I was 14 and my mom invited a friend from work to dinner. She has a son, my peer, and she took him with her, but warned that he was very modest. Well, it is great when children and parents are friends and all that... I was not familiar with it, I was asked to have fun! I prepared a game console (ps1), got a second gamepad, picked up discs from friends and already imagined how we would play for the whole evening. But everything went wrong... From the embarrassment of strangers and someone else’s apartment, he got stuck in the fence and refused to enter, staying on the staircase cage. As we did not persuade him, but it did not work out, his mother spit on this matter with the phrase "well and stay here then!" He went into the apartment and sat down to eat dinner. I made every effort to get him home. I pulled out the discs, started showing what games I had, talked about different "boy" topics, told me what a delicious cake my mom made. Thus passed an hour and a half. When I realized that it was hopeful, I brought him the cake straight to the entrance, where he, though modestly, ate it. Soon his mother, tired of this situation, gathered and they left. They did not come to us anymore. She soon changed her job and they stopped communicating. Eight years later, my mother met her on the street and they talked. Then she called me:



“Now I saw Natasha, the mother of that humble man who never came into our apartment, remember?

Yes I remember! How is he?

Father of three children! (22 years ago)

and oh! Has humility overcome it?! to

Probably though! His grandmother was taken into the entrance.

I do not trust people very much. They will not be driven out of heaven.

The economy must be economical.

I read Edison’s story about assistants managers in cleaning, and I remembered a classmate’s story about his first job.

At the beginning of the last decade, immediately after the institution, a comrade (for simplicity we will call him Sasha) worked in a large semi-state company (from the "National Heritage" series). He joined the department, which prepared operational reports, to the position of a simple economist. The large company had four main areas of activity, each of which was in two or three subdivisions. And the meaning of the department's activities was to prepare daily reports on the results of work, the movement of money, etc. Thro the day, three types of reports were prepared for each subtype, and the head of the department with a pack of paper three times a day ran "up." The department was considered very progressive, the results of its work were extremely useful, well, and so on.

The number of department was at the time of 13 people (that is, roughly speaking, per person on each reporting direction, and the boss on top). Sasha was taken just on one of the directions in exchange for another of our fellow students who planned to move to another department (in fact, on his own recommendation Sasha and got into this "ownership"). He had a month to study the process of preparing reports, after which to do them on his own. He “studyed.”

90% of the time of all employees of the department went to physical education. More precisely, on the runway between the floors of different units and the collection of statistics. The data was collected literally by hand: you came to the department you needed, asked the right person for fresh numbers, recorded them in your notebook, and ran on. Then, when this marathon was over, he returned to his workplace and transferred the data from the notebook to Excel. Then the numbers were hit, the report was printed and left with the head of the department up. And the responsible employee rested for half an hour, and ran on a new, already other departments.

I do not forgive attention to these walks of torment. I mentioned above that it was the beginning of the 2000s. There were also computer networks, and the Internet, and email. There was also an automated accounting system. There were not only brains. Sasha took a few runs to think, “Wouldn’t it all go on...?Take a box of beer and go visit the local computer workers.

Those took doping, scratched their heads, and literally in a couple of days they scratched into MS Access a fairly simple reporting system. Part of the data was collected automatically (several scripts simply took data from other systems used in the enterprise), the rest could be entered through a simple form on their computer. As a result, a week later, instead of running around the 10-storey building, like a horse bitten in a pop, Sasha in 10 minutes called several people with a request to enter the necessary data, another 20 minutes later printed a report and went to read anecdotes on this site.

The same happened at lunch and at night. Most importantly, the next day too. On the third day, Sasha was caught by a boss reading anecdotes, after which a dialogue took place between them about the following content:

What are you doing?
I read anecdotes.
And the report?
He was on the table an hour ago.
So why did your predecessor spend three hours preparing it?
Listen, I can also spend three hours preparing him. If you want, I can read anecdotes in the dining room. But the result will be the same.

The chief, a former military officer, could not calmly perceive a loosely wandering subordinate (as the army wisdom says, "A good soldier is a loosely sold soldier"), therefore instructed Sache from the next day to prepare reports in two directions instead of one (the well-responsible for the second report employee went on vacation). Well, two reports - so two, for another box of beer, the same computer workers completed the report. The only thing that changed - it was necessary to call twice as many employees on the phone (that is, it did not take 10 minutes a day to call, but 20). As you can see, Sasha’s new habit of reading anecdotes almost did not affect it. Like the proposal that followed a week later to take on another direction (especially since the beer was brotherly shared between computer workers and Sasha during the joint feast, and many of those responsible for the data input, a week later, provided information and without reminders).

In general, after some time it turned out that instead of 12 people and the boss for the normal work of the department was enough only two. Written for a total of three beer boxes, the system worked successfully for more than 5 years, survived two attempts to "complex automation" of the enterprise (when boys in business costumes tried to implement systems for several million dollars), and eventually died only because the new version of MS Office refused to work with the old database.

What about Sasha? He was fired with the words "I have been growing the department here for three years, a little more - and there would be a whole management. You destroyed everything for me.”

I watched the “Young Russia” series. The Russians in the era of Peter the Reformator. The West is striking our teeth, the fifth column is already in power, the security forces are struggling with the security forces, but on the hole, mega-projects are destroying the country, the chinushs are stealing until the crack stands, the people have seven skins... In short, the nifiga has not changed since then.

Ask the seafarer:

Have you ever been really scared?

We carried a cargo of 10,000 dolls. fell into a storm. And when the ship turned to the right, all the 10,000 dolls in the choir said, “Mommy!”

This is where I got rid of it.

I live in a private house. In front of the window grows rabbit, its berries do not fall, so they begin to germinate. The cockroaches who eat them get drunk and fall into the snow. I go, pick them up and take them home until they tremble. It was already hard to collect the buckworms, hanged the feeder. Let them eat.

I recently met a girl whose mother was searched for a long time, and now sits for fraud. It is very wild to listen to her stories about how her mother, being behind bars, is constantly trying to come up with new schemes for people’s divorce.

Almost every relative of her mother at the time was registered as an individual entrepreneur. She convinced almost everyone that she needed it in business, and they didn’t have to do anything. They will only receive dividends. It is clear that nobody got anything. A lot of debt.

For several years her mother worked in several commercial enterprises. But this is not for the purpose of training, but in order to involve people in their fraudulent schemes. And they were simple. It is not a pyramid. Loans, loans, the opening of one-day firms, a bunch of promises and almost an instant slide when receiving the necessary amount.

She has been convicted twice for various crimes. Her first husband (the girl’s father) was also charged with fraud. And the whole scheme and plan was invented by her mother, serving the first term. So, coming to the dates, he received all instructions on the construction of a "profit affair".

The last drop for my acquaintance was that my mother did not stop doing this shit, even serving the third term. She came specifically to her mother for a date in another region. They had not seen each other for three years (the mother was in search). Almost immediately she offered her daughter to resign from her “poor work” and start a new “profit business”. According to the Holy Scriptures of Mother. Now she tries to stay away from her mother. For four years, it will surely work out.

I read posts about people who borrowed money from their dearest friends and didn’t get it back, and decided to put in my 5 kopecks.

5 years ago asked me for a loan from a man connected with me by a long-standing friendship. Not much – 150 thousand rubles. I was greatly affected that year - I was promoted at work, bought an apartment in Lazarevskaya, a new car, and on the wave of all this I wanted to help someone. Boomerang is good, so to say. The money remained, and I gave a generous hand to a friend the necessary amount (he, by the way, a very wealthy person, 2 times a year to Turkey flown + relatives lived in Germany live and had a small business). They agreed to give in a month and a half.

The time has passed, there is no daylight. I wait, my friend. Half a month later, there was no money. I call. Mechanical girl says the subscriber is unavailable. He started looking for him alive, went to his home - there are strangers living there. They have lived for almost a month, the house has been sold. The fucking...

I found him in Однокашниках, asked about the money - he did not answer. After the fourth question, this pitcher blocked me.

And only 4 months after the unfortunate loan, I learn from a friend's acquaintances that he has long gone to Germany to the above-mentioned relatives, and they have long invited him to PMJ, made his own citizenship and does not blow. Therefore, this Gondon took my money without the intention of giving, dropped it down to Deutchland and just scored it? We’ve been friends for eight years. They fucking ate together. But someday I’ll go there, find him, and just ask, “Username, right? “!” Then you can die peacefully.

The repair of the neighbor can take a year, so let two. This is what we tolerate.

But will he be able to endure my first-class daughter with a violin?

"The Swedish coach is crying of happiness! No, it was just one of the assistants who hit him with a finger in the eye.
From a sports report.

Not a battle, but rather a prologue or a beast who likes it.

I will start with the very old days, when Egor Gaidar was able to advance his theory of "shock therapy" and convinced everyone that "the market itself organizes everything" (the doctrine of the free market).
This is, shit, a doctor of economics! Oh, I took and organized the "one or two" myself... And with almost complete absence, at the time, at least any clear tax system, to replenish the budget. As a result, they got a disgusting mixture of wild capitalism and a systemic financial crisis, when almost half of the population, in order to survive somehow, began to trade what it would have to, and the other quarter to "crush" them. And there was a thin layer that shamelessly robbed the most lucrative industries of the former Soviet Union. Auctions were worth. When for the money of the state, the leading enterprises and other steam plants were acquired into private ownership. However, it is not about that.

In one of these emerging natural markets, where everyone was traded, and which in Russia already had millions, one figure went off and, having placed shelves with bars, began to charge the rent from the sellers. and what? With the administration of the district agreed, and the place is very good, a large transport connection at the intersection of routes to several sleeping areas. The market was not very large, there were a hundred places, but the rental was reasonable and the place could be paid daily - and it was crazy.

Almost immediately came to him guys in leather jackets with wide shoulders. Let us share. And he says, I will share, of course, but a little, because what do you have my "three pennies", look at how many shoppers in the market, and take from them...
Then the guys in this market of their brother, to collect daily "on the roof" from each place of 100 rubles (the number is conditional, so that you do not confuse and not confuse yourself with all these past inflation, devaluations and other denominations).
Brother so himself, from six, but instantly softened the ointment and began to collect at once for 150 rubles, rightly judging that the brigadier and the brigade are now not at all up to him, with all the then disassembly with the shooting, there the pieces are much fatter divided and covered... Well, a bit of a drop from a small market and fine. And for sellers, the amount is not small at all, but what to do, they scratch their teeth, but pay.

After some time, the brother-in-law has already seriously "raised up", the chain of gold in the thickness of the finger has grabbed, clutches on the fingers, the jeep has bought, "blown up" and like, as the very "started" on the shelves to bump, from the merchants a small tribute - he brought the "helper", coming himself only once in a few days to remove the "babes". And that guy also did not fail, after some time he raised the collection bar to 200 rubles. You have understood...

Commercials, of course, put this in the price of the goods... And the flow of buyers with each day is less and less, the prices are much higher than in many other places. There were places in the market to empty, who broke down, who left for others.
And then the landlord went to the brigadier: What do you fuck? When they came there, the brothers of these were dragged together, but when they felt a fried spot, they ran away. Designated a new one, already with strict control, but the final size of the tribute did not decrease, not in terms it is somehow. The business in the market soon died. They began to build a 3-storey shopping center in this place, but something did not work out... And for many years there was an empty framework, like a monument to the unlucky condom debility.

Do you think that was the case with your brothers?
Also a long time. A founder brought to me his relative. Take a cousin's brother to the position of manager of several shops. He looked at my unhappy face and took me to my office.
- Yes, I myself understand everything, but I couldn't refuse my aunt, look at him, maybe it'll be fine. And you will not have a card-blank in your hands, so refuse it with a clear conscience, I will not say a word, but try it... - and here is this relative mine of slow action? I have already written about something like this: https://www.anekdot.ru/id/988190/

I wanted to hold him for months, and then to refuse, in favor of the best candidacy found at the time, but, frankly, I turned around, and after all, I didn't even have to look after and struggle. When after his studies and examination was already approaching the end of the internship, he came to me in the office for a "business" conversation:
I found an assistant here.
and!!! - I, gently to say, oh... (was stunned) And there is no doubt that he himself has already been taken to work.
He’s a great guy, I’ve shown him everything.
We do not have such a job on the schedule.
Don’t worry, I’ll pay you my salary. The Half. What is the difference to you?
Why is this for you?
- Well, he will work, and I want to blur another topic for now, there are labels here... - and such naive, holy simplicity... and unmistakable confidence in the sight. Type of estimate, as clearly as I invented.
Do they really exist? I thought overwhelmed. It was necessary to personally take the exam after training, but the girls from the staff department were afraid to offend a relative and I, the puppies, did not say anything. Somehow I let this matter go on my own.
While I was thinking about it, he was flooded, however, quite knowledgeable of the terminology, but not listening to this, it is time to interrupt:
- Listen, and go you... to Vladimir (founder) and tell how clever you came up with. Probably, he will take you immediately into the board of directors, you have nothing to do with us in this position, not yours this level... - I depicted admiration, hardly remaining serious and trying not to laugh... And I believed... And I went to the confident and bold walk of a cool businessman...
Oh, and I’m going to have a staff department now!

And ten minutes later, the founder calls on the inside, whispers, sprinkling through the pipe with saliva. Come in to me.
You greatly tailored it to me. And I could not understand at first what he is carrying "purga hamam" and referring to you that you fully supported him. Only when he spoke about the board of directors... and again fell into a paroxysm of laughter... I knew he was a guy not far away, but to such a degree...
Thank you, we might not put such experiments on the retail. Don't you think it's easier to give such relatives a little money? It will be cheaper.
- I thought, maybe you will turn, what useful you will learn, or suddenly... maybe... If not, I would have turned all the arrows on you before my aunt. And so I drove him out myself, even from the protection, I roughly sent far and deep, now in general in front of my aunt the enemy of the people. And she grew up on her arms as my mother-in-law, though older than seven years in all... First I was upset, then it became ridiculous. When he finally laughed, he became serious:
Do you think I don’t give them money? The money was not enough, but the ambition was wasted. How did the fool finish college? This is what is surprising. Humorous economist...

Do you think it’s all the ancient legends? Now it’s the same... Believe me, even more interesting.
I periodically monitored the labor market and noticed that in some even very well-known trading companies the position of "assistant sales manager" began to appear.
For foreign readers, long separated from the realities of modern Russia, an explanation is needed: Managers are called anyone, any office employee, but almost never managers, any link. Those still (and thank God): Directors, Chiefs, Managers, or, at the worst, just Managers. Wherever you go, you will find the manager.
In short, a sales manager is an absolutely ordinary sales employee. A person who has to hang on the phone or "in the fields", pushing out the tongue, running, looking for clients.
And here, the drum crush, he has an assistant! I even know what justification they invented. A type of routine, paperwork and documentary work, which greatly prevents you from allocating a proper amount of time to clients. Do not go to the grandmother, such an assistant will eventually be hanged not only paper, but also all the basic work, and they will begin to do anything but not work, occasionally giving the assistant a multi-minded CU ("this u" - valuable instructions). Wouldn’t it be easier to change the process? Hire one (for example, for ten sellers) “click-to-knop” girl, with a middle-special accounting education, who will issue all these accounts, reserves, bills, acts and c/factures “to the mountain” with a machine gun speed. Then the assistant will appear...What does the manager think? Or are the assistants driving? For me, this is almost an insulting word.

