The best tweet of the day: We stumbled on January 1st

How do you celebrate the New Year? Prostitutes and cocks?
– Oh, almost with them... They should soon come... They promised...
Go to Diablo, or my ones are also delayed.

The incomprehensible Russian people

He was in the guests of friends, when he left, he paid attention to the fact that in the whole entrance there is not only one lamp... Under which the mark is written "Do not take someone else".

Does it mean that no one is signed?

1 January, 01-20
- and let us drink for those who stumble into tanks, woods, or counterfeits.
I need to call Kirill.

Dear Drivers!
Brake, crazy, before the transition.

Dear Santa, we behaved well (as much as possible with the passionate desire to get a long-awaited pregnancy) Please order for us a word before the tail. May this year we have a strong, healthy and smart baby!
All with New Year!

Today is the All-Russian Day of Abandonment of Television.
I have lived without television for many years. I learn from the internet, I watch movies in the movies. The struggle was listened to on the radio from the mobile.
Happy New Year, my friends! Ura to!

XXX: the mobile phone
XXX to buy?
YYY is short.

She proposed to her mother-in-law to create an account for him "In-contact", so that it would be more convenient to browse the communities interested in him.
No, do not have to! - he walked away and continued: - As they say, it is necessary to live in such a way that there is not enough time for social networks! - and again went to the television.

Anastasia Shmakova
At work, a girl came in and asked, can a programmer write code immediately without mistakes? In the head was: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Daniel came from hockey training, picked up water in the bath and said to the cat: "The coach said you have to strive to win! Important attitude for victory! And on such a note he throws the cat into the bath with the words:" Believe in yourself and swim!" Later when I wiped out the poor frightened cat and Danu mocked, he said: "It’s you, mom, that’s everything! No need to scream "What do you do! She feared you, and her will did not come together.

1 January :
What do we have for lunch?
Last year’s sailing

Lux: The real case. A witness told me today.

1986 in May. A teacher in the school calls a twin to the board.
Do you read anything?
–...
Read the newspapers!
I am reading...
-Then tell us what the country has a popular pain (meaning the accident at the Chernobyl NPP)
A little silent, the boy said:
Vodka is banned.

1st of January, nine in the morning. There are no cars, no people. The crowns are carving, the snow is filled with bloody glitters of confetti. The picture of the zombie apocalypse is organically completed by dog owners, somnambulistically walking their joyful pets.

HH: Well, how did he say?
Better you do not know.
HHH: So is it?
In my whole life, there has never been so much happening to me as it happened in one night.
In the first place, a stranger fell from above. The cat broke down the tree... it is still a mystery for me how it got to me.
No other way than through the ceiling.
WOW : WOW.
Then a drunk man knocked on the window and I regretted living on the first floor.
The smoke...
HH: I was there.

NH - as a repair - does not end as originally planned)))

I hope everyone has had time to promise to quit smoking, drinking, using drugs, finding a second half, learning a foreign language, changing jobs and bla bla bla bla. So let me remind you not to forget ;)

May this year be a magical and unforgettable year for everyone!

Oh, with my birthday at least Megaphone and Yandex congratulated me, and with the New Year at all no one...

The phrase of the first day of January was left behind a random passenger who met me at 10 a.m. on the street. I go from friends home to sleep, behind my back a backpack of 70 liters filled with all kinds of New Year's food, a man asks to smoke and, looking at the backpack, gives:
What are you from school?

And the point is not that I am currently in the fifth grade of the institute.