bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №123657
 29.01.2016
...And you know that if you drive on the track and suddenly see some frightened man in a hat and a long coat throwing something wrapped in a bloody shell into a pipe, you can never go back to see what it was?
No, if there is a double consistent, of course, you can’t go back. If it is interrupted, it is possible...

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №123656
 29.01.2016
and Ailev:
The house tree is slowly roasted and goes to feed and brush the rabbit's teeth. The rabbit from the tree has complete happiness, there are only well swallowed sticks left, even without small frogs. It also turned out that the rabbit would love to eat Maasdam cheese. Cake with cheese, hm.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №123655
 29.01.2016
Out of the darkness came one golden eos.
I wore purple fingers.
Long sitting Odysseus wise in sorrow.
Thinking about setting up an essay...
by ber.red

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №123654
 29.01.2016
XXX is fucking. This stuff with strings doesn’t want to work >_<
YYY: The ordinary outrage of the programmer.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №123653
 29.01.2016
My father had one job all his life, I have six, and my children will have six at the same time.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №123652
 29.01.2016
A 27-year-old patient comes to my colleague. In the course of the case it turns out that she has anemia of a mild degree. The patient, smiling, at the end of the reception gives that to raise hemoglobin she decided to drink a glass of blood from a friend, because he has high hemoglobin. According to the patient, it was advised by some "doctor", to whom she went with a blood test. Well, you represent the expression of my colleague’s face and her words. The patient said that she knew that "ordinary" doctors would not understand her and would accept her adequate offer.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №123651
 29.01.2016
She worked in student years in the dean of her own university. One day, a truck came for a lecture. and Anonymous. The story tells that he is dirty harassing male students. Then in a couple of hours - on him, which requires bribery. Then again and again, in general, by lunch I was sure that there were few people worse than this teaching in the world.



And only then an experienced colleague advised to verify the schedule of teaching exams and the schedule of the parish anonymous. With the words "this year something bad, good he became with the years!“”

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №123650
 29.01.2016
Once I worked in advertising and I had a wonderful girlfriend. She somehow, probably after school, needed to buy a bottle of good cognac as a gift to one "necessary and good" person.



She decided to consult with me what better to buy a cognac. As a gourmet, I recommended her a certain brand of good cognac and forgot about it. It took some time and she brought the bottle to the office and said that she should stay here until it was handed over.



Oh, only Krishna knows what a temptation it was for me. It was my favorite cognac and I was looking forward to it. One evening, I was overnight in the office again, well under the temperature, and I was so eager to continue looking at this bottle that had long been lying.



I could not stand it and opened it. I spent two wonderful hours with her. It was pleasant, beautiful and mutual. I thought it would take a couple of days and I would put the same bottle on the shelf and she would not notice anything. The next day, however, she looked into the water and called me and told me that she would come in and take the bottle to give it to a good man.



Hearing this, I rushed to the store to buy and put it in place. I went into the tape and there was no such brand. I crossed the road and went to Ashan and there was no one. I was very worried and in a hurry.



Daria had to come minute by minute. I drove on the way to Spar and there I found this craved bottle of this brand of cognac. I bought it and quickly took a taxi to the office and put it on the shelf.



She came in five minutes. I got the cognac out of the closet and gave it to me... it was cognac for me. I have never felt so sad and satisfied...

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №123649
 29.01.2016
We had a patient, a 97 year old grandmother. As I admired her, there were no words.



Imagine, 97 years old, an absolutely reasonable, adequate person, with a sense of humor and amazing willpower. In the second week of our arrival, she suddenly got sick in the stomach at night, her ulcer was perforated, she had to wait for a surgeon from another hospital, then her husband to be transported to the surgical hospital. She went to the hall in order not to interfere with the sleep of the neighbors, quietly and quietly occasionally settled, still joking, tricked: "Oh, it hurts! Oh I give birth! I’m probably giving birth to twins...” and she told us, “Girls, don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.”



A wonderful lady.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №123648
 29.01.2016
This is a small mistake.
Teacher: Do you call this a minor error because you have the sixth font in your text?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №123647
 29.01.2016
xxx: Oh, you can make glass package advertising on this topic with the slogan: "He didn’t have our windows, and from the noise he went crazy".
YYY: And scream in the megaphone this advertisement.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №123646
 29.01.2016
As a student, she worked as a salesman in a store of products for sewing and handicrafting. Somewhere nearby lived a madman who was bored, and he was entertained by shop scandals. It was not officially the first. He usually came and started asking stupid questions until either the seller came out of his hand or the buyers in line. After that, with a clear conscience, he arranged hysteria with screams, whispers and matts.

One day he appeared again and began a conversation with the question: "Why is this round red button with a diameter of 20 mm different from this round red button with a diameter of 40 mm?"

There was a new woman in the room who had never met him before. She looked at him with honest eyes and answered with a clear voice: “The difference is in diameter, one 20 mm, the other 40!”

“You, girl, a programmer, probably,” said our favorite and disappeared for a couple of months.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №123645
 28.01.2016
The Reading Forum. Theme - "Courseworkers"

and pkn:
Example of the Middle Ages personally on yourself, the first thing that comes to mind is to hang up immediately upon arrival. I could probably find iron ore in the curvature, but you can melt it on wooden coal, coke is needed, and about coal coal I only know that they are. somewhere.

The idea of medical progress is still weakly moved - in some instance I read, and it was quite realistic that modern basic knowledge of hygiene and disease agents could in the Middle Ages qualitatively change the picture, at least, of child mortality... but this is only after the authority is already there. And while this authority works... no, hang up, and as soon as possible.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №123644
 28.01.2016
B.T., it turns out, people under minimalism do not understand what I am.
They write in the briefing “I like minimalism,” and when they see my minimalism, they ask, “Where is the design?”

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №123643
 28.01.2016
to this
and ==
A colleague has the habit of leaving, leaving a cell phone on his desk... The call is stupid and long, in the office 15 people who don’t like to listen to it.

In response to another request to either turn off the phone or take with you a blue-eyed comrade asked: "And what, you don’t like, yes". And I read a small lecture on the topic "You are just complicated and you do not like the manifestations of other people’s freedom!". On the offer to walk naked, since he is so free, he was offended.
and ==
Put the phone in silent mode to throw a colleague deeper into the cellphone. But it can also be given by mouth.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №123642
 28.01.2016
The Ring of Almighty.
Q: Does the ring magically change density?
WOW: Is this the only property of the ring that seems unusual?

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №123641
 28.01.2016
Puma> an electrician came to us and digs in the ceiling
Puma> well in general he climbs the ceiling with a lamp on his head, says - "we need to see what he eats"... somehow scary
Silv_m> don’t be afraid, there’s just a giant alien invisible mucosa on the ceiling that sometimes eats your programmers, masking it with psi-radiation for their dismissal on their own will.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №123640
 28.01.2016
The XXII century. The case.
...
Why be afraid of them! They are stupid as garden inventory!
and hm. Then we will have to be hard.
Why this? I am saying...
I personally can’t beat my garden robot in chess.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №123639
 28.01.2016
This is a man. He will try to change his
and life. Look how he
Funny hopes for the best.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №123638
 28.01.2016
Today I was on a bus next to a Tajik who was talking on a cell phone. I realized that our languages are very similar. For example, they also have the words “telephone”, “bankomat”, “authority”, “Tajikistan”, “...unja!”

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