Or this is the case, not so long ago. The manager of the staff service comes to me to agree on the placement of vacancies. My eyes run through the list... O-o-o, and who is this? Director of Cleaning! The cleaner, right?
- Listen-a-ai, and let's do better so: Director of the shovel, Head of the vacuum cleaners, Head of the erchikov... And necessarily in the requirements knowledge of English, or suddenly the imported toilet cleaning tool is not intended to use...
Why are you constantly talking to me?
How can I not bite? Here we read what you write: "In a fast-growing, with branches all over..." I don't understand, we are recruiting who? Cleaning in the office or not?
Everyone writes so...
You are the smartest person and the most valuable expert in what! The system of training, motivation and evaluation of sellers has been developed, protected and implemented, but it seems that the business has played and the concepts are confused. Do you know the translation of the website name? Here, the hunter of heads, and you place an advertisement for the vacancy of the cleaner there, and also with this title of the position and text. What kind of pattern approach did you not try to turn your head on?
How then to look for?
- I don't seem to have tried it, here are two options: in the neighboring houses you display ads and tomorrow you have a turn from Baba Man and Aunt Klaw. Do not want to do so, walk through the neighboring offices in the BC (business center) and talk to the cleaners. Maybe they clean up there in the evening and will be happy with us in the morning or vice versa.
- This is the beginning of the warehouse loaders constantly recruiting, at least once to you with this question? This is exactly what is not. And you don’t even know how he does it, and the flow is wild there. He’s very hard with them, fuck them. He takes their passports and patents in the morning and closes them in the safe, and after they change their clothes, the closet is also on the key. Only then is it allowed in the warehouse. He has no shortcomings and ratsiness, because he thinks with his head, not with official instructions.
- And we will take such a cleaning manager (ha-ha) through hh, so she will ask for an assistant in a month, or even two. It will be beautiful! The type lacks time to properly organize the business process of quality cleaning in a separate room of a fast-growing company.
In conclusion, I quoted the notorious Eugene Chitchwarkin: "Sometimes some linear leaders have a nymph above their heads. If the light first enters the room, and then such a manager - fuck him with a stick on the head until that nymph flies." Then for the media the expression was slapped and corrected, but I remember exactly that. Why quoted it? Not to relax...

Fifteen years ago, I read a book by a well-known management theorist, like Michael McConnell (I’m Wrong?). So, the author there pushed the assumption that any (!) The organizational structure, a priori, seeks to expand, primarily, at the expense of administrative personnel. This type in human nature is laid down, practically at the genetic level, this is the desire to transfer any matter to another, preferably subordinate to you, and if there is no such thing, then you need to do everything possible to appear. Even the beautiful word came up with “delegation of powers.” Then I remembered and the further, the more I am convinced - the author is absolutely right.

But it is a business, with a clear and understandable criterion of success - profit. What happens to officials? Look at the statistics in Russia. My dear mother! The number of them from 1994 to 2016 grew to two (!) the times. Moreover, a surprising moment, the biggest leaps in growth on the chart were observed in the most crisis years: 1998, 2008, 2014. And this despite the declarations and attempts from the top leadership to conduct restrictions and reductions. Even online services, long and successfully working, such as state services, electronic declarations and the like, do not help.

What is happening in developed countries? We will not take any Egyptians and other Somalis there, only the top 20.
Oh you! Russia in the number of officials per capita is far ahead of the entire planet. Much less in China, but in Germany, in Austria, in France, in the United States, and much more elsewhere, and especially in Canada – more. Statistics on growth in these countries did not find, only from the U.S. news agency USAToday, that from 1996 to 2016 the number of U.S. officials grew by 2.5 million people. I don’t know how much this is in percentage, but I know that’s a lot. In the past five years, the number of U.S. officials with an annual income of more than $150,000 per year has increased by more than 1,000%. Those who earn more than $180,000 have increased by 2,000% over the same period (2011-2016).
In Russia, too, expenditure has increased, only for the salary of this brotherhood in the last couple of years, the budget has increased by 200%.
Fruit and grease urticaria seeds... assistants...
A global trend, but...

Once upon a time, when there were no social networks, only the family knew you were a fool.

I have 6 cats at home, but my father dropped the tree.

Five days before the New Year, a new manager was hired. A guy like some unstable, in three years 8 jobs changed.

I went to work today after the holidays. Slowly we drink coffee, read mail, remove spam, discuss who rested. At 11 o’clock, the manager comes in and begins to apologize. It turns out to have forgotten that he went to work shortly before the New Year. He may be lying, but at least delighted.

Everyone at the end of the weekend

Well, what about the ass, but our hands are long.

Last week, South East India. We rested with my wife in the hotel, nothing to do, decided to play a big tennis. We got three balls and three balls. After 10 minutes, 2 balls fled into the trance between a house drowned on the 1st floor underground and the ground. In India, so often built, the roofs are almost equal to the ground. Cause is unknown. In this tranche between the wall of the house with deaf windows and the ground lay about 15 more balls. It was impossible to climb without a staircase, I began to mess up, found a staircase nearby. Nearby was drawn a couple from Australia and began to baking Hindus that they have everywhere so - they are always lazy, there is no way to get these balls - play more convenient, less expenses. Kiva and agreeing, I still set up a ladder, went down into a deep and dark tranche, gathered balls, many of which have already fallen with fallen leaves. We finished the game, I took back the rackets and all the balls collected. proud and with a smile on his face. Well, I say, “You have those balls there lying down outside that house, as soon as I got, you watch the next time.” The rental employee calmly replied to me, “Yes, we usually always get there, but in the last week we’ve seen a cobra twice.”

