When I was a child, I had a favorite soft toy – the dog Lisa. Bright yellow, with a short barbed wool and a tailed red thread lips down, which gave her mouth a sad expression. And I thought she was a dog, and my mom said she was more like a sheep... Well, it doesn’t matter. I slept with her, wearing her everywhere, until the misfortune happened. I went somewhere with my parents and left her in the garden on the street, and during this time the rain passed.



I don't remember what was there for the filler, but the dog lost shape. Per it could have been crushed and dried, but nobody had guessed. But another idea arose - I probably had nothing to say to people... ) The idea was to arrange a farewell and a funeral for the dog.



A small box was found, a hole was excavated in the remote corner of the garden, and I sprinkled a bunch of flowers... In general, the earth was filled with you, Lisa, and I was sad.



I saddened for a long time, because I was a conservative in relation to everything I loved. I had more toys, but not that, I used to playing and sleeping with yellowish sad Lisa. And in general – how? ! to She is there, lying there under the ground in her box, although dirty after that rain, and her legs curved.



Yes is. I secretly excavated it that same summer, a month and a half later. Since then, there has been more rain, there have been spots to the fabric on the "haired" places, the shape of Lisa has lost even more, but it didn't matter to me. I dried her and happily dragged her home and laid her to sleep with me. Confusingly realizing that my parents are unlikely to approve of my necrophilia, I hid it and told nothing about it, of course... And when they found it, they told me nothing. You probably didn’t find words, how better to talk to me about it.



Lisa disappeared again, this time forever. Although I was looking for it, if I knew where to look, I would have found it from underground... But you already know.

One day, I and my boyfriend found an old Soviet safe. Truth without a door, but with some loop, apparently for transportation. Here for these loop with the help of a bunch of ropes and the spirit of adventure, pulled on the hill. Gorka, it must be said, was relatively dull and ended up in a small, 10 meters wide desert where there was nothing but snow. And then the road, another slope and almost abandoned railways.

In all the calculations to stop we had to be long before the road.

For the launch we prepared thoroughly, in order to first give normal acceleration, the first couple of meters of the slope we poured water, in our snow boil took pots with sand if something went wrong, and also repaired emergency departure if something went wrong at all.

On this day, almost the whole garden accompanied us. The crew was made up of a commander. I was sitting behind and singing "Our proud Varyag does not surrender to the enemy," the operator of a pot with sand sitting in front of me and the guy who generally invented a safe ride.

We were struck by a bunch of people from the hill, and while we slowly but surely developed speed and walked on the ice, everything was fine. But when the ice came to an end, our safe began to drift somehow unplanned. For some reason, my colleagues in the dangerous case did not like it, and they left their posts almost simultaneously. I, left in proud loneliness, just lay down on the bottom of the safe and began to wait for my fate. At one moment, the safe turned over and I found myself in a cozy cocoon, the Soviet safe protected me from the harsh reality from the top and the sides, but the harshness of reality gently shrugged me from the bottom. This blessing quickly ended, and apparently hitting the border the safe turned over again and I was finally out of it.

When the realization of reality came, it turned out that I had a new jacket ripped, it is unknown where the hat, but most importantly, our safe whole and unharmed proudly blocked half the road.

I do not remember how he was removed from the road, but how he went on his second journey to meet the railroad I remember in all the colors. Especially our attempts to slow it somehow.

Eventually he was on the way, but getting him out of there was already lazy, and unlikely to be possible.



Lulu for this I caught the nobles, and a few good months.

The safe remained on the roads almost until the summer.

Why do representatives of our so-called “elite” equip their yachts with rescue vests and vests? They will not drown for a known reason.

My mother worked as a teacher at school all her life. After 50, she began to get sick, but since her pension was small, she continued to work. But since she was a working pensioner, she was not indexed by the state and continued to throw lunch from the bar table, pardoning labor pension by age. The taxes on her salary fund took care of itself. They did not pay the worker anything. In Russian speaking, the earnings are high. For example, when you are not working, then we will index your employment pension. So it happened. Oncodispenser stopped the retiree’s work process. Promised free medicines for cancer sufferers are an outspoken hospitality. Children paid for everything. No, of course, paracetamol was given for nothing, and chemistry 40 years ago was also for nothing. To get rid of faster. And modern medicines were dissolved somewhere in the Kuntsev area. Thus, the state has promised 3 months, which it needs to check, and not whether the pensioner receives an extra 3 rubles. We sit in my mom’s room and there’s a bell at the door. The postman brought his mother’s indexed pension. On the day of her funeral. But when he saw the memes, he took it back. is not set. You will receive a funeral allowance from the best social state. The price of the wreath. And all that you paid him for 50 years from his salary, he forgives you. Thank you for taking care of your fellow citizens. Thank you, Mr. President, for taking care of the hungry-working pensioners and for lying that in the USSR the working pensions were not paid. We paid, respected GDP, as well. The truth was limited if their total income exceeded 300 rubles, 120 thousand now. I understand that your surroundings live under other laws. There are 120,000 pensions. And Mr. Oreshkin baalshy and thick greetings for the words that the pension is a benefit for the unable to work. It is a pity that this leadership character does not know how on such a benefit can live in old age. How did he know. There are other laws for him. And the deputies, the defenders of the people, also a great greeting. About conscience, when they live according to the same laws, and for citizens write completely different, it is also useless to remind. There is not her there. In general thank you all.

In the New Year’s address, the president said that the year was tough and we all experienced material difficulties.
Now it remains to imagine what the painting "Vladimir Vladimirovich experiences material difficulties" looks like and what can be depicted on it.

When a frog suffocates a person, his conscience is not afraid to bite, but even to show his presence.

The neighbor rented the apartment to a cute intelligent lady, of which "cleanness and order are guaranteed".
When a month later, having previously called, she came for the rent, the appearance of the apartment her slightly shocked.
It’s not about cleanliness and order. There was no talk about cleanliness and order. There was a terrible mess in the apartment.
The things scattered here and there did not hang except on the luster, the garbage apparently did not carry since the day of universe, and the mountain of dirty dishes with the remains of food was no longer placed in the washing machine.
But most of all, the neighbor was struck by the fact that right in the middle of this pork farm, like an iceberg in the middle of the laundry, stood a table covered with a clean plate, and on it a pair of elegant plates with some appetizing overseas delicacies.
And next to the table was a stand with a camera, and some other lighting devices.
Seeing in the eyes of the hostess a silent question, the lady readily explained.
She even told me with some pride. The fact is that I am a blogger. I’m conducting a channel on Instagram about how beautiful and correct to serve a table.

The correspondent, holding the Soviet newspaper in his hands, interviewed Henry Ford:
What would you do if the workers were repeatedly over-compliant with production norms?
I would expel the engineers who set such standards.

We are far from the USSR. It is a pity that they went in the wrong direction.

Usually the investigation follows the cause. Can you give me at least one example of the opposite? The famous physician Rudolf Virchow appealed to a student at the exam.
“If you, dear professor, are going to the grave of one of your patients,” the student replied.

Today, Roscosmos under the leadership of Dmitry Rogozin for US dollars brought into orbit a NATO spy satellite.
A foreign agent today is the Fund for Victims of Domestic Violence, women, mostly, and children.
What is incomprehensible? It is logical!

xxx: I have a cat is not a lover of slapping, etc., except that she can pleasantly ask, and so it will break out, spit, so in the clinic from the thermometer in the ass she was so squeezed that not 2 minutes quietly sat, and the whole day especially and did not move afterwards.

Just like my ex.

A friend told me how she was sitting with her six-year-old son and gluing some New Year's cake. The little boy failed, and he wept in his hearts:

My mother is bobby.

My mother reacted immediately:

What is? Why is it Bobricha?

It’s just... it says so.

She is not reassuring:

Am I similar to you in Bobby?

– No...

Why do you say so then?

The boy looked at her so expressively, and replied:

Because to say “Job your mother” is not polite.

Once upon a time, my family had to share housing for some time with my sister’s family and her two offspring.

And I was overwhelmed by hanging young offspring in a class by hour, with smartphones (this is not permissible, because another five people are dancing a tick under the door of the sort/soul.

And then I decided authoritatively - to enter the sort of onli without a smartphone. And so that it wasn’t boring, and for the sake of courage, I printed an A4 sheet with 10 interesting facts about the human body, and a scotch glued it in front of the toilet. By the evening, all the residents, including my five-year-old child, lively discussed the length of the intestines, the area of the skin, and the rate of cell renewal.

Then I had to update the infotainment. A list of records of the world of animals. By evening, the results of self-education are available. and carried.

And a week later I came to mind a brilliant idea - to hang a table of multiplication in the sorting. It should be said that her nephews taught her unreasonably.

The phenomenon of air refresher. Verified and works.

Two of my sons sit with a friend (11 years, 9 and a friend 12), eat a New Year’s Eve cake and have a conversation. The meaning of the conversation is that they heard that they have introduced some law, and now in Russia a child who has reached the age of 4 cannot be taken and handed over to a nursery. He will not be accepted there. Thus e. You can not be afraid of threats from parents about giving in the child. I lie next to the couch, I hear everything and tell them that you can just beat a child strongly, then youth justice will come, deprive the parents of their rights, and take the child to the nursery. They thought silently...

Do not need wisdom in old age, give me deceit in youth.

During the summer I went to work in the food department. At the end of August, it was discovered that a box with canned foods had disappeared. The monthly salary covered the shortage and even some pennies remained. I, of course, without a dispute made the money - it is the market, could and proze.
Four years later, she accidentally met her mistress in the store. She ran to me with apologies and gave a decent amount - it turns out, canned foods were found, and they could not find me (there were no canned foods yet). She suffered all these years.

The Aliens :
Why are people so happy?
The earth has made a rotation around the sun.
I said they were unreasonable.

Someone thought friends were an unrenewable resource. They are like teeth - appear in their own time, and then fall out one after another. And those that remain gradually become fatty with caries. Even if you put the seal, even if you do not put it, the spoiled ones will no longer be. The new ones will not grow. And those friends that appear in adulthood are just friends. They are like implants – as if they are inside you, helping to chew food, but still foreign material. In short, take care of the strawberries.

Xxx: My mom said, “You’ll only ride a motorcycle through my body!“I can do it now, but my husband prohibits it.

Yyy: Well you already know how to solve this problem.