bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 69 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате]
 14.06.2013
My very energetic and eccentric grandmother has a cat, picked up somewhere in the laundry, and accordingly raised in the ideals of personal freedom and the right to full self-expression.
Going to a ski resort at the age of 79!Not long thinking, she brought her pet, with the rare name Vasya, without asking either my or Vasina's consent, to live with me.
Vasya was terrible - a huge, naughty, drunken type. The whole mouth is in scars, the ear is broken - the color of the Peggy. No, maybe he was once red, but even the grandmother could not wash those nine kilograms of living devil. Vasya went out to work, until there was no cat left in the district, and a crowd of cats with red kittens respectfully waited for him at the entrance.
I am left with instructions on how to interact with the delicate cat psyche, a sum of money to feed the sweet pushistique, and with a small tear we said goodbye - grandmother with the cat, I - with peace. The dumb man led his grandmother to the door, whispered her last meu and it began.
I tried to feed him, entertain him, let him walk at last. He was sitting on the closet and self-forgottenly speech, speech with such a disgusting voice that the neighbors came to ask about my new acoustic acquisition. The excuses did not help, the cat silenced the grief as he could, had to resort to the swabber.
The heavy argument won by two o’clock at night. Sitting in a completely destroyed apartment, I was delighted to observe how sweetly my wool friend slept in the remains of my ikebana.
The morning began suddenly, with the landing of 9 kg on my multi-suffering body. Have not tried? I assure you, the demand is very exciting!
The desire of Vasy to make me more athletic, to tighten the reaction - tight, but correctly advanced. The third time falling in the corridor (when something suddenly hits your back under your feet with a torpedo, or an anthrax falls) you had to remember everything about physical training. No, he didn’t strike or stumble at anything. He played with me like a new mouse and was enjoying it.
Honestly, he sat down and smiled! In a week, I learned to shake. Vase did not like it, but he honestly admitted his mistakes, slowly turned away, but did not stop training.
The fighting was exhausted, and I decided to bribe him. I knew that Vasily respected fresh raw meat (conserved meat and predator predator). In the evening, having given meat to the thief’s mouth, I decided to spit out.
What a wonderful awakening. I woke up alone, silent. I pull, turn, put my hand under the pillow and shout off. Something is moving there.
Half stifled, stifled wreath. A happy cat.
“Alaverdi,” said Vasya.
So it went. I lose – he’s eating a good mate, he’s demanding meat. I turn around - silence, but in the morning, opening my eyes, I enjoy seeing on the pillow a fat rat or some other shit. Vasya honestly didn’t understand why I refused the honourably earned prizes. Vasya was stubborn and determined.
I surrendered in this unequal struggle. She fell obediently, did not argue, did not pay attention to the cat running on the walls, only sinked cat food, stopped giving meat. He was astonished, followed me as if bound, looked me in the eyes, decided to press the song again - I was relentless. Then, having made some conclusions, he very naturally nodded and went for a walk.
And we have to say, Vasya went out on the street on the balconies himself, so that no one depended on (balconies in our chess order - 6th floor) and also returned on the metal shifts.
In the morning I hear: whistleblowing, whistleblowing, something scratching on metal. I look and see: from the lower balcony with a huge osethrine in the teeth, Vasily tries to enter. It climbs but climbs. I say to him, “Take a fish, fool, you’re going to crash.” He jumps onto the neighboring balcony, bites off a piece and climbs up to me with the decent tail of this osethrine. He proudly passes by me and puts me by my bed.
and sitting.
On the mouth was written:
Is it okay now?
Who left the fish on the balcony I never knew.
Vasya returned to his hometown, and I am still shaking to visit my grandmother. I need to see how the eyes of Vasina burn when I see them.
The game continues...
Source: http://www.anekdot.ru/an/an1306/o130613.html#10
Eng

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna