didn’t do at the birthplace, but we haven’t played at the battlefield yet. A clear omission.
Okay, we really have five minutes. Listen to the concert at noon.
My grandfather played.
“My God,” said Vera, “how terribly false he is. Simply impossible to listen.

and gave birth.

What is surprising is that the three older Verin children have a musical hearing, but the younger is a gifted musician. He does not play on the bowling, but on the bowling. I know this young man’s nick and not so long ago I noticed this nick in the community dedicated to home birth. So, I feel we will soon hear about birth under the hood.