They say to me, “Take your ass off the couch, do something useful, everything will change for the better.” He got there, went to training, picked up garbage near the entrance and grabbed the snow. VAT remained 20%, the retirement age did not decrease. What am I doing wrong?

I told one of my close friends. He went to football with his friends. The team for which we were sick won. They were delighted with the victory of their favorite team. Strongly so sprinkled, straight up, what is called, “to the eyebrows.”)



From the first person.



This morning I was awakened by a knock on the window. He opened his eyes, recognized familiar wallpapers. At home, the knock continues. It’s hard to turn the head after yesterday. I think the pigeons, the paddles, bump into the glass. What do you owe...? He did not feed, like... A persistent knock was given in the crystal head with a snail. I decided to get up and get rid of the fools.



Hard to sit in bed. In front of the window and the door to the lodge. And on the loggia, a man stands, knocks on the window and makes signs, like, open it. In my heavy head there was the thought that, fucking, I got drunk... to normal people, whites come, and to me, a man. I tried to think logically. The man. Per someone's lover from my husband who came at the wrong time on my balcony escaped. No, it cannot be. The 9th floor, the last. Usually lovers go down the floor below, only a gymnast can climb to the floor above, and a man does not look like a gymnast... And below the floor the old grandfather lives. Well, I think it’s all, it’s time to use it. Smoking must also be stopped. Women are also more careful. Running should start in the morning. Healthy eating and gym. Then the men will not appear in the window in the morning.



The man continued to insist on entering the apartment. Okay, I think I’ll go open my hallucinations, what’s there... I opened the door. A man comes in. With a cage.



Why didn’t it open for so long? Will I get water from you?



Recruiting...



The man went into the bathroom and opened the water. The water rushes into the boiler, the man quietly rushes something under his nose. The idea arose, and not whether to volunteer for sanitary, very real hallucinations.



A man with a cage of water came out of the bathroom, drowned onto the balcony, crossed the fence outside, took the cage from the lodge and stood there...!!! to



And then I finally trembled and it came to me that the house has been facade work for a day, behind the balcony a building cylinder, and the man is a worker. I exploded with a mate who would be jealous of the ports. To the man’s question, “What are you like a victim?” he replied that you can’t be so scared of people, I almost said goodbye forever to all my bad habits.

Yesterday my wife sent me to the store for an egg for salad. Walk through the courtyard, wearing semi-season shoes quickly.

Well, I turned to the corner of the house, where the turn, cars in the ice hit, right on the back. The swimsuit and backpack softened the blow, but the ass was attached and the drums shook slightly. I lie down, shrink, think that it's okay, at least two eggs broken, not a dozen.

I see - a couple approaches me, young people, the girl first rushes, and the guy has walked well, see, he is crawling behind her.

I think fucking, and they say that we have a hard people and youth indifferent. He has already fallen to the side, began to get up on his knees, and here the girl runs and:

“Big brother, you can’t smoke?

I cried out:

No, I have given up.

- He dropped it, fucking, it would have been better to throw the bowls away!

The knight bubbles her and the couple goes on.

And you with Christmas, I think, and I continue my way for new eggs.

Dembel comes home to his hometown, and he is asked:

How is it in the army?

It is dumbobby!

And this how?

I will show you tomorrow!

At 4 in the morning the bell rings. The whole village fled in horror.

Dembele came out and cried out:

I and my brothers are in the woods, let the rest go!

Once upon a time, a fairly large company approached me. They made a new website, they needed SEO promotion. The meeting was held with the founder, a man aged 60.

Tell us what you need to promote our new website.

He briefly described the entire procedure, explained what and how. But the next phrase caught me into a philological stupor.

It is good, but it is long. Call Yandex tomorrow. Tell them how much money it takes to get on the first line forever. If they don’t agree, threaten me to buy them. Understood me?

After this phrase, I polently said goodbye, said that we were unlikely to be able to work out and disappeared from the scene.