bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №122697
 06.01.2016
Would you be very upset if Jackie in the armor of God spoke with the voice of Boyarsky?
2 the fucking. I want to hear it! :D
3: I’m even afraid to start imagining it.)

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №122696
 06.01.2016
xxx: SMS about "blocking your card" has arrived. I decided to call the number specified in the message, to clarify - what happened to my cards. A young man at that end of the wire that all my cards were blocked, clarifying that all, all the cards, all the banks. He did not talk further with him - he transferred his number to the security service of the bank, in which he worked.
AAA: How did it end? Were the SB bank laughed and beaten, or were some bodily movements made?
BBB: In general, such things need to be immediately to the police, what can the SBB do?
CCC: I am worried. and :)
DDD: Express your concerns.
Eee: Doing body movements. :D

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №122695
 06.01.2016
The European Union has drawn up a list of plant and animal species alien to European nature, Interfax on Tuesday, January 5, citing the Ministry of the Environment of Estonia. Representatives of flora and fauna included in the list must be removed from the country.

Goodbye to potatoes! Tomatoes, I will miss you! Corn, come back, I will forgive you!

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №122694
 06.01.2016
It was in Tomsk. One guy after another acquaintance discovered that he had pubic lice appeared in the causal place, popularly called mandavoks. The situation was unpleasant, he went to the pharmacy. I knew what to buy, but I was ashamed of the young vendors. I turned around the pharmacy, noticed on the street a man with a stinking look. He explained the situation to him and promised to give him a bottle if he bought him a medicine. The man asked for money ahead. To do nothing, gave money and for a bottle, and for medicine. He went to the pharmacy following the man and with an independent view looked at the poster in the corner of the shelf.The man buys the medicine, with a wide gesture moves him to the edge of the shelf and says loudly, "Hold, guy. be treated!

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №122693
 06.01.2016
My mother bought my grandmother a new gas plate as a gift. on the "advertising" found a licensed specialist to connect. I made a check-up call in the morning - he had already forgotten, but promised to come at 2 p.m. And then at 3 a.m. he called and said that "the court refused in the cassation and he will go to jail next week" wished me all the best and that we would look for another specialist.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №122692
 06.01.2016
XXX: What is the trend?
YYY: What they are talking about.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №122691
 06.01.2016
Man is created for happiness.

If you want to be happy, be human.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №122690
 06.01.2016
The prehistoric.
We go out with my sister to the courtyard, in the center of which is a very strong private pre-war house (one, 1914). The buildings. Through the courtyard, in a hurry, goes a gray crown... Goes, every stone under his feet looks ( suddenly, what kind of diamond?This behavior could not be left unpunished - the crown is noticed by a healthy cat, who quietly steals to the prey, up to which 10-12 m. Clearly seeing the danger, but without giving sight, the crown slowly steams its way and disappears behind the corner of the house. The cat, realizing that his "lunch" no longer sees the approximation of death, runs over the corner... And there four crabs throw on him, from all sides knock the unreasonable head and torso, ticking the skin. The fifth, having caught a speck in the wardrobe, having made a "dead loop" in front of the nose of the ear, lands from behind the victim and begins to drag the cat for the tail. The cat, saving his skin and the remnants of self-love, shamefully leaves the field of beating for the birds.
This scene reminded me of how, 40-45 years ago, normal guys caught in a similar way local robbers and just hooligans, putting in front of them a "pick-up" - a botanic-pick-up, on which "clients" were well "clogged", with whom very intense "educational and applied" work was immediately carried out. So our area (even the nearby territories) became a place where any person could walk peacefully at night and night.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №122689
 06.01.2016
The Russian Orthodox Church urges Russians not to travel abroad. You can get to the end of the earth and fall.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №122688
 06.01.2016
A friend of mine told me. Her sister married a virgin. and physiological. The husband then rejoiced that he found a decent one, she called him a donkey in a tiger. She did not restore her virginity. Just before the wedding she, sleeping with not one man, gave only in the pop and in the mouth. But the virgin, yes.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №122687
 06.01.2016
xxx: The French created a vibrator compatible with erotic books
XXX: Yes, it is necessary
YYY: for remote programming?
xxx : )

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №122686
 06.01.2016
Announcement: Sold 2 bedroom, practically new, passed 1 PVD. It is stored in dry form.
The advantages are many, the disadvantage is one: the set requires a well-contained neighbor without a WP - 1pcs. Due to the absence of such and unclear prospects for the near future, it was decided to get rid of it.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №122685
 06.01.2016
Humility is the weapon of poverty. A pocket man can’t hide.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №122684
 06.01.2016
XXX: I was shorter than I thought. The only reasonable explanation why I can’t go to do something, is not getting enough vitamins in the body, and I bought myself apples. Once they are ready, you can start cleaning. I don’t like fruits, so I decided to eat them.
The perfect plan :)

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №122683
 06.01.2016
I am not tired of being surprised:

You would say age. Or you read and don’t understand: so very young and no experience, so just a fool.

How could it be in two lines to write the same particle "li" in three different ways (fused, separately, through a defect)?

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №122682
 06.01.2016
Recently, my friend has been lucky with sports, but not very smart young people. During the story of the next "Ukhager" angrily releases:
You know what I understood? Sport is when another chromosome grows during intense training.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №122681
 06.01.2016
Based on the anecdote “Travka puziko ćkočet”.
He jumps on the pitch and chopsticks from the soul.
Like a good drunk or smoked anash.
The horse goes out on that slope, looks wild, does not understand.
Why does the crooked eagle run on her and crack.
He asked the jeweller, what did you do here?
What did he smoke, or what did he smoke?
Yoj hickled, smiled, rested and said:
You would have run the horse here, you would have understood everything and kept it!
The horse melted, thought, jumped, stood up on the debris and broke up.
He walked on the pitch as if someone had struck him.
The horse rushes through the field like a raft.
The man looks at the picture like this.
He ran four rounds and came back to the meal again.
I cheated on my friend, I couldn’t find anything.
There is nothing funny here, there is nothing to crack.
Tell me Yozik again from what you started roasting.
Yozik whispered, turned and walked on the grass.
The pudding crap. So fun for me.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №122680
 06.01.2016
Are you serious? A man bought a dishwasher to his wife, why make a mess out of it! Yes, all men who master their hands will only be pleased with the gifted set of tools! A woman shouldn’t be happy with a dishwasher? Here they already started to guess that he was an egoist, a wicked, a hater of women. Are you stupid?

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №122679
 06.01.2016
We also had snow, but it was cold. It’s so beautiful, fuck it.
yyy: so, winter in principle can be described by these two words - beautiful, but fucking)

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №122678
 05.01.2016
It’s not about pointing a woman into the kitchen. Remember that longtime, when the daughter of friends first asked what she wanted for her birthday, the child wanted paints, paper, colored foil and all sorts of other brushes - and then told everyone that they actually already decided that they were giving a computer, let the guests better with the money. As a result, the child without a gift, the computer is, of course, the daddy "you will be allowed sometimes to use it, if you will behave well". Here the option is softer (yet it will be easier for the wife with a dishwasher than without it), but the point is that a family acquisition is issued for a gift to someone.

For the humor:
A friend gave her husband a glossy board on February 23. He in response to March 8 - Auto Antenna (C)

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna